How Do Affairs Begin?

The rate at which affairs are happening these days?  Especially with technology making it possible for people all over the world to connect. God forbid, but do you know you or your spouse are more likely to have an affair than a divorce? 

Affairs can lead to so many heartbreaks, yet a lot of people do it why? You know, affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week:  your friends, neighbours, exes and co-workers. 

 Never ever allow yourself to believe  that those feelings of love are a signal from God to abandon your relationships and rush into this new relationship. It's no signal from God. Instead, it's the way our emotions mindlessly encourage us to spend more time with those who meet our emotional needs. If we submitted to our emotions, and chased after anyone who at the moment
deposited the most love feelings in our Love Banks, our lives would become chaotic in no time. And the lives of family and friends, to say nothing about our own lives, would be trashed.
The more sane way to approach unsuspected feelings of love toward those outside of marriage is to confront the problem honestly and intelligently. The best way is actually to discuss your feelings with your spouse but truth is that sometimes people are misunderstood even by their spouses. 

It's true that in some marriages a spouse will complain about an unmet need, and find their complaint met with anger and finger pointing and accusations. When there seems to be no hope for satisfaction, these people find themselves particularly vulnerable to an affair. After all, "my husband had a chance to meet the need, but refused. So why not have an affair?


Like in the case of the poster who says she knows what to do to get closer her husband's friend,  Once this honest expression of feelings is out of her mouth and into the man's ear, an affair automatically begins.  Even if her husband's friend had never given her a single romantic thought, by talking to him about her feelings,  the seed is planted, and starts to grow. Such an admission would lead to his thinking about his own marriage, and he would start seeing her in an entirely new way. If one of his important emotional needs was not being met in his marriage, he would express his frustration to her, she friendship has started they express their unmet needs to each other and willingly agree to meet those  needs. The rest would be history.

Of course, it's possible that her husband's friend all along, was feeling the same way toward her as she felt for him, and after her declaration of love for him, he would immediately reciprocate, fall into each other's arms, and run off to a hotel or othrr private place to cool off together.

But, it's more likely that they would simply talk to each other more often, depositing even more Feelings for each other. Sex is actually not the driving force in most affairs, it is the conversation and affection. In fact, most people who have affairs regard the sex as a minor trigger.  What they appreciate the most about the relationship is the love and acceptance that is communicated in their conversation. But again, sex is usually the inevitable outcome, and since it works best with great conversation and affection, the sex is also always great. Once sex is added to the mix, so many more feelings  get deposited and because food eaten in private tastes sweeter,  the "couple" cannot imagine losing each other. They are both addicted to the relationship. That's a full blown affair there. 

 For those who have already fallen into that trap,  are  there tips to help them end the affair?  Please share.

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Comments

  1. Oh wow. One tip for those who have already fallen is to cut off without notice. Cut him off completely, block him everywhere and face their marriages.

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    1. Anonymous4/25/2016

      Wow!! Your description is so apt,nothing needs to be added nor subtracted.@ Jayne, like it's written up there, so many emotions have been invested already so I doubt it can automatically be cut off just like that. Waiting for tips too cos I'm in one right now and I don't even want it to stop. Why? Bcos my hubby never ceases to imply to me that I don't count when it comes to his emotions, he has his soul mate outside our marriage and when I complain he's quick to tell me I can always opt out. So tell me,when I've now found someone who literally can't spend an hour without checking on me and I'm even d one doing shakara as opposed to my hubby that doesn't even give me a second glance, no calls during d day to check how I'm doing, no compliments whatsoever, no kisses or touches, u now say I should cut off,hmmm e go hard oo. And yes, I've been praying for over a decade,fasting, tried talking, crying, begging, ignoring, reporting, u name it, I've done it. So before depression and loss of self worth and esteem will finish me,mbok lemme enjoy this while it lasts.

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    2. Johnson4/25/2016

      @ Anonymous - yap, it tough cutting off from someone that makes u feel tick. But knowing what they know, are these people not really taking advantage of our vulnerability? Do they really mean the best for us? It might surprise you to know that these people are treating someone else so badly...
      Marriage is not meant to be easy - it takes hard-work, dedication & plenty of patience from two people, 'cos it's a COVENANT.

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  2. But must one stay in an unfaithful marriage? I mean the Bible gives grounds of adultery for a couple to split. I don't think I can stay in the kind of marriage the poster above pictured (i'm sorry to say). For a man to openly tell me he no longer has emotions for me and I can leave if I want? That is the highest grade of insult to me and I wont cheat in the marriage because he wont be hurt since he is doing the same thing. I will rather leave and we arrange for welfare of the kids. The last time I checked, men who are adulterous do it in secret, or atleast with a liitle respect for their wives. But throwing it in the woman's face, na wa oh...

    I can't be pretending to be in a happy union to the world and suffering inwardly oh. I think it's better to be out and free to mingle than to be in and cheat.

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  3. @anita you have said it all. I can never be a door mat. Happiness is key abeg I no fit shout. It's difficult to fight to save a marriage alone. We are either in it together, or I hit the road.

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