We have read, and heard so many things said about how we women, should keep our husbands happy, so that our marriages will last. So, many write-ups have gone on how to have a successful marriage and sadly, these write-ups have always laid the greater responsibility of a happy home on the wives/women folk! Sadly, yours truly has equally made her own contributions in that directions.

These have all contributed in making the man look like he totally does not have a part in making his marriage work! Our parents raised up men who had little or no instruction on how to keep their homes, how to make

their wives happy etc.! While I do not deny that its important to make the head of the home happy, its most important if the two work together to seek each other’s happiness.

So, this “patrachial” society end up raising men who can almost not function in a home/marriage, men that think that making money alone can keep/make a home, men who put the sole responsibility of raising children on the wife and men who believe that women are to be placed in the kitchen and the more docile and “fearful” a wife is, the more submissive she is, men who know next to nothing about emotional intelligence! The society has been responsible in raising boys who refuse to be men.

There has been an increase in the number of deaths due to domestic violence: more women have been reported killing their husbands. We see, read and hear stories of women killing their husbands by themselves, sending hired killers to them etc.

From the accounts that I got and have investigated by myself, these women were driven to this state of madness by their husbands through frustrations. Some saw no way out of the marriage except through death; their own death or their husband’s death, while others did not want to be kicked out of the marriage without any financial support, as little or no alimony is paid in Nigeria after a divorce.

Now while I don’t and can never condone the act of violence of any form especially in marriage by either the men or women ( if you are not satisfied with your spouse’s behavior, it’s better to separate and go your way, than take the life of another human being ) a person who has been tortured physically, psychologically, financially etc. can react in a way that he or she could never imagine.

More and more women are committing suicide every day because they see no hope in their marriages and feel trapped. All these could be avoided if we raise our boys the same way we raise our girls, to see that marriage is important and requires hard work on the part of all parties involved to make it successful.

We must raise our boys to have “domestic” intelligence.

We must raise sons that will see their wives as beautiful creatures of God to be cherished and respected and not as creatures acquired to make  men's life more comfortable.

We must raise boys to be men who do not have entitlement mentality

We must raise men who will give their lives for their wives even as Christ gave his life for the church-if it comes to reality.

Fathers must speak to their sons on how to be a good husband as mothers speak to their daughters on how to be a good wife.

We must raise our sons to be husband material!
-Miriam F. Rowlands