He Didn't Pay Hospital Bills When I gave Birth But Paid His Married Sister's Bills, Is There A future for this marriage?

Dear Eya,

Am 35 years of age and have three lovely kids, i once got married to a man and had two (2) kids with a boy and a girl. Needing someone to help me raise or bring up these kids and also didnt want to flirt around i decided to settle down again and that happened 2014 and had a son. Before the marriage my husband decided to travel and come back before we perform the marriage right but i was then pregnant and my church will punish me for six months so base on that i told him we should do it in a small way which will not cost much money he agreed but he traveled before the ceremony could come on but he came back a day before the marriage but i didn't know and he called in the evening that he has return but all his two foot are paining him.

The money he gave was only Eight Hundred Ghana Cedis (C800.00) equivalent to (N41,812.18) it will be less than that in
two years ago, i have to pay for everything, buy everything and also organize everything within my power and borrow money from my elder sister to pay for the dowry, that he asked me to so he paid later. We were staying or leaving apart and still do, he visit once a while and run like someone is chasing him away, whenever i ask for money he will say common this you do not have whatever ask my husband he is either doesn't have it or give me part of it even when i gave birth he didn't pay for for the hospital bills but went to pay and pay for his married sister's bill, he did not buy anything for me not even a coke for given him a child or a male child to say think you or congrats, the dress i wore for the naming ceremony i bought them myself, he has never for once bought anything for our son before not for once i can remember  aside the one i forced him to buy for our son to wear for the naming ceremony.

He visit once a while like i said earlier, i though we will leave together as man and wife but he always complain of the distance from his place to my house and also not having enough money to bring him to my place, i told him to come and spend weekends and holidays with us but that has never happened maybe some day that i do not know. Recently my mother wanted me to give him a divorce but i told her i cant because people will think am not a married or a wife material so i didn't agree to that even though i never told her anything but not knowing all my siblings and nephews are not in support of the marriage because of the way he behave and act.

I discussed with him before last Christmas,i want to come and spend the x- mass eve with him which he agreed and later told me on the 24th December that hisboss has sent to western region, he didn't tell me he was leaving, he didnt give me the key to his house and never told me has return till 26 December around 1:30pm. i have to send my two kids to my sister since they wanted to go there and me staying in my officer with my little son on 24/25 and 26 and i lift for my sister place after i told her i wanted a divorce, she told me come over to her place where my mum also is. My elder sister agreed to the divorce for my own good but my mum disagree with me. My mum called my husband to come over if there is any issue going on between us which he said he has done me no wrong and me too has done him no wrong so he doesn't know what is happening.

After i hold him on 26th December 2015 that i wanted a divorce, he said he has heard me but never called to find what made me say that till monday afternoon to find out how our son is doing. He called again on saturday and asked the same question and sunday that we needed to talk but not on phone so i asked him to come over, he came around 11:00pm told him my piece of mind that i want to grant him his freedom so he can continue his single  life style, but he pleaded with me to  bare with him and give him some time that everything will be fine.

I see him to be very secretive, proud and insensitive, why am i saying these he doesnt give us money and when he does is not enough so am always broke since my salary itself is not enough. I never said anything about the other two (2) kids cos their father is taking care of their responsibilities. 

Do you people think i have a future with this man? he always doesnt have money.
Please advice me because i do not know what to do.

Worried and confused wife.


  1. I think dis man has another family somewhere and never really planned to marry you but you tied him down with pregnancy,it doesn't sound like u are even close to his family since u can't go to dem for help,in my opinion dis man didn't marry u married urself paid ur own dowry,he doesn't even care about d son u gave him,he sees u as a burden and a mistake dts Y he's always running, NO poster I don't think d marriage has a future.

  2. Anonymous1/22/2016

    Madam first of all it was very painful reading your write up. You are married to yourself o!!! That man is not your husband and is probably married to someone else. I suggest you forget about him and face your work and your kids

  3. @Rabiat Alao and Anon 10:34 has said my mind.

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  4. Anonymous1/22/2016

    Agreed with the rest.concentrate on raising ur lovely kids without this man. Believe in God and also bring them closer to him. You will be fine. Don't worry about the lebel of a single parent.people will always talk. All the best

  5. That man is definitely married to someone else. That's the only explanation to those weird behaviour. It's a pity but it seems you'll have to forget this man and focus on your kids. All the best.

  6. Just like every poster said.he has a family somewhere. Pray and ask God for guidance

  7. Just like every poster said.he has a family somewhere. Pray and ask God for guidance

  8. Just like every poster said.he has a family somewhere. Pray and ask God for guidance

  9. I go with everyone's advice

  10. Anonymous1/25/2016

    Madam, you have a husband with two children and went ahead to marry another one, that is adultery, leave this man he is not your husband and go back to your husband you had two children for and ask God for forgiveness.


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