Should I Cut All Ties With People Close To My Ex?

Dear Aunty, I'd like to remain anonymous for some reasons.
I'm always on the blog but I rarely comment, in fact I prefer reading and learning.
That said...

I used to date a guy, we broke up like last year but before we broke up, I met his brother's

girlfriend. When we met, i wasn't really into her cos she was so young but as time went by, we became like best of friends cos she is such a nice soul.

My problem now is that when i broke up with my ex, he feels it's right that I also break every tie with the brother's girlfriend. I'd rather she lose me than she loses her boyfriend cos the guy treats her like a queen. My ex is now poisoning his brother's mind against me and the brother, (i wouldn't say i know for sure) kinda believes him. I say this because, whenever the girl in question is around her boyfriend, she is not always free to gist with me as a friend. 


We talk at length whenever she is nowhere near the guy but each time the guy comes any close whenever we are chatting on BBM, she immediately discharges me and ends the chat (maybe so the guy doesn't see it). Ok, there is a case when the girl said something like, she wouldn't wear her engagement ring, and they strongly believed that i planted that idea into her head, (why on earth would I do such?), meanwhile we never discussed anything of such.

I'm sorry the story might not make much sense but please I want advice cos I want to cut every ties with this girl, like i said before, I'd rather she loses me than losing her prince charming. What do you advise i do in this case? She is just not free with me and I don't keep friends that are not proud of me. I'm asking for advice cos like they say, one can never know all. Thank you.
NB: please aunty don't post my email
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Comments

  1. My dear I'll advice you to cut all ties with the girl in question, seeing as your ex isn't happy about it, before it begins to look like it's another thing. I'm sure the girl in question will understand.
    I understand ur dillemma cos I was in it not long ago. I dated my ex for a very long time and due to that we have a long list of mutual friends from uni etc. On facebook alone we have over 80 mutual friends not to talk of BBM. I must add that tho I met those people thru him, the rship with most of them assumed a life of it's own. E.g one of them is an author and I did editing work for him.
    When I & my ex broke up, I was faced with what to do with all these people. I had deleted him from bbm, facebook, twitter etc but here were his friends reminding me of him daily. I calmly informed those that I valued our rship that they would hv to respect my feelings and stop using his pix as dp or posting stuff about him or risk losing the friendship. A few did and today I'm still good friends with those ones.
    Then again, it depends on the circumstances of the breakup, if it was messy I'd advice you to cut all ties.
    Mine was amicable due to parental disapproval so I may not understand where you're coming from. If like u said your Ex has become this petty, cut all ties with her and move on. Eventually something else can bring you and her back again.
    Sorry for the long epistle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monique5/04/2013

      Seconded

      Delete
    2. Barbie5/04/2013

      Thirded

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/05/2013

      Why on earth do ppl delete their ex's from all social media?are they carrying diseases or what?mtchewww!dosent work 4 me.let them stay there,u can yield to temptations if ur weak.I have them on my bbm and stuff and "WE" are all happily married to diff ppl.dey dnt even disturb me,I'm a busy woman nd dnt have time 4 gossip,so all dose ppl dt hv skeletons in dia cupboards can do d deleting.me,I don't even notice dia presence.

      Delete
    4. Anon 7:00pm, people have different reasons for deleting their exes from social media. I deleted an ex because it was a terrible and extremely messy relationship and there was just no further need to be friends. So not everyone does that cause of temptations or skeletons in cupboards.
      To the poster, yes I do think you should cut all ties with the girl. You met through your ex and your friendship might be causing harm to her relationship.
      I don't think its worth all the stress.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous3/26/2014

      @Anon 7.00pm. There are good reasons to do so sometimes. I think it's best that way so as not tovraise unnecessary suspicion in ur current relationship as a results of undue familiarity. It's not just about temptation. I'll give u an example. I broke up with someone I was with for more than 5yrs and after I got married he continued to try to keep contact. He would call my phone say hello etc, but when the calls started becoming more than once a week I became uncomfortable because I really had nothing to discuss with him anymore. One day he called and said I know ur working in .... give me ur address let me drop Bhutto and visit u I heard ur 4 months pregnant. I want to see how u look like etc etc. Ha. It was like he was keeping tabs on me and I didn't like it. I don't care if it was innocent but in my view if I heard that my husband did something like that I would never be happy so I said no, there's no need for that. He flared up and said what's wrong with him visiting me in my office? Are we now enemies? So if I see u on the road I shouldn't greet u? I said no, I would greet him but not that he would be paying me random visits, it wasn't necessary. In his usual hot tempered manner(one of d reasons I left him) he flared up and banged d phone. That was the end of the issue and I was happy. I didn't add him on facebook or bbm tho we had hundreds of mutual friends, I couldn't be bothered. When I realised that God saved me from a terrible mistake was when I heard a story from my best friend who knew him too... she was friends with him on facebook, bbm, one day he came into town from outside d country where he has bn for some years, and told her he was around on bb, she decided to go and greet him in his hotel. While she was there they chatted and all, next thing he says is "wow u look so beautiful/trim after 3 kids, maybe it's you I should have dated or married. My friend was in shock and immediately picked up her bag to go. She could believe he could look at her in that light. She said as if that was not enough, later he sent her a bbm chat saying "how are you darling," and unfortunately her hubby saw it and it brought a VERY big problem between them where she had to call their pastors and people to beg her husband. She narrowly escaped. She now told me that it's God that gave u the wisdom o, that she used to wonder why I cut him off like that and if it was really necessary, but she learnt the hard way that he doesn't know how to behave at all. So you see, better safe than sorry in my opinion.

      Delete
  2. Cutting ties with her would be the best thing for both of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/04/2013

      Seconded

      Delete
    2. Fourthed

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/04/2013

      What happened to thirded? Anyway, I'll take it. Thirded! Leave the girl alone, if you two are truly supposed to be friends then somehow, the two of you will meet again ok?

      Delete
  3. Anonymous5/04/2013

    Hia, she is already avoiding U when the guy is atound, d road din short na, tell d babe its over,lol, cos U both know its d best thing for her relatnship. Then delete her from ur BBM afterwards.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous5/04/2013

    Cutting all ties is a bit drastic cos its hard to find good ppl as friends these days.
    I would say you should rather slow down on the friendship and let her be the one to contact you. ( ( try and explain this to her)
    Also in sure your ex is behaving this way cos the break up might still be fresh. After sometime he'll even stop worrying over you. So is say just go slow on the friendship for now, till things cool down between you and your ex. Don't lose the friendship with the girl cos like you said she's a good person

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jazmyn5/04/2013

      SECONDED.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/04/2013

      Thirded

      Delete
  5. Shayor5/04/2013

    Fourthed!

    ReplyDelete
  6. From my calculated assumption, the break up was engineered by you... Come to think of it! When a guy is the architect of a break up, he doesn't witch-hunt, instead he wants you at harms way so you can be at his beck and call.

    Ask any experienced girl or woman on this blog and they'll gladly tell you they've sometimes in the past maintain a sexual relationship with a guy that dumped them. They do so with the assumption that the relationship could be renewed.

    My last straw... When a guy is dumped or jilted he becomes counter offensive. This is one way for him to venge his anger. Follow the advice of Anon:2:58

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/04/2013

      Seventhed

      Delete
  7. Anonymous5/04/2013

    Pls can pple start giving advices and stop seconding other pples comments. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Please when the past comes calling, let it go dearie, it has nothing new to say.

    ReplyDelete

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