Dad Won't Receive My Fiance's Family

Aunty Eya
 Thanks for this wonderful blog. A day never passes without me checking on this blog. Please I have a problem which I need you and your wonderful bloggers to help me with advice. 

I am 22 years old, a graduate of medical physiology from
uniport though I was in medicine but we had accredtation problems which most of us dropped out and I still intend going back to medicine through direct entry. 

Pls, my main problem is that I have a fiance who I have dated for 1year and five months, though he came for marriage but I was the one who asked that we dated first. Now he has gone with his people to see my dad but my dad refused that I must go back and study medicine first before getting married, he loves academics too much. 

Am so confused cos dis guy and his family love me so much and I love him too. My dad doesn't talk to me again, am just confused pls help me with some advice.

Comments

  1. Johnson5/02/2013

    Have personal talk with your dad – let him know why you want this and the plans you have for your future, especially if your fiancée has same vision with you on having a professional career. If it does not work, talk 2 your mum, then to daddy’s close friends… By so doing, daddy will know that it’s a serious matter that needs to be addressed. 22years, is about the right time, to marry, if you are emotionally and psychologically prepared.
    Through the talk, you might find out if there are other concerns daddy has. You might be surprised daddy is seeing something you are not seeing...
    However, reading through your post, it seems daddy wants you to have a successful career first – I don’t blame him. But sha, if you go back to study medicine, you might turn old-cargo for house and he won’t like that either.

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  2. You need to have a heart to heart talk with your dad. You and your fiance have to reassure him that your education will continue as planned. He has fears, they may be genuine fears, pray and seek ways to address those fears.

    However, I believe you are young (not too young for marriage)but still young. You don't have to get married now.

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  3. Yvonne5/02/2013

    @Lammy, what age do u think is the right time? just asking...

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  4. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Thanks johnson my fiance has greatvisions for me. His the one searching for schools still doing direct entry in medicine for me.He wants me to do masters first after youth service before doing the direct entry stuffs. He has made moves even gone to my schOol to talk to some lecturers. My dad is making me really uncomfortable. I know he loves me so much especially as an only daughter but am a graduate now not like I didn't go to school.he doesn't talk to me, and he sees me as a failure. He is comparing me with my aunty who just got married now at 38 after much prayers and fasting. I don't even no how to talk to him cos he acts like am not a human being. As for my fiance he is so confused and he is feeling my dad hates him. My mum is on my side and likes the guy but my dad will even get angrt with her that she is supporting me. I have really prayerd, fasted and done night vigils for this matter I don't know what to do again. Atleast the guy loves me, always want to make me happy,he is industrous, has houses and is educated even doing his masters now.Am just confused pls help with ur advice cos I want to do many things in my life very early.

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    Replies
    1. Johnson5/02/2013

      @ Poster, maybe this whole introduction visit caught your dad unawares – some ‘strangers’ coming for his little angel! That was not an intelligent move, if you ask me. Modern parents would rather know their daughter (son) is having a courtship before the introduction. At this stage, the die has been cast…
      You should know daddy’s close ally; could be an uncle, aunty (maybe the one that just got married), or even his pastor – let your mum be part of this strategy (especially because she’s not completely with your dad on this). Get someone your dad respects to do the talking to him; but be prepared to convince this person(s) that you know what you are doing and that you are making the right choice(s).
      Daddy, definitely wants the best for you and he will soft pedal immediately he has the conviction that you’re in good hands – it is well.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous5/02/2013

    *prayed. Sorry am typing witha phone that's why I have mistakes in my spellings pardon me and thanks lammy.

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  6. My dear just keep pushing the matter. Try and gain d admission then go to him and aSsure him that you are really serious about school. My dad is like that too you can't mention marriage without completing your masters degree.

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  7. Anonymous5/02/2013

    After a guy has waited for me for 1year and five months? My dad even wants me to be a prof. One day dora akunyemi or so was shown on the tv and he started talking that is that one not a woman? My mum asked him that if she is a woman dis he no when she married and does it mean a girl can't be something in her husbands house. I feel so rejected.

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  8. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Most parents hurt their children without knowing and am talking from experience.I am 32yrs of age now wit no partner right now as am talking.My father is very very religious and strict but look at me now,am d one suffering but i no my God is in control.Beta go 4d man wit prayers or wateva it takes.There r many ladies out there looking for a successful and focused man like ur husband to be,otherwise,i pray you wont regret it bcos ur father wont marry you.The earlier the beta!!!!

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  9. I think u should slow things down a bit. Ur dad loves u and wants the best for u.

    I don't think it's the wisest thing to go against his wishes in the area of marriage especially at ur young age.

    If ur fiance really loves u, he shd be prepared to give it time.

    My advice is for u to enrol into med school ASAP and let ur fiance stay in the background for now, after abt 6mnths - 1yr, bring up the marriage issue again making sure u've prepared a lot of support from mum, uncles and aunts.

    Bear in mind though that combining med sch with family is no joke so be prepared so u don't end up dropping out!
    All the best!

    www.virtuosity19.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/02/2013

      LOL I tell u o,if my popsy shud know av dropped out of my masters class afta paying 4 2yrs,he wud almost av an hrt attack.I jus cudnt cope n am nt married,I jus started dating seriously n planning2marry(whic he was reluctant 4,even postponed 2 8months time)thinking I'll b tru with schl den.(˘̯˘ ) parents shud learn 2ask deir kids wat dey truly want n not force wat dey want on d kids.tssssk,all I want2do now is marry my man n av kids,n grow my business,dats all dat I can focus on 4now.my dear,u re young.u probably won't start aving kids nytym soon.so mayb u can handle it,God help u bt give ur dad tym as sum1 said.give him time,dats d only solution.u've done well 4ur self already.I also graduated @age 22 bt am 28 now n d man still wants me2b reading instead of moving ahead.

      Delete
  10. Anonymous5/02/2013

    My dear, you and your mother should get people your father respect( like pastor, uncles etc) to talk to him o.. The same thing happened to me.. After making my fiance wait for about 4years for me to graduate from medicine, my dad was stil insisting I do my internship and masters degree before he accepts any brideprice on my head.. Our circumstances are similar cos I'm also an only daughter with proffessors as parents... But after a lot of crying, family meetings, prayers and fasting he succumbed and I'm happily married to my first and only love now.. Your case will also end well just pray and persist

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  11. Anonymous5/02/2013

    I think you should calm down and get to know the reason why your father refuses to meet them, marriage is not a bed of roses, your father mite be concerned more dan just your education, wat if ur married and your husband insists on u getting pregnant, how do u intend to combine school,ur home and pregnancy,or wat if your fiance changes his mind of u schooling after your married to him, wat will u do? So u better be real, at 22 u are still young, at dt age thou I had finished even youth service,marriage was the last thing on my mind,even thou u r a graduate my dear u mite still think and act like a child, marriage is not for kids, u learn a lot there, deres absolutely no rush,things can change not in your favour after marriage oo, so think well...very well in fact

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    Replies
    1. Johnson5/03/2013

      @ Anon 11:17pm: most ladies would not have marriage on their mind when they are supposedly young. Sure the poster didn’t before this bobo came knocking. When the 'right' man comes knocking at this early age, it's better to consider settling down cos you might live to regret losing the opportunity. I am sure some ladies here would tell you how they wished they had settled earlier and how some lost out...
      I agree that marriage is not for kids (esp boys). 22years is not a kid, for a lady, that is emotionally, psychological, and spiritually matured. I am an advocate for young marriages as long as both parties have some understanding of what they are getting into.
      Thanks @ Anon 7:34pm for sharing your experience... @ Poster, as you forge ahead in your academic pursuit, get people to talk to your dad as recommended by few persons here. If the guy is yours, he will be with you in this 'struggle' and the wait will be worth it. This period is also a revealing period – so watch & pray.
      Just wondering how old this your guy is... daddy might just be seeing something you're not seeing.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/03/2013

      Tanks to u all for your comments. At Johnson you are right I had nothing in mind about marriage untill I met dis guy.I have stayed in the university for 5years and for this 5years I have had somany proposals from Different men maybe dey don't no am really young cos I look really big and tall but these proposals ment nothing to me dats y when dis guy came to me for marriage I told him I can't marry him until I no him very well.he is 31 years old though people don't no his really older than me cos of my size.but this guy has been by me since then(November 2011 we started dating) though only my mum I told about him cos my dad is this holy holy type. He made sure I don't really lack(not that his very rich)his my best friend and more like a broda.my dad even before this guy came to him.hour woke up one morning and started shouting at me(that was in my final year)that he dreamt I can to him saying I want to marry. There is nothing he didn't say that day oh. I told him to look for a school that still does direct entry and he said in nigeria most of the schools have stoped direct entry in nigeria. He now expects me to go write jamb and start from year one for a 7years course before getting married. And this guy is really prepared on settling down he is even arranging our house we will move into my fiance wants me to do masters and safety programme he has even taken me to a white man in his company and told the man what I studied and about the masters and safety programme and the man agreed when am done they will give a job in their company but my da does not want to understand, he doesn't give me money even for clearance or ask of my where about yet he does not want to accept. His close friends that came to talk to him are now his enemies.just too confused.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/03/2013

      its certainly good to marry early, at the same time i think the nature of this matter calls for cautiousness, number one cos its marriage and no2 u have a parent who is strongly opposing the union(though all fathers would oppose the union of their daughters initially), Mr Johnson you would agree with me that most men will say and act what they know a woman wants to hear/see when they are ready to be in a relationship/marry and vice versa only for them to change once they get what they want, dear poster, the ball is in your court, only you wear the shoes and you know the type of man you are dating, however its important you shine your eyes to be sure that all the promises made to you now will still hold after you are married, many a man and woman change after marriage and by then its too late to step out of the marriage, many men want to be the sole provider for their family so even if you have masters degree is he willing to let you work with it, you need to be certain his promises aren't empty.
      do you also want a parent that was forced to accept your union simply cos his hands are tied(too much begging and doesn't want to be seen as not wanting your happiness) if you think its safe to let your fiance know your father still isn't cool with it then by all means let him know if not know how to play it safe between them, try to talk to your father, apologize to him even though you think you haven't done anything wrong, at the end of the day your father mite just want your proposed to prove himself worthy of you just be sure, its marriage afterrall, you wont want to rush in and rush out

      Delete
  12. Johnson5/03/2013

    @ Poster; if daddy is holy holy and a dreamer, then your problem is half solved! The heart of the king is in God’s hand. With Sarah’s prayer concerning Hagar & Ishmael, Abraham had no choice but to yield to Sarah when God himself intervened (Gen 21:10-13). God will intervene in your case IJN!
    Obviously daddy wants the best for you and will succumb when he gets the conviction. But please, don’t be pressured to do anything ‘silly’. Take some of the advice given by contributors… watch and pray and everything’s gonna be alright.

    ReplyDelete

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