My Husband Is Considering A Divorce

Hi aunty Eya,help me post this as anonymous, I'm a mother of three and expecting the fourth,this fourth pregnancy is disturbing me a lot and always makes me feel  tired and stressed up but hubby will only say sorry standing.

  Now, he is saying that he is considering a divorce since I'm not happy with the marriage. Honestly,he makes sure I don't
lack anything but his problem is that he doesn't know how to pet a wife. I don't know what to do cos this is not the first time he is mentioned divorce. 

As far as I'm concerned,I have been the best wife any man can have only that he doesn't pet me the way a man should pet a woman when she is sick.
I don't know what to do.

Comments

  1. Anonymous9/26/2013

    I think you guys should a one on one talk with him, divorce is not the solution here. If you do love each other, then there should be a solution here. Just express yourself, tell him how feel, be nice and sweet, talk about those days when you guys had some good times together. You have had 3 kids for him, and the 4th child is on the way, divorce is not the solution, communicate with him and all shall be well with you both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/26/2013

      *you should have a one on one talk with him i mean

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9/26/2013

      POSTER: thank u,I will cos divorce is the last thing I want in my life,I hv so many people who I'm they idol wife and woman.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous9/26/2013

      My dear dont think of people here, think of yourself, what is right for you and your kids. Would you want your kids to be apart from their father? Would YOU want to be apart from the man of which you have had kids for? can you handle the life of being a single mother? After the divorce and your husband decides to get married again, can you handle the pain? Those are the things you should consider my sister not whether people look up to you as an idol or not.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous9/26/2013

      POSTER: ideal

      Delete
  2. Anonymous9/26/2013

    Just talk to him, it's not an issue. It's just lack of proper communication, and since the peting' u want isn't forth coming try peting him ur self and if he feels good after wards, u now tell him that's exactly wat u need most times from him. Always make him feel appreciated, tell him u love him. My prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. she cant pet him she's having a tough pregnancy.

      Delete
  3. Anonymous9/26/2013

    I tink u shud hav gotten used to his character by now, after all these years, 4 him to be considerin divorce, I may be u are wearing him out wit nagging and he assumes its bcos u r no longer interested in d marriage. Jst bear in mind dat a lot of pple a waiting to take ur place in case u guys get divorced
    Favours

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous9/26/2013

    I tink u shud hav gotten used to his character by now, after all these years, 4 him to be considerin divorce, I may be u are wearing him out wit nagging and he assumes its bcos u r no longer interested in d marriage. Jst bear in mind dat a lot of pple a waiting to take ur place in case u guys get divorced
    Favours

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/26/2013

      POSTER: I don't nag cos I am a very quite and calm woman, my hubby even dislike me for that.

      Delete
    2. Johnson9/26/2013

      You don’t nag? Wait till you hear what he will say – there are some things worse than nagging…
      My thoughts – a Nigerian man that gives you all you need and was told (made to feel) that he’s not romantic/caring might would feel unappreciated & loved. Especially if he considers himself as a good man, being aware of how badly some men treat their wives. He will feel insulted by your ‘unappreciative’ demands of care from him. Probably he’s having a hard time in the office and you’re not making him king at home…
      Both of you need to understand each other’s love language. Your husband might think that by providing for the entire family, he’s showing love while you are expecting to hear some nice words from him. The number one thing a man wants is to be respected and appreciated before other things are added.
      In all these, simple effective communication will resolve the issues. This is based on the assumption that you have not, unknowingly, chased the man out to the waiting arms of a Delilah!

      Delete
  5. Dear poster, I agree with anon 11:25am. Also, u have to know that men are different, so what works for Mr A may not work for Mr B. I don't know how well u courted ur hubby pre-marriage, otherwise u shld ve know his weaknesses. Despite all the heart to heart talk u may have wt him. If his not that romantic guy, ull equally slip back to his-not-paying-attention-to+details guy after few trials. U may be unconsciously complaining a lot in ur hubby's eyes. Y not compromise, try to console urslf wt the other things he does dt makes u happy. Its not easy being preggy, taking care of kids, home and assuming u work too. Its action time dear, not just talking. I don't know how long uve been married, Channel ur energy towards being distracted by ur hubby's perceived totlessness. The house work may be weighing u down, get assistance or easy to use machines.
    My father was a bit of this type, he doesn't even know dt a girl cld be depressed sometyms in a month and I knw I didn't want dt type for a hubby.
    Also, I've come to realise that most 'mills and boon' guys are they ones that easily stray. So try another tactics of overlooking, wt time, this wld be the least of ur marital worries. I also think ur hubby went too far in easily using the divorce threat whether he means it or not. Pls don't give him room by ur actions or inactions to seek for alternative temporary comfort .
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/26/2013

      POSTER: wow, u said it all,thank you so much for this advice and to other advicers,thank a lot, u people are really martured and good consellors. I love you all and remain blessed for ever of your life's Amen.

      Delete
    2. I wish u all the best dear. Marriage isn't easy o, let nobody say otherwise. I've been married for several years now, Yeah, I do have the good times but initially, there were lots of misunderstanding, but I know I'm blessed. My FIL has this eccentric habit of eating pounded yam(must be mortar) at least twice a wk and I can't imagine how my MIL copes. Also in my previous place of work, a colleague told me that her hubby doesn't eat any particular soup/stew twice, no putting in freezer o. I later found out there are men like that. May God bless evry home wt his divine presence

      Delete
    3. Anonymous9/26/2013

      Yes, my huby is one. He doesn't eat a particular soup twice & he won't eat food frm freezer. Its not funny at all.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous9/26/2013

    If i were u poster. I wuld laugh it off. E easy to divorce. Lol! He is just threatn u jare.as 4 d petn be vry diplomatic abt it. Tease him jokingly. Tel me u love to be treatd as his queen. Pray abt it and trust God

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      I even think he is just blackmailing her emotionally. Perhaps the poster has shown too much dependence on him or too much love for him. Why threaten your wife with a divorce everytime there is a misunderstanding? I am currently facing challenges with pregnancy for my first child and I can't imagine how worse it would get if my hubby threatens to divorce me because I want some Tender Loving Care.
      Poster, just ignore him abeg. Since this is your 4th child, I'm sure you are used to the fact that he is not as caring as you would want. Instead of worrying yourself about this, concentrate on his good parts and keep being a good wife. That's all!

      Delete
  7. Anonymous9/26/2013

    Most Women tend 2 notice EVERYTHING when pregnant. Hope u are not one of them? After 3kids u shd know who ure married 2. Concentrate on ur pregnancy for now & mk ursef happy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous9/26/2013

    Lol. He probably doesn't want a divorce. He is probably just threatening you. I know cos I be been there. But I am the one constantly dishing out the threats.

    I think u are probably cranky as hell. 3kids stressing you plus the pregnancy and you are taking it out on d poor dude. (I am guilty too). From the sound of your story the guy isn't that bad.

    We don't always get d perfect person and you have to accept that. if he is not the petting type, well accept it. When u grumble about it do it playfully.

    In the meantime go to hubby and appreciate him. Kiss him and tell him you love him. Emotionally blackmail him sef. Then when u have him wrapped around your fingers, ask him about this divorce thing. Lol.

    Good luck. Take care of you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous9/27/2013

    it does sound like you are agitated.. How old are your babies? my babies are a yr apart. So little time for myself. Kids drain me and being pregnant at the same time can emotionally and physically drain you. Tell your husband to do most of the chores. Tell him to soak your feet. Help you with the babies so you can rest. Can yours and his family members help you too? You need to release some of that pressure. Good luck with the new baby coming.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      POSTER: my babies are a year apart,stays with his kid bro thue he is going to school.thanks for the advice.

      Delete
  10. My dear, easy wit him Oº°˚˚°ºo. I'm in d same boat wit you, my fourth preg, battling wit morning sickness and kids;but my hubby is d opposite of yours, just wit time u get over it. All u do is overlook his deeds, the chores ,do d ones u can or if not, teasingly try and pet him to allow ur sis or any mem of ur family to come stay wit u for d time being. ☺kªª¥. God is our strength.
    HE DOESN'T MEAN D DIVORCE STUFF; e easy?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous9/29/2013

    My dear I agree with Johnson "Both of you need to understand each others love language" that helped me a lot. I got married hoping wishing my hubby will be all romantic and sweet, my dear I saw the opposite. He calls me on the phone and says " Guy how far?" Am like honey its me o Sweets your wife. He will reply I know now I have your number in my phone. I told him I did not like it he changed it to O boy how far? I had to beg him to call me Guy. He was treating me as a fellow man I can assure you. When he takes me out I will be the only lady among men, most times I was uncomfortable then I began to behave like a man. When we see I am the 1st to extend my hand for a handshake, and then try to hit his chest, you know that greeting were guys greet with a handshake and while holding their hand they hit their chest that's how I and my hubby greet even in public. It was killing me but that was what he wanted and anything otherwise was trouble. The only place I was soft and feminine was in the bedroom.

    Then he started complaining, why do you behave like a man, can't you be feminine I had a good laugh. I asked him to cast his mind to when we got married 3years ago how I was behaving and how I behave now. That he created a she man out of me. He felt so bad that I had to change just to please him that was the turning point. Come guy na rice I want chop this night became Sweetheart can you please prepare rice please. My hubby took a 360degrees turn to a romantic dude. When had my 1st baby he came to the hospital gave me a hug and said O boy thank God o. Lol

    Am pregnant for the 2nd one now that he has become romantic I look forward to what he will say when the baby comes. My husband is a harvard trained Engr so don't think am talking about one illterate man.

    Dear Poster all am trying to say is know what you hubby wants become that thing and wahala will end. I don't think its fair that its the woman that should bend all the time but for your peace of mind and sanity learn you man. Good luck dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/29/2013

      POSTER: hahahaha,u are very funny nd gud, u just made me laugh away all my pains now,thumps up,don't worry he will call u what u never imagine he could call u (a sweet nd loving name). Thanks.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous10/01/2013

      Jeez, am so loving this.....buhahahaha.

      Mine is d opposite, my hussy always goes all romantic, phone, mails n physically.
      He looks @ me lik his dreaming, kisses me over n over again, day n night while am always d 1 pushing him away n running. I never get 2 respond 2 his periodic ilove Ʊ talks and he complains silly.

      Buh, cum 2 think of it, if I didn't lov him would I Marry him???

      @poster, people r different.
      Ʊ hav expirence, we with the 1st preg should run 2 Ʊ 4 advice.

      Remain blessed.

      BeBe

      Delete
    3. Anonymous10/04/2013

      Bebe you see funny life, I will give my right arm to have my husband to be half as romantic as yours. Different strokes. Better step up oh, before you turn Oh boy like me. Good luck on the baby.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous3/27/2014

      Hahahahaha this is really funny. Pls spare my 7months belle..I thot that mine was bad, I kept telling him 'I am not ur brother or paddy I am your wife, stop treating me like ur fellow man' Some of them just don't know.My husband never pet me during any of my pregnancies. In fact he acted as if I was an alien...cent stand my spitting, vomitting, I felt he was soon mean. He will tell me see how u are walking like a cow, can't u hurry up? In short I resented him for many yrs because of his behaviour during my 1st pregnancy. Now am on my 4th too and he sits by my bed and touches my head and says sorry when I have d fevers, something he never could do before... Its gradual. Don't worry just be patient and focus on having ur baby. He will come round. The bad thing is him using the D word to threaten u. When he's in a food mood u can quietly tell him u don't like it that u just need a little care from him this period and that's all to it. All the best.

      Delete
  12. @Anon 6.47: I can't stop laughing. O boy your home must be real fun. Ooops! Did I just call you "o boy" oh! I meant Guy. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10/04/2013

      Nife no naa, I don upgrade oh, I no be o boy or even guy again. I am now sweetheart, he even called me Sweets in public yesterday lol. Serious upgrade abi.

      Delete
  13. Anonymous10/03/2013

    You women are the perfect example of why 71 percent of men between the ages of 18 to 34 are no longer interested in marriage. After all, why should they waste time getting married when their bitch wife (like you) will just divorce him for childish reasons and then turn around and ass rape him in divorce court and take all his money?

    http://www.pewresearch.org/daily-number/young-men-and-women-differ-on-the-importance-of-a-successful-marriage/

    I hope you ladies have fun growing old alone with your 10 cats. You daughters as well, since the younger men have no interest in marriage anymore, you and your daughters will be growing old alone with your cats. As for myself, I'll be living it up in Thailand and banging tons of hot young Asian women (over 18, of course).

    Thank you ladies for liberating us men from your tyranny and becoming independent. Feminism was the greatest thing to ever happen to men. Feminism liberated MEN from being slaves to their ungrateful bitch wives.

    God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10/05/2013

      You r such a child, I will advise you when u r 18+ mentally.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous10/05/2013

      You r such a child. I will advise u when u r 18+ mentally. Chiza

      Delete
    3. Anonymous3/27/2014

      God bless? Do you even know whom God is?? Goshh

      Delete
  14. Anonymous10/12/2013

    Y'all sound like desperate old women with low n smelly self esteems!poster u have a right to want to be petted but thing is u should know the kind of person he is by now,he probably has Neva been d PDA kind of guy,now there is always a solution and first is to Neva think u can fix a man,infect Neva think u can fix anyone so what do u do?playfully and tactfully bring it out of him,shower him with so much PDA that eventually it will become the norm in ur home to say I love u n throw kisses n all that stuff,wen I met my hubby he dnt like PDA but now I think we will win PDA award and it's even better now since our son came..he definitely is d most kissed baby and Neva underestimate the power of God in all of this but wanting him to pet u is not wrong,u have a right to ur needs dnt mind all these silly god forsaken women hu are so afraid of being alone dat they will even curse God just to stay married,God created marriage to be enjoyed not endured

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10/15/2013

      Jeez Anon 9:57 that's harsh! "desperate old women with low n smelly self esteems!" This is what u say about women who are doing their best in their situation. Well dear with your seeming PDA and love filled marriage, I would have expected you to radiate warmth and sweetness in your words, if your heart is full of love it will show in your words and actions. The orange tree cannot bring forth a mango fruit. Give your most kissed son another kiss for me!

      Delete

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