Re: Should I tell My Mother In-law That Her Son Is The Problem/Appreciation From Linda

 APPRECIATION FOR HELPFUL BLOG COMMENTS

Dear eya I thank u so much for everything and also everybody that gave me advice on this blog may the good lord bless you all and protect u.
      Let me answer some question on this blog.
       My husband is 30 years very young looking man am planing too write JAMB this april.
      I am a christian and very prayerful what I notice is that when I ovulate I tell my husband am in my[ most fertile day] he
just look at me and say ok we will make love dis night at the end of everything he will not even touch me when I ask him he will say next month that is what he keeps telling me.
      And i like children a lot I have aways wanted to marry young so that after giving birth I will look very young and sexy my friend is 19 with two kids boys and she still look very young and good looking.
     But my husband spoil all my plan I feel like leaving but my mom don't have much and I will not like too go back too square 1 I have a car of my own and a super market  I look bigger than my age.
    Please I need advice am always crying I don't know if too stay or go because money is not everything.
Thank you all for advice
Linda.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
TO READ LINDA'S MAIL, GO HERE

Eya: "Got Anymore advice for Linda? Please share on the comment section"

Comments

  1. No Liver3/08/2013

    Hi Linda, ur appreciation makes my eyes teary. Thak you for showing appreciation.
    I am in the same shoe with you that's why I can't even advise u. I will wait to see and learn from what others will tell u.
    I am stuck in an unhappy marriage dear. I could have left while still dating but there was no way out 4 me. My parents passed when I was still in School, wicked uncles pounced on us like
    lions.
    My fiance came along like answered prayer and sponsered my Education and my siblings. He is hot tempered and womaniser. I could have left long ago but had no where to go to. I feel like He doesn't respect or appreciate me. He has made me rich and comfortable after marriage. My siblings are schooling and have a comfortable home to return to during holiday.

    The womanising worries me a lot, I cry a lot but there is nothing I can do. I guess I can't have it all......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ no liver; u can Have it all.you can do all things tru christ dat strengthens u. Jst keep praying for him; he wud change.use his picture to represent him, and pray pray pray.u have to push until sometin happens. I wish u luck.trust God and tk ur worries to him.uld be fine.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/10/2013

      @ no liver, i cant judge u because i can only imagine the suffering you must have passed through at the hands of ur family, my advice for you is too stop crying , stand up straight look your self in the mirror and say' i am a strong woman and i deserve better' invest ur energy into something more productive make your own money try and be independent and ignore him cuz so far so good the way i see this is that he has been like this since inception pls pray for better things instead of praying for him to change.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous3/08/2013

    Oh my God!am so sorry dear,just be prayerful.Never under estimate d power of prayers.@Linda,it is well keep trying because I know God will see you thru'.If you are on the big side,you should also try loosing weight as it has been know to aid increased fertility.Never give up,I have seen men whose wife prayed change.It may take some time but God is never late.

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  3. Anonymous3/08/2013

    Dear Linda, I will answer ur question. I was in ur shoes a year ago. I hv a baby now. More so, I have grown in wisdom too. I wld gave sworn I Cld hve written ur letter a year ago. The problem with your hubby is common with some men. Not that he doesn't find u attractive if ur going in that line, it's just psychological. After marriage, I just wanted a baby. I had a career before marriage. My husband and I were both comfortable. But after marriage I needed a change of jobs and a kid but my hubby wasn't ready. My mother in law too being d best was prayerful and hopeful, and I knew she cldt wait. She never voiced out her thots but subtle hints gave them away. What did I do? I became prayerful. I started arresting seductive spirits. He had women. My husband refused to touch me. He didt want a baby and didt trust me, he was even saying condoms or no sex.The late nights and disrespects were something else. But I was determined. I didt tell his mother. Whenever I raised the issue of sex, he wld flip! Abandon me and call me a nagging woman quoting the book of proverbs to me. Each month I attended MFM power must change hands and grew closer to God. Faith without works is dead I knew that. So I decided to back if up with works. I started going to labs. Got the best lab in town and was willing to pay anything for follicular tracking. I got the ovulation strip. He did disappoint me in one month by avoiding me and coming up with lame excuses. By d next month, he came home one morning from God knows where.. I was awake waiting. And refused him going to bed. I don't knw but God did it and he agreed. I prayed afterwards. Had a shower after waiting a while and off I went to d programme. Found out 3 weeks later I was pregnant. Trust me those months were hell as I was sick constantly. Sometimes he is loving and other times he reminded me that's wat I wanted. Fast forward a year later, I've had our baby, whom he named, and ive been relegated to the background. I don't mind sha. Did i mention he gave me a car gift. I have my career now, as I was out of work for d period I was pregnant cus my morning sickness was out if this world. My daughter is my world now. I used to tell him then to give me back my baby that he never wanted her...and I saw d look on his face, stopped saying it now sha! He told me he didt knw what I wanted was best for him then as last year all his close friends wives all had kids! He never knew they were thinking of starting a family. When they heard I was preg, it kinda gingered them and from there we knew it wasn't their intentions to wait, they were actually trying too. Told my husband, he should be grateful to God, his own just happened. My dear nothing prayer can not do. Often times, we women chase our husbands away without knowing it, stop nagging about it ,and don't tell him ur ovulating. U know ur man. Don't compare him to ur friends hubby, u don't knw their own challenges or what it took her to work on her man. Apply wisdom darlin and surprise him and he will come around. It wasn't easy, but God remains the unchangeable changer! He will do urs soon ! Amen !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brenda3/08/2013

      Anon 11:55am, thank you so much! I haven't been this touched nor inspired in a long while. I admire and respect women like you who tell your own true stories to encourage us.
      I am touched.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for sharing ur story dear....
      My mom always says that kids bring couple together, and i always dont believe her. Infact, I still didnt fully agree with her even after mine till urs. I had always wanted to have kids only after my doctorate, but changed my mind along the way.

      Linda, I think Ahdaisy's points in the last email comes to play now. It is now obvious, U have to seduce ur husband. Real seduction. And enjoy the sex, dont just lie and wait to be impregnated. Do things to amaze him in and out of bed

      Also, steer clear of nagging for some days and monitor the difference. I really hope u can, bc sth I cant. I complain a lot, so try and be better than me dear. And complain less. Instead talk to God.

      About crying, most women and i think even men realise that marriage isnt actually a bed of roses after they are married. And infact, tears aid a little. So cry, but then instead crying in futility, present it to God, so that he will wipe ur tears.

      If possible get busy, read for ur JAMB, focus on ur s/market. I really believe it just a phase and will pass as it came.

      These things happen so that we have reasons to thank God and stories to tell our children. If not, we will think everything is done by our power. But still while praying put some of what u learnt into practise and i think they will work.

      Delete
    3. Kp3l3 oo,the things that women go thru just to stay married and be called Mrs. Did ur husband love u @ all?shiiieet!this is crazy!he didn't want a baby and had to disrespect u like that?why?not condemning ur modus oprandi but for me it just not right!that is not how God ordained marriage to be,why do the women have to go throw all the hustles while the men just sit on their lazy asses and can't be bothered to work that extra hard?
      Anyway seems u are happy,so I leave it at that,but must u always go tears &sweat in ur marriage??

      Delete
  4. Anonymous3/08/2013

    God bless u so much for this

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  5. New Ipad3/08/2013

    Eya dear, even though I'm not good at leaving comments, dis ur blog is changing me completely for the better. I am so addicted. God bless.

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  6. Hmmmm am just dumbfounded.
    Am just loss for words,@ anon 11:55 response, sent shockwaves down ma spine.anyway I pray God will see u through.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous3/08/2013

    I agree with the advise that you should pray cause phsycologically, it helps. When you pray, you are putting things in God's hands and putting off your worries in exchange. The way it works, when u have a problem that you hand over to God then it is no longer yours but becomes God's problem. The adversaries of a marriage are many and would stop at nothing to bring it down, it doesn't matter which side your hubby is on (I honestly believe he is cheating on you) it is your duty as the woman of the house to align yourself with Christ cause greater is he that is in you than they that are in the word.if you have not given your life to him , please do, be born again. That is the only way you will get peace.Jesus came that we might have peace.I had no peace in my marriage, I was desperate and tried everything, white garment church, nagging, submissiveness, even shamefully adultery which also resulted in two abortions. I was a good girl, never messed around, never aborted but ended up with a selfish, unromantic and chronic cheat. He behaviour messed up my mind. He messed around with single girls, single mothers older than me, he kept late nites, was always clubbing, missing condoms, carried condoms in his wallet, late night calls.... Oh my! it was hard and lonely for me . I felt used and dumbed even though I had my first child early, it didn't make it easy. I had peace when I rededicated my life to Christ andd joined the workforce in church. Now I have peace, he saw the peace and calm in me and knew there was smt different. So my dear, I regret the wrong steps I took. I am 33yrs, been married for 7 yrs and my marriage is not perfect but it is much better than what it was and I have peace of mind. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to compare your self to others, they are fighting their own battles too. Get busy, go write that jamb and concentrate on passing it well. I will also suggest that you stop telling him you are ovulating and so he must sleep with you. That kinda sounds like a biz arrangement so to say. Stop nagging or worrying, be positive, always keep a smile on your face and like you were previously advised, seduce your man, let him know you are lusting for his body and not just after his sperm. If you are overweight, go to the gym to keep fit. I am assuming you do not have medical issue but if you suspect you do, pls visit your Gyneacologist. You can't quit your marriage, your life is not at risk. You don't quit life when it gets difficult.someone once said don't cry over the rain, learn to dance in the rain. Look at the positive side, by the time you have children, your movement will be limited. Right now apart from the jamb, learn a skill, baking, wire works, cathering, beading, tailoring, anything. Btwn last year and now when I found I had extra time after work, i learnt a bit of baking, beading, wire work, hatmaking and I just started tailoring. It keeps me busy and takes my mind off things. I am a lawyer and I am all about rights to dignity, I got hard evidence hewas cheating, I had pictures, mails, text mssgs, chats I bought a new Sim card and chatted with some of these girls cause I was in denial, I didn't believe it was hapening. Well, I have destroyed those evidence I gathered. Ever since I put the burden of this marriage in God's hands, I have always got reasons to be thankful for my marriage . I'm sorry this is so long all I have been trying to say is don't give up, don't do wrong, stay calm, stay healthy, keep fit, get busy and let God in.

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  8. Wow! All I can say is Wow!!!! *Standing Ovation* Women like you make me believe that the woman is really very strong. God be with you always...Amen!!!!

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  9. Anonymous3/10/2013

    God bless U,anon 8.04 pm,thanks alot for the advice,God is our strength!

    ReplyDelete

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