My Mother And My Marriage, Should I Continue To Invite Her?

Hello Aunty Eya and wives connection readers, It's about my Mother, I don't know why but we are not close and the closeness is not even the issue right now. The story is long but I'll try to summarize where I can. 

My Mother visited when I had my baby 2 years back, before she left, we shopped very well for her. Not long after the omugwo visit, we asked her to come spend some time in Lagos with the family. She arrived at night and her luggage was taken to her room before I came out to greet her. A few days after she came, my Parents In-law too come down to see the baby and it was all fun cos the house was full and chatty.

About a week after my mom's arrival, I went searching for a misplaced item and entered her room to check (Normally she is always with me and baby or
we sit in the sitting room. She only went into her room to bathe or sleep). I saw only a torn Ghana-must-go back in the room with her items in it and had to immediately call her attention. She explained that she gave her box and bags to my siblings when they were leaving for School after the Holidays. These siblings live in the same village I lived as a student then, where there are lots of things to do during the holidays and earn money, "I did work hard every long Vacation to save and get a few items while our farmer parents paid only the fees and other bills. 

When she said she gave all her bags, including the one hubby and I just gave her during the Omugwo visit to my younger ones, I was angry. I remembered going to work on peoples' farms during holidays and getting myself those kind of items at least to reduce the stress on our poor parents. I expressed my disappointment and told her that she actually embarrassed hubby and me by travelling 10 hours with a torn Ghana-Must-Go bag. I felt bad about how my driver and others who took her luggage in that night would have felt about me.

 She got angry. Her understanding being that I shouldn't have complained about her giving stuff I bought her to my sibling. The talk ended. No one was around when this happened. 

A few days later, hubby returned from his trip and when everyone was seated in the sitting room watching TV at night, she raised the matter, telling my husband that she wanted to leave that night I complained. When asked why, she explained in a long story how I got angry because she gave "our" bags to her other children, explained how the Ghana must go bag she brought is OK, just that the zipper pulled off and it tore when the  driver came to pick her at the park. She said that she was only waiting for them to return from their trip so she'll explain and leave back to meet her husband.

My Father In Law looked at me, cos he had so much respect for me and we were really close. I could tell him anything cos he was a true caring Father. My mother continued, and explained how I had been a very stubborn child right from small, how I lived a kind of carefree life and always disobeyed her instructions. While she talked, I couldn't bear it again and bursted into tears. She then stood up, enterd her room and in their presence brought out almost everything in the biggest Ghana must go ( They were actually wears I had been buying for her) She went to my room and dumped them on my bed that for disrespecting her, she would no longer take anything from me. All pleadings fell on deaf ears that night and the next day she travelled back home together with my in-laws who were also leaving that morning.

I understand while on their trip, they tried to talk to her about her behavior towards me back in Lagos and seeing that they blamed her, she completely opened my ynash as in whether true or lies o, she didn't care, in a bid to justify her actions. She said a lot about me again to them and just devalued me before my in-laws.

Ok, after she left, the atmosphere was kind of tensed and I also told hubby how  I never felt loved by my mother growing up and he believed cos he was shocked at her reaction just because I complained about her appearance despite our efforts. He promised to talk with  her on his next visit to the village.

 On that next visit he met her happy and expressed his disappointment about the way she left us. He is a very blunt man and told her there and then that he feels she doesn't love his wife like her other children. He told her that he feels a mother cannot react that way to a child she really loves.  That made her feel guilty and while trying to "wash her face", she said a lot of unnecessary things that my husband began to use against me. When there is a little misunderstanding, he quickly blames me, saying that even my mother believes I'm not a good person.

On the side of my Father In Law, our relationship is no longer the way it used to be. I blame my mother for this strain. It's no longer flowing like father and daughter the way we used to gist, laugh aloud and make everybody jealous. Though everything is now settled, she collected her items back, I still pay her allowance but there is a void. I don't feel comfortable inviting mother down anymore. She has come again like twice but there is something missing. I am trying too hard to be careful not to provoke her. I practically walk on egg shells when she visits. 

She did other unacceptable things to us anyway which she later realized and asked for our forgiveness. She is forgiven but I am now confused as to how to relate. I can't forget how I used to relate with my in-laws which I don't think I can get back again. She did not destroy my marriage but succeeded in causing some irreversible harm cos of her too much talk.

My question now is should I continue to bring her over or just  send allowances while she stays there at home? I need some serious advice on this matter please. It's really affecting me each time I remember.

Should my mother continue to visit?

Comments

  1. Anonymous7/17/2013

    I carry God beg you. Let her park far far away from your door mot. I understand that she is your mum but you have your own life to live. Let her know what effect her ways have had on you marriage. Send her allowance and take good care of her but keep her away from your husbands family as much as possible. It is already too late to worry about what stand to take. Make sure hat whatever you do is the best for you and your future and don't worry about
    Whose ox is gored.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't have a mother. She should not visit just because of sme misunderstandings?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Respect and love shld be reciprocated, a good mother would want the best for her child and not go out of her way to disgrace and cause problems for her..it dosnt matter who it is, if anybody will cause u Any type of doscomfort in your own house, he/she shld stay away.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Choi! Same thing happened to me but in different form. Only God will help us all. I don't relay with her the way I use to anymore. Breaks my heart but God is all I have and I put my all trust in him.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous7/17/2013

      A WISE MOTHER NEVER THROWS THE DIRTY BATH WATER AWAY WITH THE BABY INSIDE!

      Anonymous 3:38pm

      Delete
  2. Let her be for now if another baby come if yu like invite her if yu are not comfortable let her be.the allowance is enough has daughter to mother. Pls live happy and inner peace wȋ̊ℓℓ give you that don't let your mum give yu BP abeg

    ReplyDelete
  3. Desire7/17/2013

    I blame you. How much is the bag you are complaining about? If you really love your mum and siblings, I don't think you should complain abt her giving them your bags and you should never be ashamed of your mum no matter what she's carrying. Am very sure the drivers and co ure thinking about did not even notice mama's bags.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Queen Of The Coast Reloaded7/17/2013

      Well said!however ur mama no be am at all and I will advise u declare her persona non grata in ur home.
      Anon agadi nka from yesterday am still in a hurry .ciao

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Yawns

      Delete
    3. queen of The coast killer7/17/2013

      Yawning

      Delete
    4. Queen Of The Coast Reloaded7/17/2013

      Queen of d whole world
      Beautiful mama
      Sexy gurl
      Anon keep yawning till u cross over
      Buhahahahahaha and pls add ur famous line otele mmiri mmiri it tickles me.wink*

      Delete
    5. Sikirat Sindodo7/17/2013

      HRM,my Queen,pls d governor is asking for a photo session with u and we ve repeatedly told him u are very busy but he insist,my Queen should we tell him to take a hike.
      QOc;tell d governor to give me 30 mins dear I need to powder my nose,yes ur majesty

      Delete
    6. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Snoring and farthing

      Delete
    7. Queen Of The Coast Reloaded7/17/2013

      Anon 4:14 pls reduce ur beans intake biko b4 u disgrace ur self in d public of igwemmandu
      Winks*pls say otele mmiri mmiri biko it makes me laugh

      Delete
    8. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Desire do you really know what you are talking about? Its often easy to blame others but I am you you have not acted differently. She was right to do that. Dear i think that woman is far from being a mother. please let her stay in her own home, if you have any thing to give her pay it into her account.

      Delete
    9. Anonymous7/17/2013

      @Desire, stop showing your ignorance here with your comments!
      Don't know how children found their way to WC.

      Delete
    10. Anonymous7/17/2013

      She is not a good mother. Just keep her at an arm's length. Dnt mind people who would support what is wrong!

      Delete
    11. Desire7/18/2013

      @ anon 5:48, you must be really stupid for your comment. And for anon 4:37, since I don't know wat am talking about, you might care to enlighten me. How can a good and kind hearted woman make an issue out of her mother giving her siblings things simply because she was a hustler when she was single. Na wa o.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous7/17/2013

    Desire pls be realistic and put urself in her shoes before advising. Who says driver and others won't gossip about the bag?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Ask her!
      We have 3 drivers and 2 maids and they talk about everything that goes on in my family!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Anon 6.26 Liar liar

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Anon 3.43 Liarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

      Delete
    4. Queen Of The Coast (OME IFE UKWU)7/17/2013

      Y do u guys think she is lying
      I ve more than 45 vehicles and 15 drivers its no big deal abeg
      U can't afford it does not mean someone else can't.where is my anon BFF otele mmiri mmiri loollzz

      Delete
    5. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Am lying because i said we have 3 drivers and 2 maids? I laugh in Spanish!
      Tell them OFC!
      I am so surprised at this outburst! 3 drivers and 2 maids is less than 250k a month, and we have a family distribution business! smh @ such ignorance!

      Delete
    6. Desire7/19/2013

      Wat is d advise I gave her o?

      Delete
  5. Anonymous7/17/2013

    Pls someone help with ukwa recipe. Am not Ibo but i love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Soak the ukwa in water prio to cooking, then cook the ukwa till almost soft..add akanwu(dunno wat it is called in Eng)leave it to boil a little more, then add pepper, palm oil and maggi/know cubes..live for abt 5 mins then turn the ukwa..yum...mee

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Its called potash

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Am not Ibo but married one. I prepared mine just like beans outside how its done in Enugu when i was newly married and hubby loved it so much. Wash and remove dirts/stones. Boil like you would boil beans until almost tender, add pepper, may be 1 or 2 bulbs of grated tomato,seasoning cube, salt and palm oil and allow to boil and mix properly. taste for salt and serve. I dont normally add akanwu (potash) to mine and it still gets softed.

      Delete
    4. A good ukwa does not need maggi o bikonu, correct igbo chicks should bail me out here, just like fio fio u don't add maggi, if u must add just little. Just like ofe oha and onugbu dat don't need onions cuz of d ogiri).
      Wash ur ukwa and boil, add potash(akaun); this is to mk it soft faster dan normal and it adds its own kind of taste too. Wen d ukwa is almost soft u add oil(not too much cuz ukwa too has oil), pepper,cray fish,dry fish,bitter leaf and ogiri. Put ur salt taste and turn it wen d water is almost very dry. This is how I cook my own as Ada Anambra wey I be.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous7/18/2013

      Neither does a good ukwa require crayfish..everybody's method of cooking differs. Don't knock another persons method cos it dosnt conform to urs..

      Delete
  6. Hello Poster,

    I think you should visit your mum. Not call her on the phone but visit her and have a heart to heart talk with her.

    From what I've read, your issues with your mum run deep and didn't just start. Tell her everything, don't shout or be rude about it because no matter what, she gave you life. But let her know how you've hurted from her treatment in the past and how its affecting your marriage and your relationship with your in laws now. Open up to her and don't leave anything unsaid. Tell her you love her so much and want the best relationship between both of you. You'll probably really cry but its part of the healing process and you should both feel better.

    If all goes well after that, she's in the best position to talk to your husband, she needs to let him know that she spoke out of context and you're not a bad person. He can in turn speak to his parents to clear the air.

    Hope this helps

    All the very best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Gbam...

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/18/2013

      MrsB.........best comment

      Delete
  7. Anonymous7/17/2013

    Dear poster, I fully understand your situation bcos I'm in same kind of situation. It has got to the extent that I'm scared and wary 2 bring boyfriends to introduce to my mum bcos I feel she will embarrass me/talk bad about me which she always does for no reason.and none of her lies are true bcos I am well behaved. My boyfriend will soon want to come and meet the family but I'm so nervous as to how my mum will present herself. I have decided to call my uncle, her older brother first before introductions start happening so he can talk sense into her. I pray and fast that her madness will not be displayed on my introduction day so that I can leave her house for her.
    The problem with my mum is that she prefers my other siblings and she never hides that fact. I'm on the reserved side and she doesn't understand that. I hav no closeness to her bcos all she does is scream and shout at my age 27, calls me devil, evil and swears for me and my unborn children and also demand(not ask) for money as if I earn 1000000naira monthly. She fails to study her kids and gossips negatively about me to anyone she sees. All I do is ignore her and pray that she behaves and let me get married and get out. After which, she is on her own. No omugwo. I can't bear that. I had had enough and my God knows it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/17/2013

      The problem is YOU! You don't even deserve your mum. How would you feel if your own daughter says stuffs like these about you? I'm sure you have been insulting her before she started her own. May God have mercy on you.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      I have never insulted her before. I'm quiet to the extent that I don't even quarrel with my siblings. I respect her and take all her rubbish. I even buy things for her to reduce her anger. I have tried everything but her hatred for me is within. A mother that will curse her daughter in front of her friends for no reason is what I don't understand. So don't say what you don't know if you haven't been in this situation

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/17/2013

      @Anon 9:26 You do realise that many parents have their favourite children and are not ashamed to show it, right? This is actually very common. I wouldn't be surprised if her mother doesn't get along with her father, it usually is like that. @Anon 7:31, you already have a good idea. Just talk with your sane family members and they will know what to do to tame her for the day. I wish you well. You will not be disgraced in Jesus' name. Your husband will never find a fault in you that your mother pointed out. In Jesus' name. Don't mind that anon9:26. Our culture protects elderly sooo much that even when they are clearly wrong, you are not allowed to let them know like you would any other person. You just have to carry the blame. It's so annoying.

      Delete
    4. Dear Lady,
      I totally understand you because I know of someone whose mother does something similar to her though not the extent that your mom does.

      Do you look like your dad and does she get along with him? I asked because some mothers behave like this when the daughter happens to be the husband's favourite, carbon copy or he did something they simply can't forget and transfer the dislike they harbour for the husband to the daughter.

      What's your father's take in all of this? My concern for you is to start rejecting and cancelling every curse and negative word she has EVER spoken to you and unborn children till date.

      Anytime she starts with the negative words, in your heart, begin to reject and cancel in IJN.

      I commend you for having your sanity intact all these years and please don't lose it. I beg you please don't!

      Does your fiance know about your mother's attitude towards you?
      Is there someone in your family that she respects a lot that can caution her? Such a person would help a lot during your introduction.

      Don't be surprised if she wants your wedding to go according to the way she wants it after her attitude towards you.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous7/17/2013

      I'm actually in tears right now bcos this woman has really made my life hell ever since I was little. I find it hard 2 make friends and I will never bring a friend home. I find solace in myself. I enjoy being by myself. @Anon 12.06, thank you for your words.
      @Ruby. I always bind and cast her curses. I attend evening mass and fast just to rebuke this woman. There was once she was laying curses on me and for the first time out of anger I rebuked her in her face. I rejected her with prayers and she was shocked. I always pray against her curses and I hav promised myself to shower my kids with love and excess love. To love them equally.
      And yes I look like my daddy and dey had issues but he is late now.God bless his loving soul.
      I know its wrong but there are times I wished she was taken in place of my darling daddy. God forgive me.
      I hav reported her to her older brother who scolded her and said that whenever she does it again I should tell him.
      And no I havnt told my fiance and I don't plan telling him till after marriage bcos I don't know if it will scare him away. I can't wait to leave that house for her. I want peace in my life. I hav had enough.

      Delete
    6. Anonymous7/17/2013

      A mother that lay curses on her children is only hurting herself because they are from her loins.
      Get your uncles together and lay out your fears to them before the introduction,so they won't give her the chance to mess it up.
      Don't make the mistake of sending her for omugwo.

      Delete
    7. Dearest,
      You have to confront your fears. What will be will be. Please I beseech you to tell him; don't wait till you are married because you don't know what she will spring up against you before him.

      If he is yours, he won't leave you! I'm sure you have read below another lady whose mom made her life unbearable. She has told her guy all he needs to know and he's sticking with her no matter what.

      Men can be funny at times; if he gets to hear her unpleasant remarks about you without you informing him earlier, he might use it against you during a misunderstanding just like what happened to this poster.

      By doing that, you have the upperhand, so if she decides to denigrate you in his presence, he won't be moved because he has been informed beforehand.

      This is the mistake some parents make-having favourites. Please parents, love your children equally because you don't know which one will do you good in your old age.

      That favourite son/daughter might abandon you and the one you despise will be your helper.

      Delete
    8. Seriously am in tears now. Am not in ds mess bt I ve a friend whose mum treats like urs. Most times she questions her if she is truely her real mum in tears. I knw how u feel cuz ve watches her cried abt ds. May God help u over come this fear, and may none of her curses come to pass in jesus name. I pray God helps her to retrace her steps now befor its too late. @ ruby thanks for giving her a loving words of consel. I am touched serz.

      Delete
  8. Wow...life! While some complain about MIL, some complain of their own mothers. The deed has been done. Keep her at a distance for now. When you are comfortable about it, talk to her in private, then have a meeting with ur whole family including ir in-laws. Let there be moderator, like a respected older man or woman. Trash out all issues and move foward. But pls keep ur extended family a little far away from U. U have to protect ur marriage at all cost.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Yawns

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Am against getting d inlaws into d whole thing, talk to ur mum n ur own extended family don't involve inlaws ooo, let ur hubby do dat since those r his family... D most immportant thing here is talk to ur mum let her know how u feel n d ish she has caused in ur home, let her understand dat u didn't mean how she took d whole things n dat u wld appreciate it if she has any issues with u she shd not air it out when ur inlaws r dere or infront of pple dat she can talk to u abt it n punish u privately...

      Delete
  9. Anonymous7/17/2013

    I am an only child. When i was younger if i did something bad my mum would tell the whole world, i grew up in the uk my mum would call her sisters in naija and my granparents in the village amd tell them what i did kmt smh. She always beoadcasted my bad behaviour but my good behaviour she did not care. This continued for years. I tryed to talk to her to be her friend but she wouldnt listen she would shout at me and i just gave up. I brought a bf home she told him bad things about me in my presences, my daughter is this that and the other. I was fuming but i left it. Me n the boy brokeup because he would use her words against me. She did this to me many times and then decided she will chose who i marry lmao. She told the boy to bring a pic of himslf that she has my pic and she will take it somewhere and i will marry him, is that a good mother. Nobody should tell me she has my best interest at heart because that is just wicked, i am a child of God i dont deal or mix with darkness. My mum is wicked ! Period. So last year i cut her out of my life. I left town for her and change my number and i have had nothing but peace since. My mum is going around town telling tales about me and saying she did not wrong me. My stupid friend gave her my new number after i explained small to her what i faced but she was being a friend because i would do the same to her. After my friend confessed it was her that gave my mum my number i told her the real story of why i cut my mum off and she said i should keep running that my mum is wicked.

    I now have a wonderful man and i told him everything and he has said he is going nowhere and will marry me with or without my mum n dont care what his fam say. His fam accept me and are happy for me n him.

    Nigerians always say bible says honour your mother and father so your days may be long.... But that same chaper in verse 3 says DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN !!!!!!! But pple manipulate their children with verse 2.

    Well my mother will not see my children or meet my husband lai lai i cant let her spoil my home.
    I will send her money to look after herself but this will only be when she realises her mistake. Most of her friends call me n beg me for her when i tell them the full story and ask them do you treat your children like my mother treat me. The shut up and say they did not know this is what i faced from my mum.

    My adv poster is go and report your mother to your father or somr adults she respects and tell them she has spoilt things for you.

    Good luck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/17/2013

      My dear, u need to forgive her.. For your sake and for your children's sake.. U don't have to invite her to ur home or anything, but don't cut her off. She's still ur mother albeit a not so good one. A lot of our mums raised us the way the did and beat us out of frustration..they may have felt it was the right way at the time, but we know better now..forgive.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Anon 8.55 i have forgiven her but i dont want her in my life. I faced all this for 25 years. My mum and her sisters are wicked. My mum goes to naija weekly now to meet her sisters n they take her to one fake prophet and also babalawo things. Like i said i dont mix with darkness am a child of God. My children dont need her, she was never useful for me in the first place. Just last year before i cut her off she told me she will become a witch to stop me from marrying someone she did not choose for me lmao. Is that a mother?

      I dont want or need her wen i lived with her, we dont talk i just live in her house n she stays in her room n me in my room. I dont even eat her food because i know what her and her sister get up to.
      Now i live alone n pay my own rent and bills and i have peace of mind.

      Also if i tell you spiritual attacks i face from my mum n her sisters because i cut my mum off u go fear!

      Delete
  10. If she's truly your mom no matter what, no water can wash her away.... Irrespective, she'll always be the one who made that ultimate sacrifice to give you life.

    Sadly, her perception and response to issues is very bad but you accepting her genuinely will send a message to your inlaws who also have their "hidden dirty linen" that you're just human, one who would fight and make up.

    A provide goes thus: "the tongue & teeth fight, but yet make up".......
    NOTE: if you send a signal to ur inlaws that you and ur mom are "frenemies" they would use that against you...

    (1) Try to call her often right infront of ur hubby, laff, joke and play with her in his presence all the time so as to gradually correct all that wrong impression.

    (2) Women are bad or even worse at expressing love... Showing her a lot of love even if it's one-way. Iit would help you live lighter and it will help you both bridge the gap.

    (3) Lastly... Never ever despise your mom no matter what she's done wrong! Hmmmm, I know why I said this. The best way to loose it totally in life is to draw a line with your mom.



    Nuff'Said

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ace nice one! I love this!

      It's so easy to say 'cut her off'. But we are christians for heaven's sake. What would Jesus have us do? Poster please show your mom love. Most mothers do the 'talking bad about their kids' thing. My mum did it one certain time. I'd get pissed and all, but always try to defend myself and laugh and tell the people that she's just bluffing and likes saying the opposite of what I am. Did I care what they thought? I could really care less. If people care to know about you they shouldn't go with 'hear say' but get to know the real you. So, if your hub is now seeing the things your mom complained about? *coughs* dazz all. Talk to your hubby. He has his own issues and it aint got nothing to do with what your mom said. He should judge you by what he sees not what he heard.

      I blame you for complaining about your mom giving her bag to your siblings. Sorry honey, I'm with your mom based on your accounts. Have you learned to accept her the way she is? Have you talked to God about it? Have you talked to her about how you feel? Not by shouting and doing 'strong head' though. Have you tried to talk to your FIL on why you guys aren't so close anymore? Instead of blaming your mom for these changes, leave her out of it and go face the people involved. If they say it's over what she said, cry your eyes out, talk about her with love and explain yourself. They will respect you and talk to her on your behalf sef.

      Show her love and respect regardless. God help you with wisdom.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/18/2013

      Even the bible says that if our left hand bothers us we should cut it off. Lol

      Delete
    3. I think Ace has given you the best advice. My dear In-laws are never really your family, no matter how close you are. When the chips are down, your mum will be there for you.

      Delete
  11. Anonymous7/17/2013

    NNe biko, you have left your family now and you are part of a new family.Cut her off cos it is ur time to enjoy and build your marriage.


    Please WC family, please could you fill this short survey for a sister project.Thanks you---> http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/LC9LV7L

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous7/17/2013

    Poster biko call a family general meeting, make sure your in laws are present o. Ask your mum what you did wrong to her, allow her talk, don't argue with her.
    When she finishes, go on your knees, beg for her forgiveness and promise her that you will be a good daughter from thence forth. You need your mum as much as she needs you. Mind you, if you cut your mum off, you have as well cut off your siblings, and I'm sure you wouldn't want that to happen.
    Btw, you didn't say anything about your dad, is he also in support of what your mum does?
    Young ladies in the house, please respect your mums. I know of a lady that used to say all sorts of rubbish to her mum while growing up, now she is married but her mum is yet to forgive her fully.
    I'm sure this poster is not innocent as well, something must have triggered the hateful behaviours and all.
    #FamilyOverEverything

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous7/17/2013

    is it that some many pple dont understand the meaning of forgive or what. from the poster she has forgiven her and she is trying her best not to offend her as not to spark up more trouble.
    see the best u can do for some pple is to just let them be. i believe the poster love her mother and she is providing for her as much as she can, while her mother never show her love from childhood remember.
    my sister told me yesterday of a neighbour who died last week and they call his children (this man doest have friend he has fight and quarry with his family members, only few pple as in very few he relates with) their (his children) responds was family should bury him they are not interest bcos he didnt train them or take care of them. i remember one of the daughters will run away from home sleep on the street for days at mid-night (his house was in the bush as far from other houses and is centre within cementary) because of her fathers beating, till she was able to run to her mother in another state. if you ever had an abusive parent, you will really understand how this poster feel.
    moreso, even now she (posters mum) is trying to destroy her relationship with her in-laws. dear poster, keep her far and have peace in ur home. very important, bcos if anything happen to your marriage she will be the first to tell the whole world.

    i once had a landlord yound man, his question alway was why do some mothers love some of their own children more than the others, bcos his mother according to him, never loved him forget she gave birth to him and he is the one taking care of her, she will tell him openly he prefer his younger brother to him and doest love him and sees nothing good with what he does.

    just imagine what Anon. 8.44, went through in the hand of her mother.

    if you never had abusive parent, i congratulate you bcos you won't understand.

    Dear Poster please, again for your marriage sake be very careful with your mother, it doest mean u have not forgiven her or you don't love her but for your marriage and your sake be careful and relate with her wise. and always pray for her, this is the only solution, so God will soften her heart towards you so u two can bound like mother and daughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/17/2013

      Gbam Gbamer Gbamest very realistic comment.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/17/2013

      100 likes for this comment!


      Delete
  14. Anonymous7/17/2013

    @Poster, your mum can be compared to Patience Oziokwor (Muma G) in her roles in movies. Such mothers are hardly ever pleased. The best option is for you to TOLERATE HER EXCESSES. She is still your mother even if she were to be a witch! Its only good that can conquer evil or bad!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous7/17/2013

    A mother's love should be unconditional!
    No wise mother would open her daughter's secret to in-laws!
    What does she stand to gain?
    If the daughter's marriage break-down due to what she said, would she not be laughed at in the market square?

    @Poster, your mother didn't do well!
    She should have rebuked you privately in the room, and the matter ends there.
    My advice is that be sending her the allowance, and keep your distance away!
    Let her come for omugwo ONLY when you have another child because it is her right.
    No matter the offense of a child, A MOTHER NEVER THROWS THE BATH WATER AWAY WITH THE BABY INSIDE!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear Poster, first let me say that you shouldn't have raised such dust about your mum giving 'her' bags to your sibliings - yes, they were her bags, abi did you loan them to her? She is free to give them to whomever she pleases and tell me, which mother wouldn't want her children to have some good things.

    Yeah, yeah, you went through hell to put yourself through school - BIG DEAL!!! By your own admission, your parents couldn't afford to give you the extras, its not as if they deliberately denied you, is it? If you truly love your family members, you'd be happy to be in a position where you can offer them some relief. You should even count yourself lucky not to have relatives that are overly demanding, they only take what you give them.

    As per your mum's reaction, well, I guess overreaction runs in the family. She overreacted in the situation - which is wrong, but thank God you have forgiven her. Continue to be a good daughter to her, let her come over but don't expect to be best buddies with her. If you cut her off, you'd only be giving your husband and in-laws more reason to believe all that she said about you is true.

    Also continue to be yourself with your in-laws,with time they'll get over the matter and things will go back to the way they were.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was just going to type something similar when I saw your comment.
      That your mum gave out the bag you bought for her to your sibling what is the issue there? Couldn't you have just bought another for her as you sound like you can afford it. There is absolutely nothing wrong if you buy it 20 times for her.

      Yes she over reacted and am beginning to think that you must have got on her nerves so much that she decided to say such things about you. Stop the pretense with all this your good girl story I think you are just stubborn and not very caring to have caused your mother such hurt for her to say such things since she have never done such thing before.

      Abeg retrace your steps and ask her for forgiveness then you can now sit down and talk about I with her.

      Delete
    2. Desire7/18/2013

      Thank u. Very well said.

      Delete
  17. Anonymous7/17/2013

    If I buy something for my mum to use and look nice like other women I don't expect her to start giving it out to whom she pleases cos that will make it look as if am not taking care of her.posters siling should av tried on their own to make their mum look nice when she wanted to embark on dat journey cos they are all her children. I understand with d poster cos from what I understand her siblings might not be sthriving hard asper to make ends meet so what her mum gets from her she gives it out to d others. This is a case of monkey dey work baboon dey chop.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous7/17/2013

    Good evening aunty Eya.I sent a post 2ur mail box,pls help me post it.Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous7/17/2013

    Una too dey write sermon for dis blog. Haba. Comments re too long jor. D other day I complained, Eya removed it. Like, don't u get tired? Go straight to d points PLEASE. God bless u as u do so.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous7/17/2013

    I am sure you know many things about your mother you could tell to the world, but you would be seen as an evil and wicked daughter for disclosing your mother's emabarrassing secrets. Yet, because she is a "mother" she can tarnish you name and it is perfectly acceptable. The Bible advised parents not to provoke their hcildren to anger, yet every parent seem to forget that verse.

    I would never want her in my home again. Continue to provider her allowance, but if her visit has caused irreversable damage to your home why would you want her around? Two things came to me, that she is either jealous of the life you have, or their is some issue surrounding your paternity.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous7/17/2013

    The hatred she has for you runs deep. No woman/mother will wash her daughter's 'dirty linens' in the presence of her husband and inlaws. Are you sure she's your mum? Run a background check. It's possible she's not your biological mum. You may be adopted.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wen my friends and i used to quarrel , we say things to each other but there are some words/issues that we will never say for peole to hear. If a mother cannot protect her own daughter, it is a pity. I always tell myself and some people dat if there is a place dat you go to or somebody dat you call dat makes you unhappy , pls stop. People are saying all sort of things to d victims bcos they are not in dat shoes. Like someone said reject and cancel all tha curses in Jesus, forgive her and move on wit yr life. Wen a mother treats a child badly people don't see anything bad about it but wen the child turns back from the wall they wil say blood is thicker than water. They fails to remember dat everyone is going to stand before the jugdment seat of Christ.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear. I know she is ur mum, but pls ur family is ur family, give her everything u want to give her but stop inviting her to ur home. Until the wound has healed. When u dont see her often u and ur husband will forget d issue. Talk to ur father inlaw. I understand wat u are driving at cos its not easy to be interms with ur inlaws and someone that should ve watched ur back comes to spoil the relationship. Forgive her and accord her the respect of a mother but dnt bring her close to ur home, except on important occassions. Thank u.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous7/18/2013

    Hmmm. I think the first thing here was that your mother could sense that you were embarrassed by her and she felt hurt. Almost as though you were saying she was not "good enough" for your lagos lifestyle. Sometimes, when people are hurt, they try to strike back (which is what your mother did) to save their own face. Now, what should have remained a small matter between mother and daughter grew and escalated into a family dispute. The only way it will heal is through time. In the meantime, if you don't want her to visit you again, then you try visiting her. That gesture will go a long way towards reconciliation

    ReplyDelete

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