I am The Problem In My Marriage

Good morning Eya, how is little Chairman and the family? I wish to ask for help on the blog, kindly post anonymously please. I don't understand why I cannot be happy with what I have which is more than most people. To be honest Aunty
Eya, I am the problem in the marriage.  People send mails complaining of their husbands and how they need their men to change but in my own marriage it's different. I am a negative thinker that is getting out of hand and this is spiraling into my marriage. I can be very pessimistic about things and that makes it hard to trust in my husbands ability to run the family. He is tired of me always questioning his decisions and turning round to congratulate him when things work out. When he wanted to start building our bungalow, I thought we don't make enough to raise and complete a building project, never saw the possibility, now we moved in and he never ceases to remind me of how discouraging and non supportive I was. 

I always have that negative feeling about things even though I go to church and pray fervently. I always ponder at how little my faith is and it's beginning to affect my marriage. I keep causing stress when there shouldn't be any. The problem is I keep thinking we have  money problems when we don't. I just start panicking for no reason, the fear of the future will not leave me alone. I think it comes from growing up with very little and suffering lack and want most of the time. Each time I get excited in a not a good way about money I feel like my husband is going to get tired and  to turn around and say that's it I am leaving you. I am so scared because I am screwing everything up in my family. You want believe that when my kids are at school, I can't relax until I pick them home, these days of kidnap stories in schools, I am tempted to keep my kids at home while these things mean nothing to other mothers. Why is it so hard for me to be optimistic and just have faith?

 When any of my family member travels somewhere, while people are rejoice, am preoccupied with thoughts of what if something happens? What if the plane crashes? What if the car crashes etc etc. How do I help myself and save my marriage? My instincts tell me hubby is just tired and may one day change due to my negativity and stress causing behaviour. How do I help myself?

Comments

  1. Anonymous3/13/2016

    This your case, if na oyibo land you dey now, they would have given you name like Negativity syndrome, low self esteem syndrome, sadness syndrome or something. Here we just pray.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Johnson3/13/2016

    Look for, and listen to, good messages that would lift your spirit. Avoid messages and prayers that focus on the devil, breeding fear.
    I will recommend messages from the following pastors- Sam Adeyemi, Funke Adejumo, Jeff Schreve, Joseph Prince, Kenneth Hagin...
    You also need to realize that God is good irrespective of negative event that happens around us or even to us. The worst that could happen is for one to die without Christ!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Please follow johnson's advice. You need to change your mindset. We all have that side of bad thought (called shadow architype in psychology) but you just not managing your thought first. Once bad thought crosses my mind what i do is rebuked immediately. Its part of what we are made of but stop dwelling on it and occupy your mind with good thought.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please follow johnson's advice. You need to change your mindset. We all have that side of bad thought (called shadow architype in psychology) but you just not managing your thought first. Once bad thought crosses my mind what i do is rebuked immediately. Its part of what we are made of but stop dwelling on it and occupy your mind with good thought.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well,even the bible says what I fear most has befallen me! Even d world belivess that negative energy attracts negative outcome!i do believe that yours can be medically taken care of though! Find a therapist!it might be pricey but it's available,naija has come a long way!or try a life coach,someone to talk to n help u tru your thoughts! It's anxiety n depression, actually has a medical name thaat I can't remember now! Most importantly, immense yourself in God's work and keep confessing positive things!when negative thoughts come in,open ur mouth n counter it wit positivity! Alwayss speak it out!God help u

    ReplyDelete
  6. What you have is anxeity disorder and it can be treated.

    At least, you know you have a problem and that is half the battle. The next step is to seek help.If you were in America, I would say you can get help easily. There are mental health institutions attached to hospitals who provide help to anxeity sufferers. For example, there is the Institute of Living in Hartford, Connecticut which treats this problem.

    My mother has the same problem and the entire family have suffered because of it. She is constantly worried about her family, things she cannot control. She sees potential danger in everything her family does and is constantly issuing warnings on how to avoid those dangers. She tries to monitor her children's lives even when some of them already have their own children.

    I don't know what type of help, if any is available Nigeria.

    But you should try to seek help. It is a behavioral problem that can be treated. While it may create stress in relationships, it is not enough for your husband to want to divorce you.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous3/13/2016

    JJ
    I second what you jut said.this is not a matter of changing mindset.she need psychological help.
    Plz find a psychologist and talk to her/him.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3/15/2016

    Poster u need to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible.what u have can be managed with medication.if ure in lagos,u could go to Aro.depending on your location,we could suggest a suitable place.dont worry.ul be just fine.

    ReplyDelete

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