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Re: Ikorodu Lady Emergency

Hi Aunt. Eya,I would like to reply to this post through a direct mail to you because at first I wanted to ignore it, but I've been thinking about this lady's situation so much that
my conscience will not allow me to keep quiet on this issue.

I went back to read her first post and one thing that caught my eye was that she described herself as happy, vivacious, smart and bright minded person prior to the marriage. I feel that she has lost who she is in the marriage mainly due to her husband's attitude.

There are so many points I have I to make and I don't even know how to organize it, but I will try and make sense small.

1. Before you got married, you were a happy, vivacious , smart and bright person. What happened to that person? Please don't allow your husbands psychological abuse on you to make you less of the person you originally are.

2. You have been praying for a job and finally you get one, but obviously you are allowing these limitations to stop you from receiving this blessing from God. I understand the issue with your Son, but I believe that God never gives us problems we can't handle. There is always a solution to everything and you just have to find it. 

3. You have always been the one making sacrifices in your marriage, you moved to a place very far from your work, you eventually resigned from your work because of the stress and now you want to give up this new job because it might cause problems with you and your husband? Woman it's time to be a bit selfish. For once think about YOU, and what would be best for YOU only. 

4. You mentioned that your mom would like to help with the child, but your husband would not agree. I think you should take a subtle approach to this matter, would it be possible for your mom to be picking up the child? If yes you can start with this approach. Then it would move to your son spending the night with your Mom's and it should happen so slowly that your husband would not feel the impact. Your husband does not want to agree with the child being with your mother, not because he will miss his son, but because your husband is simply not interested in helping/seeing you progress . You need to take charge of your life now!


Even if your mom cannot be picking up the child, do you have a relative, sibling,or Someone you can trust who can be picking up your son?? please think about it well, I'm sure you would find a solution. Even if your first solution fails, strategize and come up with another solution . Do this till you come up with the best way to handle the picking up of your son.

5. Please and please again take up the job, do something fulfilling with your life now. You owe it to your parents, your son and yourself. I can imagine all the sufferings your parents might have gone through to bring you up, and the dreams they had for you, only for you to give it all up for an ingrate of a man.


please you can't continue being the sad, moody housewife who can't do anything of her own.Your son is noticing everything that is going on, and trust me you don't want him to grow up thinking you are a weakling because that is the image your husband is portraying at home. Your home is not a happy home from what you said, and how can you bring up your child in that environment. At least at work you would feel fulfilled, wanted and important and that would even trickle down to how you behave when you are at home.

6. It's not by chance that you got the job even after the application date was over. God has a purpose for you, you have so much potential to be much more than what you think you can be, but it's up to you to make it happen.

7. Even if you start the work and you find that it's not as fulfilling as you thought ( in terms of salary and the work environment ), you can start making arrangements to change jobs. I believe that once you are in the work force it's easier to change jobs than when you are siting at home. Also this job can let you save a little money to start a business of your own no matter how small the beginning is since you mentioned that you don't have any capital to start one now.
Aunt Eya thanks for posting this and I hope the lady reads it. It has been biting me inside to write this after I read the story..
-Celise

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/07/2013

    I AGREE WITH YOU A HUNDRED PERCENT.pls all those ppl advising her to just chill,just pray,just endure,just swallow,forfeit the job,etc.if she shld ask you for money will u give her?does anyone know what it means in 2013 not to be able to buy even if na sanitary towel for yourself?pls since when did marriage become hell fire??whennnnnnn oooooooooo!!!! Haba!!!like serzly?pls ikorodu woman,take dis job!what kind of man does not want his wife to be independent.tell your mother to talk to him by herself,all three of you should have a family meeting.its high time,u have to be happy,very happy.the universe would only bring u what u yearn for,u wanted a job and now u have gotten one,do not surround yourself with negetive energy.pls don't make mistakes,even if its 1year you work havnt u saved enuff to start business?by then u wld have even made contacts in ur office.God creates only solutions and not problems,this is a blessing and its not in disguise.unless you are a learner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I concur. You need to find your own happiness and that is totally up to you. Pls do something for yourself for once. Marriage is not a cage o. Take up the job, let the man pick his son up as he has suggested, if he cannot continue he will let you know, then you will both sit down and look for another alternative. Your husband na human being too him no carry fire for head, so no fear am you hear. It is well with you.

      Delete
  2. GBAMEST, at least someone spoke my mind, because it Seems like everybody was advising based on the sequence, so I decided to keep calm.
    Please kindly take the job, the choice is yours.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5/07/2013

    My dear I don follow your story from beginning , this time around I wnt fail to comment this time around! No 1 Nobody said marriage was easy, it's compromise and hard work, BUT marriage is not for you to loose yourself. You seem to be totally lost and clueless, -allowing your man string you along, Let me teach you a scret I hv often practiced keeping in mind that women are the best seducecers and manipulators... The act of getting your way and making it seem like he took all the decisions as a man:1. Never ever report your husband to his mum, or yours or his friends and ask them to talk to him(pour ur het out to a tight lipped platform like this instead) Men don't like it it's an ego thing. 2. Please fellow women pls dnt apply the tears principle ( unless in ur privacy ) the fewer times ur man see u cry the better for your stand as per his respect for you . 3 dnt be ashamed to use everything you have to have ur way you are a woman play ur game wella manipulate seduce but never NAG wen he says no gradually introduce that issue gradually until u guys are even fully doing it before he notices that exactly wht he said no to! Last in my long story why I blame you a little for letting things get this far is that you showed ur down cast too much some men think that's submission and derive pleasure from it. Last secrecy u must start applying cry wen u alone wen he has gone to work well o but as soon as you knw he will soon be back wear ur shorts shower smell nice wear that make up all u can and start playing a music on ur fone even if sway e no reach ur heart the last thing u must take outta my long senseless talk is that you must TAKE THAT NEW JOB O!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous5/07/2013

    Waoooo!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless u the poster!
    Marriage is a wedlock and not a padlock
    Don't let ur man padlock ur dreams;
    Go get the job dearie!
    Follow d steps suggested by d poster in rgds to the picking of ur son frm schl.
    Bliv me wit prayers and lots of love frm u to d man both in bed and in otherwise, he will succumb

    ReplyDelete
  5. chubby ELLA5/07/2013

    Please do take d job. If u do,u'l find out dat u'l take ur mind off home worries,wen u'r @ work,u tink less of ur "hubby" n all his troubles,I dnt knw if u knw dat worry kills,u myt b eating well bt u neva look healthy cos u worry a lot. Anoda tin is dis,if u take d job,u'l earn some respect 4rm ur "hubby",he myt nt show it bt deep within him he'l feel lyk a lil burden if off him(no man wants a liability 4 a wife). Jst start nw,commit it in2 d hands of God n He'l make a way 4 u n ur son whr u tink dere's no way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous5/07/2013

    Thank U poster...Madam Biko take the Job...u Have sacrificed a lot, now is his turn to sacrifice for u. I wish u well in ur new job.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is too true!
    Being married doesn't have to change you.
    Your husband is fulfilling his dream while you are wasting away yours. It's the 21st century dear, pick up your reigns and move that horse!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Finally Finally somebody who spoke eloquently what was going thru my mind!
    From the comment on the other post,I deduced there are lot of subdued &silently suffering wives or wives to be!
    Women are meant to be a complement to a husband not slaves or 2nd class citizens.Her husband is selfish &a douche bag!he doesn't appreciate his wife &the wife allowed him to treat her this way!
    My sister's hubby even encourages their kids to come stay with my mum especially school days because he says my sister needs a break &not be over burdened.
    My parents didn't send their girls to school to become doormat to a ingrate of a man!
    At least prove yourself.Who said u need to stay at home to bring up ur kids right?Whether u stay home or not if ur kids are gonna be either ways doesn't depend on u.
    If I'm to be a stay @ home mum it should be something I want to do not because some selfish person called a husband is refusing to be responsible.
    Even that I'm prolly gonna have a business of my own not a penniless miserable sad wife who doesn't a say in her own life.
    *phew I have I talked my heart!*
    Take the job!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Glad u said explicitly wt i summarised in d last post

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/07/2013

      You know your husband more than all of us. Weigh the kind of advise you receive cos at the End of the day,you are ON YOUR OWN.

      Delete
  10. BIGgMAMA5/07/2013

    My dear,jazz ur hubby jare if u re interested say so!all of una just dey speak big grammer, me I no fit shout when I get baba olomi connections

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous5/07/2013

    U dey craze bigmama

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BIGGMAMâ5/08/2013

      Na ur mama dey crase,idiot

      Delete
  12. Marriage na God,just keep praying

    ReplyDelete

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