He Still Likes Me But I Can Be With Another Man?

Dear madam Eya, I'm a regular on your blog, I read stories  and comments from your readers,plz I need serious advice from them also. 

I'm a student and my bf is also a student in d same school. we were living together in school before some of my friends advised me 2 move out because of several quarrels and fights we usually had. He is in his final level now,I ve have been dating him for over 5yrs, even b4 we got admission into d university,he loved me so much,and I love him too,I used "loved"because am not sure he does anymore,I just feel he's using me now.

 We've had a series of quarrels that made him beats me in the past, he couldn't
provide anytin 4 me to d extent that I almost lost my admission in the uni because I couldn't pay my acceptance clearance fee.

I pay my rent and fees in school all by myself without no help from anyone,due to that, I cheated severally on him and he found out,after some yrs I noticed my bf changed,he started acting strangely 2wrds me,all d love and care he shows me stopped and he started hiding things including money from me.

 I later learnt my best friend told him negative tins abt me,nd bcus of those things my friend told him,he started asking two of my friends out including the one that told him all those things,when I found out,he begged me nd I 4gave him,few mnths later,I noticed he changed again,he started hiding his fone nd chats,then one day I found out he ws flirting wit different girls on bbm,we had a fight and we broke up,some weeks later,I apologised 2 him and we settled,but he told me he doesn't want d relatnshp anymore,though we kept on having sex,later on I told him I met someone new and I have decided 2 be wit the guy,he said no problem but he still likes me and cares about me,that I can be with d guy but we wuld alwys see each other,so whenever I go 2 see him,we make love.

I just couldn't resist him, he is all I want in a man and I have always hoped that someday we would get married. 

When we have little dispute,he begs me and I accept,some times I tell him I can't sleep with him anymore because we ain't dating, then he says "Must evrytin be all about relationship b4 we can be together after all we like each other and like being together" from the best of my knowledge he has never slept with any girl apart from me, and he says he doesn't want 2 date any girl and doesn't want any relationship either.

I'm so confused because I don't know if I should hang on 2 see if he will come around or just stop everything wit him and move on with my life,I really do love him and don't know what 2 do,plz I want a candid advice.thank you all.

Comments

  1. Anonymous8/28/2013

    He is using you ooooo.He is also a liar. He knows your weakness and he is using it against you. All the signs are there or r u a learner? please leave him now before the other guy finds out. When he succeeds in finding himself another girl, you will be like trash to him. Leave him now o. A word is enough for the wise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol!!

      You're having pre-marital sex and you believe you are the only one he's been having sex with?

      Lie of the century!!

      Delete
    2. The statement dat caught my attention "from the best of my knowledge he has never slept with any girl apart from me"...GOSH wake up frm ur slumber. A guy is sweet talking u to slip wit u and u are there buying his lies. U hav dated him for 5yrs, he's stil in sch, and u are hoping he gets married to u, hw many more yrs do u intend to date him. I wan to believe u are old enough to kip dis love talks behind u and get serious wit ur life

      Delete
    3. Anonymous8/29/2013

      IS it not possible that she is the one using him to satisfy herself sexually?is it not just possible?my greatest happiness is that she cheated on the FOOL.
      Poster,leave him the hell alone!!!if u like the sex,continue,and don't ask 4 a relationship.if u don't like the sex,don't continue.I never dated a new person nd still had feelings 4 an ex.the new person was always BIGGER nd BETTER.in all the ways,the EX sef go feel intimidated.never meet sm1 new and date d person when u still like the old one.make sure the new person is totally better than the old.so ur new bf is already 2/10.cos the person I'm dating now,thinking about him makes me HATE ALL my EX's.

      Delete
  2. Please move on with life. May I suggest you don't see anyone right now. Try to end it with this loser. It will be hard because you have 5 years of history but it's for your own good. Do that and stay single for a while to clear your head and decide on what you want from ur future partner. Deep down in your head you know he's not right but your heart and the sexual chemistry makes you go back. Don't even be friends with him till you are sure you have nothing for him. Cut him off right now so you can see things clearly .

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Buhahahahahahaha!mama nnukwu come oooooooooooooo ,na virgin topic and ashawo mata be this ooooooooooo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello there,

    I just want to bring out some points which are actually signs that you shouldn't be with him:

    You cheated on him severally.
    This should never have happened, and it wasn't a mistake you made once but it was something that you did over and over again. Wrong.

    He's cheated. on you as well
    You said he'd been flirting with girls on bbm, even asking your friends out. My dear, if you get married to him, he'll do so much worse. And please, don't think you deserve to be cheated on because he cheated on you. A good man is a good man. You cheating would have hurt him no doubt but he would either have left you or forgiven you if he were a good man. He wouldn't seek his pound of flesh. Anyone who does that simply wanted to cheat in the first place and found the perfect excuse for it.

    He beats you up
    Even a married woman who's dowry has been paid doesn't deserve to be beaten. Why hasn't he been beating his friends or lecturers up when he has issues with them? He beats you, apologises, you take him back and he beats you again. Its a pattern.

    He told you he doesn't want the relationship anymore but just sex
    I don't even know what to say to this.

    Conclusion:
    After all this, I think you should leave him. I guess he was your first and you still feel emotionally connected to him. My dear, leave that thing. You've both made major mistakes in this relationship so pick yourself up and move on.
    I also think you shouldn't date for a while. Use that period to find yourself, focus on school, move closer to God, learn that you're worth so much than you've been settling for or letting yourself do.

    All the very best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mama Ijebu8/28/2013

      Thank u Mrs B....Couldnt have said more..

      Poster,

      He is just using u for the main time,by the time he gets another babe,dats when u will know how far.. He will so avoid u like a plaque.. Pls be wise..Cut him and those your friends off..I know its kinda difficult but trust me,u will feel so much better.. Cheers

      Delete
    2. Mrs B thank you o jaree

      Delete
    3. Mrs B thank you o jaree

      Delete
    4. Wao!! Thank u mrs B. I asked after u sometime ago.good to have u back! #collectE-hug#

      Delete
  5. *sigh* babe, 95% of those that live couples life in the university don't get married at the end because in the end, its the same guy that will tell you he wants a virgin, blah blah blah. Well, thank God you said you have moved out if am to believe your story. You see, not having a sponsor is not a ticket for sleeping around, HIV is real, besides all the money ritual stories we hear every other day; I don't know what state you are from but some states offer bursary to undergraduates even though some offer stipends but at least, it will help. Learn a trade, a craft or something, go online, look for scholarship offers, becase the moment you start expecting a boy, an undergraduate for that matter to start fending for you, what you see is what you get, insults inclusive. The sex issue, am sorry but you are gullible poster, what's with going back to someone who has made it obvious he doesn't want you for sex? Is sex food that if you don't eat, you'll be malnourished? You even allow him to brainwash you into saying you don't have to date him to have sex with him. Smh. Those "friends" that dated or slept with him are not your friends! Cut them off. Just cut off contact with this dude and ask yourself what you want. The 5 years you've been with him have been 5 years of what? At university level you can't even predict if your so called bf will get married to you when you graduate cuz they are two distincys world. First, work on your self esteem, I feel you are scared you'll get no one else if he leaves you, look for a part time job then talk to God! He only understands what the matter really is

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mama Ijebu8/28/2013

      True talk!!

      Delete
  6. Anonymous8/28/2013

    He is through with u.He is just using you to satisfy his sexual desires.Wise up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous8/28/2013

    you better concentrate on your studies.afi love ako romance

    ReplyDelete
  8. Fyn Ijebu Chic8/28/2013

    Dear Poster,
    Sorry to sound insensitive, but u are jus a bit higher than a sex slave.
    I am sure u also wash and iron his clothes, cook him lunch and dinner.
    Some girls make me sick!!! The handwriting is on the wall and you can't read, are u darius?
    He beats you, cheats on you and you apologize, biko, what are you apologizing for?
    He has never love you. He is only after you probably becos u are the cheapest girl he can afford.
    Lemme tell you wat love is, go and read 1 corinthians 13 and find out. And ur bf scores -100 in all the qualities.
    I'll advise that
    #1- you go back to ur maker- Eccl 12
    #2- you forget abt relationship for now.
    #3- you build your self worth- physically,emotionally,pyschologically, financially and educationally
    I'll leave you with this saying..... If you place your heart in God's hands, He will place it in the hands of one who will care for it!!!!
    #my 2franc opinion!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I really wish u included ur ages, it does help. I also think u are more in lust than love. Sometimes, an affair becomes so convenient, the sparks die, but guilt and duration of the affair makes us stick despite the odds. Ur relationship isn't working dear! Like Mrs B said, I also think its the first affair for both of u and u feel bound to be together. Immaturity is also a problem here for both of u, hence, the constant quarrels, on/off, cheating and sexual obligation. Like u are both students, so why wld u expect him to make a slightly huge financial commitment to u and we can't say if he cld afford it. U guys shld let go, no more intimacy, re-organise ur social life. If u wanna date again, put affection before financial gains and sex. The other two are secondary no matter hw hard it maybe. Nature has a way of healing us, and wld tell if he's ur future husband. For now, cut all ties with him. Xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Kai!!!!!! SMH..If u don't run for ur life this boy will finish you,until u become like a shaft.No matter what it will cost u, just leave this self centered boy alone.Are you a learner?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Why do naija babe always want men to fend for them? Pls go learn a craft to assist you in your education. There are many who have passed through this road successful without sleeping away their destiny. Not having a sponsor is not a license for sleeping with every dick and harry. Also, pls do away with dis guy who is using you! At university level, you ought to be smarter to read the lines! gudluck!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hello poster, I wish u included ur ages, it helps. I also think u are more in lust than love! Like Mrs B said, maybe its the first relationship for both of u, and u feel compelled to make it work. The truth is, ur relationship has become too convenient, the sparks are gone and u r merely together more out of guilt and duration of the affair. Let it go, its not working! Immaturity is also a factor here hence the constant quarrels/fights, on/off, cheating and sexual obligation. Like y wld u expect him to make slightly high financial expenses for u when u are both students and we can't say if he truly can afford it. Cut off all contact with him to make it easier esp any intimacy and reorganise ur social life. when u are ready to date again, put affection first before financial gains and sexual obligation no matter how hard it may seem to u. Commit whatever future tots u nurse for him to nature. If it wld be, a miracle wld always happen but for now, end this affair!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous8/28/2013

    We are both d same age 26yrs old. Poster

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dear Poster, If with all that has transpired between you two, you can still say He is all you want in a man, then you need to start seeing clearly biko. Take charge of your life and define what you want for yourself. Please,just live right and do the right thing for yourself.

    For home remedies on getting rid of stretch marks and dark knuckles, elbows and knees, visit leyejisola.blogspot.com
    its the one-stop rights, health and beauty blog

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Jst take d advices seriously as i agree truly wit dem & besides dnt u tink dat u‘r jst losin ur dignity&worth,b serious wit ur studies&4gt oda tins,its well.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Pls take ur education extremely serious my dear, dis guy is not. there for d long hall, he is just there to have a baby sitter care for him, which unfortunately ur doin, pls leave d guy, u cld b thinking OMG can't do without him sure u can, have d mind set not to visit him n avoid him completely,it may b hard but very possible to do.

    He is boboing u at abt not sleepin with other girls o, u don't need any relationship now, just focus on ur self n ur studies.. Best of luck..

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Poster I don't think you come to this blog regularly. If you do, you would have picked up advices from past similar post and cleaned up ur life. You have messed up your life on sooo many levels and the first step to take is to go on your knees and ask God for forgiveness. Do you need all of us here to tell you to leave that animal? Then sorry to say but you are just daft. You don't need any MAN to pay your bills YES! If I can do it then you can. Girls are soo unbelievable. A man beats you, cheats on you and you say he has all you want in a man. He really does have because you deserve serious beating. Your brain needs to be reformatted honestly and if you must know I am MAD at you. Eya pls don't delete my comment she needs to be scolded.

    ReplyDelete
  18. So much drama for a girl of ur age and level.
    Dear you'te really too young to be feeling this old.
    I'll advice like I will do to my lil sister who's in her final year just like you.
    This is a very important stage in ur academic pursuit and this relationship ish aint doing you any good. Why not face your studies first and u'll see the lil distance that will come between you both once you're done with school will in no small measure shape ur thought and decisions.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
  19. Poster is ur name chinenye? Is d guy's name emeka? Did both of u sch in UNN? This is d exact case of the above named ppl knwn to me. If u r chinenye, den I'm tellin u nw, sometin is really off wit ur brain! Everybody tells u 2 leave emeka still u keep goin bak. Even wen he chased u out of d house at 12 midnight after u ppl had anoda bottle breakin fight. Infact stay there oo, keep sleepin wit him and hopin 4 marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/12/2015

      Must you called their names?

      Delete
  20. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Move on ooooo...it may be hard, but you gotta try!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Move on ooooo...it may be hard, but you gotta try!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Poster. Am vry sorry. U are cheap! Just 2 cheap. Repent of ur sins.and accept christ. Dnt be a slave to sex. Leave ur old bf alone abeg. Even in d new relation. Just abstain frm sex.and focus on d guy if u wuld marry him.

    ReplyDelete
  23. hmmm! Wonders shall never end...
    @Poster: Mrs B. JO and Amaka Hundeyin have said it all. I just wonder hw many unwanted pregnancies (abortions) you must have had for him? How many guys you must have slept with jst to sponsor your school? hiv and other sexual diseases nko? How many blows, upper cut, broken lips you have have had from his several beatings... Smh! and you are 26yrs old.. You absolutely don't knw what you want in a man talkless of a relationship.. Pls wake up ur sleeping brain and change for the better.. You must first love yourself before you can be loved by others.. It's not to late.. You can do it and make it on your own.. Jst try and focus on urself and ur education for now. The Lord is ur strength..

    ReplyDelete
  24. All you need is JESUS! Your mess (already too much) will become a message.
    Poster, please look for a good bible believing church and have a talk with the pastor - no bi COZA type o! Sincerely, I wept as I read thru your post - don't waste your life this way...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Smh for u. To even think that u are above 25 with such a dumb skull.He does not want u but wants ur sex, ar u a learner?. Plz don't leave him o, stay till u turn 35 and loose all ur self esteem. Mtchewww!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous8/29/2013

    Na wa 4 o pink berry. U get mouth die. Hahahahas!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous8/29/2013

    Some gehs sha, una go use no money do excuse 4 runs. Nonsense! I had no sponsor when I ws in sch, same with my bestie. We sold indomie, kerosene, anytn u can tnk of jst to keep moving. @ a point, we almost deferred but somehow, we sailed through by God's grace. Now she's a big shot with an oil firm. So poster, prostitution isn't an excuse wen in a broke state. Leave men alone and face ur life. Hard work pays. Many of my colleagues who lived big are there wallowing in regrets. So wake up!!!

    Omalicha...

    ReplyDelete
  28. This is a dysfunctional relationship. It's time to move on. Take time to mature and eventually you will meet the right guy. The longer you stay with him and sleep with him, the more messed up you will become when it comes to men. Be very strong and stick with your decision to move on. Believe me, it gets better with time. You must be strong though.

    ReplyDelete

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