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DO I HAVE TO WALK ON EGG SHELLS AROUND MY HUSBAND?

Hello Aunty Eya, please help me ask blog readers and you too for advise concerning the situation of my marriage. I think that I feel freer and happier when hubby isn't around. He travels, returns and there's that feeling in me like he should have stayed longer but it wasn't like this in the beginning. My husband and I have been having a really hard time.  We have been married for only three years but I feel like I have to walk on eggshells just to please him. He gets mad if I say I don't want to sleep with him because we had gotten into a small argument earlier and he told me to just shut the f**k up and go to bed , how can I then be in the mood for fun, am I a robot or remote controlled emotions. Now, in this argument we had. I have to say it like it happened so I can get help...... we were watching TV and honestly I told him that I just want to feel loved and appreciated and happy. Like for
instance, he puts his arm around me and it just makes me feel loved... I told him that I would like to see him try to hold my hand instead of me always trying to hold his, we are still young and shouldn't be living like couple who are married for 10 years plus. I sit with my own husband on the same couch, we are watching a tv programme and he cannot just pull me to himself or put his arm around me. It doesn't take mush to make a woman feel appreciated.  and honestly I don't feel loved or appreciated in this marriage.

At night right before we go to bed, I always try to give him a kiss and he has nothing to do with me, it has to always be me trying to do something nice for him. WHY!? I get up at 4:30am in the morning so I can get his 5 year old ready for school and he gets mad because I fall asleep in the evening on the couch when he is still awake watching tv every night. Doesn't he know that I wake up early, and should be tired by 8, 9 pm? When I try to confront him or let us trash issues, it turns into a fight because he is not a good listener so now me i decided to just keep mute and have my peace.

 He has a VERY nasty attitude. I can't go out  without him mosttimes but when we do go out together, he literally throws a complete fit and I cannot even have fun while I am there, he makes me begin to act very careful so as not to offend him. Eventhough I am still waiting for my own, I take care of his child like she is mine but not a single thank you from him for once, appreciation or anything. Why do I keep trying to show him I love him and never get anything in return? Will we make it through like this?  I tried to explain to him that stress is not good for a woman who wants to get pregnant, that he is too controlling and I need to feel relaxed and happy else it will be difficult to get pregnant and his reply is " You are too negative about everything"

Comments

  1. NIGERIAN WOMEN HAFF SUFFAD. IF NOT CHEATING HUSBANDS IT'S CONTROLLING HUSBANDS. I'M HERE TO LEARN AND PLS I WANT TO MARRY A WHITE MAN AND ENJOY MY LIFE, NOT THESE ONES THAT YOU COOK DINNER LATE, IT'S TROUBLE.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Poster, I think you should speak out to your husband or keeping silent might kill you. Look for a time that he's a bit calm and talk to him, pour you whole heart out and have him understand how you feel. If he still doesn't change then, make yourself happy, hangout with friends, have fun, do things you love, and look pretty. And most importantly, pray about it.
    All the best dear.

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    ReplyDelete
  3. Poster, you have signed for better for worse since a long time ago and there's nothing you can do now. Walk like that till death do you part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a very wicked person....heartless.

      Delete
    2. Look here madam, you have no right to judge me. I have my opinions just like you have yours so it's you that's wicked, not me.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous6/21/2016

    Was he married b4? why did d mother of d girl leave. My dear u have to trash out this issue or you won't have inner peace. Pray about it, talk to him and c if he changes. I know it's 4 better or for worse but I think we only live once and we should try and Enjoy the life. If he isn't changing u hv to ask yourself if u can cope with that for the rest of your life. I know how walking on eggshells feel. That's a miserable way to live. It's your life, make decisions and stand by them!

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    Replies
    1. POSTER6/21/2016

      The girl's mother met him when things were rosy and couldn't cope with hard times. she left him but after a year he collected the girl from her to live with his elder sis. She moved in after our wedding. If he doesn't change i don't know how to cope from here onward.Thank you.
      Speaking with him is as difficult as pushing a lions head through a needles eye, he isn't a good listener. thanks

      Delete
    2. Anonymous6/21/2016

      Treat him just how he treats u. Start from there. If he doesn't want to hear maybe, just maybe he will feel

      Delete
  5. He married u so don't question if he loves u....am in ur kind of situation now nd I understand how u feel.some guys don't do all dis lovey dovey stuff, even wen dey watch it in a movie dey still can't bring dem sef to give a peck or hold hanlds....so don't push him too hard to do dat.keep doung it to him, he will learn.my husband is vry difficult, I use prayer to get to him.pray d holy spirit to direct u...wives have soft spot in Jesus'heart....lol take advantage! !!...its well

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous6/21/2016

    I feel you are married to a man that is not very exposed. Unfortunately that's the way they are. If he now has a little money then you are finished. The rules of the game change with such men. Stop seeking for validation from him. Make your self happy in your own way. It will take the grace of God to cope with him. Unfortunately you may never achieve true companionship with him. Good luck

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  7. Anonymous6/22/2016

    Madam,since you've talked and talked and he doesnt want to listen pls do things that will make you happy and stop depending on him to make you happy. But first of all withdraw all those lovey dovey things you do to him and stop showing him that you love him too much. Go out,hang out with friends,take care of yourself and look sexy,make sure you laugh and generally be happy. Do not let him be the one ti determine your happiness. Make sure you perform your wifely duties but at the same time let him know by your actions that he's not the one to decide whether you are happy or not. All the best dear and i hope all works out well for you.

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  8. Hi I know this coming a little late but I totally understand what you are going through. The last comment is pretty much what I would advise. You need to TRY and focus on developing yourself. It could be going back to school; if that isnt feasible, try starting a business or you could try exercise. Exercise always makes one happy. The idea is that you must try and get on with your life with or without him. Start living like you intend on leaving but showing him respect and love. Just delete the mushy, lovey dovey stuff. Some men see it as a weakness on your part especially when they know they treat you badly.

    ReplyDelete

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