I Finally Gathered Courage And Approached My Husband. He Has Given Me The Option Of Staying Or Leaving. I'm Yet To Decide

I Got This From WhatsApp, Not A Reader Seeking Advice : Read Below :


I'm a marriage counselor by profession and want to share briefly, something that will benefit every woman. My husband and I were married for 25 years when I discovered his other family. A woman with 3 children for him. We have 2 girls. She has 2 girls and 1 boy. I discovered this through our family doctor. My younger daughter was applying to pursue her Masters abroad and had gone to take some tests at the lab. She is 23. She has a job so could not get the results herself. So I offered to get them for her.  

When I got to the clinic for her results, they gave me a package but the nurse asked if I can also wait for my second daughters tests. I was a bit confused because my older daughter is not even in Ghana. I comported myself and asked to see the doctor.

 A woman herself, she looked into the matter and immediately saw the discrepancy! The second test belonged to another girl. Same last name. Same father's name. Obviously the nurse wasn't thorough so she didn't LOOK at the mothers name! So this is what happened to me all of 2015, discovering a lot about this hidden story. I never mentioned anything, all the while doing my investigations. On December 31st , I finally gathered courage and approached my husband about it. He didn't deny at all. Showed no remorse. Nothing. And then he dropped the bomb and then told me that I, rather, was the extramarital affair. He met and married this lady 5 years
before he met me. Because she was not giving him children, his family was giving him immense pressure and that's why he sought to find someone else. That someone was me.

I immediately gave him 2 girls and he was prepared to divorce her and stay with me, when she eventually got pregnant. He said the last child, which is the boy, brought him so much clarity and the tough experience he went through with his first wife, brought them back together in a way he never imagined. The boy was born with some development challenges and he learnt a lot through that. For 25 good years I was the concubine. My sister and I never ever ever knew it. For 25 good years. But for me, as painful as it is, my own lesson is in realizing that it's a price I'm paying for being so hasty. 25 years ago.

 I was also in a rush for marriage. I didn't ask questions. He came to my family and gave them the drinks. I was satisfied. I never even bothered to ask for us to go to sign.

 I was comfortable. Sheer stupidity.  So then now, he has given me the option of staying or leaving. I'm yet to decide. And yes, I am a marriage counselor. The irony of it all. Preaching on what it takes for a marriage to be successful and mine isn't even real. I want to tell the ladies out there. Please be careful. Use me as an example. Don't just be jumping at everything. Especially without asking questions. Don't do it to yourself. It will break your spirit. Be careful of what you're promised. And never be afraid to investigate. You have only one life. Treat it with dignity. My few words this morning. Stay blessed.


  1. With this discovery, can she still practice as a marriage counselor?

  2. Imagine that you are to help her decide. What should she do?
    Stay OR Leave?

  3. Wow what a life. I will advise her to stay no point leaving the marriage besides her children are grown up already . If she's can forgive him and b happy let her stay. Buy if she's isn't happy or hv peace anymore she should leave. She shouldn't stay because she's a marriage counselor n all dt. Mehn people will only talk for awhile. Just as she said you have just one life. Live it in happiness and peace. Treat yourself well, you are all u got.

  4. She can still be the marriage counselor she is. Marriage counselors are psychologist not GOD. They ain't perfect humans.

  5. Johnson2/20/2016

    A tough situation indeed...
    This marriage was built on deception from the beginning and required precautions were not taken. It is also possible the 1st wife knew and kept everything to herself – lesson for everyone.
    Her decision to leave or stay married; continue her practice as a marriage counselor or not, will depend on factors such as:
    1. Her faith - relationship with Christ, esp. when the relationship started - before or after the marriage?
    2. Grown up children are involved - they should be told and given time to express their views.
    3. She might need to have a conversation with the other woman – the 1st wife to make herself come clean...
    4. If she had been lied to for 25years without knowing, could it mean she's not observant; that friends/family have not being true to her; that she's too preoccupied with herself, etc. Are these not qualities a good marriage counselor should have? Where is the place of the Holy Spirit in her life?
    It is due to stories/scenarios like this that we should ensure that proper marriage counselling include having parents of intending couple to formerly express their agreement to the union and stating that their child/ward has "never being married before".

  6. Anonymous2/20/2016

    She should stay, the did has been done. Since her husband was able to manage both women and the children happily before the discovery, I will advice she forgive her husband and let peace and family reunion take place. It's hard to bear but she should ask God for wisdom and strength to accept the situation and also encourage the children to meet and love them selves as one big family. My own opinion shaaaa

  7. WOW! Just negodu! I pray we do not ever enter one chance in Jesus name. Amen

  8. Anonymous2/20/2016

    Abeg the man is not her husband she should leave.

  9. Anonymous2/20/2016

    You people keep calling this man her husband, he is not her husband he belongs to someone else. I can't believe you guys are encouraging another woman to knowingly commit adultery. Is it biblical for her to stay? The answer is no. They didn't go to court, they didn't do church wedding so how is she married

    1. Johnson2/20/2016

      She said "My husband and I were married for 25 years ...", and they must have lived together - if not she would not be surprised.

    2. Anonymous2/21/2016

      Marriage is one man one wife not one man 2 wives. If he was still married when she married him it is adultery and besides even if he was divorced it is still adultery. You Nigerians like bringing in tradition when it's convenient if we are to go based on the bible pls it is a sin abeg and as a counsellor she should no better. She has caused another woman pain for 25 years abeg she should waka

    3. Johnson2/21/2016

      Anonymous - u dey vex o! The scenario here is not that straight forward and u cannot conclude that she had been living in adultery. One question for u - assuming she never found out and she was a believer & dies - would she go to hell?
      People say Christ gave a condition for divorce - is that really true?
      Can someone whose separated partner is married remarry?
      Is it better for people to live bitter in marriages, and some die in this process, than be separated?
      These are some of lives difficult questions and cannot use our senses (human knowledge) to answer all of these questions. People in these situations need the Holy Spirit more than ever before to guide them. Those of us who seem to be having good marriages/homes should pray for, rather than judge, people going through these marital challenges.

    4. Anon he probably didn't legally, traditionally or before the church marry the 1st wife as well. The story is not 100% clear.

  10. People saying the woman was never married should clarify me if payment of dowry isn't classified as being married?!

    The woman was married albeit on a wrong foundation.
    The decision to stay or remain separated depend on her shock absorbing capacity.
    And yea she can remain a marriage counsellor.. she will even use her bad experience to teach further...

  11. Anonymous2/22/2016

    she has been causing another woman pain for 25 years..........she should continue abi?

  12. To me, she should have a serious conversation with the first wife before making this decision to stay or leave. Their children are siblings, they are co-wives. Solomon's wives cannot be in hell for being in that poly union. That's me o.

  13. Hmmmmm 25 years of strong secrecy. How was the man able to manage two families for that long without any suspicion? God please interven.


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