Monday, October 21, 2013

How Many Kids Are Ideal For A Modern Nigerian Family?

Hello Aunty Eya and WC please I need you to help me make my mind. I am 24, got married in August and contrary to what hubby and I agreed upon during courtship, I think I want more than two kids but he doesn't want to change his mind. I actually saw it as very classy having just a boy and girl to show around but now that I'm married and after our last Reunion with my siblings, I don't know
if two is enough especially when one begins to age and wants to see a house full of children and Grand kids.


I like the way it feels when my siblings and their spouses come home for our Father's Birthdays. The house is full and it's so much fun. My mother had six of us and am the last. I only suggested to my husband that we increase the number to four but he thinks four kids is too much for any Modern Nigerian family.
Is it true?

48 comments:

  1. savvy mom11:32 AM

    My dear amariah poster, with what is happening in this country now, any number of kids beyond three is over load I tell you.

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  2. Anonymous11:44 AM

    My hubby wants two, but I think 3 is ok

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  3. 3 is the best for me considering the fact that you will want to give them the best in life,but if ur hubby insist on 2,pls follow him because he has told you the number he can take care of comfortablely.NOTE: give birth to what only you can take care of without hubby's assistant. "incase"

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  4. Anonymous1:18 PM

    I tink 2/3 is ok dependin on ur income & age as its nt easy takin care of dem esp wen dy r in univs;modern famly goes 4 2,may God bless u wit d fruit of d womb Amen.

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  5. Anonymous1:46 PM

    four is the ideal number

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  6. Anonymous2:01 PM

    When you give birth to one, you will know if you can cope wit 4 kids. Its difficult rearing children and the more they are, of course the more energy, money and all you will require! A home with 2 kids and grand kids is big enough and you can still have fun at old age. gudluck

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:52 PM

      High five!

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    2. We have 3 n I have always wanted 3. Hubby initially was making noise we r going for 4. Wit 2 of our kids in school, their school fees together is about 250k termly. Our 3rd will start in January, my hubby has changed his tone in d quest of having 4 kids. I even make fun of him now, telling I'm ready to go 4 d 4th child now, he's now saying he thinks we r done. So my dear, when u have one, u will know.

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    3. Anonymous1:34 AM

      Like i always joke with my friends, the fear of school fees is the beginning of family planning. Dont 4gt 2include clothing, feeding, vacation(no lapping inside plane o). My dear stick to ur initial plan and give them the best. Baby dust to you

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    4. Anonymous7:00 AM

      Ahh u didn't include diaper

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    5. My dear immediately u pop d baby out sef, expenses begin. When they start eating, cost of baby food is another thing, u as an adult fit bone hunger, but babies NO! Our parents had plenty, but things were sort of beta then. Cloth diaper, pap(akamu), low school fees, nothing like vacation only xmas trips to d village etc. So check am iyawo n u will get ur husband gist.

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  7. Sister, ur reason for wanting more kids is very...interesting-- for lack of a better word. Pls stick to ur pre-marriage agreement and dnt use 'mago mago' to get another kid abeg. If it were a guy that wanted to change ur pre-marriage agreement like that, we ladies would tag him the devil and say he is selfish and inconsiderate...and how it will affect our bodies and freedom and bla bla... SMH

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    Replies
    1. Lizzy4:12 PM

      Welcome back ahdaisy. I missed ur comments.

      Delete
    2. Oh Mrs Jayde, how well my heart feels now that you are here. Welcome back love. Missed you is such an under statement

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    3. Ahdaisy, at a point, I was wondering if all was well with you. Welcome back and nice to see your comment again.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous3:40 PM

    Good day anuty Eya and wc fam,am a girl of 30 and in a relatnship of over 1yr.when we met I told him I didn't want sex till after marriage and he agreed but d first time I was alone with him in a room he forced himself on me,after so many apology I forgave him and we continued,I took him home to introduced to my parents cos he asked to meet them and said he wants us to start making plans for marriage,but he's always asking for sex and when I say No he will tell me dat am is wife to be and has d right to ask for sex,now he has formed d habit of forcing himself on me whenever we are alone(he even tore my pant and slaped me d last time he forced himself on me)he made me stop working cos my job makes me travel and he also complained that he was always hearing male voices whenever he calls.my problem now is dat am preggy and I can't spend d rest of my life with him and I don't want to be a single mum.am so confused

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:26 PM

      My dear, is a pity that u are pregy nd don't want to live with the father of the baby, PLEASE dear,don't even think of aborting that baby, at 30 u are old enough to take care of a baby,14yr old girl got preggy and gave birth to the baby and single handedly took care of the baby. U hv to give life to that foetus in ur womb cos he is going to be great,don't underestimate the power of an unborn baby and the creator that created him,as for that irresponsible man, thank God u hv made up ur mind not to leave with him and don't even try and use bcos of that innocent baby to marry him cos is going to be worste after marriage, God will surely replace him with a man who will Love u and get on his knee to hv sex with u when u are willing and unwilling. YOU are blessed cos of the baby in ur womb but shall be coursed if u remove that baby.

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    2. Anonymous4:26 PM

      one chance, I feel for you.

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    3. Tosin williams5:26 PM

      My dear,tell him you are pregy and don't want to have anything to do with a man who has no respect for you or self worth towards you, you get slaps and raped! Naaaah. My annoyance now is you had to quite your job for the silly cow,you are better go get it back before i tear you some reasonable slaps from Abuja. Dumb the e-goat and dance azonto cos you've got an asset inside you.. If he claims to be changed give him a yr ultimatum to prove it

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    4. Am sorry dear that you are in this situation however, always know that God will not give you too much than you can bear so know that this too will pass and you will come out stronger.
      So my advice is that you leave that man, no man should make love to you like it is a rape situation, this messes up with your emotions, thank God you are not married to him, he will definately beat you up physically and abuse you emotionalky and at the end of the day you will have no self esteem as someone has rubbished it.
      Please please dont marry him, he has no respect for you and you dont want to bring a child into that environment, also if hes raping you now, he would do same in marriage, this time more violent than he is doung now(for example when you are hormonal in pregnancy and maybe sex is the last thing on your mind)
      Its obvious he doesnt have your best interest at heart, hence the advice to leave your job, hes also insecure and you do not want an insecure man in your life.
      Give burth to your child and give the child the best you can, trust me!God would give you a man in time that would love you and your baby, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE
      GET CLOSER TO GOD! YOU WILL BE NEEDING HIM FOR THE JOURNEY AHEAD.wish you the best
      Bride2mum blog coming soon, follow@ bride2mum

      Delete
  9. Agree with your husband on the number of children you can adequately care for. Children need love; including spiritual and physical attention. Don't be carried away by what you think is fun, but be focused on what you can handle and be at peace with.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous6:44 PM

      7 kids no bad @all

      Delete
  10. Anonymous6:43 PM

    Since you and your husby agreed,then u will stick to the plan.Child rearing no be small job.
    Pls visit this site,esp the students at home and we wives at home,u could just make a better living.
    http://tinyurl.com/go-doing/?id=Aniky

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  11. Bummy7:01 PM

    My dear, for me, 2 is Ok.

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  12. Bummy7:02 PM

    My dear, for me, 2 is Ok.

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  13. Anonymous7:27 PM

    Anon 3:45pm. At 30, a man cant rape u tear ur pants. Put his manhood inside u. Sex dat was nt agree on? God have mercy. I feel ur pain. Chei. Pls my dear leave dat beast alone. U have low esteem. No guy shuld force sex on u. Pls.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:29 PM

      Honestly for u 2 allow a man do dis 2 u not once but more than once, ur head must be checked, u shld have left him after d first attempt, may God see u through, no matter ur age a man dat will love u with all his heart will still come, dnt be desperate pls.

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  14. Anonymous7:31 PM

    Anon 3:45pm. At 30, a man cant rape u tear ur pants. Put his manhood inside u. Sex dat was nt agree on? God have mercy. I feel ur pain. Chei. Pls my dear leave dat beast alone. U have low esteem. No guy shuld force sex on u. Pls.

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  15. It depends on you.you have to objectively think about it because once you have them you are stuck with them(I don't mean in a bad way) can you adequately cater for four or five? will you be able to meet their emotional needs too? I love the idea of a big family too but after asking myself the above question I realised that my parents time and my time are quite different I want my kids to be well cared for financially and emotionally so I have limited my self to 2.weigh the pros and cons and do what is best for you



    Stop your hair breakage

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  16. JUST have one first then you will know if you can handle the rest...Truth is they always look so adorable when everyone is gathered and the house is full

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  17. Anonymous10:08 PM

    I think 3 is ideal, so u'll give dem d best.especialy if that's what ur hubby wants.
    There's this lady I no, I husband used to work in an oil company and wouldn't let her work. She has 9 kids minus d 5 she lost. Guess she had aLl those kids cuz there was money flowing. Unfortunately d man sufferd a stroke that left him paralyzed and had to stop work. They had to pull their kids out of private skools. D woman had to start a bizness selling 2nd hand clothes every thing is on her shoulders, childrens fees, feeding, medical bills etc luckily d man built houses so they don't pay rent. I feel for her. She said she neva had d slightest inkling that life would take a diffrent turn. So 3 kids is ideal Oo°˚˚˚°!

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  18. Anonymous4:45 AM

    How can a guy you aint married to ask you to quit your job and you do? What for?
    A guy who forces himself on U even if you are married its still rape and women still sit back when its just a relationship; even to slap and tear undies??
    The fact that a guy meets your parents means absolutely NOTHING!!! Most guys these days think its an easier way to get a girl into bed. Some men are also serial 'parents-meeters'.
    As long as you and a guy never talk I do for altar, there are many demands he shouldnt make of U. Quit your job? Dont U have responsibilities? Is he gonna employ U?
    Aunty Eya biko our women need to know better.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:48 AM

      Nne I hv no intentions of crucifying U, not at all.
      The deed has been done.
      Truth be told, U hv no biz with that young man.
      May U find grace and strength this period and may d little one bring U joy and cause U to smile always!

      Delete
    2. I wish you left that man the very first time he forced himself on you. He just might be a pervert and things can't get any better at all. Some men only get their fun when it is rape and there is some force and slaps involved. I guess you didn't know. Now, this avoidable mistake has been made. No problem.

      Leaving your job to please your rapist is what I cannot comprehend right now. He wanted to have full control over you and you made it happen and helped his insecurities. He wanted a slave who won't be able to leave him like others have done.

      How old is the pregnancy? If it is still in it's first trimester, rush and try to get something to do before it starts showing cos no one would want to employ a pregnant woman.

      Are you living with him already? without a job, how do you pay your rent and other bills? Can you think of anything to do to earn an income right now cos the way I see it, there is no escape except if you have parents that can accommodate you and the baby.

      You shouldn't marry this violent rapist BUT you need some financial empowerment to be able to stand on your own and now you don't have a job courtesy HIM.

      Chai,I have a headache now thinking of how best to advise you sis. This type of man will not even bother to give money for your baby's upkeep if you leave him, he will look for ways to make you suffer so you return back to him.

      Do you have some savings to start a business? Have you spoken with you parents about your situation?
      Before we proceed, I just think you should have a talk, a very sincere one with your parents before deciding on what step to take next.



      Delete
  19. To me it all depends on your pocket and sometimes accidental discharges. Accidental discharges can be avoided sha but sometimes it just happens even with all the protective walls around. I love to watch stories of women who gave birth without even knowing they were pregnant. Did they throw those babies away? NO!

    Some families really struggle to pay one child's School fees while others comfortably put five kids in very good schools and still grant Scholarship to other people's children. God created both the thumb, middle finger and the pinky(:

    Because we can comfortably catter for 10 kids should not becloud our sense of reasoning and foresight. If taking care of a large family leaves us with nothing for savings, if it takes everything including your Life savings, then it's over load for you.

    I always say that if you have just two kids, it's very easy to hold them one on each hand and run if you need to in the case of an emergency. If you have three, perhaps you back one and hold the two while running. Anything above that, the grace of God is sufficient o.

    We shouldn't forget that sometimes we plan our lives but things don't go as planned. Many plan for two kids, but contraceptives fail, family planning methods fail and they climb up to four. Others plan for four and after two kids, the Doctor advises Madam not to try again.

    In your case poster, your reason for wanting more kids may not convince your husband so I'll advise that you stick to your initial agreement and don't try to cause any arguments please. Those two you agree on eh, if they turn out well, it's better than having 20 that cause headache. God will give you your heart's desire and make them the best, and may they bring you so much Joy and peace. Amen

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  20. Anonymous8:31 AM

    what happens when your first issue is same sex twins? that will change his mind in a hurry.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:35 PM

      Some men don't care about sex. Their 2 is 2.
      U can ve 10 and they wld be same sex.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9:44 PM

      Like 2 girls

      Delete
  21. Anonymous12:37 PM

    Aunty eya, u are d best, I wish I know u in person cos I stay in Abj too with my hubby, u are d kinda person one shld get close 2..God bless u.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you sis, I am very sure that we all will meet very soon. I know that what is actually kind of dragging our feet is the rate of insecurity in our dear Motherland. So help us God. I truly long for this meeting with WC readers especially those here in Abuja.
      Anyway o, I haven't heard of Kidnapping in Abuja sha(:

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    2. You can mail me: cuulme@gmail.com

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  22. I guess it depends on your income. 3 is ok for me, but hubby wants 4. I'm still at no1 now so maybe he'll change his mind later.

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  23. If your hubby wants 2 then better give him 2, cos he might resent you in future if something happens. You never know, he might even change his mind on his own

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  24. Anonymous10:15 AM

    Good morning anuty Eya and wc fam.I have discussed with my parents as suggested and they want me to keep the pregnancy and I have also decided to keep it.thank u all for d advice and prayers,I pray that d good Lord will keep ur homes and grant everyone of u your heart desires.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:17 AM

      Thank you for taking our advice and may God keep and take care of your baby for you.

      Delete
  25. Anonymous10:30 AM

    @anon,amen

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  26. Anonymous10:10 PM

    Two kids...that is what me and hubby planned b4 we got married...we hope by God's grace our next child will be a boy coz we have a girl already...

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  27. Anonymous10:11 PM

    Two kids...that is what me and hubby planned b4 we got married...we hope by God's grace our next child will be a boy coz we have a girl already...

    ReplyDelete

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