When To Stop Forgiving A Man, With People Begging On His Behalf, What Should I Do?

Hello, I am the same blog reader married to an Urhobo man who says his tradition doesn't permit a wife sleeping over at her parents. In case of domestic violence, when do you know enough is enough, when do you know it's time to pack up and leave?? 

The 1st time was when I was pregnant, 3 slaps.. He started reading the Bible n apologized that it wouldn't happen again. 2nd time was some weeks ago, he held my neck the way someone would try to choke another, then left it.. After a while.

 I was
so angry and I said I was leaving he hit my head, then put off the light, closed the windows and was coming towards me, I started screaming.. He then left me. He apologized again.. N said it will never happen again. I reported to my family and his. 

Barely 5 days after, he started threatening that only that small 1 I reported, that if I annoy him one more time, he'll beat me like it's the last time he's going to see me. He has a violent temper, I moved out after that threat... Advice from everywhere, "go back, try again.."
 My mind is telling me that if I do, I may not survive or end up seriously injured.. Confused
Urgent advice needed please.

34 comments:

Ace Bentley said...

Mehn! This way beyond you ooo, the beating actually will be a gradual and steady thing... It will mos-def increase as days, months and years go by until it peaks at a krescendo.

You need to take a back foot, he'll sure come begging and even if you'll be back with him stand your grounds.

And if at any point you know what triggers him, plz also make the sacrifice of avoidance.


Keep it safe!






Nuff'said...

osahon richard said...

Dis is really terrible. Really scared for u. Especially wt d action of hitting ur head,switching off d light, closed d windows and was coming towards u. Very frightening and I suspect something is wrong wt him. I wont advise u to go back cos your life is in danger honestly..

Anonymous said...

Run for ur life o! Pray and pray

Anonymous said...

Nothing, not even the love u av for ur husband or what people say is worth ur life. If he kills u or disfigures u permanently, the same people who asked u to try again will ask u y u didnt leave. Nothing, not even the greatest provocation is enuf 4 a man to raise his hands against a woman. #justmytot#

Beauty This & That said...

I will not advice you to divorce him neither would i advice you to go back. Stay away!!! and pray. I would be cautious on seeking counselling because of our society but i can definitely tell you it is not Gods plan for you to be in a marriage with someone who is constantly trying to kill you

Anonymous said...

Plsssssssssssssss don't go back Ooº°˚ he will kill you. Stay away for atleast 1yr if at all you must go. And please for your information you don't tell a violent man you are leaving the house it triggers them the more just quietly leave when he goes to work. Don't go back Ooº°˚ hmmmmmm

Banke said...

Pls and pls i beg u in God's name Flee!!!!!!!!!! You have plenty more great things to do on earth, do not let a mere man cut u short of it.

Anonymous said...

I beg u in the name of God! run for ur life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omotayo Alli-Hakeem said...

I reject another case of Kemi Arowolo in your life. You better run for your dear life. It's not a do or die o.

Fyn Ijebu Chic said...

Your post looks like a horror movie and I hate horror movies.
I am begging you with the love of God and of Christ.
I beg you with the love of whatever you cherish most in your life.
Pls, stay away for now.
Let him know you can survive without him.
My pple will say, igi gogoro magun mi loju, atoke lati wo
Pls, if ur parents won't accommodate you, go to ur broda, sister or any relative that will
God is ur strength

Anonymous said...

Your comments come off as if you are excited these days.

Poster, what do YOU think? Do what ever makes you comfortable in this situation. So that if(when) something goes wrong/right, the blames will all be on YOU

Anonymous said...

The man must be into drinking and 'indian hemp'. Aggression and violent temper are some of the features in recognizing people like that. Pls separate for a time and watch from a distant. You may not survive the next attack on you. Gudluck!

Anonymous said...

I guess u guys dated,der's no way someone cn pretend witout slippin 4 once,ds re things u must ve seen in one way or d other bt bcos we re blinded by love n desperation we ignore dem,I cn't advice u to divorce him bcos dt's a sin n u dn't knw if d nxt one may be worst bt what u'll do is to know more of his like n dslike,dt talk wen he's talk n give him space wen he's one of his mood,b good 2 him,knw wen he's abt 2 strt acting,love him him n most importantly pray 4 him no matter! Let d al might tak control. Always smile n keep 3rd parties outside!

Anonymous said...

Thank u..I learnt that the hard way.. Poster

Anonymous said...

Marriage is supposed 2 mk you a better person. If you are feeling caged and you are always very careful of everything you say or do, because d possibility of it being misinterpreted exists, then u are on shaky ground. How long u think U can endure such a situation and wheather u deserve better? Are soul searching questions, only you can answer. Remember Marriage is supposed to bring out d best in you. Goodluck!

Anonymous said...

You sound drunk Ace

Anonymous said...

Hmnnnn, am thinking going away was the best thing to do. Divorce etc may not be the best option in marriage but some situations call for them. Pls for now, just stay put where you are . Don't let pple tell you " try again, go back bla bla bla" pple who beat their women hardly stop. He is not the reason for you to be happy, for me personally I will not take beating from my husband becos, first of all a man is very strong, one slap and 5 teeth fit fall out! Abeg.
Takia
Mrs A

Anonymous said...

My dear any man thy hits you doesn't love you! If you go back it will continue. Even if he promises, swears on his life he will hit you again and again and again.....and again. Get it. I feel sorry that you are going through this and as much as God hates divorce... God love you Hun. Sin is sin, stealing is a sin but you can repent and God will forgive you. God doesn't want to see you get hurt or suffer abuse from ANYONE. If you leave God is full of mercy. But the choice is yours. Choose now to leave in hell or accept Grace. What ever you choice is your potion and noone else has to bear it but you and your child. Please remember God loves you. Really look at it

Anonymous said...

Pls Poster can u enlighten me a lil on what courtship was like wiv him...single and baffled

Anonymous said...

Abuse is not the result of your actions but a conditioning of the mind of an abuser. You can do back flips for him, turn mute or even do anything and everything he asks and he will still find a reason to hit you. Divorce is a sin but think about how Christ come down to save you and gave us grace. Grace is for everyone including people who divorce if your life is in danger. We are not talking petty fights here but life threading danger. So pray that God give you strength because at the day no matter what you choose you will need it. Hope it all turns out.

•Omalicha• said...

I will not stay under the same roof with someone that abuses me.physically,emotionally,verbally or even sexually.I always surround myself with positive energies.with time,enduring these things leads to psycological trauma,loss of self esteem etc.and if nothing is done about it,the abused person starts to feel that its the best way for him/her and that its actually being done to them for their own good.They loose touch of reality. When praying let's all pray for a sound mind,some people youu see on the streets are victims of abuse,and we think they are mad.Not everybody can handle some certain situations.

Anonymous said...

Emotionally and verbally.. I don't even want to go there... Every little thing I get the insult of my life for example When dey say exchange sign of peace in catholic church, people shake hands, I was holding our baby, 1 woman touched her head... How ws I to knw dt she will touch her head??? Next thing @ home, after like 2 weeks, he brot up d issue, stupid mother.. I've gone tru bouts of depression, every little mistake, wt did u even learn from your parents house? Because I don't knw hw to drive

Anonymous said...

Simple he hits you once he will hit you again this advice was given to me by a policeman when I called them to my house in Ohio when I was a victim of DV I moved out that night and never looked back.

Ace Bentley said...

Na so... I drank alomo

Anonymous said...

For once WC readers seem to be in agreement on a Domestic Violence issue step in the right direction

obehi Agbonifo said...

The truth is that he will do it again but you have a choice to make, to either continue taking this for the rest of your life or to move out and start afresh because no matter how much he begs , he will never ever change...So choose what you are comfortable with.

Lady Evagreen said...

Once an abuser, always an abuser. It can only get worse. Dnt let any man beat u more than once. Run for ur life.

Anonymous said...

for the sake of your baby..prepare quietly and leave as soon when he does not expect.. like someone said, you do not tell a mad man like d one you have that u plan to leave him. He may destroy ur body or even send you to the psych ward and some other woman will move in and take your place as mother and wife.please leave so you can be able to take care of your kid with good health.. take care.

Anonymous said...

Am not a fan of divorce bt in ur situation, my dear sister run for your life. Mine was tht he was always threatening to beat me till the day he eventually. He removed my tooth and I left him without looking bck. Run for ur life

Anonymous said...

Alele, oya, ere, run for your life, pls dnt do all those 'strong african woman sontin'. Few months back I found myself in that kinda relationship, I was thinking it was going to end up in marriage. I thought abt it very well o. Women with this kinda stories end up being killed, roasted, or bathed with acid. A woman that her husband slapped in public on her daughter's wedding day, bcos she wasn't standing in the right position. I'm sure u don't want to be like that. For the love of God and ur child.

Anonymous said...

This is why we end up dead. She should know a violent man's likes and dislikes so she can do what? Is she his mother that she should be watching for his temparaments. He married you a fully trained woman, he should also be serving up the same. Women, you are not meant to be suffering in domesti c violence situations. Your children will grow up watching this as an example or he will beat the life out of you. All for a Mrs title?? Haba na wake up.

Anonymous said...

A man slaps his wife on her daughter's wedding day? Dem never born day man, concurbility idiot.

Anonymous said...

well said!

Anonymous said...

Worst advise ever. Maybe this Anon 11:29 is a wife beater. How can you say she shouldn't divorce or flee because divorce is a sin?! What nonsense! Suicide is also a sin! If she stays he will definitely kill her and it will count as suicide because she allowed it to happen. God does not force his children to stay in situations like this o!

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