Should I Return To This Marriage For The Sake Of My Children Or Fight For Them Later?

Hello, Aunty Eya, 
I am an ardent reader of your blog and I appreciate how you have touched people's life.
I am a young lady 23 years of age, I am a mother of two, my first child is 4 while the younger one is 2. I got married at 17 and had my first child at the age of 18. My marriage was fun until after I had my first child my husband and I started having one quarrel to another, he will always accuse me of infidelity, he prevented me from going back to school and even getting a job or something to do, I lived as a full house wife l never had one thousand Naira to my name, I didn't even have a bank account but I wasn't bothered by all that I was ready to live with him that way I was ready to give up all my dreams and ambitions just to be a good wife and a mother. 

We had a lot of up's and down before I had my second child. months after having my youngest child the abuse turned physical he brutalize me at every provocation the assault became worst to the extent that we were known in our neighborhood as the fighting couples I endured all this for five years till I gathered   the courage to leave in February wen we had wat he called "the last beating" it was really the last beating cause I will not forget that day in a hurry I almost died that day if not for the intervention of neighbors and passerby who came to rescue me from him That day, I left his house and the marriage. 

Well, to cut the long story short, we have been separated for over five months now. I now work,
and am making arrangements now to go back to school. But the problem am having now is that my children are still with him and he has been begging me to move back with him I have done everything within me to get those children from him but he wouldn't let go. I don't have any feelings for this man again I can't even imagine myself sleeping with him again. My life is a better place now than when I was with him, but I suffer an unbearable pain living life everyday without my kids I know he loves his children and he takes good care of them but with the nature of his job the kids spend most of the time with a nanny or neighbors.

 l need advice on what to do now, Should I listen to his plea and return to a man I have no connection with for the sake of the children or just concentrate on how to move on and get a better life before going to fight legally for the kids?


  1. Anonymous6/26/2015

    This is a tough one as I also have 2 kids. But are being abused physically. And it wont change at least not in dis time frame. Your children need a healthy mother who can take care of them wen she has found her feet. I know its hard. But ask yourself if u can afford to give dem a good life now. Work hard and take dem wen u are well to do. Keep praying. Keep praying

  2. Anonymous6/26/2015

    Please don't return to him.
    You can tell for yourself that things are a lot better for you in general, being away from him.
    If you've got the money, file divorce papers and seek shared custody of the kids- he shouldn't be able to flout the court's eventual judgement.
    Go on ahead and do all you'd set out to do- schooling, getting a better paying job, etc- but don't return.
    Sometimes people like your husband need such decisions to learn that it's never right to mistreat a woman.

  3. Anonymous6/26/2015

    Some guys can be something else in marriage; however since he's the one staging a come back, i advice you give him another chance as things may normalize this time around.

    1. Anonymous6/27/2015

      no don't give him. you know he has not changed because he is using the kids to bargain for you to return. a good man will not keep the kids away from the mother. tell him if truly he has changed, he should let the children come and spend time with you.even for a few days a week and that you two may may may then work out your issues as time goes on. if he won't share custody of the children, then know that the monster he became is still there

    2. Thank you, anon 00:19.

  4. Anonymous6/26/2015

    he almost killed you and now you want to go back so that he finishes you? what good will you do to your kids if you are dead? don't fall for his sweet words you know where this road will lead...

  5. I don't understand why you escaped with your life with the help of neighbours and people passing by and you are asking if you can go back? My dear only the living can love and take care of the children. Good thing you can see clearly now , I am sure if you were your present age before marrying you would not have considered this man. Please move on if you love life. Advice to other women out there, if you are been panel beaten, I am not talking of those small small fights o , please don't go having another child after the first one. Wait and see if things improve before you get pregnant again.

  6. Johnson6/27/2015

    Where are the family members in all this? Abi na only una waka come? You lived with a jealous & abusive and want to go back... Holy Spirit will help you, provided He was part of the marriage in the first place.
    Though u did not state your husband's age, both of you were not emotionally ready what marriage - I'm not sure this has changed.
    My advice - get family involved and don't think you can take care of the children on ur own...

  7. Anonymous7/03/2015

    Please dont go back, pleasesssssss. just as somebody says that you shud ask him to allow your children to spend sometime with you on the premise of thinking about coming back, but dont go back even after that. he wont change, he will only give you another prenancy o. Am talking from experience and your education will suffer and you wont be useful to yourself again and you would want to depend on him forever. you are too young for that abeg. Age is on your side my sister.

  8. Pls don't go back. Take him to court and fight for legal shared custody of your kids.

  9. Pls don't go back! Go to court and fight for legal shared custody.


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