Staff Cannot Marry Policy, What Can I do?

Eya Goodday ,how is your family ? Pls i need advice from matured mothers . Am a 29 yr old lady .working with The Federal Govt . While in the University, i dated a guy , we were very fund of each other, after university he started behaving funny ,i could not handle the way he follows me about . We broke up. 

After some months i met another guy from the eastern part of Nigeria , we fell in love and promised marriage , i brought him home to meet my parents cos he said he wanted to meet with them . To cut the long short , we travelled to see his mother, he has no father only for his mother to say she doesn't want her son to marry from my tribe Edo state . He promised talking to his mother and continued to asure me.But one day  he called me after some months to say he is sorry that the marriage cannot work out again cos he can't have two women who will be so dear to him not be able to live together. For that reason he ended the relatioship .

 I was

heart broken . I occupied self with my study, went for a masters programme. Now, A guy in my place of work is at it again though i like him , his parents show so much affection for me .he is  doing everything possible for marriage . Will be on it for about 2yrs now .

But There is a policy in our place of work that say staff cannot marry each other if there is marriage one will resign . Getting a JOB now is like a camel passing the eye of a needle . What should i do ? Should i resign ? 

Pls advice me .before  i do something stupid . My self and the  guy are of the same salary level but different departments.


  1. That's a ridiculous policy at your work. Anyway, you have to figure out what's more important to you. And I'm hoping getting married is. Start looking for another job and don't tell any of your co workers. In the meantime, you and your boyfriend should start saving as much money as possible for the wedding. You two need to discuss about finances and make sure he will be able to sustain you and him financially with one salary if it takes you a while to find another job.

  2. Anonymous12/03/2014

    My advice is,start looking for a job now or start saving ur salary to start a business of ur choice so that as u leave u can stil hv a source of income and even family time.

  3. @OCM, That's the normal policy in most corporate organizations. @Poster, u might have to resign if u guys are going to get married BUT u MUST start saving heavily now and keep quiet about ur wedding plans to any colleague till a month before the wedding. By that time, u would been able to save well and should be ready to tender your letter of resignation. All the best

  4. Since that is the policy in your organisation, the best thing is to start looking for another job in another organisation.

  5. Anonymous12/03/2014

    Poster ask urslf wat u rily want. If u wan marry d guy ul hv to resign and gt a biz. Pls evntually if d space is vacant I'm here oh, I desperatly nid a job. Thnks.

  6. Anonymous12/03/2014

    i think both of you should start job hunting and the person that finds one first should resign. don't assume that person needs to be you. it might actually be easier for the man to find another job. you are at the age where some employers worry that you might quit soon to have a baby or you'll soon need maternity eave. it's easier to deal with all those issues with an employer that's already loyal to you b/c you've worked there for a while.

    1. Very good reply. Both of you should start looking for another job. Good luck!

  7. Anonymous12/03/2014

    Good point, the both of u shud looking for job and who gets good one shud resign

  8. I think yourself and your guy need to sit and discuss... One of you guys will have to resign.. I will not advise you to be the one to resign..its best your guy starts looking for job.. its easier for him cause he is a guy.. its hard for employers to employ a lady that just got married..what if you get pregnant immediately after your marriage? Who will employ a pregnant woman? That's why I said you guys need to face reality and talk. If you were my sister or daughter, I will solidly maintain and advise you not to resign except you have other plans.

  9. modesty-blaise12/03/2014

    marry secretly and don't tell the employer, while you secretly look for another job. till then, don't tell a soul.


    2. Such things have a way of coming out

  10. Anonymous12/04/2014

    Seconded wit anon 9:44.
    Sit down wit hm so dat both of u ll no d nex step to tak as its nt goin 2 b easy 4 u 2 gt anoda job;start saving to enable u start a business& if posible start it right away so u‘ll b used to it,may God direct u.

  11. Anonymous12/04/2014

    Abeg,pls can sm1 help;can i spread butter on d bread first b4 toastin in a pop up toaster?Thanks.

  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  13. Anonymous12/08/2014

    U know, am going through this very same thing. I'm almost thought this girl was me. I'm from Edo state and I dated n igbo guy who left me because his mother said no.
    My dear am sure u and ur guy have sat down to discuss ds matter a lot of times, am sure u have cried and prayed, but things have not still changed....My dear don't leave ur job 4 any1, u have a FG job and trust me I know d stress of getting a FG job cos I have 1 as well. The policy is str8 it says don't marry, it didn't say don't live or don't have children for any1. I & my guy hv decided to go smwhere to get married, start having children and not tell anybody. I'll just show up pregnant 1 day and it's no freaking persons business, will they feed your children? U better give ur self brain or u find sm1 else to marry end of story.

  14. @Poster You already know your company's policy so its either you go with your love life and face your job....If he is earning more than you, if you can, resign and start a business and if you cant, forget the relationship and face your job squarely

  15. @poster.
    pls n pls do not allow ds mentality of 'am not getting any younger' be d rationale behind ur decision. I've alws believed dt relationships/marriages re like shoes. if its ur size then it shud fit perfectly no pain, no adjustment. you av bin in relationships dt didnt lid 2 marriage, yes no problem cos nt all relationships re ment 2 lid 2 marriage. if it didnt bring u wat u want, it tot u wat u dont want. Ur bex is yet to come.#myopinion#
    trade ur job 4 marriage or vice versa?
    the decision is urs.....

  16. Anonymous12/16/2014

    If you leave that job like that and don't make good arrangements, you will feel it when it hits you hard. By that time, you will not be looking at hubby's face and be smiling.

    You will most likely blame him for your joblessness and predicament. If the man should by mistake misbehave or cheat, you will be asking yourself who send you message. At the end of the day why did i sacrifice my career for a man like this, for any man at all.

    My dear be very very wise in making this decision. Dont forget marriage is sweeter when there is money. If you think i am lying ask you friends and loved ones who are married. Goodluck

  17. Your choice girl. which is of a more priority and take the plunge. Life is all about choices.


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