Is Anything Wrong With Sharing?

Hello Aunty Eya, thank you and all WC members for this wonderful blog. My name is......................, Here's my number............... I found your blog this year April and have since been following. I need advice from your blog readers.

 My fiance and I have dated for two years and I was looking forward to a proposal when I heard there is a third person. I confronted him
but he denied. Moreover, he proposed after the confrontation.

My suspicions have increased, I suspect a lady and now have reason to believe that someone else is there. I wanted to break-up with him but I guess that will be an answered prayer for the other lady. 

So long as it's me he proposed to, I won't shift for any woman to smile. I will stay put. My grandmother was in a polygamous marriage and enjoyed it so I don't really care. Breaking up will be more painful than staying while that other one remains a side chick. I won't give her the chance to become the center chick, not me. 

They will continue to hide for all I care. I feel like the ladies who leave their men when they suspect something are not wise cos the moment they shift, the side chick becomes the main madam and sticks until marriage while sometimes letting go becomes difficult for former madam who begins to stupidly hide from new madam.

I made up my mind to stay so long as his behavior and care towards me hasn't changed. I don't know, maybe this is an unacceptable decision. I need advice from readers.

Comments

  1. Breaking up is more painful than sharing? UR GRANDMOTHER? Is it genetically transferred? U think ladies who leave when they suspect something are not wise? And you are ready to share?

    Okies... Btw unacceptable decision to who? The readers or to you? cos you pretty much made it clear that it is acceptable to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/14/2013

      @ poster, you need to work on your self worth. Lets say he married you, are you going to spend your whole life looking over your shoulder? Are you really going to be content with being the "centre chick" knowing fully well u are as side as the side chick? To what end are u able to take this? And grandmother ? Honey, things and people have evolved more since your grandmother,s era ..u need to evolve with the rest of the world..and urmm, did u expect her to tell u she was unhappy? Marriage my dear is not a competition between 3 people..it is a relationship based on trust btw 2 peep anything other than that is hokum..mee

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/14/2013

      Ʊ hav decided, why disturb us?
      Ʊ r ready 4 whatsoever...
      Ʊ sound like sum1 who would even go 2 d extent of using diabolical means on a man...

      Please enjoy ur shared hubby n let us be.

      BeBe

      Delete
    3. For all you know, he might have proposed to her as well. And u my darling may be the side chic and the one he'd dump. My advice : work on your self esteem.. because from all you said, you are yet to discover who you really are. When you do, you wont settle for less. The gate of marriage is really clustered. Many of those inside the gate are struggling to be out,those outside the gate are struggling to be in. *sigh*

      Delete
  2. Okay. I got to read this like 2ce to get the drill.

    1. What if your suspicions are wrong?
    2. Let's say they're correct, what if he has also proposed to this lady?
    3. What if she's not aware that you exist?
    4. What if she also thinks she's a MAIN chick?
    You think you're in a competition?
    Is this how you want to be competing for the rest of your life? I don't think you need any word of advice though.

    You sound like your mind is all made up and you know what to do. Sadly, you've got it all wrong. It's a pity that you think that this other woman you suspect is your problem. Sorry to break it to you honey, she aint. She will never be.

    That guy you took a ring from and said 'yes' to, is your problem. I guess u also said yes to his 'cheating' when y'all tie the knot. So, don't complain by the time that happens in latter years. You already said 'yes' and 'I do' to all of it. So, enjoy competing for life with all of the 'other' women since you've given him da license.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous7/13/2013

    I'm sorry did I read correctly?
    In summary you know your bf/fiance is cheating but you want to stay in the rship?
    I'm very angry with you dear poster!
    I'm not going to abuse you, but yourtype is the one that has made life hell for other women! Why won't he cheat? Since you tolerate his nonsense? Why?
    How do you ever think he will ever give his all to that relationship? How?
    Do you not worry about STD's? What is wrong with nigerian girls pls?
    Listen to me you misguided girl: you are being very foolish and laying a. Very bad foundation for your children and everyone around you!!! God! Can you imagine the nonsense you wrote? You are willing to be the "madam?" Which madam do you think you re? Do u knw if the other girl calls you a side chick too? Do you know if she has a ring too?
    The day I brought my Fiance to my father for the first time, my father said to him, "the only thing I need you to do is 1) be faithful! Hewent futher to say that being faithful encompasses everything, that its when men strts keeping unnecesary rships outside that's when they start, not caring, abusing their. Womeen,
    The first key is fidelity.
    Now I don't knw if my husband has cheated(its very unlikely tho) but he knows that its the one rubbish I cannot condone and even if he does it, he will go to the ends of this earth trying to protect me from knowing and that's better than shoving it in my face and probably telling me that I'm the madam! Which madam? Is he Adenuga?
    @poster don't make me angry
    Mtchew, single girls that want to. Marry by fire by force. Later u will strt talkin about abuse.
    One word is enough for the foolish with redeemption( sorry I can't call you wise, truth is that you re foolish, but may not. Be above redemption)

    ReplyDelete
  4. i really don't understand the advice you need, i had to read your post 3 times, but i till don't know what advice you need. but a word for you relationship and marriage is not a do or die affair pls, you need to renew and change your mindset, if he truly loves you, no other lady will be your trouble because he will set his priority to be you,

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous7/13/2013

    what is wrong with Women these days?? your grandmother's years na that time we still dey?? abi dem talk say you no go enter heaven if you no marry this one..

    Do you Know the pain and suffering that abounds in Polygamous homes? or the pain that ur children will face or go through.. and lemme tell you there are guys who propose to several gurls for their selfish gains if you are not officially married he is not yet your man!

    Please please have a rethink.. Thank you..
    Sorry I had to comment as Anon dont want to sign in again make Tracker no catch me ohhh lol..

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous7/13/2013

    "madam" poster, u just want to waste our time, u need no advice since I ve made up ur mind ...rubbish..."madam" to whom brain is given common sense is expected..

    ReplyDelete
  7. ezenwanyi7/14/2013

    *farts*
    Wat is dis wan saying?abeg shift! U hv made uo ya mind ehee?wat r u nw asking?u r not ready 2 shift ehee?so we shld nw come and move u?
    Is like sometin is not correct wit ur brain,u wan marry by force even wen u knw anoda woman dey 2moro eya will type ur story:my husband tells me 2 shift to guest room so he can fuck his mistress
    U r a sheep anuofia,oya stay dia na! Unmovable mountain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shayor@Soup-a Bowl7/14/2013

      I'm loving dis Ezewanyi's comment! Lol @ U r a sheep anuofia, ....unmovable mountain!!! Rotfl

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/14/2013

      Lmao....

      *farts* that got me farting Ʊ.

      This poster is an example of yeye dey smell.

      *vomits on Ʊ poster n adds a spit*

      BeBe

      Delete
  8. Anonymous7/14/2013

    Madam life during ur grandma's time and now dey diff abeg! An average woman back then was ready for "polylife" you will just age and die for nthg, cos u will neva trust him! Think about ur own well beign abeg, plus what the hell makes u think ur d "main chick" la oju e mehn!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Queen Of The Coast7/14/2013

    Sister poster,disregard all d above advise oooooo,husband is very scarce and men are polygamous by nature except u want to grow mustache in ur fathers house.
    Which kain yeye worth,anyway am happy u ve already made up ur mind
    Marry him,bear kids and be happy jare.ur granny and ur mum are very smart women and I bet they married till in d end unlike our senior singles who cannot take any shit sit there and wait for prince charming that is never coming
    That is y u see woman way past 50 with 3,5 yrs old as kids and married below their standard bcos they wasted too much time waiting.
    He who has ears let him hear

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous7/14/2013

    @queen of the coast, sorry is ur name.
    Poster, is that what you really want for yourself? A cheating and a dishonest partner? E go beta make u take ya hand re-advice urself as u don already brainwash urself.
    I'd also advice that you run to SDK to read the DV posts. I'm sure your mindset will change after you are done reading them #thankMeLater

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Queen Of The Coast7/14/2013

      @anon,do u know whom u are talking to,I doubt if u are married sef.go and meet people who ve been married for 15yrs and above they will tell u same .make una siddon here dey speak here dey speak grammer

      Delete
  11. U knw whts ryt if not u wldnt hv brot ur story here. U r certain he is cheating. D question nw is, is he cheatin wit her or u?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous7/14/2013

    My dear I pirry u(nt pity )cos u ar obviously lost.sharin is a wonderful tin ohh n can bet 4rm ur words u ar a very wise woman bt pls n pls dnt come back here later wit stories like "pls help my husband wants to take another wife or my husband is a changed man after marriage.wen ppl ar trying to come out of DV u ar gladly and willingly going into one.wish u d very best.chioma

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Queen Of The Coast7/14/2013

      I pity those who go into marriage with passion
      What is marriage?una carry oyibo mindset enter marriage abi no wonder divorce cases are on d rise.
      Poster,u are on d right track biko fight for ur man make sure he takes u to d alter,leave senior single wey dey find mr right like say dem be mrs right
      So long as d man is financially capable every other thing is june 12

      Delete
    2. Cyndrella7/15/2013

      What a wonderful advice from a wise queen,poster congrat u have some one that is in same shoes,what a question(what is marriage)

      My point is someone with failed marriage is not in a better position to advice an expectant bride. Marriage is a beautiful and should be done based on love.

      Queen of the coast, please dont further mislead this young lady as she is already.


      Delete
    3. Queen Of The Coast7/15/2013

      Cyn,I got married at a very age with kids in d uni.did u bother to ask d poster her age?marriage is not a childs play infact it is a serious business and gone are those days when love is enough is enough in a marriage
      I still maintain my stance if d man is finacially capable marry him and make d best of it.my elder sis in her late thirties is still single cos she was looking for Mr right as if it exist sef.infact I will be a mutiple grandma before I clock 40.u guys should not misunderstand me abeg

      Delete
  13. When I read this caption I felt likw wetin dey wan share?! Lol!. U ready to share a man just to answr "mrs?!! How sure are the other woman is not goin to be the madam cuz I feel he propossed just to silence ur suspicion apparently dat is waht he feels u want; "a ring"! He might ve also given a ring to d oder girl too who knows! I hav bin a victim before my dear and mine was so unbelievable but true.. So plz mk hay whl d sun is stil shinning.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous7/14/2013

    @Queen of the coast, are you the poster? #justasking

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Queen Of The Coast7/14/2013

      Nope, it annoys me to see u guys talk like this,its obvious most of u are still new in this marriage business

      Delete
  15. I bet u've heard dat there's love in sharing. So if there's no love between u & dis lady u are sharing ur man wit, then u shldn't be sharing in d first place. U r content wit being d madam as if u've not heard of house maids taking their madam's place talk less of side chick. Assuming he doesn't dump u wit dat cheap engagement ring he gave u then u r going 2 spend d rest of ur life constantly looking over ur shoulder. He knows u r ready 2 take shit so get prepared.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster plz do not deceive urself. If u are sure with proof that he is a cheat then u shouldn't marry him.
    It is better to lose a broken engagement than a broken marriage. The cheating will most likely carry on till marriage or else God changes him.
    Perhaps this is a way of God telling you that this man is not ur husband. Seek God's face on this issue but I'm afraid it seems ur mind is made up as u already stated u are not ready to let go for another woman.
    Remember marriage is a huge committment and for better for worse means forever.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't see what else I'll say that others have not said except that I suspect you have a hidden type of complex issue,period.
    Inferiority complex is when a woman demean herself so much that she's ready to settle for anything and in most cases least

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hmmmm are you sure he is not married to the other lady and you are the side chick? That's a possibility U̶̲̥̅̊ hav to consider too.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous7/14/2013

    Who is this queen of the coast? Anyways, ur name says it all. If u're sad that no one is dancing to ur tune, den keep ur fingers tied and let the poster decide. I'm struggling hard not to insult u bcos if indeed u've gone past 15 yrs in ur marital home, den I weep 4 ur daughters(if u av) and wail for ur husband.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Queen Of The Coast7/14/2013

    @anon3:30,who gives a rat ass if u insult QOC.my dear direct ur insult to ur mama who did a very bad job bringing u up.weep for ur daughters u say,my dear cry till there are no more tears left.commonsense is indeed not common

    ReplyDelete
  21. Looool. It indeed is a Mans World.

    Poster. If u feel you can take whatever this man is dishing out because you feel you are in competition with the other chic and because your grandma was happy in a polygamous home,then by all means,Carry on.

    Its your life,Your Man,Your Marriage! LoooL.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hmmn, its this 'I must marry by force' attitude we ladies have that makes men treat us any how. In which culture is it acceptable for a man to cheat on a lady he is about to marry?
    Poster, if you had come here seeking advice because you love your man so much and you don't want to lose him to another babe, perhaps I'd have been more sympathetic, but you treat the matter as if you are in competition with the other babe & the prize is the guy - I don't think that is a right attitude to have especially when contemplating marriage!
    Do you truly love the man? If you do, then fight because of your love for him, but if you don't really care much about him, then call off your relationship to him.
    Who knows, he might have felt that you are not really in love with him that is why he is having a 'side chick' as insurance sef!

    ReplyDelete

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