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My Husband, Our Child's School Teacher, What Should I do?

Aunty Eya,
Thank you for doing a great job. Am having problems with my husband. We've been married for four years. My husband puts a password on
everything you can think of, from his phone to his Ipad.

Unfortunately for him, he left his phone without locking it and I went through it.I was shocked when I saw the messages between him and my child's teacher in school. I confronted him and out of anger called the teacher. My husband apologized but wasn't happy I called her.

The problem am having now is that I hate my husband and am finding it difficult to trust him.I have been asking him details of the relationship but he's refusing to tell me any.He wants us to put everything behind us and move on with our lives. please advice me on what to do cos am carrying a lot on my mind.
Anne

Comments

  1. plz forgive him and put everything behind like he said.
    No one is infallible,we only overcome by the grace of God.
    plz try repay him with much greater love,with that he'll be very remorseful for his actions. but u hating him would rather keep him away from home,and will always try everything to avoid meeting u,thus avoiding altercations with u.
    Above all pray for him,cheaters need divine intervention.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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    Replies
    1. This is far the best blog response an any social issue have read...

      My addition, it's rare to find a man without a cheating instinct, believe me! It's the sad truth.

      That's why you see that pastor's imams are also enmeshed in the demeanor!

      Give it a nudge, take it as crime but give him a second chance.

      Delete
    2. I totally agree with Ace n Bonario. Just bear it in mind that it'll take abit of time 4 u 2 heal coz of d lack of trust and anger but resenting him will push him away further. Speak with him as there might b something missing he has gone out there to find however that is not an excuse 4 cheating.

      Delete
  2. If you still want to continue in the relationship then my dear, you'll have to forgive him and move on. Talk with him, let him know your feelings and that it was not acceptable; also remind him of your vows and probably find out why?

    The messages they sent to each other were they suggestive of something deeper going on or was it like they were flirting with each other?

    You said you called the teacher as well, how did that turn out? What was her reaction. Anyway, please don't give yourself hypertension sha but you definitely have to have a heart to heart with him and move on from this episode.

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  3. Anonymous4/03/2013

    Now you know the reason why password's all his stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sit him down, tell him u hate him, ure having trust issues and ure carrying alot on your mind and ure not happy about it and u'd like to have a conversation with him as regards the issue ... He would listen :) .. Then spill ... Dialogue solves situations .. I think ... And as alwyz, pray for ur marriage

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  5. TOKE MAKINWA I LOVE U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/04/2013

      What has Toke Makinwa got to do with this issue now?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/06/2013

      U mind this bloggers. (who is joke makinwa?)

      Delete
  6. First of all marriage is for better for worse! What has happened has happen, its better you put it behind you and move forward. Trust me it will take time to forget, heal and trust again. But you can do that.as bona said show him love even if you don't want to because if u make him uncomfortable he will

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  7. Thank you all for your comments.I appreciate each and everyone of you for reaching out to me.I'll try my best to make it work.Aunty Eya,you are the best.Thanks for your quick response.God bless you

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  8. Anonymous4/04/2013

    Let it go plsss.....also learn to forgive him for the things he is yet to do...Men!!!n my dear,next time do urself a favour,let his stuffs be,so u don't end up givin urself HBP...am sure u don't want such.

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  9. creamberry4/04/2013

    Hmmm...my sister,what u don't knw will not harm you,I'm not saying you shouldn't be sensitive,but please don't push it,it was because you were already hurting because of his passwording style,that was why you quickly checked his messages,you might probably be seeing moves before complaining,but it's better you don't trail him to avoid stories that touches the heart.am sure you don't want such.peace unto you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/04/2013

      I am soo not in support of " what you don't know won't harm you".
      Knowledge is power and it helps you toile the right decisions and sometimes save yourself or the situation.

      Delete
    2. Thank u jare! Wot u don't knw won't hurt u until it hurts u!its better to knw and take steps to stop it even if it means keeping it to urself and praying about it or talking to d cheating partner about it.I'd rather knw o!

      Delete
  10. Lurvemj4/04/2013

    Dear Anne, your husband apologized, that's a good thing many women will tell you point blank that not all men admit they are wrong let alone apologize. The way I see it you are at an advantage because of this. It is hard, its hurtful, its disrespectful to you as a wife what he did but he has apologized and I think you should forgive him.
    Let him know that you have forgiven him. The fact that he doesn't want to talk about it might mean he is embarrassed by the issue, or maybe they have gotten physically intimate and he doesn't want strain your relationship any further by giving you those details. You guys need to talk and it’s not the “How could you do this to me” kinda talk, it’s more like “What can we do to improve our relationship?” “How can we guard against this ever happening again”. Talk to him like you are a counsellor trying to help him. Don’t be confrontational or aggressive. Try to separate your hurt emotions and be objective. If the conversation is getting strained, tell him “Ok, that’s enough for today, we’ll continue tomorrow and end with a short prayer”. He will see you are being the bigger person even if he doesn’t admit it.
    While you guys are figuring all this out with constant communication, be extra nice to him. The last thing you want is to give him hell so that he feels the need to go to Miss Teacher for comfort. What many of these women have as an advantage is that they are not involved in the daily routines and stress of running a home so they can afford to be sweet every time. Don’t let them win. Show him you can be sweet at all times (or most times!) too, even if you don’t feel like it.
    A little trick how to get past the pain in your heart think about what your life would be like, if you guys split up. Not that you’d suffer because of finances (I don’t know your situation) but more like the companionship, you may or may not miss. What will you tell the kids, the things he does for you that you are thankful to God for, other marital benefits (wink!). That should tell you if this situation in the grand scheme of things is enough to ruin what you have in the marriage. Also commit it to prayer, there was a girl that was always texting my hubby and being the peoples person he is he was always responding and being polite. Nothing dirty but I was just not feeling the constant communication that she was always initiating at all. After complaining and complaining he’d reassure me but she would always have a “legitimate reason to contact him” I decided to pray her away o! I’m telling you it worked. The bible put it well “The weapons of our warfare are not canal but mighty through God in the pulling down of “strange women”!

    Good luck dear.

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  11. HI ANNE,
    I REALISED THAT WHAT WORKS BEST FOR ME IN MY MARRIAGE WHEN I HAVE ISSUES WITH MY SPOUSE IS TALKING ABOUT IT EXTENSIVELY WITH HIM. WHEN I'M HURT I HAVE TO LET HIM KNOW HOW I FEEL AND WHEN I HAVE FULLY LET OUT HOW I FEEL THEN I CAN MOVE FORWARD. SO I THINK LIKE SOME OTHERS SUGGESTED U SHOULD SIT DOWN AND TELL YOUR HUBBY EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOU ARE HURTING AND WHAT YOU WANT HIM TO DO TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT. TRUST WHEN BROKEN TAKES A WHILE TO BUILD BUT IT IS POSSIBLE TO MOVE ON. IN MARRIAGE OFFENCES WILL ALWAYS COME BUT IT IS POSSIBLE TO FORGIVE. IS THE LADY STILL YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER? THAT ALSO NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED. ALL THE BEST!

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  12. There are certain elements i would never compromise when it comes to relationship!for me the day a man lays his finger on me,it would be the end.I cannot fathom why it would even be in your thought process to raise a hand on me: are u MAD?
    So for you Ann,what is the NO NO for in your marriage?did you make your husband aware when you were courting?or u just assumed both of u were on the same page when it comes to commitment?
    i am sorry for what you had to see but please dont ever say u hate your husband-hate equals murder in God's eye,and i dont think you want God to accuse you of blood guilt.I think you hate your husband's action not the person himself.
    let it go my dear if u do love ur husband,if u let it fester and hold on to it,u would drive your husband away into the arms of the other woman,is that what u really want?i dont think so.So please forgive him(which i can assure u would be very difficult)saturate him with love and trust me he would be eating out of your palm.
    do u think ur hubby and the teacher went the whole 9 yards?then please demand for an STI test,being forgiving does not equate to being foolish so be smart my dear.
    thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. maggie4/04/2013

    Ladies ladies!yea we all v men issues,tink evry1 dat visits ds blog shld read a particular book:WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES!it'l help trust mi,cnt rem d author wld search n gt bk 2 u guys

    ReplyDelete
  14. maggie4/04/2013

    The title of d book is:WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES by sherry argov,if single lucky u,if married u can still retrace ur steps...tank mi later

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hello Anne,
    First, I'm so sorry you had to see the messages between them. Though you didn't say the nature of the messages, did it seem like flirting or a sexual relationship? If it was a sexual relationship you need to ask your hubby to go run some tests to be on the safe side.
    It can really hurt when you trust someone and he hurts you this way but you need to forgive, hard as it is.
    Sit him down and let him know how you feel, tell him how you feel toward him right now. Tell him you want to be sure he won't ever hurt you this way and watch his reaction.
    If he's truly remorseful, please let it go.
    Also, prayer works, my dear. As Lurvemj said, you can pray these authors of confusion away. Marriage is a 3 fold cord, you, your spouse and God. Pray that no one breaks that cord.
    All the very best

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  16. Anonymous4/15/2013

    So we should read *Why Men love bitches* really...Smh.

    ReplyDelete

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