Can I Take A Little?

Hello Aunty Eya and fellow readers, I need your help cos am tired of suffering when I can actually help me out. My husband is very stingy but also very careless. When I ask for money, even when he has, he finds excuses not to give. 

There is no time I wash his clothes without finding good sums for him. I think I have been very
stupid all these years because of my Christianity. If God sees my husband and I as one, don't I automatically own everything he has? 

I played the fool for too long and now is my time for change. He is so careless that he doesn't even remember where he keeps things most times. 

Once, his younger brother visited, we found a hundred thousand Naira tucked somewhere in the room. In my stupidity, I wanted to show him, which he will definately collect. Because his family knows he is stingy with money, my in-law encouraged me to keep it. I did and it's two years now, he hasn't remembered that money.

I regretted that action and continued to blame myself for listening to my brother in-law. 

I read so much on this blog. The level of intelligent advice I see here is why I have come with my issue for help.
Is it wrong for me to take a little whenever I find my stingy husband's money hidden from me? Is it wrong to take even the money I find in his wears while washing? I need advice.

Comments

  1. miss j6/12/2013

    Pls take it n wen asked say u d one dat collected it..case closed.
    His money is urs,u both are one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ****Mufasa Said6/12/2013

      IM RILI SORRY BUT THIS IS GETTIN OUT OF HAND! SHLD WC READERS NOW TELL U WHEN TO FLUSH UR TOILET? MY GOODNESS! THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS IM SORRY.

      ****Mufasa Said

      Delete
    2. Anonymous6/12/2013

      I tell u @mufasa. All this people telling u to tell him. I bet their husbands r nt in anyway close to being stingy otherwise all this preaching for no follow. I personally can't stand a sting person n I pray to God nt to give me 1 cos I will over take his money.we r 1.

      @nekky soo true n I am waiting for a reply to that Q

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6/12/2013

      U can take a whole lot not just a little sef.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous6/12/2013

    Even if u take try to tel him dat u ve taken d amt u took, steal na steal no matter how u take put ur reason

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  3. Do you even need to ask. Have you not heard that THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE. Can he be stingy to himself? Abeg take your money jare:-)

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  4. Anonymous6/12/2013

    My dear take as much as u can

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  5. Anonymous6/12/2013

    Pls take and keep taking! What's his is yours. You guys are one. Just like you saying you're stealing from yourself, but that's nt possible

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  6. Johnson6/12/2013

    @Poster, you know the answer to your question! WHAT WILL JESUS DO? You & your husband are one flesh & NOT ONE SPIRIT (Gen2:24; Mtt19:5/6; Eph5:31)... everybodi go answer for him/herself on judgment day.
    In-law gave permission for you to keep some fund and you did – not a good move! These are the little foxes that ruin the vineyards… There are consequences for our actions & in-actions… Let him know you that anytime you see money in his pocket, you keep it for yourself. What can hubby do if you tell him?
    A stingy hubby – ‘you don enter one chance’. However, there’s hope… You should be asking for strategies to manage the situation rather than “can I take a little?”

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Johnson6/12/2013

      *Let him know that anytime you see money...

      Delete
    2. I totally agree with you Johnson, stealing is stealing no matter how it is painted. You are not one spirit with your husband. And like Jay said, if your mind condemns you, then dnt do it...

      Delete
    3. I'm with you Johnson.

      Delete
  7. If I were in ur shoe,I won't even give it a second thought. Women whose husbands are generous hardly return the money and when they do,they only return part of it.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  8. YOU ARE ONE! WHAT IS HIS IS YOURS. TAKE! TAKE! TAKE! TAKE! TAKE!. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  9. sister6/12/2013

    This poster u be real mugu
    If na me I for don build estate by now
    Only 100k u dey fear
    U no well abeg
    Me I be proper agbero return ko return ni when I no be imbecile

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said,no b tiffery na una money,shikena.if he asks,u say u took it daz all.lets nt get over spiritual Jo,my husband is d same if e forget I go spend am,most times sef we spend it on the house so wats d big deal. He might even think you have been taking his money dat is why he hardly gives u money.

      Delete
  10. As Bonario said, for some women whose husbands are generous, when doing laundry and they find a 'lucky money', they dance up and down, thanking God for their 'luck'.
    They don't see it as 'stealing'. Neither do their husbands.

    But it's like you see it as 'stealing'. If it pricks your conscience so much cos of the secrecy with which you might do it , then tell him you found some money, but you used it to do so and so or give him part of it and tell him you used the remainder for so and so OR tell him that you took it all cos that is your only source of getting from him and you've used it, perhaps. Dunno how this will work. Just my suggestion. But if you think it won't work, leave it out (you know the man you married more than I).

    For some people, they'd joke and laugh with their spouses about a careless 'lucky money'. If he stops being careless just cos you'll find it and take it, then that stingy thing has to be a priority on your prayer list o.

    All that aside, I do hope you have ways of earning money for yourself.

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  11. sister6/12/2013

    U do his laundry too
    U be real suffer head wife smh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/12/2013

      Dat one no mean na,every marriage is diff,u know weda her husband dey wash her pata?different strokes for different folks I say

      Delete
  12. Mummy Amanda6/12/2013

    Hub isnt stingy,buh wen eva i take his money my conscience judges me.so wat i do is t tell him wen eva i tk his money. I wl always tell him ds,
    'baby i took ur money ysrtday n am not giving it t u.its a lesson fr ur carelessness,besides am even saving it fr ur own gud'
    we laff ova it n dt one done pass o

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/12/2013

      Nice one, mummy A. I like ur method

      Http://www.facebook.com/BevShineModellingAndUsheringAgency

      For your event coordination

      Delete
  13. peace_udo6/12/2013

    We discussed this in Sunday school once. Stealing is stealing in my opinion. What I do in this case is joking tell him I collected the money n he does likewise too. Just this morning he took money from my purse, when I asked him he said 'n 2 shall b one' .
    The bottom line is even if u will not return it still try n make he know.QA

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  14. my dear you both are one now...so what is his is yours and vice versa.......

    http://warmhearts13.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous6/12/2013

    oh how i hate all this holy holy people for this blog. i am surprised nobody hbp written ' pray about it' lol . my dear na God go punish stingy husband. take it but be sure to have something tangible to say in case yawa gas

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/12/2013

      * has written *

      Delete
  16. Anonymous6/12/2013

    Oh!!! How I wish this man na my man Oº°˚˚°ºo. I for don open correct boutique since!
    U dey wash his cloth sef, any monthly allowance? I'm sure d answer is Capital NO.
    Abeggii, no take little Oº°˚˚°ºo. Any thing goes jare!
    Bet me , if na my kain person, we no go dey quarrel for dat house, I no go even mind his stingy palms, as long as say I dey see d "results of his carelessness" no qualms!!!@ poster abeg dey save am for incase of incasity; yesterday no fit b today and today no go fit b tomorrow!
    Echi di me (tomorrow still get belle Oº°˚˚°ºo. ) Meaning u never can tell what 2morrow will bring.

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  17. Simple issue O. Jst announce 2 him dat henceforth, any moni u find in his laundry or lyin around belongs 2 u. So let him tak judicial notice. Shikena

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  18. Anonymous6/12/2013

    mydear stealing is stealing and in ur heart of hearts u kno dt wat u r doin is wrong,dts y u r disturbed.anytime u see d moni return it to hm bt continue prayin to God abt hs stinginess.blive me God will answer u bcos he knos ur hands are clean.

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  19. thank you aunty Eya for adding us to your list,we love you!

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  20. today a wife sees her hubby's careless kept money, takes it or contemplates taking it and it is stealing. tomorrow a wife goes shopping and increases the prices of items by whatever percentage just to extort money from hubby and it is so cool. errrrm, can someone tell me the difference here?? *confusednekky*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *carelessly

      Delete
    2. Hello #confusednekky :-), I understand you. Truth is that no two marriages are the same. For some, the husband and the wife might laugh over such careless money which is found and it might even become a 'hide and seek' game which is funny to them. Also, for the increasing prices thing, ditto.

      For some others, the opposite might be the case and the husband may see it as stealing. Ditto, the increasing of prices thing. Might cause lots of quarrel.

      Like I always say, just do whatever you feel is right and makes you sleep well at night. Don't compare your situation to another person's.

      We aren't all similar. Ditto relationships.

      Delete
    3. Hi Jay, I totally understand you. Everything is all about individual differences hence what works for me might not work for you. The point I want to state emphatically here is that inflating prices and taking hubby's carelessly kept money are one and the same. The only difference is that some hubby's might laugh it off while some might frown at it. In fact inflating prices just to extort money is even a bigger form of theft cos you have bought them already so why inflate the price. Anyways what ever rocks one's boat shouldn't be my concern. But if we want to be righteous and godly, let it be in all our dealings abi we won't account for lying to hubby to extort money on the last day?

      Delete
    4. My dear, just like you, I don't believe in any form of lie or deceit. Even the bible is against 'deceit'. At the end of the day, it's really all about God.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous6/12/2013

      @Nekky, why is it paining you so much??? Did any wives connection reader stop you from doing what you want in your own marriage?????????

      Delete
  21. Madam take it and let him know. Even when I go to the market and there is change I let hubby know but I don't return it o.....that one na recharge card money!

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  22. Anonymous6/12/2013

    Aunty Ojay can u pls give me d link 4 cake recipes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chocolate cake by MizOsa: http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/2013/05/how-to-bake-chocolate-cake-by-mizosa.html

      Delete
    2. Red velvet cake by Ahdaisy.When you click on the links, you will find more cake recipes; http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/2013/02/valentine-specialred-velvet-cake-sent.html

      Delete
  23. madam are u a learner, first of first go down low. my sister any mney u see in is clothes are ur mannx frm GOD or u b washing machine. any of my husband clothes dat i found money wil b d one i wash best ad i told him so he delibrately kio mny in hs clothes for proper cleaniless

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sister6/12/2013

      washing machine ke!who dash am!man wey stingy pass sin
      My sister pray wella u hear
      U dey ask whether make u keep am
      Una fit pretend 4 dis blog abeg.

      Delete
    2. Sister d thing de pain u well well o lol. Take am easy abeg!

      Delete
    3. My dear take the money jare! If ur concience dey prick u abt am jus tell him jokingly and laugh over it.. U can jokingly tell him after returning one last one dat from dat moment any money found from clothes wl be used for manicure, shikinah!! Personally I dislike stingy men o, God dey sha

      Delete
  24. Anonymous6/12/2013

    My Dear, take d money. If he remembers and ask of it, tell him u kept it for him and dat u forget to tell him.

    For us(me and hubby) its not a big deal, I even take money where he keeps it sef, if he notice dat its missing he already knows is me dat took it!
    Since u already said he is stingy den take d little wey God dash u, most times sef we end up spending d money on things in d house! There's no need to feel guilty!


    Chicadimples

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    Replies
    1. Ok now you want her to add lying to the stealing.

      My dear stealing is stealing. In your case, you and your husband have an understanding...but in her case, her husband doesn't know...if she were to tell him she'll be taking any money found around the house henceforth and he says he is fine with it, then all is well and good. But if he says no, and she still goes ahead to take the money, that my dear will be STEALING. And while on the subject, in this modern day and age, there are tons of businesses you can start even as a stay at home wife so you don't have to depend on your husband for every pin. don't get me wrong, it is his duty to provide for you, but in the off chance that he is the stingy type (and while trusting God to give him a change of heart), you'd at least have the resources to meet your immediate personal needs. Gaskia

      Delete
  25. You're still asking whether to take it? Ha! God knows some kind of things can't happen to me oh. I won't even ask.
    Anyway, it won't arise in my situation cos I'm working. If I marry stingy husband, and you refuse to bring money, no problem, you'll come back to empty pots. I can't shout.
    Let's not be too spiritual that we become earthly useless. Poster, if you know what's good for you, better start keeping the money.
    There's nothing someone won't see in this life!!

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  26. Today's lesson i learnt is,if i marry my boyfriend tomorrow and i catch any money in his pocket,while attempting to wash his cloths i should not commit sin by letting the money go,instead that dress will be cleaner than every other one and when he farts in front of smiling that wicked smile i'll just chip in,thank God i'll see another cash to help freshen my nose off ur smell and warm he better increase it next time. hahahhah God bless you poster and all WC....


    Feeling funcky

    ReplyDelete
  27. I think the first mistake you made was listening to your brother-in-law. You've just succeeded in leaving him with the opinion that you have no qualms stealing from your husband? And trust me, when any issue related to financial trust comes up, he'll be quick to share that opinion without remembering that he actually advised you to steal.
    Now on to your question, "Can I take a little?". My answer is Yes, you can. Now before you get excited, I have a question for you. "CAN YOU LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES?"

    Here are a few off the top of my head.
    1. Guilt. You haven't even started and you are all guilty...and trust me, guilt is what the devil uses to rob us of our rights as Christians (Yes I am an unapologetic Christian :D)
    2. Fear. This is the fear of what-ifs...e.g what if he finds out. A very well founded fear at that because trust me baby, he definitely will.
    3. Distrust. So when he does find out, the trust you've spent years building will go down the drain...One of my favorite Japanese proverbs says "The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour".
    4. Accusation. Of course when he finds out, every other "money" that had gone missing before that day will be blamed on you...and you'll be hard pressed to prove your innocence in the face of your guilt.

    The list could go on and on...but lets move on.

    IMHO, I think you should be looking for ways to handle your husbands stinginess and get through this season (I believe it'll pass).

    Have you tried talking to him about it? Some men have some preconceived notions from their upbringing/cultures on how to handle their homes and the beauty of marriage is that with time you both tend to shave off some of these notions. Here's what I think you should do:

    Call him and have a heart to heart conversation with him when he is most approachable and clearly explain to him the implications of his not providing you with funds when you make requests. Don't throw accusations or express any form of anger, just state the facts. Also clearly express how he makes you feel when he refuses your requests and the resultant actions this has led to...based on his response, this may also be a good time to tell him about the money(s) you've found around the house and taken to use for the house/personal upkeep and the fact that you don't feel good about it. Then you can go further and suggest a budget. (Prepare a list before hand...a realistic one). In your budget you should list out all the recurrent expenditures in the household, and of course your personal upkeep etc. Show this to him and suggest a figure which will cover all these expenses monthly to ensure that the home is properly run. He may or may not decide to implement your budget but you would have at least given him something to think about.

    And lastly, if he still isn't willing to provide, next time you find some of his money laying around, pick it up, confirm the amount and tell him you found some money and would like to use it to meet "so and so" specific needs in the house. If he insists on taking it back, give it to him and keep trusting God for a change. Read Proverbs 31 and get inspired to get your hands busy and make some money to meet some needs in the home.

    Whew...I hope I have been helpful (P.S. Sorry if I've come across as bossy in my comment, not my intention at all).

    I pray for the best for your home.

    ReplyDelete

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