Would I Be A Terrible Mother If I Kept My Son Away From His Biological Father?

Good Day Aunty Eya
My name is..........; I am  28 Years of age. I fell pregnant some years ago , when  I told the man responsible  , he told me to  abort as he was not ready for the responsibility and couldn’t marry me .   

I decided to keep the baby ,he  wasn’t happy with my decision,he refused to meet any of my family members and eventually dumped me .

After my son was born he apologised and promise to take responsibility, but it
was just a struggle for him to love the boy,  he never had any interest on his child , he would go for months without seeing or providing for him, he would rather spend his time and money on woman rather than on  his son and he eventually disappeared, 

by God’s grace I had a good job and I was able to provide for  my boy who is now 4 years old and the best thing that has ever happened to me ,and the last time he saw his dad was when he was  just a year old .
I got married to an amazing man who accepted my son as his own and has been a wonderful father to my son ,most people don’t know that he is not his biological father,  but now baby daddy has recently started disturbing me , demanding that his son should come and stay with him

I personally want nothing to do with my son’s dad, I cannot even imagine giving him custody of our son and I don’t think that being a biological father gives him the right to walk in and out of our son’s life whenever it suits him I have pretended that he doesn’t exist all this while. I have a wonderful marriage and I wouldn’t  want this man to come and mess it up for me

Pls Aunty Eya I need advice on the matter, would I be a terrible mother if I kept my son away from his biological father?

Regards ,


  1. Anonymous7/23/2013

    The same thing happened to my aunt.In her case, they were married but he threw her out of the house when she was 7 months pregnant.This stupid man did not even want to know if his child was alive. After 8 years I tried to contact him so that I can adopt the son whom I have been taking care of and bring him to Manchester with me. Now he is going about saying that we took the child from him.. I am so scared that he may try to kidnap the boy. Why are people so inconsiderate?

  2. I tink u shld talk to ur husby in2 legally adopting ur boy. As 4 d fada, gud riddance 2 bad rubbish. Ur son alrdy has a dad. Som men nd der fish brain tho.

  3. Anonymous7/23/2013

    I don't know what country you are in as it makes a difference legally. Did you put the his name on the birth certificate? I will say find a way to get your current husband to adopt your son that way the baby daddy will have no legal claim until the boy is over 18 and or decides he wants him in his life. Clearly the man is irresponsible and has no deep love for your son.

  4. sexyeyes7/23/2013

    No way.dnt let him hv ur son especially if he is married to another woman. Tell him wat u started u want 2 finish far as u were alone all tru d period f pregnancy till u gv birth n now u want 2 continue. Pls dnt evn let him come close. Change ur no n all he cn use 2 contact u. If u hd aborted the child wuld he be asking by now?.pls lets say no to run away fathers. Lol

  5. Anonymous7/23/2013

    Its simple my dear! He had never shown interest n not capable of having d child. As long as the child does not bear his name, he has no bases n pray ur husband doesn't chnge his mind abut d boys patanity. Do u v a child for him yet?

  6. Pls, keep ur son away from this man. Discuss with your husband. when ur son is old enough, u can tell him he had a biological dad, but dnt allow the man any where ur son abeg!

  7. Yes i agree with Ivy and others.Get ur husband to legally adopt ur son and u have to be fast about it, also keep him off his father till he is 18yrs.

  8. Dear Lady,
    I support getting your DH to adopt him as his son LEGALLY and please do so asap but this man won't give up just like that. Just be prepared!

    This reminds me of a story I heard of a lady who got pregnant and wasn't ready to care for the child as she wanted to move to another state.

    Her mother took it upon herself to be responsible for the child but made her daughter sign on paper that she had transferred her responsibility on the child to her mother(the child's grandmother).

    Years later, she wanted her child with her. She went back to her mother to ask for her child but the mom brought out the paper she signed years ago to remind her that she willingly handed over the child to her and so she couldn't have the child back.

  9. Anonymous7/23/2013

    Since the real father has come bck I don't think u shld allow ur new husband adopt ur son.
    I jst don't feel its right.
    My best advise to u is to speak to a gd lawyer. U can legally ve sole custody of ur son. But don't allow ur new husband adopt him.
    Just work with a lawyer cos u don't know what ur ex can do legally to u, am speaking frm experience.

    1. Anonymous7/24/2013

      I'm a lawyer, and ur nt speaking from experience. @poster, pro bono, lemme offer u legal advice. Since ur ex was not married to u in any way, under the marriage act or customary law, he cannot claim d child now and his case wil be flung out as it wil be vexatious and frivolous. 2) he had knowledge of d preg and preceding birth and never assed responsibility according to ur stated fact 3) that bein said, u never at anytime received child support from him to imply acceptance on his part. The boy is a minor, a toddler and its in his best interest to stay with his mother who has singlehanded ly provided for him in d absence of d sperm donor. I knw in customary law in most places, a child born out of wedlock belongs to d unmarried woman and her family. No dowry has been paid on ur head. Ur husband is d father of d child. If d boy can b comprehended he can b fine tuned to say in camera that his daddy is ur husband and he wants u and ur husband. This is easier if u hv another kid and he is close to d baby. Separating siblings is difficult. If ur husband is comfortable of cus the court wld look at that.ost importantly, if u can establish that ur ex is not financially stable, or in a stable marital relationship as the child requires a family unit. As others hv said, hurrily go to d welfare office and get ur hubby adopt ur son legally. This is easier esp wen his birth cert bears no fathers name too even if it did, but no signature was affixed. Ur his birth mother, and d birth was outside wedlock customarily or under d act, u have all d right to ur baby in d refusal of d biological father to assume responsibility. I dnt knw every single detail, hope ur clear on this issue now. It wil also b helpful to provide evidence that ur son has bore ur husband's name since marriage.

  10. Anonymous7/23/2013

    That a man started off as a bad father does not mean u shld write him off if he's willing to change. U don't ve to give ur son to him but he shld be allowed to see him once in a while.
    U son may not forgive u if he finds out that he's biological dadwanted to reconnect with him and u frustrated it.
    No one knows tomorrow.

    1. Anonymous7/23/2013

      I quite agree wt u. they can work out an arrangement that suits all parties involved.

  11. Anonymous7/23/2013

    Don't mind the fool of a man! Most likely, its an ego thing for him becos u are now married and happy and ur hub is being a good dad to his son. Keep him far away at least until u are convinced of his intentions. Some men r simply sperm donors and not fathers.

  12. Anonymous7/23/2013

    Ma dear, ma advice 2 u is dat u keep d child far away frm his biological father 4 now till when he grows up,then u disclose d whole situation surrounded his birth to him. By so doing, he'll decides on what to do. U can't deny a man his blood whatsoever. Evn ur concient wud nt be free,forget about the past n face d future.

  13. Poster ur baby father might have changed in the last 4yrs although his story sounds like he is unlikely to change.

    Give him this one last chance by you both comming up with an arrangement that will suit both of you for him to have contact once or twice a month. I don't which country u are but I would have suggested u arrange this through a legal suoervised contact centre or have a written and signed agreement with a good family law lawyer.
    If he then does not stick to the arrangements without reasonable reasons then please get ur hubby to legally adopt your son.
    Please be sure that this is what your hubby REALLY wants and he is not pressured into it. Your hubby being a good father to ur son is a less huge responsibility than Legally ADOPTING him which he deep down might not want to.
    All the best poster.

  14. Anonymous7/23/2013

    my dear in as much as i agree with people that are saying u shud come to some sort of arrangement with the father, if the man is the kind of person i think he is , he just might elope with the child on one of those visits. please don take that risk. let ur hubby adopt him. wen he is old enough den u can explain evrythin to him.

  15. Anonymous7/23/2013

    I feel where you are coming from on this. On one hand, this man is nothing but a sperm donor, and when all the hard work has been completed and you did not fall in the gutter he now wants to come back on the scene like nothing happened. He could geniuinely be getting pricked by his conscience and wants to have a releationship with the child. On the flip side, he could be making power moves to bring discord to your home.

    I can't tell you what to do. All I can say is whatever you choose to do make sure your son is safe and happy.


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