My Parents Always Talking Negative About Me To My Mother-In-law

Good morning Aunty Eya and fellow Blog readers, I need to share my story here to encourage someone on this platform, one for all the yummy recipes my wife and I enjoy from wives connection, and two for the advice that has helped us have a better marriage as a Nigerian couple. 
I am the first child of my parents, as a child I always wanted the love of my parents, but could never understand what was wrong.  By age 9 after a sever beating, and thrown outside, I remember that I prayed to  God and asked him to take me away from this horrible life.  When I was twelve, I remember my mother telling me how I ruined her life for being born.  I'm in my 40's now and looking back all I have ever been was me being the Black Sheep in my family.  I joined the military at age 20 to make a better life.  After leaving the
military, I went to a Federal College of Education in the Far North but didn't enjoy teaching in the class room at all., and then I became a law enforcement officer. All this by my struggles and trying to make my parents show me some love. I have always wanted to make my parents proud , but regardless of all my accomplishments I'm looked upon by my parents as a loser. 
I have three younger brothers who have real issues in life, and who have sponged off my parents their entire life, depending on them for e everything but regardless of the way they treat my parents they are their favorites. 

 At family functions like the yam festival, Christmas party or other important celebrations where we come together to enable kids meet with extended family members an d have some kind of family reunion, my mother-in-law has told me that my parents are always talking  negative about me to her, and she has overheard them talking negative of me to others.  One thing that I was told by her was how terrible of a son I've been to them all their lives and how even growing up I was very rebellious and so stubborn they prayed I don't become a bad influence on their younger children.  Looking back on life, I think that I could have saved a lot of  years not blaming myself for being born.  I maybe a "Mistake" to my parents for being born, but I've come to realize that this "Mistake" is a truely a "Gift" to a family who are always telling me how great of a husband and father I am. My Inlaws have so been there for me that I wish they were my real parents instead. I can count on them anytime, their love and trust. They are ready to stick their heads for me at anytime. Thankfully, they do not believe my  mothers stories about me.

Comments

  1. Anonymous1/13/2016

    I won't pretend that I don't relate because I can totally relate to your feeling, As far back as I can remember, I was always somehow wrong in every situation. I am the second child of five. Growing up I learned very quickly that my older brother was the "good child". This was before my other siblings were born. He was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive and was five years older. So when I was 7-8 and she was 12-13, it was very hard to physically stop the abuse. When I would tell my parents, either I was beaten for being a liar or we both were beaten because we're getting on their nerves. My parents were also very abusive, so if I was not enduring abuse from my sister, then it would come from my parents. I felt so alone and trapped. While all these is happening is also around the time my younger brother was born so they also said that I was looking for attention because I was jealous of him.

    I started running away at 15 because not only did I hate my life but I hated my family for not protecting me, believing me and loving me the way a family should. It was like they threw me to the wolves and then blamed me for getting bitten. Fast forward, after many years of trying, I decided to save myself any more heart ache and just cut the entire family completely off. Today, Me and none of my siblings have very good a relationship. I endured and suffered but as soon as I finished school, I decided to leave them and never look back. It's time that I start over somewhere else, and far away from a family that I feel I should have never been born into. Plus, since I cut them off they have done everything possible to harass me in every way. They tried to get to know people in my neighborhood and then play the victim so now my neighbors think that I'm this crazy, person and that's just the way my family likes it I no longer share with them where I work and will soon be moving and will be getting my number changed because it's time for a new start completely. If travelling out was so easy, I would have done that long ago to just go get lost somewhere and live my life all alone.

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  2. Hmmmm just go into prayers and live ur life with ur immediate family pls. Don't worry about anything anyone is saying. Remember only what God says is important. Just live n love yourself please. LIFE IS TOO SHORT

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  3. Anonymous1/13/2016

    some parents, unfortunely, don't deserve to be parents. Your parents are such people. I am so sorry for your loss. Its like you never had parents ... you never and the privelge of being a happy child ...im just really sorry. But, all you can do now is learn from their mistakes ... be grateful for your wife and children. You have the ability to mold them into amazing or crappy people, they look up to you and trust you, so work with them. They deserve to be happy

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  4. You still got to love them anyway,look on d bright side,they helped u become a better man than all ur siblings,if they had pampered you,it would have been d same story for u and ur siblings but their neglect made u strive harder and become a better person so you should be thankful and still show them love bcos they are still ur parents no matter what.

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  5. victoria O1/13/2016

    if they don't show you love that you deserve, shower them with much love and care, call them all the time, send them gifts, let them know that you cherish them much more than they do to you. you can even invite your parents and ur inlaw take them out either to a eatery or for shopping.am sure by the time you do this their conscience will surely judge them. and also back it up with prayer.

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  6. Dear Poster, the most important thing is that you have a wife and children as well as in-laws who cherish you. I advice that you stop dwelling in the past. I know you want love or validation from your parents but you'll keep on hurting yourself if your never get it because the truth is, you might never get it. Start working on yourself and make sure that you love all your children equally and be a good father to them so that none of them will come back with such story when he or she grows up. Like I always say, family is not necessarily by blood but by love, if your in-laws are the ones who love you whole heartedly, love them too in return and appreciate their love as well.


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    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous1/14/2016

    Poster, your story is trully inspiring. thanks for sharing, at the age of 6 i suffered the same thing well worse i was beaten so bad and i was thrown out in the darkness of the night afterwards. am 20 now and sometimes feel like giving up especially today i felt suicidal. after reading your story i've found new hope, my father's mean, my mother is shy so she cant really tell my father off but she tries and simply gets shut down, am the youngest out of my 4 siblings. my 2 older brothers, they dont give a hoot, are not interested what happens honestly and my 2 sisters hate me so much

    i've lived my last 15 years filled with hatred and anger that am actualy numb to their insults and to the beatings. i try not to fight back because am a Christian and am actually sick of it. sometimes i would tell my father off and he knows i really hate him, we live in the same house and i havent said a word to him in 2 years. he talks to my mom and tells her everything that happens because its my fault, and she comes and talks to me telling me i have to forgive him and appoligize to him, i did that once when i was 10 i really thought all the beatings were because of something i did but realise someone as evil and crafty as my father will never change. Why can't parents too apologize to their children??????????

    sometimes i lie down in the dark angry, visualizing a button that when push will blow up the entire world( GOD FORGIVE ME PLEASE) am sick and tired of my siblngs always getting recognition for the simplest of things that they do.

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  8. Mr Poster better stop complaining and thank God for everything. It's called destiny man. God wants you in that family that's why you were born into them. Unless they picked you on the streets anyway?

    ReplyDelete

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