Should I Talk With My Friend Or Her Husband?

Good Evening Aunty Eya and my fellow readers, my name is *******,  I am in a dilemma and in need of urgent advice. I'm a reader of this blog who leaves comments as anonymous cos of my Job policies. My friend is married to a very stingy man and I know this because we talk about our marriages.

Thrice, on different occasions I have seen her husband with this
same babe. He doesn't know I saw them. The very first time, we were together with my hubby who asked me to mind my business. The second and third time, I did not disclose to my husband but I am worried for my friend. I never supported people who report things that are capable of breaking marriages but now that it affects me, I don't know if talking is better than keeping quiet. This younger lady I see him with looks quite expensive and I hope she is not the reason he is stingy to my friend.

This matter is troubling me a lot, her husband and mine are not that close, my husband thinks women like gossip that's why I can't tell him again but I want to help my friend. Please I need advice on how I can help my BF.

Should I report her husband to her? Should I have a talk with her or just keep praying for her marriage?


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Comments

  1. Pls dnt say a word o. B4 u spoil ha marriage or ur friendship. Nxt tym jst make sure d man sees u. Aldoh dt myt evn mak him tel his wives 2 keep away frm u. U r rily in a dilemma

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Ivy..LMAO...Ʊ just complicated the issue......Ʊ gave a solution buh ended up ruining it..LMAO.

    @poster, let the man see Ʊ as Ivy suggested buh keep mum about it 2 ur BF.

    The man would expect Ʊ 2 tell ur BF buh wil be shocked Ʊ didn't cos she won't act it out.....and he might just retrace his steps.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mz Tee7/05/2013

    Spilling depends on the type of person your friend is. If she's d type that wd handle it maturely without involving you. Then I say let her know by all means. If she's the type that would over react and squeal on you, my sister hold ya peace oh! Marriage magana no be small thing. Being in the middle won't be pleasant to you nor your hubby. Tough decision though. Good luck to you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmmm.. This is a a tough one.. Telling your friend depends on the type of person she is.. How do u think she can handle d situation? You also have to be very sure of what u saw? What If she's his colleague @ work or something..

    In all, what matters is how u present the whole thing, don't give her the impression that her husband is cheating on her,just tell her u sometime see her husband with a particular lady and YES,I think u should tell her,but u have to be careful how u present the whole thing..She's ur best friend, she deserves to know but u just have to becareful on how u present the whole thing.. U have to use Ogbon Agba.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Again I'll say, 95% of men cheat... Who know's if even ur hubby might be a pro in pretense. Do not spoil her marriage with ur unsolicited info.

    If all women suddenly know today what their hubbies have done behind them or even if all men too know the same about their women ask me which marriage will be left in the world.

    We all have sinned and have come short of being loved and respected, but we still get it, life must go on.



    Nuff.... Said!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ace, enough with the 95% of men... I'm beginning to think you fall into that category with the way you keep repeating this statistics.

      Those who cheat, I hope they have thought of the reasons they will give GOD on judgement day for their acts.

      Delete
    2. Ruby b4 nko. E don tey wey I kno say Ace cannot b faithful. He always says all men cheat, that's men for you, it allowed, bla bla bla.
      Ace I like and respect who you are generally but I strongly dislike ur anti-feministic views and the fact that u think its ok for men to cheat.
      I hope ur gf, partner abi na wife is not a mugu and she can 'stand up' for herself.

      Delete
    3. Hehehehe! @Lizzy & Rubynnia!

      I am a man oooo, I have friends, uncles, relatives, aunts who are married, neighbors, cousins, colleagues and men of God around me and who's stories I know.

      Telling the truth doesn't mean I'm above it. If you judge me by my analysis you are only stabbing reality.

      Lemme give examples...

      I worked with an advertising agency in lagos and in all my years there about 95% of the men (esp. d married 1's) either had flings with models that we casted for billboard/print ads or dated fresh graduate co-staff. Even a matured staff indicted the MD of almost raping her while on official duty in Abuja, the born again(s) were even the worse.

      I have a friend who got married last year... What can you say about 2 girls who attended his wedding but currently sleeping with him. 1 is a colleague of his & the other an ex-school mate! Both of them av relationship problems.

      Lastly, the wiring of a male brain moves faster to seduction. You see all this leggings of now aday's ehn, they can rewire a born again's head. In essence society is making it impossible to reduce temptation. Facebook, bbm, twitter, smoothies, whatsapp, naijapings and so on.

      There's no justification for cheating but just like the biblical david's case, he was temted by what he saw or can a prisoner cheat?


      Let's do this test... (Post result next week) pick a bible, rosary, scapula, anointing oil, mantle... Give it to ur hubby and make him swear that from the day you met him (not marriage day ooo) to this day if he hasn't cheated.


      Nuff'Said...

      Delete
    4. Ace you are just a case sha! Lol @give your husband rosary, scapular, anointing oil ...

      The problem with the way you say it is that you always say the 95% thing like it's a right. Just cos the 95% you know are doing it, doesn't make it a norm or a law and it definitely doesn't make it as viral as you want to make it seem.

      And Lizzy is also right. Your comments at times are somewhat anti-feminine.

      Delete
    5. @Jay... I got ur point 100%...
      But note, I'm note here to hold brief for women, the day I become that I'll stop commenting here!

      My role here is to speak from a man's POV. It will be effeminate for me to do otherwise, balance sometimes makes us see why some things go wrong.

      Like sister will say... Should I began to do "ooooooh, aaaaaah, wooooooah" on every issue that concerns a woman cos I want to support women.


      Just my position!

      Delete
    6. To also add... That I talk of this 95% is not to spite or to mock.. It's just to keep you aware!

      There are some men than can never be caught, if you not on alert and careful you might get unwanted infections. Some men change only after their caught... Some won't change but atleast you can deprive him sex to save ur life only after you are privy to his wrong way's

      Lastly... I am not a saint, I can't even vouch for my won temptation. At least, I'm human.

      Delete
    7. Anonymous7/07/2013

      @ Ace, well spoken. The ladies want to hear a man's point of view but when it is given, the giver will be called anti-feminist. As if they are not acting feminist! This is exactly why I don't comment on this blog.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous7/05/2013

    Dear Poster I suggest you send her a message with a new SIM card or through a new yahoo or Facebook account that cannot be traced to you..Try to make the message very explanatory and a bit personal so even tho she cannot trace it to you,she'll know it was sent by someone who knows and cares about her..Hopefully she'll confront her husband and he'll open up to her (I doubt he will sha cos Men are LIARS)
    She deserves to know why her hubby is being selfish..IMO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/05/2013

      Love ur idea.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/05/2013

      YES THATS A GOOD IDEA,WIT SIM CARDS BEING SO CHEAP THESE DAYS U CAN AFFORD TO BUY ONE AND TEXT HER WITH ALL THE DETAILS.LET HER KNOW ITS NOT GOSSIP OR HEAR SAY BUT THAT U DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS A HOME BREAKER THAT'S WHY U R EMPLOYING THE METHOD

      Delete
    3. Priscy7/05/2013

      Very good idea

      Delete
    4. i'm so in support of this idea. inform her. as anonymous

      Delete
    5. Am buying this idea!

      Delete
    6. Anonymous7/07/2013

      And in turn, potentially destroy the peace and harmony in her home! Women sha! Wanting to know all when you can't handle it.

      Delete
  7. Why does she need to know her hubby is cheating? What will she do with that info? Will her knowing stop the man from cheating? Poster, do u know what ur hubby does behind ur back. Abeg let sleeping dogs lie biko. If u love ur friend so much pls advice and encourage her to be empowered financially. That way she's not bothered by her hubby's philandering attitude.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/05/2013

      Sometimes, its just good to know.. What if the hubby comes home with herpes or AIDS? at that point, what will being empowered financially do?.. plus if she knows and shes a smart woman,she can know how to handle the situation.. My mum was in d same situation, thank God she knew early,it wasn't easy.. The other woman went spiritual and all but God was faithful. It really a very long story.

      Truth is,let her know o but the plan is not for her to pack out of her husbands house, the plan is for her to make her husband understand he is ment for her and her alone..

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/05/2013

      Y won't she be bothered? She shld wait till d man gives her hiv abi? Smh for ur type, u are d reason why men think its no big deal to cheat...

      Delete
  8. Anonymous7/05/2013

    Its good to keep mum,but what if she keeps mum and her friend's hubby infects her wiv HIV or even STD dt doesn't go away on time? How wud she be able to face her friend then knowing fully well she knew her hubby was cheating? I know someone whom her hubby infected with genital herpes,pls google and know what genital herpes is abeg. Now am not an advocate of men cheating,but if these men cheat and protect themselves cos they remember they ve gat innocent wives at home,then it wud ve been kk not to squeal,buh most of them are so careless so loveless that they shook their 3rd leg in any hole without being protected,whether smelly or fishy. Pls poster pray and find a way to make ur friend know,if possible find a way to talk to d hubby directly and beg him to change his ways,tell him ur friend wud neva hear from u,but he shd pls change his ways and take good care of his family.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ poster, if d situation were to b reversed would u want ur friend to tell u? think of dis very well bfor u take any decision.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Her hubby may naturally be a stingy person.The best advise you can give to ur BF is for her to focus on herself.take proper/good care of herself and kids(if any). if she isnt working @ d moment,she should look for something to keep herself busy to earn her little income.

    like Ace previously said. 95% of men cheat,its so true.If u keep on sniffing on ur hubby,my dear b4 u knw it, u have forgotten all about yourself and kids.

    Sakiyeofori....no time!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Owk lemme help you out dear. Just do it this way.
    When next u see them in an eatery or any spot. Just call the wife this way.
    Hello Sandra I just saw you and your hubby smilling and kissing,nawao and u just did like u don't know me.
    Are we quarelling? And this is not the first time you're doing this.
    Saw you both at the boutique the other day,later you'll claim he's stingy and doesn't give you anything.
    Then she'll ask u the location,ga ga ga gaaaam! Movie don start.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww Bonario! That's mean! Personally I would approach the hubby in question & give him a stern warning! If her persists, then I would definitely let the cat outta the bag!

      Lucinda

      Delete
    2. Awww Bonario! That's mean! Personally I would approach the hubby in question & give him a stern warning! If her persists, then I would definitely let the cat outta the bag!

      Lucinda

      Delete
    3. Priscy7/05/2013

      loooooooooooool....
      That's another way o.

      I caught my friends bf cheating in her, wen I told her she didn't believe and said I was jealous of her relationship bcoz I was single. I didn't bother again. She later caught him after some months and after he had passed some STDs to her.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous7/05/2013

    Aunty Eya y did u delete my comment naa? So wuh happened to d HIV and genital herpes thingy cum some men deeping deir third leg in any hole whether fishy or smelly? What's wrong wiv dat? So its kk for pple to use words like slut and insult each other till kingdom come here,but when it comes to commenting the hard core truth u come here and delete!!! Am seriously eyeing u wiv BB face o,if not that I like ur gentleness and good heart I would have called u out in a diff manner ooooo. #okbye# tongue out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so funny.Your comment is there.Check well.

      Delete
  13. Anonymous7/05/2013

    I W̶̲̥̅̊ȋ̊ƪƪ advice U̶̲̥̅̊ not to tell ЧЯ friend cos Ȋ̝̊†̥ Çα̲̅ŋ backfire Ąπϑ pipo might start seeing U̶̲̥̅̊ as an enemy Ȋ̝̊†̥. Çα̲̅ŋ even bring problem fφя̩̥̊ U̶̲̥̅̊ I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ ЧЯ marriage. S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴͡ pls mind ЧЯ biz.EPHY

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous7/05/2013

    Its possible your friend knows already and has decided to hold her peace.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anon 2;23 your comment may have gone to the spam box. I will check and repost if its there. EYA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/05/2013

      Fenks Aunty Eya for reposting my comment,I love the fact that you care and listen to ur readers,plenty hugs ve a great weekend.

      Delete
  16. I knw a man dat gave his new wife hiv. There marriage lasted 4 4yrs, d man died first, the woman died 2yrs later. My dear ur husband dat is tellin u dat women likes gossip, follow him up, check if he is cheatin too and go get condoms 2 protect urself cos even if u catch him red handed, he will nvr stop unless by miracle. In d case of ur friend, use one of d technique someone mentioned, inform her either codedly or as anonymous, but the main thing is LET HER KNOW. She can nw take her own decision on hw 2 handle her straying hubby

    ReplyDelete
  17. Next time u c d man wit babe just approach him and tell him to stop else his wife will b informed

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous7/05/2013

    Before anything, just consider your friend's state of health and if you and your family would help her, should incase the issue get out of her control.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous7/05/2013

    Men cheat! Men cheat! Do they ever tink of d judgdement day where they will stand alone b4 God n answer 2their deeds,so many of them die during d act without repentance where will there soul go? Let them remember its jst 5mins pleasure but d end result is eternal, ur cheating on urself n not on ur wife cos on d last day she makes heaven if she is clean while u rot in hell, these girls don't even tink about themselves u slept wit a married man, on ur way home u had an accident n died on d spot where will ur soul go? Let d men see beyond d immediate pleasure n take d commandment thou shall not commit adultery serious cos God was not joking when he made dat law.there are dire consequences....he can't be mocked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear,
      Thou art highly and mightily blessed and favour!

      I'm happy to know someone shares my view.

      Anytime I hear of men/women cheating, what first comes to my mind is: what will they say to GOD on judgement day?

      Delete
  20. London babe7/06/2013

    If I were in you shoes I would spill the beans! (story) my aunt has been married for 17 yrs! Despite the fights and quarrels he still cheated on her! He got infected with the virus and never told her! fortunately for her she was cleaning his room and she stumbled across the results. In her confused state she ran to my mum with what she had discovered, both went to the hospital for check up and went six months after. As God would have it, she was medically ok! The bible says be ur brothers keeper, is it when you friend tells you she has the virus that u start pinching your self saying "had I known" telling a lady her husband is cheating On her is a difficult task but she needs to know! Imagine the scene- ada is sleeping with Paul, Paul is sleeping with funke, funke is sleeping with Timothy is sleeping with chika! Hmmmmmm, one has to be careful oh HIV is not maleria.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Desire7/06/2013

    It depends on how close/ tight your friendship is with ur friend. I'll go with the coded anonymous suggestion whichever way sha. Because I think your friend has the right to know so she knows how to plan for her future.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous7/06/2013

    Well we have private investigator in Nigeria too, if u can afford one let em do the job on ur behalf and drop off whatever they get to her annonimously, or u make video of her hubby with d babe and look for a way she can see it without u coming in except she calls u for advice! But my dear DO NOT SPILL WATER talkless BEANS!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Chukwunonso7/06/2013

    Save your Money.Just dont let the man see you.First pray about it,it may be that your friend is even aware but shes is ignoring it, and you telling her is like rubbing salt on injury.Get a CAMERA SHOT OF THE MAN AND HIS BABE IF YOU CAN...Dont get caught doing that.Print it and send it to your friend and her husband Separately,but let it get to them the same day and at the same time when they both are seated together at home.You have done your best if you do that...Leave the rest.The Truth is Bitter but it is better.Dont analyze or your friend why or why not her man cheats...Like I said,Just pray at the end and tell her...its all right,just ignore the other woman and do y our thing to win your man back Dont fight him cos you will never win.Let her IGNORE HIM and let him know that you know.SILENCE WILL FRIGHTEN THE MAN BACK TO HER.

    ReplyDelete

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