After The Fight, I Don't Feel A Spark Anymore

I have been married for just 4 years, blessed with a bouncing baby boy who is just 2 still learning to communicate with words. My husband and I have always had a rocky relationship no doubt. Our marriage is everything except romantic.While
courting, we had this off and on kind of relationship that friends stopped taking us seriously because today, we tell them we're no longer together, next week we are seen holding hands. When I complained then my mother used to say not to worry that those type off and on relationships are what really lasts long because we get used to ourselves and become more tolerant. As an Edo girl proper, I'm very controlling, it takes the grace of God for me to submit but I try my best. I can't bring myself to say sorry to any man and that has hurt a lot of people. I'll rather do things to show that I feel sorry for my actions but won't kneel or stand to say "please forgive me am sorry bla bla bla".
Well, I guess my husband knows that alreadyy because that's how I have always been even befor the wedding. We had a fight just two months after our honeymoon, I ran away to parents house but was chased back when he came looking for me. My parents practically bundled my stuff and gave him to put in the car, called me in his presence and asked that I follow my husband home and leave them alone. Well, I wasn't angry, the spark was still there, I slowly and reluctantly followed him home and we settled the matter. We have had very serious arguments that kept me mute, not in talking terms for weeks but secretly I still admired and wanted him. 

This last fight was in Janruary, it started over an argument about who drops our boy off and who picks him from school. I work so hard taking care of this boy, I keep sleepless nights when he is down, I am the one that is always with him. I stopped working after delivery and froze one whole year of my life to take care of our son, now he is starting school and I am still expected to drop and pick him off. Did I give birth to him all by myself? Why can't my husband just be there? Is it only about dropping monthly allowances and that's that? He wants us to try for another baby but with what I faced looking after the baby all alone, I had to postpone any pregnancy until I'm sure I can handle two kids. 
So, we had a big fight, arguing for hours and throwing back sharp utterances at each other. It's been over a month now, he has pleaded, it seems we made up but in my heart, the spark is completely dead. I don't have any feelings for my husband right now. He travelled for a week and I didn't miss him. I honestly prayed that he stayed longer, it's that bad. We have had more serious misunderstanding in the past, broke up and made up severally but the spark never died, I till wanted him. What is happening to me?

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Comments

  1. Johnson3/03/2016

    No worries - the spark will come back... Na oly una fit solve dis brouhaha.
    No bodi go tell una when to settle - d foundation don dey solid.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmmmm...madam don't worry, you are still angry with him that's why. I'm sure if I tell you to leave you'll glue your bum to the chair of that house. The kind of love you share with your spouse is not uncommon. You are stubborn and he is stubborn and you are finding out that in this union called marriage, he is winning and you are upset because you are used to winning. Just let it go and accept to pick up your boy from school because whether we like it or not, in a marriage, women make the most sacrifices and somehow we make everything work for good. It is well.

    For thrilling stories, visit www.adaezewrites.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/03/2016

      Yes ooo God bless u fr ds comment.U nailed it.

      Delete
  3. Swthrt first of all u re a woman and a lady should learn to say sorry when you are wrong,secondly men are alws like dt especially if d wife is a stay at home mum,u should learn to plead wit him to assist u not demand,u stay at home all day and do house chores and d man goes out to work his ass out for u both,pls d least u can do if undstnd wit him on som tins,u can demand dt rite wen u strt working. The last tin I wil wnt to tell u is dt ur marriage lacks communication,if u re not feeling anytin towards ur hubby agn means dt u hve not truly 4given him on the last clash u guys had. Pls try to remba the reason while u fall in love with ur hubby,talk to ur hubby and tell him what u re going thru at the moment,i believe tins will work out afta the communication. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous3/03/2016

    Seems like you guys dont address issues when it happens, you just move on and over the years subconsciously the things that have hurt you are still there you have just covered them up! I feel you need to pray about the situation and ask God to help you let go of the hurt and anger that is embedded deep down. And try your best to be less confrontational with your husband, shouting doesnt help in any situation, rather it would be beneficial for you to study him and understand ways you can approach certain topics that will make him listen to you. Even if hw doesnt agree 100% to a suggestion, you guys can comprise 50-50.... my dear in my opinion there is nothing wrong with your marriage apart from both of you being stubborn. The sooner you guys mellow and know that you are partners in building a relationship rather than partners in destroying your relationship then the better..... i hop i have made some sense atleast. All the best!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This madam is like me. God help us

    ReplyDelete
  6. Johnson3/03/2016

    @ Adaeze, is it true that "in a marriage, women make the most sacrifices "?
    From Genesis to Revelation, I see men making more sacrifice o. Adam sacrificed his life for Eve when he eat the apple, Abraham sacrificed for Sarah when he obeyed to send his son out, even Joseph sacrificed for Mary when he went ahead with the marriage under the circumstance... Even me I dey make sacrifice everyday (wifey - na joke I dey o!)...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well @Johnson, the bible spoke more about men than women so, it showed the sacrifice of men because women made a lower percentage of mentions in the holy book. The truth is, in a relationship and especially in marriage, the both parties should make sacrifices but in our society, the women makes the most sacrifices. For instance, How many times have you heard of a man relocating to join his wife, and leaving his job to that effect? But we hear such stories of women everyday? I could cite so many examples because men always feel that it's the woman's duty to do some things. The fact that you are making sacrifices shows that you understand the meaning of what a marriage should entail. And na long throat push Adam to chop apple ooo...dat one nor be sacrifice.

    www.adaezewrites.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. A woman who cannot apologise, who runs to her parents when there are issues, a woman who doesn't feel that dropping monthly allowances is enough, how did you "postpone" the pregnancy, pray tell. You are fixed in your ways and you don't want to change. Newsflash! You will soon be songs if you don't change your ways. That Edo woman thing is nonsense, it's just proof of bad home training.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/03/2016

      U are right am an Edo girl n I don't behave dis way.n is der a problem picking your son from sch.woman pls b respectful

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/06/2016

      Exactly. Am fron Edo too and i dont act like that. When am wring i apologise and dometimes even egen am right i still apologise for peace to reign.How can you even make that comment" as proper edi girl" all edo girls and women are not stubborn and disrespectful like you.It is your character not because you are from edo. Submit yourself to your husband he is the head of the home.

      Delete
  9. You need the spark to get married but when you are married, the spark won't always be there. You have to consciously decide to bring back the spark. Love is more than just a feeling. It is a decision. Looks like you have been relying on the feeling (spark) for a while. Now is the time to decide to love your hubby. Please try to be submissive and respectful. This doesn't mean you should turn yourself into a doormat but treat your husband how you would want to be treated and accord him some respect as the head of the home.

    Marriage has its ups and downs. The fact that you two still got married despite your on and off relationship shows that there was something pulling you to each other. That's a good foundation to work with. Above all, find out what God has to say about marriage. Invest in books about marriage and bond with you hubby by studying the Word and praying together. All the best, dear!

    www.preciouscore.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous3/03/2016

    Edo women r d bosses especially eshan women! D r strong n domineering! D men r weak! Dey control d men n co! I don't think d man in dis case is weak! Dats one of ur issue! I av countless examples of such couples! I stay in warri n since I was small I notice all I repeat All d esan families r tuned dat way o! Domineering wives dodo weak esan men! Benin is even better in dat aspect cos Benin men are not weak! Poster u know ur problems don't sit with it na say Dats d way u are! Edo woman, can't say sorry etc! Maybe Dats d issue in ur marriage sef! Try n improve 4 ur own good! Tnx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/06/2016

      Thats wrong. All edo women are not domineering. The few ones who saw does not generaly represent edo. Character has nothing to do with tribe, it is personal

      Delete
  11. Anonymous3/04/2016

    This is simply pride, work on it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What is happening to you is that you are selfish. Your husband was just blinded not to notice before marriage or you are both living in denial. Wake up and smell the coffee.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Look at this woman opening the door for devil to come into her marriage.Tomorrow if those small small girls outside help you snatch your husband from you,you will come here crying that all men are he-goat.You better respect yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous3/07/2016

    Dont mind her. She comes here and tries to rubbish edo people. You have a bad character of not apologising when you are wrong not because you are edo. Dont ever say that again.Not all edo girls or women behave like you.

    ReplyDelete

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