I Need Advice: What Would You Do?

Good morning Aunty Ojay and other good people on WC. I have a serious headache, I have a big problem and couldn't think of anywhere else to go than come meet you  and other people in the house. I don't know where to start.

Aunty Eya, please and please I need sincere answers because they go a long way to help me know where to start and what to do. 

What would you do if one morning, your husband of 9 years wakes you up to confess that he thinks he is
gay? The type of things that happen to me in this my life are things that never happened to any other Nigerian or African. The kind of issues I have to tackle in my life are just peculiar and unique to me and me alone. How is one supposed to react when a spouse makes such a shocking confession to them?

Aunty Eya please remove my ID and post this for me. I need answers please. And dear brothers and sisters in the house, please I need you all to help me think.  If a "God fearing" husband, wife or even fiance or fiancee tells you one day that they think they are gay. How are you expected to react? Are you supposed to help in any way or cry or pray for them and continue to love them or just die or what? Please I need advice.

Comments

  1. Sorry Madam. The West is gradually crawling into our bedrooms. Maybe we all need to stop watching them on TV. He is just a shameless man for all I care, let the senate catch him. *Big Sigh.

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    1. Anonymous5/22/2013

      Please we need more details. Think is not the same thing as know. Has he been involved with a man? How far, how long ago and how long did it last. What makes him think he is. Is he bisexual or fully into men. how exactly did the talk happen. The more details we have the easier we can help. Remember there are men who battle with these things and still maintain marriages. Did he tell you because he needs you to help and support him as he deals with it or is he telling you because he has made up his mind on what he wants?

      Delete
    2. POSTER5/22/2013

      Didn't say he has been involved with any man. Says he has feelings of desiring good looking men. He doesn't want to leave me but confessed cos it's bothering him.

      Delete
    3. @Poster, thank God he told you o. You can just imagine what it would have been like if he had kept the thought to himself and had gone to 'explore' on it and come back later to tell you in some years time. So, just try and be calm about it. He needs plenty help right now. Do something fast before it gets out of hand.

      But on not wanting to see your pastor? Hmm. Just do everything bit by bit sha. One step at a time. I'm sure when you guys have spoken to that 'trusted' person, you will then follow the visitation to the pastor advice. If you really want to help him, you will have to try a bit of patience and PRAY FERVENTLY.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous5/22/2013

    A WARNING to my future fiance, Never try this rubbish with me cos if you do? That very same minute gonna be the end of US, IDIET.

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    1. Anonymous5/23/2013

      Don't worry sweety,he won't.he will only carry it out secretly so d issue of u even leaving is out of it bcos u no gokno.hehehehe,abeg dis woman o better pass ur own o jare.mumu

      Delete
  3. If a wife confesses she's a lesbian its undastandable but if a man say he's Gay. Ewww, I'll puke.

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    Replies
    1. Mummy Amanda5/22/2013

      How is it understandable.pls both r unacceptable

      Delete
  4. Anonymous5/22/2013

    Let me break it down. Ur husband is attracted to a fellow man's shit hole. Gosh. How Disgusting

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  5. I can't even begin to imagine the type of pieces ur heart is breaking in2 right nw. Pls watever u do, dnt throw tantrums, dnt shout cos it won't help anytin. Just wake him up and let him shed more light on these tendencies he is getting, find out wat is stimulating dem and pray! Pray pray pray! My sister go to d blessed sacrament and cry to the saviour himself, there is a 9 days novena to the infant jesus I will advice u to do, petition him to come and fight dis battle for u cos this is not sometin u can fight by urself.
    I'm so sorry dear.

    Pls nobody shld come and start sayin do I knw if she is a catholic. I believe this is not a denomination thing.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/22/2013

      Na wa for wa. At all at all na im bad.

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    2. Blessed sacrament and novena is so a denomination thing cos even Anglican that is closest to Catholic do not do novena and blessed sacrament so my dear, it's every bit a denomination thing.

      My dear, just pray to God to give you the wisdom to tackle this issue. Be subtle in your approach cos flaring up will not achieve anything. Pray for him most importantly!!

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    3. Yeah Nelly, there are many non catholics that visit the blessed sacrament. It really has nothing to do with denomination.

      Honestly, if she was a catholic or believes in the efficacy of a fervent prayer and devotes herself to a form of fast or novena for a certain number of days with FAITH, her tears will be wiped away.

      Above all things Poster, you have to know that all of your help can only come from God!

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    4. Anonymous5/22/2013

      Oh puliiiizzzz... The novena thingy is strictly for catholics abeg! I once wanted to pray it and they advised that i go do some baptism or whatever of sort in catholic church. Praying out a gay? Never heard of that but well, there is nothing our God cannot do. So I'd also say PRAY... He is possessed!

      Delete
    5. Anonymous5/22/2013

      Don't say what you are not sure of.did u go to the Blessed Sacrament in any Catholic church where u were stopped from going to pray at d Blessed Sacrament simply because you aren't baptized.
      Pple should stop relying on hearsay.
      As for the poster,pls go the blessed sacrament and pray.Best of Luck!

      Delete
    6. Common sense is not common afterall. S/he said 'novena' and you are running your mouth up and down defending your church... Odikwa egwu!

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    7. Anonymous5/23/2013

      Pls for everybody's information, the blessed sacrament is not only for catholics. Blessed sacrament is communion that hs been blessed and kept in the chapel. It is the body and blood of christ n that is nt for only catholics. Novena is simply prayers, prayers is not just for catholics. Its like saying that if annoiting oil blessed by pastor Oyedepo is only for winners people which I don't think is. I use it too. There is no need to argue over that n dat is y d original poster said its not a denomination thing. For the person that was asked to be baptised maybe u misunderstood them or u were wrongly informed.

      Dear poster, prayer is the Key. So simply pray n also I think he should seE a psychologist n a man of God.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/22/2013

    Leave his sorry ass to rot in hell.

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  7. Your husband is overcome by modern evil spirits. They have inhabited him. Do you know how to fast, cast and bind?

    Does he care about your feelings at all? I can't think of any other advise than otapiapia.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/22/2013

      Lol@morden evil spirit.

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  8. First of all, I will laugh it off as a joke, then later if he insists, I will shout, jump, scream, vex and give him an earful. Then I will now cry my eyes out. Cry to my heart's content. Then I will ask him what he wants cos for him to tell me, he must av been planning some big changes in his life.If he doesn't want me anymore, and wants a gay lover, then we will get divorced. He will leave the house for the kids and I, he'll also sign that he will take care of his responsibilities and pay for child and spouse support.

    If he says he wants to change, then I will rebuke every evil spirit that has possessed him. To his face I will conduct a mini deliverance service for him. I'll ask that he gives his life to Christ again and this time make a vow to live for Christ alone. I'll bombard him with messages, books and scriptures to read and listen to daily. I'll help him thru it. We'll both rededicate our lives and marriage to God. And we'll both check each other when we err.

    That's what I THINK I will do. What I am SURE I will do, is display small madness on his head, then cry my eyes out and walk around like a widow...

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    1. Very sincere and funny! ​
      LOOL @conduct mini deliverance and display small madness.

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    2. Anonymous5/22/2013

      lwkmd!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    3. Anonymous5/22/2013

      LOL!!!!!The funniest response I av ever seen!Nice one!
      You must be a very lively woman!if u are married may God continually bless ur home.
      P.S
      I am a woman oo.make u nr think otherwise.I read it aloud to my husband and we are both rolling on the floor with laughter!!!

      Delete
    4. Anonymous5/22/2013

      Ada,u r a rare gem. I love ur comments. I can't help but laf abt dis ur comments

      Delete
  9. MissDee5/22/2013

    I will plead with him and give him time to think about it again cos it could just be a dream he needs to wake up from.

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  10. @Adhaisy,Looool @ ur last paregraph!
    @Poster,honestly I feel your pain o,kai! I can't begin to imagine what u're going through now.
    If its me ehn;I'll be half crazy right now. I'll ask him what he plans to do, I'll ask if he's been sleeping with a man already.
    If he doesn't want to live as a gay,we'll have serious deliverance sessions for him and go for counselling. Even after that,my mind will shake if he looks at any man! It'll be so hard for me to trust him again o.
    If he wants to live as a gay,we'll get divorced. Cos there is no way I'm sharing my husband with a man!
    In all this I pray God helps you through in this nightmare! Pele.

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  11. kendra5/22/2013

    I can't even begin to feel the hurt u are going thru now! But the truth is there's nothing much u can do if he's not willing. First of all,its okay to cry,its not easy,after giving him 9yrs of ur life,he comes up with this,its so hrtbreaking.. And its also okay to scream,ask him why he didn't say so on time,give him the piece of u mind and then crawl back to ur shell again to cry

    U can later wake him up in the night and ask him what he wants to do,cos he told u for a reason. Ask if he wants the marriage to conitune or he wants a divorce?

    If he wants the marriage,then u would have to find it in ur hrt to forgive him,pray for him,take him to church for deliverance,drag him to every service u going to,start doing mid night prayers 2geda,read scriptures together and let him be more dedicated to God

    If he wants a divorce,ask him what he wants u to tell the kids,bring in a lawyer so he will take an undertaken that he will take care of his kids and u. Then he would have to leave the house for u assuming its ur own property and if its not,he has to sign that he would be paying... Then u move on with ur life even tho its gonna be very hard

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  12. Mz Tee5/22/2013

    Oh my!!!! I sooooo feel u!!! Ds is painful really. Be brave and ask if it's something he wants to continue in. If yes, separate from him cos dz guy lovers can be really jealous. His partner cld harm you. Leave him and pray for him from a distance. Believe that all things are working together for your good. Some good wd come of this for you, just believe it love.

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  13. Apply SHEABUTTER on his forehead and manhood...

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    1. Ace abeg e don do na! Lool. Forgive this sheabutter, it will not do it again....

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  14. Anonymous5/22/2013

    @Ace,you not serious, see your sheabutter face.

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    1. Anonymous5/22/2013

      dnt mind Ace, na real sheabutter face *sigh*

      Delete
  15. Its quite unfortunate,I just thought of how I would react if my wife tells me such. It won't be easy atall,I will feel disappointed and betrayed.
    But as a woman,its quite different,its normal to cry over it and feel confused on what next to do,unlike the man that would av threatened the wife with maybe divorce.
    Dear your next actions and decisions depends on his intent of telling you this,was he telling you coz he needs help out of it or was he telling you so that u know and not be surprised when you see him in the act?
    If its the former,then you need to put him in prayer,maybe a third party will come handy a priest, pastor or a counselor.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  16. Shayor!5/22/2013

    He said he THINKS he's gay, does he think or he IS actually gay? he needs to expatiate. has he been sleeping with men, and for how long has he been do this? you need this answers in order to know what you are dealing with. most importantly, don't let your heartbreak weaken you, the is the time to ask and not break down and cry. take the bull by horn. does he still want the family/ does he want you. is he willing to give it up entirely? he needs proper counseling and deliverance.take him to church. if he;s willing to change, it has to now be yr call. you choose the pastor, you choose the counselor.
    i feel your pain dear, its so heart breaking....hold firmly to God.

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  17. Anonymous5/22/2013

    Hd lord is ur strength

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  18. Anonymous5/22/2013

    @ Ace d' SheaButter Advocate,I jst cnt stop laughing here in ma Office,pls let go of d' shea n Butter naaa,I Beg U. LMAO. Mason's Mum

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  19. What's happening to our society? @poster I'm at a loss for words, but I know prayer and fasting will go a long way. God be with you.

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  20. Naaaah, i will first tell him to sleep back, so as not to be provoked to give him a dirty slap cos am sure its due to stress and when he wakes i'll ask him again and if he insist,to me, it automatically means he has being cheating on me with his taught so i won't hesitate to display some madness,why i act on solving his gay taught i'll give him an assignment to solve the madness even if i have to pretend for long and by madness i mean my hunger for sex will rise too,his okokobioko must be attracted to a virginal again not anus and maybe add some of Ahdaisy has second option...

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  21. Please don't see his gayness as ur fault, don't see it as anthing uve done wrong or that ure not woman enough, don't let this bring down ur self esteem, its him and all him. For me, I'll see it as the begin of the end of the marriage. However hurtful, I can't remain with a gay man.How do I begin to compete with a man for a man's aattention? It might just be a fantasy, either way I can't fathom how a man wants to be with another man

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  22. Anonymous5/22/2013

    Story appears fake and made up, too vague . Its probably another tactic to promote homosexuality since Eya constantly kicks against it.

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    Replies
    1. POSTER5/22/2013

      No please, how can I be promoting that lifestyle,

      Delete
  23. Anonymous5/22/2013

    Please the shea butter thing is getting old. Alatenumo

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  24. POSTER5/22/2013

    `Thank you all. These comments have been very timely. I have decided we go see my pastor but he kicked against it and wants a neutral person that doesn't know him. I will update you all when we get help.

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    1. See as devil dey work. I wrote you a very long response and the thing wouldn't transmit but got lost in space.
      Let me try to summarize.
      I am the one that asked if he was thinking or actually doing it.
      The fact that he said is a desire means it is a thought and he hasn't acted on it physically (even if he has). Do not be afraid and do not go mad. Remember we are all human beings with one issue or another. Him coming out to you means he wants someone to be accountable for, secondly, he doesn't want to go down that route and thirdly, he wants to fight it. He does not need to be stigmatized because of this. I also don't think you two should confide in anyone close to home.
      You need to get him talking. get him to open up. ask questions CALMLY and listen like he is your child. It takes a lot for a man to admit and come out like that. Your marriage will not end. There are many people with unacceptable desires in marriages but they work through it together, especially when the other party is willing. Many of us are always drawn to our first sexual experiences even as adult, find out what his where. Acknowledging your demons is the first step to conquering them. He should speak to God and speak boldly to those desires through Christ, telling them that he is aware of their presence but he has made a choice and it isn't them. This has NOTHING to do with you or your inadequacies. But get PRAYING AND STAY PRAYING. Make sure you remain approachable to him so he doesn't hide too much from you. He might fall to it or he might not but you can have some influence on the side he tips to.

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    2. Nice one Nkem!

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  25. Anonymous5/22/2013

    Wish u luck! I can only imagine...

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  26. Anonymous5/22/2013

    Wish u luck! I can only imagine...

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  27. Anonymous5/23/2013

    Poster please don't leave him Ooº°˚ he only said he thinks but he has nt indulged. In the act so start taking all the positive advice here n work on it. But please don't be mad at him so he opens up more n does not regret telling u. My prayers are with u. #

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