Everything Is Just Not Right

Good morning, Hope you and your family are great. Please I need some advice from you asap if u don't mind. Please do not publish on your blog even though I read other peoples story. I'm getting married this weekend, everyone thinks I'm ok but
I'm hurting deep inside. 

My fiance loves me so very much even more than I do him but for almost 2weeks now I don't seem to understand him any more. Firstly; He came to PortHarcourt to help me pack up for relocation, then that weekend his brother-in-law sent him a car from Abuja, when he came to show me I asked if he had gone home cos his mum n siblings are based in PH too, but he said we'd go home together. 

So on our way home, I asked when I'd test drive d car too but he said PH road is too busy but once we get to Lag I can try it out too. Before we got home I asked I hope his mum won't be pissed he showed me the car first, I even suggested that I can drop by the road n wait for him but he refused. 

When we got home, his mum was a bit off which he told me that night she kept complaining. When we got to Lag, usually, whenever we travel I drive once we reach the town so he can rest from d trip. But till this day Aunty Eya I don't even know where the car security button is talk less of starting the car. 

Asked him twice about if I could use it cos of the pre-wedding stuffs I had to do but he said he will take me anywhere I want to go himself during his break or after work. Before this car I drop him @ work then go for some running around with his former car o, then pick him up for lunch n all. Decided not to talk about it anymore. 

 Secondly, when we got our apartment newly we decided not to move in till d wedding dats bcos his brother comes regularly cos of his masters programme and to avoid other people coming to put up there during d wedding but his rent expired and he was reluctant to get another apartment so he moved in. So he said no one would put up with him and that when his mum n siblings come for the wedding they would put up in a hotel, but Eya, his brother stays there now and he told me last night that when his mum comes she would stay @ d house until Thursday or Friday.

I can't even tell my mum cos she asked me if my sisters could follow me to the house after the reception but I told her no, cos my fiance and I agreed that no one else would stay there before we do. I'm really sad about all this and I've tried to make him see reasons with me but he just ignores me when I do. I think I have started nagging sef!

I'm really sad cos I think his mum said something to him after that car cos since then his attitude towards me started changing. Everything is just not right Eya, he doesn't even talk to me anymore. Please sorry for this long story had to let it out, can't share with any of my friends though I have just 4 of them nor my sisters nor my mum.

Pls don't publish it, I just want to hear from you. Maybe I'm attaching too much meaning to things or I'm over thinking things I don't just know anymore. Thank you.


  1. Anonymous11:48

    Aunty Eya, how come you published it na, cos she said don't publish it ooo

    1. Lisa11:55

      The only reason some people can send mails to Aunty Eya is because she put up our mails for them to learn. After learning fromus, ppl send their issues and asks that she advices them privately. Is Eya a counsellor?

      The lady is a blogger and should be allowed to build her blog, what if everyone begins to say don't publish my mail but just advise me privately. Would you pay her for the servives when she abandons her blog to start doing that private consultations.

      I think Eya shd just let ppl know that she is a blogger and not a counsellor cos if she were a counsellor. she will charde for services. She doesn't charge because she wants others to learn too and she also wants her blog to grow.

      Anyway Aunty Eya if you are now a private counsellor,pls publish your rates so that even if your blog doesn't grow, you can collect money privately.
      And yes before you say anything, I'm a blogger too and know what it means. #I RemainAnonymous For Now


    2. Eya Ayambem
      11:55 AM (8 hours ago)

      Now you have my advice and I can post without your identity so that others with the same issues can learn. That is the purpose of the blog. If you are worried about negative comments, I promise you that I will delete any that surfaces OK. I'm going to change the wedding date and the towns before posting to hide your ID,OK?

    3. Anonymous20:19

      I do not agree with you and Lisa line of argument.
      Do you know all the anonymous that read and comment on your blog?
      Changing dates,locations, ID,would not derailed the people involved to know.
      What you did passed a wrong message to me. I do not know of others.

    4. MissDee20:44

      Aunty Eya thanks a lot. I am getting married soon and have learnt so much here. I wanted to send you a mail but it's needless right now.

  2. Anonymous11:51

    dearie r u sure its not weddin stress, if not tink really hard b4 u say d I do word o cus once ur in, dre s no turnin back except if u bliv n divorce.I don't under d misunderstand @ dis phase of ur relationship. Hmmm

  3. My biostatistics prof will always say "Assumption is the mother of all fuckups"

    "Maybe I'm attaching too much
    meaning to things or I'm over thinking

    He has you, work, family, wedding and other personal and pressing issues to contend with in this critical time! Plans can change, things might over-weigh on him... And you now nag him upon, if I was him I won't talk to you ryt now (thank God he's already doing that) cos one will want to avoid the devil using us at a trying time.

    Have a rethink on your stance! My lips are not coated in icing sugar, so I go yarn you the truth!


  4. I laughed while reading your mail, you know why? There is something called "wedding fever" and I think it's started taking a toll on you both. Don't worry, after the wedding stress, things will return to normal. He allowed you to drive his old car and suddenly won't teach you how to drive this new one? Its stress on him too. Relax a bit. You WILL DRIVE IT TIRE SEF. Try to refrain from nagging at this time cos I think that we women can cope with more stress than men.

    Planning for and organizing a wedding, moving house, relocating and all at the same time, you think it's easy on him? NO. He is also wondering at your behavior right now. What I know about most weddings in Africa dear is that guests sometimes fill your house so much so that some sleep even in the sitting room and it's all part of the fun and festivity. No one will remain when you guys disappear for your honeymoon. You WILL RETURN BACK TO YOUR LOCKED DOOR.

    For his brother staying there, if it's not just a one room apartment, leave him please!!! You are not only married to him but to his family as well. I think you should be happy it's a man coming to stay with you and not a lady. In-laws, especially younger brothers to your husband, they never forget the good you did to them. That young man shouldn't be sent out, He won't be there forever, what if he were your brother and you are the man. Would you tell him that wife doesn't want anyone around?

    Your husband is struggling to please both you and his family and I tell you this is not easy for men sometimes. Don't make him feel he is not welcome in your home. Treat him like your brother but in the privacy of your room you can let hubby know you are not happy that he told you something and didn't keep to his words. He might be able to explain himself and clarify issues.

    Try as much as possible to show understanding. For his mother, try OK? Try your best to show her understanding and unconditional love, you know us women, especially if she is old, her reasoning can't be like you a young woman. Respect her and be grateful to God that she didn't wear a condom the day he was conceived. Worry less, try to savor this moment cos once it's past, that's it.

    1. I tried my best to make it this short. Happy it's not an epistle. My summary kills are improving.

    2. Anonymous16:15

      In addition you should drop all these faiiry-tale ideas about marriage. Marriage is a real Life experience and you'd experience more situations that you are personally not comfortable with, but remember it is not always about you, but your husband too.
      Remember, he is going to be your husband and he is also a son and brother to someone else. So try to open up your mind and find a balance between I ( yourself) and us ( you and your husband)

    3. Anonymous20:46


  5. Anonymous12:22

    If he hasn't given u the keys to the new car why can't u just be content wiv driving the old one like u used to?or did he sell it?ure making a mountain out of a mole hill...if u feel ur hubby to be is beginning to act differently towards u,why don't u take time off,organise a romantic date for just the two of u and spend time talkn and discussing ur fears and his,it will help u understand the state of his mind better. I don't see how turning into a nag will help ur situation.

  6. Anonymous12:39

    Aunty Eya has said it all babe.I'm also getting married soon n even though my boo was reluctant 2accomodate any1 in d house.I told him his younger broda was welcome2stay with us afta d wedding,he was shocked n had much more respect 4me.as Eya said,u shud b happy no b woman.pls free ur mind,dat car is new2him,it will still b sharking him.give him few months,he'll b begging u2cum n drive him.his withdrawal is a sign of d stress 4rm d wedding plans.try2do sumthin special 4him,show him luv b4 d d day n it wud lift his spirit

  7. Anonymous13:34

    Nuff Said


  8. Anonymous13:37

    Nuff Said


  9. Anonymous13:37

    Nuff Said


  10. Anonymous14:52

    Driving new car should not be an issue. I think you are just disturbing urself unnecessarily from the many complains you read on blogs and you are trying to be extra carefull but my dear will you call off the wedding cause of this flimzy excuse you have put up here? Then what will happen when the major challenges come? I don't subscribe to his brother staying with you guys sha but talk to him softly about it DON'T nag!! I know what my sister passed through with brother -in -laws in the house it was not funny but God delivered her. As for car, why not just relax and continue with the old 1. Like some1 earlier said it is still sharking him. Pray seriously for your mother in law to love you like her own and stop worrying.

    Wishing you a HML!!!

  11. Anonymous16:14

    HML dearie! Just be happy.I am looking forward to this kind of thing in my life and am so happy for you.You don't know what you have until its no more.Am in my early thirties,yet I don't have a guy in my life not to talk of wedding preparations and yet you are complaining. WC FAMILIES,PLS REMEMBER ME IN YOUR INDIVIDUAL PRAYERS SO I CAN COME BACK HERE TO SHARE MY TESTIMONY! HML in advance @ poster


  12. Anonymous16:20

    Eya. There is something called trust. She actually pleaded with you not to publish, perhaps her in laws or family can easily tell who it is from the story and do read your blog
    Publishing this story wasn't the right thing to do. She needed YOUR help.


    1. Eya Ayambem
      11:55 AM (8 hours ago)

      Now you have my advice and I can post without your identity so that others with the same issues can learn. That is the purpose of the blog. If you are worried about negative comments, I promise you that I will delete any that surfaces OK. I'm going to change the wedding date and the towns before posting to hide your ID,OK?

    2. Anonymous22:13

      Eya, I still insist you were wrong. You could easily ignore one post. You have a few who do not mind if you post their stories, to some it will not matter one way or the other, they need the advise of others and they do state it. She needed the privacy. She TRUSTED you.

      I really hope you have not caused more pain than help.

      I guess you are one of those who do not see the larger picture, your growth might be way beyond blogging. Do not stunt it.

    3. Anonymous23:32

      Tell her and her ass-kissing friends.

  13. Anonymous17:57

    Eya pls wat is ur reason for publishing this story?? Usually wen sum1 pleads with you not to publish their story, u email them back and tell them how useful other ppl's comments will be and then d person ends up giving you the go-ahead 2 publish it. But in this instance, you just ignored all her pleading and published it. Am I missing something here. Eya ooooooo. And I think you shouldn't be including the part wr a poster says 'please don't publish my name and email' and also 'sent from blackberry or andriod or watever'. Be proffessional please.

    1. Anonymous20:22

      my tots exactly.
      she had no choice 4 u 2 publish bcus she does nt want 2 offend u!
      she pleaded with u!
      i do nt agree wt u & lisa comment!
      getting traffic is not everything!

    2. Anonymous20:39

      Why not advice Eya to stop publishing all stories and start an online counselling session? Mtcheeeeerw.
      Taking too much panadol when it's stories and comments that brought you here.

    3. Linda Ikeji20:41

      Y'all stop this already. Eya is a blogger like me and not a counsellor. Her advice cannot be private henceforth. I will talk with her now.

    4. Anonymous23:18

      And you that is fighting and hissing for her, r u not taking panadol 4 her own headache? or r aunty eya disguising as anonymous?

      and linda ikeja,was never a counselor but a entertainer making money from gossips & cat fights. fake linda ikeji go & wt urself.

      FYI, she started as a food blog, so she is a cook,& not a counselor, she started coping and pasting stories from links here to lure people,& people bit d bait & send their own stories.

      It is all 4 biz, we in showbiz no what attracts d fickle minds of people like you. y u fight over yourselves we r laughing 2 d bank.

      delete this, i no i have hit a raw nerve.

    5. Anonymous23:30

      The previous posters asked the whole WC family, but this particular poster specifically asked not to be published but was cajoled to give in.

      Do people not confide in their pastors? Must the pastors use everybody's problem to illustrate a point on the altar during sermon preaching?

      Learn to respect people's privacy, that is one of the traits of a good counselor.

      I am one of the silent readers of this blog, but let the truth be told.

  14. Anonymous20:28

    @ poster
    Let be break it down for you:

    Your brother-in-law is gonna be living with you.
    All planned behind your back with your husband.

    Your mother-in-law and sister-in-laws would stay a while after the wedding to welcome the new wife and see how she runs her home.

    Do not let the car issue bother you, it's no biggie.You have your own car from what i can understand.

    Let your sisters also come with you to the apartment,for the wedding. so that it would be a full house, if not, you would wake up after your wedding night to start cooking and cleaning for the whole household,but when your sisters are there, they would give you reprieve, and they should not go until others have left.

    Have a happy married life.

    1. Lammy20:37



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