An American Wife In Need Of Advice

Hi, I am not certain if this email will reach you or if you will respond, but I am hoping.
I am an African American woman, married to a Nigerian Man.  We live in the United States, but he has recently gone home to Nigeria to
work on a Political project.  Last week I received an
email telling me he was seeing another woman, and that the woman was pregnant.
He denied it at first, then 4 days ago he called and told me the truth.

As an American woman I am not quite sure of what is expected of me from his Nigerian family.  I am also not sure what would 
be expected from this situation.  I am having trouble believing this girl is pregnant.  She is a 38 Nigerian woman, never been married and no other children.

     I would also like to know what are the Nigerian laws of custody for children born out of wedlock.  My husband and I have a good life here in the United States
and could offer this child a good life here with us.  There is no way, he could be a father if this child remains in Nigeria.  He would only get to see the child
once a year.. for 2 weeks.  Of course, our other option is to just leave the entire situation alone and move on. (that goes against my morals of course)

     The woman is saying...if he is not around for the pregnancy, then she is going to forbid him to see the child.  How does she expect him to be around
when he has a wife and family of his own in the United States?

What I think is.. she was desperate and did this intentionally. (if she is indeed telling the truth) 
 Of course, I do not take any of the blame off of my husband.  He will be dealing with me
when he gets home in a few days.  It is not going to be easy to deal with me at his point.  I don't play around with behavior such as this.  

     His family went to the woman's house and spoke to her and her father.  She was informed at that time that he has a wife and has every intention
on returning the United States.  She was asked to have an abortion, but refused.  One of his elder brothers has washed his hands of the situation...wanting
nothing else to do with it. So I am not certain how things will be handled at this point.

      I am seeking some advice how to handle this, mainly due to the fact of the differences in our cultures.

Thank you so much for any help that you can offer.

Sher

Comments

  1. I feel you madam. some single ladies are just too desperate. I will advise you to be wise and accept that child OK. He is your husband's blood. Try as much as possible to take the child away from his mother and take care so that hubby doesn't use excuse of visiting his child to go see baby mama.

    Whenever he travels down here, if you can afford it, send some things to your parents-inlaw. Also try to accompany him to meet with your Nigerian Inlaws incase you haven't. Eya

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Thank you Eya, I am trying to do what is best here, but it is difficult when I am not sure what is best. Since this woman and my husband's actions have not been in the best interest of anyone but themselves... I feel that I need to put the child's needs first. That child would have the best of the best... if I was to raise this child with my husband. I can't really concern myself for how the child's mother feels... for she did not concern herself about anything when she decided to lay down with my husband. And yes, I have sent many gifts to the entire family... my husband left here with bags full of gifts.

      Delete
    2. I spammed some bad comments on this post and many good comments disappeared along with them. So sorry. When a comment is spammed, all the replies automatically disappear from the blog.

      Delete
    3. una mama5/30/2013

      Am very sorry for you.is this how you want to grow ur blog put this fictitous story down I didn't know you are this shameless

      Delete
    4. Anonymous5/30/2013

      @una mama, u r nt trained from your name its speaks a lot abt your bitter soul. Hate Eya all you want her blog has come to stay. U must be a satanist wit such bitter evil soul. Now eya I think its time to start censoring your comments

      Delete
  2. Anonymous5/29/2013

    wey dem legal advisers on WC? Case file haff landed for unu table oh!!

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  3. MissDee5/29/2013

    I'm interested in this post plus comments yet unborn.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      @missdee wia is ya popcorn and zobo?

      Delete
    2. una mama5/30/2013

      Yea bcos d story screams fake

      Delete
  4. dear american wife, i will advice u not to press too much in claiming d child. bcos if she is having a child at 38yrs , i don't think she will just sit back and have her child being taken away from her. My take on this is that yr hubby should break all ties with her and return to the state as soon as possible. Lest i forget, they can make arrangement on how to take care of d baby.

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  5. I'll suggest you go down to Nigeria to see the situation of things yourself. As much as you want to accept the child and bring it up in the US, do you think the mother will let go of her child just like that.
    When your husband gets back please seat him down and you two should talk about the way forward in terms of your marriage and what will happen to the woman and his child.
    Please beware that there are similar stories like yours whereby the man's family in Nigeria are bent on getting him a wife and family in Nigeria and don't fully accept any other woman who is not a Nigeria as a wife. Therefore I won't be surprised it you husbands family are part of this and fully support it but will probably pretend to you that they are against it.
    Please turn to God and pray he should direct your family on all decisions you make on this issue, he should heal your marriage and destroy the plans of every evil woman that wants to take your husband away from you and his children. If you can support this woman as much as you can but don't get too close.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Thank you Lizzy. I am taking all advice into my deepest thoughts until he returns. I am def. praying.

      The American Wife

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    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      See MUMU people, mrs american wife aka aunty eya welldone u hear

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/29/2013

    She is counting on you to divorce your husband so she could have him. From what you have said you dont intend to. Am so sorry this has happened. Punish your hubby in what ever way you see fit buy dont leave him. That is exactly what she wants. As for her threatening to "forbid" him from seeing the child dont mind her. Like she didnt know he was married before she slept with him.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kiky,u hit the nail on the head.thats exactly her target,she feels she could use those silly excuses to collect what belongs to another woman. That she's desperate is an understatement.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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    2. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Kiky... thank you for your advice. I am the American wife... and this has been a most difficult situation. I have visited Nigeria and spent time with his family. I speak to his brother quite often. Also, his sister will be moving here soon with her husband. But I agree, she is really hoping to have him. As of today... she is still continuing to attempt to contact him through other people, because he is refusing her calls as I have requested. My husband and I will have to sort this out between us, then we will be better prepared to deal with the situation. I still wonder if the pregnancy is for real... it just seems a bit odd... that at 38 she would be getting pregnant for the first time... and going around telling it to everyone. I would think she would be too ashamed to tell it.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/29/2013

      What is odd about her getting pregnant at 38 for the first time? I am just wondering why you keep repeating that. Your husband fathered a child with her! I doubt it was a one hit wonder too. You will need to seek the face of God diligently on this matter. Some men with foreign wives do keep two families. His family might not have asked him to hook up with a local but now with a child involved they might begin to soften up slowly. Be very strategic and tactful. Bringing the child to raise will not solve the matter. Besides she wouldn't let you touch her child. One way to play things safe would be by sending money monthly for the upkeep of the child. Next time, travel with him. It might not stop him from cheating but it can reduce the number of times he does. Make your children a part of his family back home by taking them for visit yearly if possible. It helps to prick their conscience in situations as this.

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    4. Anonymous5/29/2013

      I mention her age, because in the United States, most women have children prior to that age. As women age, it can become more difficult to conceive. It's of course not impossible, but the chances do become smaller. I am a nurse and have seen women really struggle to get pregnant after 35. An Nigerian friend also stated to me... that most Nigerian women marry and have children well before this age. The truth is.. anything is possible. Perhaps it is just wishful thinking on my part. As of this date, there has been no proof of the pregnancy, other than her word.
      Thanks for your response.
      The American Wife

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    5. Anonymous5/30/2013

      U dey crase u hear and ma this fake story become real and permanent in your life AMEN!

      Delete
  7. kendra5/29/2013

    Punish your husband in whatever way but do not divorce him cos thats what shes counting on... When hubby gets back,u guys should have a serious talk,ask him to break all ties between him and the woman,he would take care of his child of cos by sending child support.. Forget abt getting the child to come stay with u in America,shes 38 and wouldnt want her child far from her,trust me,she wont stop ur husband from seeing his son,thats a strategie shes trying to use to get him to stay with her and leave u


    Take this issue to God in prayer,commit ur marriage,ur husband and everything in prayer cos with God,u can win but without him,u would loose

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  8. BEKEES5/29/2013

    Madam jst take things easy and hannd over everything to God.Most single girls now are desperate.The worst is dat they prefer married. Men.A. Single lady who is 38yrs is desperate to tie ur hussy down.don't mind her threats and don't give her a chance to break ur home.Pray more now please and God will see u through. Amen

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Thank you Bekees...So far I have been really strong and thinking clearly. I have offered him a divorce with no hassles...he has been very clear... we are not divorcing over this. I just wish you could see this girl and compare her to me... Ohhh... is he serious! I am telling you... it had to be the liquor! According to him.. he doesn't really even remember what happened... but again.. only God knows what the truth is!

      Delete
  9. Anonymous5/29/2013

    Please do a DNA test. I don't trust all these old single women. They would do anything just to get a man to call their own. You seriously have to sit your husband down so you guys can actually plan on what to do. You should not negotiate with the woman because any small opportunity you give her, she will surely use it against you. If I may ask, do you have any children if your own?

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Yes, we have 2 sons.

      Delete
  10. Anonymous5/29/2013

    Madam tell us d truth do u. Have any birth related issue?any at all? Cox I kw the nigerian woman didn't rape ur man rather he did the climbing. So tell us the truth. How old are u? Hope u are a 60......... Years and above woman, dat y ur man went 4 a lady dat will carry him name.mind u I'm not try 2justify her actions or him!just wanted 2kw if u are the cause,maybe his family? My advice 4u is 2pay a surprise visit here and sort thing out.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      I am no where near 60 years old...(smiling) that is for sure. This situation can certainly happen to anyone...anywhere. My main questions cause concern when I don't understand certain ways of your culture. Trust when I say, I would certainly know how to handle everything, if this was an American within the United States. One thing is also certain, I want to be very careful how this is handled, and make sure that it has the best outcome possible. From my understanding, it happened after a night of drinking. And for all purposes, there is no justified cause for cheating. Time will certainly tell all!
      Thanks
      The American Wife

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  11. dear american wife,
    u can do watever u like wit yr hubby wen he get back nigeria but DONT EVER THINK OF DIVORCING HIM he is not going anywhere.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Thank you Henny.
      He has already assured me, he does not want a divorce.

      The American Wife

      Delete
  12. i mean wen he gets back from nigeria

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  13. If you truly love your husband, divorce shouldnt come up in this issue, because he also need you to help him. But I will advise that you make time to come to Nigeria and see things for yourself, it may help.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Thank you Debby. I will be certainly be making trips with my husband. He knows that I am a strong woman, and will not fall weak behind any of this mess.

      Delete
  14. Anonymous5/29/2013

    This story is fake wey Eya see american lady .liar

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    Replies
    1. I hope you know we have a 50-60 something year old white woman on this blog who even comments often? Also if the poster is married to a Nigerian and looking for this kind of solution, it is only normal that Google cud have referred her here. Let's not forget the Nigerians living abroad and other Africans who visit here and can easily introduce her. It's a blog on the INTERNET. Just a click away from any country in the world.

      My point is, dnt allow urself be limited by being myopic. Think BIG....

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/29/2013

      At Aha pls what's the meaning of myopic?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/29/2013

      I assure you I am not white. I also assure, this story is not fake. And I will also assure you... that, other than this response (in response to the anonymous response above)... I will not waste any more of my time on the responses that insinuate anything but positive and helpful remarks. I have often wondered why such negative people even bother to respond to blogs. Wow, amazing!
      FYI... I was on google searching for some information regarding Nigerian culture and I found this website.
      The American Wife
      Thank you Ahdaisy for your response.

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    4. U're welcome. I knw U r nt the white woman I am referring to. I am just saying if we have an elderly white woman here, I dnt see why an African American married to a Nigerian being here is so far-fetched.

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    5. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Yeh, Ahdaisy ... but you know some people are just negative or just not educated and simply don't understand the power of the internet and the world wide web (www). Why would this person take such energy and time ... to keep posting those negative statements? If this blog was fake (and it is certainly not), why would they concern themselves about it to this extent. The United States is very worldly and I am very educated... there is nothing on this internet that I couldn't find. Thanks again.

      Delete
  15. I'm not trying to joke about ur situation, but having dat kind of relationship at 38, it'a either she is a very hot woman or ur husband is old. Also, is he Igbo? I am asking because different tribes handle this kind of situation differently. Do you have any biological kids for him? How old is he?

    In my opinion, pls dnt take the child. For the first 6-10 yrs of the child's life, everything will be fine. After that, I can guarantee that more issues will come up. The child will also add curiosity and peer pressure to the list of ur worries. Might leave you more heartbroken especially after you have come to love the child and invested ur emotions.

    Anyhow, he is better off with his mum. Your husband should just look for a way to take care of the kid without taking the child away.

    But before all these do a DNA test when the kid is born. I pray God gives you the strength to bear this and make the right choices....

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    Replies
    1. Just saw ur replies to others. Since u have kids, pls let the woman keep her child. Just focus on healing your heart and doing wat's best for urself and kids....

      All the best.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Ahdaisy, to answer your other question... they are both 38. And no she is not hot.. and he is not old... LOL I was sent a picture of her in the first email that I received...in fact I was shocked. She is very heavy and not attractive at all. I asked him was he so drunk that he was desperate. Not to be boastful, but I know what I look like and have no problems in the area of attractiveness... whatsoever! We have two wonderful sons. I am also concerned about if they were to find out when they are older, what would they think of their father. So right now, I really want to protect my family ... but I do not want to go against my morals and values... but it is almost impossible to do both... as I am seeing.
      Thanks again.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/30/2013

      He is Yoruba

      Delete
  16. As others have stated once the child is born a DNA test shld be done, if the woman refuses get a court order mandating her to carry out the test. As for custody of d child, if ur husband has paid the bride price the child belongs to him but if he hasn't the child is for the mother. Most nigerian courts won't give u custody even if bride price has been paid bcos they will seek the best interest of the child, which is naturally the birth mother exp if there is a mental incapacity, or moral character in question. Ur husband after d DNA test if d child is his, can enter into an agreement with her as to upkeep of the child, visits for the child to spend vacations with u both and full custody when the child reaches puberty. Pls pray and forgive ur husband, and just move on, love ur husband, family n d step child. May God give u d grace to handle each obstacle and wisdom to know the right thing to do.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/29/2013

      Deborah... thank you so much for your response. I certainly agree there should be a DNA test done, as I am certain this girl was no virgin. I am not aware of what a bride price is, can you explain please. This girl was a girl he knew from his childhood, they went to school together. I think she saw him involved in politics and this was an attempt to gain wealth... (I was told this by another friend) As bad as I would feel about leaving this child behind, I do not want my family tied to such a manipulative woman. I'm sorry to say... but I just don't know of what good could come out of this. I certainly plan on keeping my family together. I just pray that this pregnancy is not so. I pray that it was all a lie to begin with as I suspected. She just seems really desperate. One thing she was not counting on... was him walking away. Thanks again...Deborah.

      Delete
    2. Bride price is the money that is paid to a girls family its symbolic as once its done its deemed to be a valid marriage irrespective of church or court wedding, it varies frm tribe to tribe. It could be money or some items. Eg palm wine etc many women are desperate and will do anything to grab any man that makes himself availabe. I also think dis pregnancy may just be a facade. Just wait and see what time n providence will bring your way,

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Thanks Deborah. No.. I know there never anything paid to this girl or her family. My husband's father is so upset with him.. he keeps ringing his son's phone like crazy. My heart is telling me... it's not true as well..but I don't want to be foolish about it. One is for certain, adultery was committed... and I can't wait for this husband of mine to land on that plane. We are going to get to the bottom of it all! I wanted to thank everyone for of their help and input... I will certainly post something in regard to the outcome. And thank you all for the encouragement and prayers. As for the one sour grape on here..and you know who you are. I have one word of wisdom for you..."STOP".

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    4. I just knew it! I knew this wasn't a one night stand thing. When I read your story, I thought to myself your husband must have known her way back before he came to the States.

      For her to try hooking him with pregnancy esp at that age, she knew what she wanted. Any woman who at that age who ends up getting pregnant won't want to lose the baby.

      It could be booze or otherwise but it has happened; how to resolve the matter peacefully is the issue at hand. These are desperate times!

      Delete
    5. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Yes Rugynnia ... these are certainly desperate times. I'm looking forward to the end of this mess. Women just don't realize... as we say in the States... what comes around...goes around. This woman can not build a life of happiness upon someone else s misery.

      Delete
  17. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Why would your husband go ahead and chook raw with another woman, m very upset for you. That woman is thirsty! Pls don't collect her child if she's really pregnant. It may be a trap and please pray for your husband! Anything can happen she may want to go at any length just to make sure she has him to herself. In as much as your hurt right now, bring your husband and your family under the covering of the blood of Jesus and secure ur marriage in the place of prayer.

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  18. Anonymous5/30/2013

    One thing is for certain... there is a lot to think about and pray about. Thank you so very much for responding.

    The American Wife

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  19. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Please whatever you do please don't punish him too hard cause he might just go back to her and a second child might happen. Which will place you on a more disavantagous position. almost exactly what u r going thru happened in my family few years ago but the player are all nigerians but all live in the states the aggrived woman threathened fire which lead the man back to the same woman before you knew it a second child was on the way and the extended family who were previously divided now said ok we cannot leave our blood outside so the woman was married in. My point here is make your husband see that you are on HIS SIDE then you guys can now work together towards a solution. I know you are Mad right now but control it. There is a big racial divide here and his family will at the end of the day give excuses for him and work to his favour. Guide your steps with disgression and remember u don't speak same language with his people and don't take anyone on face value. Bring your man close you can work it out just the two of you.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Thank you for that response. The one good thing I have on my side is ... he will not be able to travel back to Nigeria for at least a year or a year and a half. His job is here in the United States. At the time he will travel back to Nigeria, I will certainly be with him. I have already expressed to him, there will be no visits with her or communication unless I am present. I am angry, but I have remained very calm. In fact, I have been so calm he said that I was scaring him...(smile) The truth is, I have been calm for the sake of our sons, and for my own health. I have been having chest pains and shortness of breath, due to all the tension and stress I am under. So, I am doing things to calm myself down. I won't allow my husband kill me, that is for certain.

      Delete
    2. Dear American Wife,

      Way to go sis! Please be calm. Like you said, you won't allow him kill you. Be alive and strong for your sons; they need you and your husband needs you too. He needs you to be his support at this time.

      When you too finally have that talk, please take it easy; he's hurting himself so don't add salt to his wound. Pass your message across calmly but sternly.

      Let the intruder know subtly that her efforts have failed. I love the part you said you will be with him when he meets her. That's good. When you meet her, be nice to her. Yes I said it, be nice. If you do otherwise, you are playing the kind of game she wants but when you do otherwise, it shocks her just like your how calmness is making your husband to be wary.

      Don't forget prayers too; she could go diabolical to hook your husband to herself; so pray that whatever wants to destroy the peace and harmony in your family should be destroyed.

      You have your in laws on your side, use it to your advantage but please don't over do it. Remember wisdom and keeping prayer for more wisdom.

      I like that your calmness is scaring him; being an AA, he must have expected you to flare up and show madness but you're taking it calmly. Maybe he hasn't seen this side of you before and that's why he's scared.

      Can I suggest that when you both meet the intruder, show your hubby massive and crazy love in her presence to drive her nuts!

      I think you should get the book: "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. You can get it from Amazon. I wish you the best and this too shall pass.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Rubynna... you are giving me hope and making me smile! Yes, I will def follow your advice, when we both face her together. One thing I am certain of is... my husband loves me and our family. He has shown me more than words can ever express. I think that him and his liquor just got caught up with this wicked woman... not to justify for him. We have been through so much together and his love and support of me has never faltered through the years. He calls me several times a day now to just check on me and the our sons, and the one thing I noticed he is being very attentive and listening to anything I am saying. I had briefly shared my feelings of being upset, but I am saving that for when we are face to face, and then I will not be harsh with it. He already knows the pain and trouble he has caused and is feeling it far worse than he ever imagined. I am going to search for that book today. Thank you so much.... and thanks for making me smile.
      The American Wife

      Delete
  20. BEKEES5/30/2013

    An advice for married women,believe it or not the devil is out to destroy marriages.Marital distress is not of God mostly if your marriage is peaceful and you are married to ur divine husband(frm God).As for me I will advice that every woman shld make out time to pray and fast for their marriage, Husband,kids even if is once in a week commit every thing concerning ur marriage and urself to God.for me I use JOB 5:12,Proverbs 26:27, ACT 4:29 etc.I pray as we do so God in his infinite Mercy will HEAL our Marriages.Somebody say Amen.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Amen!

      The American Wife

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    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      True talk. Amen!

      Delete
  21. DNA na long journey sef, by then the lady might start pressurizing for her bride price to be paid. Me I will advise that the pregnancy be confirmed to be real first. Why? There is this Igbo single lady in my neighborhood who is fond of just getting pregnant for guys that comes home from abroad and she has been exposed twice. The First guy came home for his wedding and then this lady went to announce to the guy's family that she is pregnant for the guy. The guys mother just told her to follow her to see one of their family member so she starts knowing them only for the woman to drive her straight to the hospital and demanded for a PT to be done. Lo and behold, the result was negative. she was chased like a dog. She was exposed the second time she did it too. So, my dear American wife, do not be disturbed yet. You guys should find a way to affirm her pregnancy status first, if the result is positive, of course they can do DNA test even as she is pregnant. If the result is positive again. Do not even think of taking the child cos she will not give it out. Serious prayers will then be needed cos she can go diabolical.

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  22. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Thank you Beecee, your response was most helpful. My husband stated it only happened that one time. (on the night a group of friends was out drinking) As you already know, I am not certain of the truth about that. But if that happens to be the case... it just raises more suspicion to her pregnancy story. I am praying and praying... that it is a lie. I can deal with the remaining issue. In all the time we have been married, I have never had concern over my husband being unfaithful. So I ask, why her and why now. It is not as if we have any issues in our marriage. The entire story really puzzles me. I guess within due time... the truth will come out.
    I guess my only other question would be... how would she keep this lie going.. when in 9 months... there would be no baby.

    Thank you

    The American Wife

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    Replies
    1. una mama5/30/2013

      Fake story Eya u ve exposed urself badly u werte so desperate to belong now see what u ve done to urself pls bring this fake story down and apologise

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      My. Friend shut up there! We don hear na, fake or real, leave Eya alone. Wow! U must be jobless this early morning, u can do d following: prepare breakfast for ur family( if u are married at all) go to work( datz if u are nt jobless) pass by ( it's not compulsory u read Wives Connection, take ur bile filled comments to Stella Dimoko's blog, Linda Ikeji, bellanaija, etc! There are other blogs na, oya vanish from here, Una mama ko, una house girl ni! Ur madam left the system for u abi? Oya, take d kids to school. Idiot. As for the poster, hmmm mm, dnt act, I repeat, dnt even make plans , until u see visible evidence of da so called pregnancy. And if I were u, by now I wld hv one member of my husbands family who is my full time snitch, she or he should come in handy here to update u o, of course having a snitch comes with a price on ur own part, cos that person gets to enjoy what no one else gets....favoritism tins! Every woman MUST have an inlaw that she relates with above all others o, it's very beneficial,

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Wow... anonymous.. I'm just sitting here laughing at your comments toward the jobless person..LOL Thank you for that... I needed that laugh this morning. It was a cousin that was emailing me telling me about the situation... that is how I first found out, but they have never revealed who they are to me. I have a few thoughts as to who this person is. I do have one regret, that I responded to this person harshly at first, because I didn't trust who they were. Last year, I was receiving harassing phone calls from someone within the Inner Caucus of the Political party. The family learned it was a distant Uncle, that was trying to get his own son into the position for which my husband is for. So, I thought it was this man causing trouble again. I did write the cousin back and apologize, but I have never heard back from them. I think at this point they are concerned the family will find out who it is. Thanks so much.

      Delete
    4. @ fake funke,can't u find ur own identity and stop pretending using d name of d original funke? Dr is no way she'll write d rubbish u write. Meanwhile,ds one wey u dey say na yankee time go dey show for aunty eya blog,no talk am again o! Stop ridiculing yaself up and down ds blog. Yeye!

      Delete
  23. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Haha,@ una mama y do u tink dis story is fake? I just wanna kow cos dis is internet n anyone can access it anywia anytime.n can't pple outside Nigeria contribute or b troubled in dia marriage n seek help. Horlah

    ReplyDelete
  24. felicia5/30/2013

    @ American Wife: u shuld leave d girl alone and deal wit ur husband... If she says he won't see d child no probs (wen hunger blow her like heavy wind) she'll locate him herself n hand over d child 2 him.

    Do u ve a child 4 ur husband?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Hi Felicia... yes we have two sons.

      Delete
  25. Anonymous5/30/2013

    @anon 11.25 n una mama, I c u re very daft(1 n same I'm sure)!wats fake bout dis,do u know how many women re in dis exact situation?I'm also in a similar situation,we avent even gotten married so I'm worried wat will bcum of d baby!my fiance doesn't even want2c d child cos he said as long as he gave d moda money 4abortion n she refused den its her luck,he also claimed he did it 1ce n wen she came bck a month l8r 2say she's preggy,he flipped n said neva he doesn't want,n gave her money2abort!she took money n went only2text him wen pregnancy was 8months dat she's still preggy n he shud cum n pay her bride price!it was@dat point he had2tell me but I can't b so wicked 2let him abandon d baby bcos he too was stupid enuff nt 2only cheat bt not use a CD!d normal me wud av called off my engagement with him bt I figured dats wat d girl wants,though he swears even if I liv him he wud neva marry her.d only person2pity in situations like dis is d innocent child.I had2give my fiance conditions 2go ahead 2marry him,1st of all cut all ties with his baby mama.den set up an acct 4monthly payment 4d baby's upkeep,den wen baby is 3yrs,we collect him!I won't av my kids n him fighting in d future 4who is not wat.so it wud help if dey all grow up loving eachoda.bt I guess u can't do dat @poster cos I'm guessing ur kids aren't young n dat witch(ur hubby's babymama)lol won't release d child,he's her meal ticket!jus do a DNA n mke sure ur hubby send support 2dem.d things men use our eyes2c,mouth can't talk finish!I can imagine betrayed n hurt u must feel.I cried 4several days n asked God y he didn't lemme av a normal close nit family!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Awwww.. I am so sorry you are going through this as well. Thank you so much for your input. Yes, the pain is a bit much to bear. I am okay mostly through the day. I just try to keep busy with the kids. We are going on an out of town shopping trip today...so our boys are very excited. It hits me hard during the night...when I am laying there just thinking of what has happened. The though of him with another woman has made me ill on my stomach. The other issue I am concerned about, is the health issue. I asked him if was crazy to have unprotected sex, with this woman who is obviously not a virgin. He has put our lives and our health at risk. Needless to say ... I will be having him see the doctor. I am also not quite sure where my husband stands if this child will really exist. His concern has been focused on me and trying to comfort me. He has repeated more than once, that he does not want our family to break up and how much he loves his wife. He says, "I am with you because I love you ... not because I have to be with you" He also stated this girl means nothing to him, and he has no attraction or feelings for her. I am just learning about this bride price thing, but there is not one man in his family that has a second wife, and there has never been one divorce ever.. in the history of his family. They are devoted Christians. Furthermore, if my husband was to even think of taking on a second wife or paying this so-called bride price... I would not have it... not ever! He would never be able to face my family again. Trust me.. he is very Americanized and would never consider that. Here in the United States, it is against the law to have more than one wife, and a man would go to prison for that.
      Thanks so much.
      The American Wife

      Delete
  26. Anonymous5/30/2013

    As in eh!! The story is so fake, I am so sure of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Fake no be small ooooo

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Ehnnn, so wah?u want to kill urself because of dt? Pls do so on tym...drink hypo/Jik...it works trust me....

      Delete
  27. Hello Poster,
    This other woman is clearly desperate. All the drama about him not seeing his child is just a ploy for you to get frustrated, leave him or for him to choose her over you so you need to tread carefully. I think I understand what you mean when you said you don't believe her but let's work with the worst possible scenario here.
    Let's assume she's pregnant. I'd advise you to first forgive your husband and start the healing process together, once he gets back book an appointment with a counsellor cause you especially need that to build the trust back.
    I'd advise that you come down here yourself to visit and meet with your in laws physically. No doubt there'll be some sort of 'family meeting' Let it be clear to everyone that while you don't approve of what your husband did, you're not leaving him, divorce is not an option.
    As soon as its possible, please ask your husband to have a DNA test done like some people have said so that the issue of whether or not the baby is his can be settled.
    Talk to your husband about what relationship exactly he wants with the child. I think you both can reach some sort of compromise. E.g the child stays in Nigeria and spends holidays with you in the US or vice versa. Either way, I know this is hard but please don't let him abandon his child. No matter what happened, the child doesn't deserve that.
    Above all, pray pray and pray for God's protection over your family.
    All the very best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Thank You Mrs B. You have given me very wise advice. My knees are starting to hurt from all of my praying..(smile) I am trying to be strong, and actually I have shocked myself at how calm I am. I would have thought that I would be screaming and acting out toward him, but I have not... not even for a second. He is very worried about that, because he doesn't know what to make of my reaction at this point. The truth is... I feel God has his hands around my heart... and is guiding me through. God knows if I was to really feel the full impact of this pain, I would not be able to handle it.
      The American Wife

      Delete
  28. Anonymous5/30/2013

    American lady American lady ni

    ReplyDelete
  29. Sher (The American Wife) don't bother yourself too much about the lady. Don't label that stuff she is saying of your husband not going to see the kid as a threat. In Nigeria, men disown pregnancies everyday. It's the baby mamas that are even constantly praying and going diabolical to ensure that the men claim paternity.

    She's only saying that because your husband has shown interest to want to be in the kids life. Trust me, if it was the other way round, she would have been the one begging and pleading for him not to abandon her and the kid.

    But 1st of all, who sent you a mail? That is suspicious and means only one thing. The haggard thing wants you to get mad at your husband. I'm sure her friends have told her that American women don't waste time to divorce a man if he fathers a kid outside marriage. So, prove the lady wrong. Fight for your man and your marriage.

    Stand by your husband at this point in time. Don't give him any reason to decide to leave you and your sons and return to the woman. Seat him down, first of all, he must severe ties with the lady. No direct contact behind your back.

    He must demand for a paternity test from the lady, let his family stop visiting her, she's old enough to take care of herself, did anyone force her to spread her legs? She needs the kid desperately since she's not married at that age. So her friends advised her to just get any man to get her pregnant. She just needs the baby so bad. She is only trying her luck by seeing if she can get a double portion by also landing a man finally.

    Don't fall for her trap. Play smart. Go on your knees, fast, pray because the lady may go diabolical. She might not even want to, but if her friends and her notice that the initial ploy they wanted to achieve through the mail didn't work, they would definitely go spiritual. So you too, GO SPIRITUAL, before them.

    Only and only when the PT is determined, should your husband begin to do all the baby-dad stuff, Pay for child's welfare, arrange visits and all of that. But this should be done with you at the fore. In fact, be in charge and be the planner.

    Let there be nothing done without you being aware. Be at the fore front. All the best. Don't forget to pray.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jay, kisses and hugs from me to you. You got that right regarding American women not wasting time in divorcing their husbands in cases of adultery.

      Remember Tiger woods case? Atleast pregnancy wasn't involved, Elin still insisted on divorce.

      Sher, don't play her game. She wants you guys to divorce so she can have him to herself!

      She's doing "yanja" because your husband is interested in the child; if it were otherwise, she would be the one begging him to claim paternity.

      Your hubby's conscience is alive, if it were another man, he wouldn't be interested in the pregnancy let alone claiming it.

      Delete
    2. Yay! Rubynnia, Hugs and kisses back.

      Yeah, I remember o, poor Elin. She didn't waste time at all in filing for divorce. 9ja women are so aware of that, if not, I wonder why anyone would send a mail with the pregnant lady's picture as proof. Whether it's real or unreal sef. They are probably expecting her to just get mad all of a sudden and just file for divorce immediately without having to do any investigation.

      Don't mind the Nigerian lady jor. Can she try that rubbish to a 9ja based man at her age? Let her go and ask Bisi Ibidapo Obe what Dino Melaye did to her after she said he was her baby's daddy. ​LOOL.

      Exactly, as you said. The poster's hubby sure has a conscience. Even the poster too. But let them not allow her play on their intelligence by taking them for fools because of that. Who knows if she isn't looking for Visa sef.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Thank you Jay. The average black american woman would be knocking him over the head with something, destroying his car by smashing out the car windows, burning all of his clothes, throwing him out in the street.. and taking every dollar out of his bank account, then taking him to court for child support in which the average amount can be half of what he gets paid for all the years until their children reach the age of 18...then she would divorce him... take the house and most of his property through the court system. America has no mercy for cheating men! As far as the person that emailed me.. I am still not certain who it was... or if they were trying to help or trying to cause harm. Thanks again... you women are making me feel like I want to come over there and sit down with you for some good food and some laughs.
      The American Wife

      Delete
    4. Awww. You're welcome. Wow, don't we all just love the American system of handling this? Just don't let her try to use her knowledge of this system to break your home (which is what she wants). The persons that emailed weren't trying to help at all. They were up to no good.

      Do come over, Aunt Eya is a great cook (she'll handle the food aspect) and we have lots of comedians in the house (plenty laughs guaranteed) :-)

      Delete
    5. chiomz5/30/2013

      Awwwwww i just fell in love with dis African American lady....even with ple bad mouthing her she sure has a nice character. God bless u for me. Am going to personally put ur family in my prayers ok. Its well. And continue been nice.
      *e-hugs to u including jay,mrsB,rubynnia,meecee,ada,.....i just love ds family not mata d hate

      Delete
    6. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Awwww... thank you Ja Y and Chiomz... now you are making me cry.. but they are tears of joy... from my new friends. I think I should also tell you.. I need some cooking lessons..LOL My husband is praying I learn how to cook his food..LOL I am trying.. and can cook a few dishes he likes... so I am checking on the recipes on here. In the meantime he is stuck with eating my american food, but I know he is homesick for his mother's cooking. And thank you for all of your blessings. You all have no idea, how much you are helping me cope with this. You are a blessing to me. My husband wanted to call someone in my family to come over here to help me cope, but I told him no... because I know my family would not be forgiving of this... and would pass judgement on my husband... so I feel it is best that my family never know.
      American Wife

      Delete
    7. Awww e-hugs Chiomz!

      Sher, ​LOOL @ "My husband is praying I learn how to cook his food". You are so funny! But has he also tried going to Mount Olives to fast and pray about it? It just might do the trick...
      LOOL.

      Don't worry, with time, you will pick up and the kids will start picking your food over Mcdonalds :-)

      There are lots of african meal recipes on this blog. There are other 9ja food blogs too. So, just go to the African market like you said and do all the cooking experiment :-)

      Don't forget that practice makes perfect. So, just keep trying and never stop. Try making 'indomie' for your boys too, the kids will love it!

      Delete
  30. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Madam Eya how come our time and american womans time tallies abi she dey Naija

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai! See ds bush person o! Why are you disgracing yaself na? You be proper illiterate o!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Oh Chi... you are too funny....LOL

      Delete
  31. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Even when you chatting on your BB and wotsapp with someone in the uk or us, their reply usually tally with our time. So stop this nah

    Emerald

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To add to what you've said, it tallies with our time because whatsapp (and other applications) follows the time on our phones.

      This also applies to computer software, which use the time set on the computer system.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      @ruby I wis everyone can take a cue from u .cool response no insults or abuses thank u

      Delete
    3. Anon. 1:56PM, thank you too! :D

      Delete
  32. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Madam Sher, there are hundreds of Nigerian food recipes on this blog if you search. Learn some simple ones and cook once in a while for him when he returns.

    No lazy woman will successfully reap from your sweat. Guard your marriage and do not let this escalate to a point where he begins to feel you are nagging.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous5/30/2013

    I am planning a trip to the African market before he returns in a few days. I have been experimenting so much with cooking his food... he may be afraid to taste it..LOL Considering what is going on. When I cook something.. and it does not look right.. he just laughs and looks at our sons...and then he will ask the boys... if they want to try Mommy's cooking.. or go to McDonalds..LOL Of course.. they always vote for McDonalds. But later...my husband will get hungry again.. and he will eat some of it. You know.. My Husband and I have such a wonderful life.. to think of this dark cloud that is over us now.. is just heartbreaking. But I'm staying strong.
    American Wife

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sher,

    It's good to know we have been able to uplift your spirit at this critical time of your life.

    Every woman will pass through one test or the other. This is your test, please don't fail it.

    Someone once said that she sees marriage as an assignment given to her by GOD of which she will give report. What kind of report card do you want to submit to your creator?

    Please I beseech you not to inform your family about what's happening. If you do, they might influence you in seeking for separation/divorce. Also, he will lose his standing before them.

    I believe after this episode, your husband will love, cherish, adore, and respect you like never before.

    Remember Shaggy's song: "Strength of a woman"? With this present episode, you've made him realise the in-depth meaning of that phrase.

    Please don't forget to give us a feedback when this matter has been amicably resolved.

    You shall come out smiling and dancing; you'll have the best and last laugh. :D
    #sending you an e-hug#

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is one beautiful comment Rubynnia. Very beautiful! And you are so right about what her family will make her do if she let's them know. So very true. And that's what the 9ja lady will be expecting o. God pass her.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Yes...that was a beautiful comment from Rubynnia. You ladies could teach African American ladies a thing or two about marriage. They don't have to deep understanding that you all seem to have about relationships and marriage. That is why I think our divorce rate is so high. One of the reasons why I married my husband... is my respect for his culture. Not everything in the culture... but a great deal of ... especially the respect for elders... which is almost at 0 in this country. I truly believe, that my 18 years of being a nurse, has given me a greater understanding of life and a higher level of respect than most of the women here... and for that I am grateful.

      Delete
  35. Thank you JaY and Chiomz.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous5/30/2013

    I will certainly stay in touch. I think I will be visiting this site... for quite some time. Thank you ladies... soooooo very much! Also... I just returned from shopping.. and I have a new outfit for his arrival home. But... he can only look... he can't touch !!! I think this dress... will torture him..LOL I am going to punish him... but in a way.. that he won't even realize he is being punished intentionally... You ladies helped me think of this..(smile) Some saying punish him harshly... others saying not too harshly! And... I just needed to get out of the house and do something that would take my mind off of this for a bit. It worked.. I actually had an enjoyable time... just walking and looking around. I hope all of you are having a good evening.
    American Wife.

    ReplyDelete
  37. American wife, i dont know who you are, but i'm sure of one thing, u're gonna win this battle cos u have a good heart.. I just learnt a great deal from you and i'm gonna pray for you..

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Awww...CCF. Thank you very much. My parents raised me very well and raised me in the church... so perhaps that is where my heart comes from. But sometimes it is very difficult to be the person with the good heart... because people tend to walk all over it, but I just have to hold on and be strong. It is so funny... when you think that you can't handle one more thing... there is an amazing strength that will come from within you. I hope I do win this battle... and if I do... it is with the help of all of you ladies on here. Thank you for your prayers.
    American Wife

    ReplyDelete
  39. Sher, I know you will most definitely win this battle because Jehovah GOD is fighting for you. The man is yours and no intruder will take him away from you! Be optimistic and prayerful; never for once allow doubtful and pessimistic thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous6/01/2013

    I'll keep praying for you! It is well with you and your family .

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous6/02/2013

    Thank you Anonymous. As I am typing this... my husband is on a flight from Nigeria. He will arrive in the States in the morning. I am asking God to guide my heart and my mind... as how to handle this upon seeing him face to face. I am sure... tomorrow is going to be a challenging day. It is now 12:28 am. I better get some sleep... before he calls to be picked up from the airport. God give me strength!
    American Wife

    ReplyDelete

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