Should I Marry Him Out Of Pity?

Dear Aunty Eya,
  I'd like to seek the advice of people out there, I have been in a relationship of five years, though at the initial stage of the relationship he doesn't really care (but now he has really changed to the most caring guy you'd ever think of).

 Since like a year ago I have been having funny feelings about the relationship. I told him I needed a break but he keeps
persuading me to keep on trying whether the feeling will come back.

I can't try any longer,because that's what I have been doing for like a year ... Recently things have gotten so bad that we hardly have anything to talk about. The last time I brought up the break up issue, he started crying so much that I had to forget about the thought. 

I'll be 26 this year I want to move on .

Am confused because if I break the relationship my parents will be so devastated because they want me to get married this year and they have no idea what's happening between us.

 He'll also be miserable , I don't wanna be seen as heartless.

But am not happy at all , I don't love him anymore.
 Should I continue with him and get married with the hope of getting those butterfly feelings back? 
Or breakup?

My other fear is where am I going to start from if we break up, I fear I will die alone, but I also want a happy marriage.

   Please I need your advise, there's no other guy in the picture and I've never cheated on him.


  1. Anonymous5/17/2013

    pity is not an excuse for marriage, sam sam. Or else u'll end up being d one to be pitied. Dats all i can say for now.

  2. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Wat went wrong, why dnt u luv him any more, wat happened to al d sparks nw dat he is mor caring? Dis r questions u shld ask ursef. Personally, I think too long a courtship isn't gud mayb u jst got bored wit d whole tin. Let him understd ow u feel then try to reconet again but if it doesn't work, leave n never marry outta pity.

  3. All I can tell you is that even the married ones do fall in and out of love and the marriage goes on. Because a couple have fallen out of love does not mean they end the marriage.

    You can still marry this guy if you ever had feelings for him, those feelings can still return. The only reason that will make me say DON'T is if you never felt anything for him even in the past which I doubt.

    It's better for you to settle with a man whose love for you outweighs what you feel for him than to settle for one whose love is less than you feelings for him. Even if you leave him, what is the guarantee that the one you marry will love you this much and how are you sure you'll never fall in and out of love through all the years of your marriage? Talking from experience gurl.
    He loves you, marry him!!!

  4. This was me. I was in an exact situation. Couldn't place a finger on the reason for the lack of interest.
    I got a secret - My Knees. I went into serious prayer, sincerely poured my heart to God and it wasn't long before I found out the reason for the whole coldness. I eventually left and to my surprise, better things did await me.
    Your case might not end like mine but I'll advice you to sincerely dig when/why the lack of interest; there must be something.
    And I wouldn't advise you marry ANYONE outta pity or parental pressure(NEVER). If you believe you can get your groove back then you can delay the whole process and work on it but if you are totally off it, you might need to get off and if eventually it's meant to be then nothing will stop you both.
    Marriage is way too dense to enter with a pity and heavy heart.
    God Be With You

  5. Pls where did the spark and chemistry you felt @ the beginning flee to? You and only you can work it out.

    1. I advice you check yourself, and work on your emotions again, it couldn't have gone far...... And if there is anything that made you loose interest in him, why not talk to him about it, I personally think that if you could be with him for five years and you are sure u felt love, then it's worth it.
      Just incase there is something you aren't telling us, then I suggest you don't get married to him out of pity or pressure from family. Spice up your union again please.

    2. I advice you check yourself, and work on your emotions again, it couldn't have gone far...... And if there is anything that made you loose interest in him, why not talk to him about it, I personally think that if you could be with him for five years and you are sure u felt love, then it's worth it.
      Just incase there is something you aren't telling us, then I suggest you don't get married to him out of pity or pressure from family. Spice up your union again please.

    3. Sincerely, she needs to check herself, cos she never said any wrong thing about the bloc, nothing particularly strange or weird about him to make her stop loving him.

      What most women who complain about relationship always fail to know is that relationship is a two-way traffic not a one-way tin... Put in some of ur own sacrifice and teach him how to love you... Look into the brighter side of life.

      A lot of girls will jump at what you are not satisfied with! Let no wrong come inbetween you and your tots of him.

      Remember, We could all make this world a better place only if we try.

      Search your self or take it to jah.


    4. Can someone please tell me how do i post a question here ?

    5. Mnisha, scroll down, click on home page and leave your question on the first post there OR send a mail to to be published on the blog.

    6. Hi when I scroll down and click on the home page button, I am redirected here
      Where do I post here. I dont see any create post button

  6. Aunty eya pls what's a whipping cream?

    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      the cream u use for whipping your ass...

    2. Monique5/17/2013

      A whipping cream is a Fairly thick cream containing enough butterfat to make it suitable for whipping.

    3. @monique pls do u off any brand or where it can b bot?

    4. Anonymous5/17/2013

      You can buy from good supermarkets.

  7. Hmmm women sha (eburu ozu nwa onye ocha)
    "I NEED A BREAK" that phrase sounds familiar. I guess when the spark was there,was when u loved him more and u were trying to make it work,its obvious now he loves you more,and like thay say he who loves less controls the relationship,I guess that gave room for the funny feeling.
    I've been there before,and I thank God I experienced it,never will anyone toy with my emotions again. I cried,I begged,I even threatened to hurt myself for no fault of mine. My consolation came from God,a day without her was like impossible,I started from a week,a month and then am here.
    I wish I know what is going through the mind of a lady sometimes. Don't marry him out of pity,coz u may regret it. If u don't love him and feel u both can't make a happy family help him move on as u move on too.
    My fear then was that I may never find her type again, I feel for him. It pains to love especially to love sincerely.
    As for your parents will they be there when the issues starts arising,it will just be the both of you. My dear a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    1. Awwww bona this explains a lot abt u, dear poster do u soul searching n find out why the sudden change? Even if u want to quit the relationship u need to know y? So that in ur next relationship u can work on it. I don't think its bcos of long courting. I dated my husband for close to 4years I tell u it wasn't butterfly sparks all thru, but we were both true to ourselves, even when it felt like dia were no feelings I will pray n ask God to take charge of d relationship, if it will be or not. Don't be in a haste to end it, think talk to him n pray before u make ur decision

  8. Anonymous5/17/2013

    U've been wit him for 5yrs & dats long enough 4 d sparks 2 die down. Even married couples get 2 a stage when it seems like there's no feeling there anymore bcos they've been 2geda 4 so long. After a while d spark comes back. In ur case i hv a feelin u want 2 find out if there's anything out there u r missing out on, considering d fact dat u've been wit him since u were 21 & now u r 26. There's no textbook logic 2 love & marriage so i say follow ur heart but hv it at d back of ur mind dat alot of girls wld do anything 2 be in ur shoes (hv a man dat loves & want 2 marry dem) and also d next guy u meet might be d wife battering type, a serial heart breaker & wat hv u. Think carefully & dont 4get 2 pray 4 God's direction. Good luck. U need it.

    1. I so agree that a lot of girls would do anything to be in her shoes. I can't describe the feeling in words when a guy loves a girl. the feeling is out of this world. But Love between a man and woman should be a two way traffic cos when it's one sided, the other person suffers emotionally.

      Love is a state of mind if i can call it that, one can make a conscious effort to love. Once the mind is made up and determined to love, it can and will love.

      In your case, you have given it 1 year trial but it didn't just work and in my opinion that should tell you something which is that the spark is no longer there or you never really loved him. You were merely infatuated.

      The worst thing you will do to yourself is to marry him out of pity or pressure. If you do that, any little issue that sprouts up will make you angry, bitter and leave you with regrets. I will advise that you go to God in prayers, listen to that still small voice inside of you, work with your head and not just your heart, be more open minded towards him and keep praying.

      God in his infinite mercies will guide your heart to make the right decision. I wish you the very best and pray that i find my own man cos i want to love and be loved.Lol

  9. Anonymous5/17/2013

    I have been there but thank God i am married to him now and am happy for it i would advise you check within yourself to see what is responsible for the disconnection and the falling out of love with him like in my case i knew what was responsible for my falling out of love with him i had a talk with my fiancee then gave myself some time and i was able to connect back to him something must be responsible for the way you feel now please don't go into marriage out of self pity think deeply and commit your thoughts to God for his leading and direction. wish you the best

  10. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Thanks everyone for the advices, I love this Family. I think I'll resort to prayers because there's nothing too big or complex for just tired of trying because that's what we've been doing and we are "lingering" I snap at him occasionally.
    I just there's something I can do to bring back the chemistry. We are both trying but we don't know what to do, we are about the same age with no real experience with relationships but we tried for 5 years.
    God bless you, Aunt Eya

  11. Anonymous5/20/2013

    My dear, I am in your exact situation, infact when I read your story I was wondering if sm1 posted it for me. I'm also 26 and been dating my bf for 5yrs. Wedding date has been fixed and all but I'm so not into d relationship. I've told him a lot of times but he doesn't do well wt d info, and both parents really want us 2geda. I made a trip to see my parents this weekend n express my fears, they r so sad, I can't stand to see them sad and I can't put d rest of my life into a relationship that my mind is out of. I have given myself one week to pray, fast, look inwards and let everyone know my final decision. I hope u find peace too. It is well.


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