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Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Why You Don't Need A Domestic Servant While Still Parenting

I read on a blog yesterday, how a house boy defiled a six year old girl left in his care while her parents were away at work. This post troubled me the whole day. Do you really need a domestic servant while still raising your kids?

No matter how hard you try to make them feel like family, Domestic helps don't accept you. They
know that you are not family and treat you
as such. You try to show them love and care but all they think about is what they can get from you. The one that doesn't disappear with your money and jewelries has a way of taking revenge on kids every time she is corrected.

I have never been lucky with domestic servants, and may be that is why I am so used to keeping an alarm clock, coping with stress, taking babies to work and leaving them in the nearest creche, backing my babies while I multi task and so on. 

I have worked with the ones who do not want you to wake them up at 5 am. While you are busy getting kids  ready for school, they are frowning and mumbling words because you woke them up to assist.  What about those who take revenge by breaking your valuable items accidentally while cleaning, I have seen the ones who prefer to eat your baby food rather than eat from what is prepared for the whole family. Others sneak out the very moment your baby falls asleep. If you are friendly with neighbors, one or two will ask why your baby cries for long hours every afternoon. Then those whose only reason for taking the job is to see if your Hunny will take note of their presence.  What about the one who specialize in watching horror and age inappropriate  movie channels when you are not at home. These are watched with the kids around. I can go on and on; the ones who sneak in their boyfriends and do whatever they want before your kids, the ones who peep when the older kids are in the bathroom... No doubt there are still a handful that are very good, but they are hard to find and no one fires them for you to take over. 

After my sister gained admission and left for school, I saw different characters. No matter how hard I tried to be nice, all I get is maltreatment from those who should help reduce my stress level. When I had it up to my neck, the only option left was to quit and take care of my kids my self :(

Why You Do Not Need One 

  • The stress they put you through is way more than the help you get from them. They make sure that you are always unhappy with their job.

  • Instructions are obeyed the other way round. They disobey in a cunning manner. Feigning forgetfulness.

  • You can rearrange your house and put away stuff that need regular cleaning for now.

  • There are good day care centers that are preferable to leaving your baby with a total stranger.

  • You Kids can take up lying from them because many are very good pathological liars.

  • To protect your kids from abuse.

  • A washing machine does most of the work that a house help does. A dishwasher completes the job. A big bowl or bucket with a lid can prevent odours when you do not have time to load them in. If you save what could have been their salary for a few months, you can get yourself handy help.

26 comments:

  1. Hmmm, been reading so many stories about househelps lately.its scary.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well I guess there are many negative aspects to them and like you said, you've been unlucky but sometimes one is fortunate enough to find good ones though

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  3. The horror tales are just too much. Lord have mercy!!
    thanks for dropping by my blog and for your lovely comment

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Dayor, Nollywood Reinvented and Luciano. There are a few good ones like I said, but how do you get them where they are never fired by whoever gets them first.

    The few good ones can be a blessing.
    @ Luciano, thanks for the follow.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My colleague has changed three helps this year alone. It seems the good ones are hard to find.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The not so good ones are readily available. You see life?

      Delete
  6. Lord have mercy
    http://trendysturvs.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  7. Every other reason i could manage. But the only thing that gives me nightmares is the fact that someone could molest my children. which is why i will never get one. At least not a live in one. And it has to be an elderly woman.
    Just came across your blog. Cant believe i haven't seen it all these while. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kiky, I just visited your lovely blog. Now your follower. I agree with you on your preference for an elderly woman.

      Delete
  8. WOW....LOVE YOUR BLOG.

    THIS HELP MATTER. I HAVE A LITTLE GIRL. SHE IN NOW 19MONTHS. APART FROM WHEN MY MUM CAME FOR "OMUGWOR" FOR 4 MONTHS, I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY LITTLE GIRL ALONE. I HATE THE IDEA OF A HOUSEHELP. HEARD TOO MANY HORROR STORIES. LIKE YOU RIGHTLY SAID, WASHING MACHINE DOES THE JOB, I WASH PLATES POTS ETC MYSELF AND I DROP HER AT A DAYCARE WHEN AM OFF TO WORK. CLEAN WITH A VACUME CLEANER AND MY HOME IS PERFECT THE WAY I LIKE IT. I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT HAVING A HELP IS LIKE HAVING AN UNRUELY 2ND CHILD, SO WHATS THE POINT....THEY ARE HARDLY THERE TO HELP BECAUSE YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY ON THEM, NOT TO TALK OF HAVING TO MONITOR THEM ALL THE TIME. I WOULD RATHER CHILL WITH MY DAUGHTER IN PEACE... AND REALLY ITS NOT THAT HARD. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF HER HOME. IF YOU CANT DO IT, WHY DO YOU EXPECT A HELP TO DO IT PERFECTLY.

    AM GONNA LOVE CHECKING OUT THIS BLOG BECOS YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH AND MY MIND..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sue, I came to visit but only saw blogs you follow. I am thinking that may be you haven't had time to post something. I can see already that you are a very busy woman. Thanks for stopping by. You have just described how I used to do it when my babies were still little, except that I didn't have a vacuum cleaner, but still swept with a long broom. lol! I made sure that I did not sweep the whole house daily and tried to keep away some items that will require daily cleaning.

      Thank you and Please come again!!

      Delete
    2. AHA...I HONESTLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I APPEAR AS A "BLOGGER". ALL I DID WAS REGISTER A GOOGLE ACCOUNT FOR LIB TO ENABLE ME COMMENT FROM TIME TO TIME... HAVE TRIED TO DISABLE IT SO MANY TIMES BUT DONT KNOW HOW. ANY TIPS???

      Delete
    3. Delete your blog
      If you delete your blog, it will no longer be available online and will be permanently removed from your list of blogs on your Blogger Dashboard. Here's how to delete your blog:

      Sign in to blogger.com and access your Blogger Dashboard.
      Beside the blog you want to delete, click the drop-down menu to the right of the gray Post List icon.
      Select Settings.
      Click Other (under Settings) on the left side of the page.
      At the top of the page under "Blog tools" click Delete blog.
      Click Delete this blog.
      The title of the deleted blog will appear in the "Deleted blogs" section of your account for 90 days. During this time period, you can click Deleted blogs on the left side of your Blogger Dashboard to see the titles of your recently deleted blogs.

      Sue, you can try the steps above and let us see how it goes.

      Delete
  9. I ALSO LOVE YOUR REPLY SECTION...MAKES IT MORE INTERACTIVE...WILL TELL MY FRIENDS TO CHECK THIS BLOG OUT...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I can't wait to welcome them!

      Delete
  10. I wasn't lucky with helps too. I had just one, but my two older children were 9 and 7 respectively then, so they knew how to handle a number of things. When i just couldnt cope with the stress again I quietly let her go and I did not agree to be tempted by pleas from anyone. I looked after my children and I was happy ever after!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear, the stress of talking eh, no be small thing. You are better off that way. You and your children will do what you can, and leave the rest for tomorrow.

      Delete
  11. Many people will not agree with you oo. Good it's worked out for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I know! You know the workload for many women is quite hectic and going without domestic helps is like an impossibility. Imagine a Banker with four kids and without a support system, is that possible?

      For some others, who can find a way to meander through without strangers around, it is worth it.

      Delete
  12. Now dis is rily making mee scared cos amm a student nd also a mum.nd also schooling I n Benin while we live I n lag.have plans of getting one 2 goo with mee.How can i cope without one?if i use a daycare,how will i study when i have him back with mee?Mummy Ojay,dis is rily nice.jst decided 2 check from LIB nd amm impressed.keep it up.your blog will be of help 2 young wives nd mum lyk mee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mummy Mj, you don't have to be scared at all. God knows your situation. That we have plane crashes in the world does not mean that every plane that goes up will crash.

      Delete
  13. one point i'd like to make, the older women who seem to be better are the ones who would usually steal your food items, empty your bag of rice and steal all the eadibles in your house and sometimes your children's clothes to feed and cloth their families.
    Again, have you heard of nannies who carry madam's baby(ies) out to beg for alms? the older ones are known with this.
    My point is, don't let your guards down thinking you have an elderly woman who would take care of your child or children just because of her age and supposed experience.

    i still believe a creche/after school facility is the best place for children. there you have different eyes watching your children and each person is looking out for the next person. there you have an institution that is registered and somebody to take responsibility for anything that happens.

    i have 3 children, i was a banker for 5years but i never left my kids with my maids to care for. i used a creche and after school for each of them. i was always in touch with them and every evening when i get back i carry out a thorough check on them. i talk with the ones that can express themselves to know about their day.

    that may not be the perfect way, but i'd rather have that than leave my kids at the mercy of a maid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for making this point!

      Delete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR SIX YEARS AND I HAVE HAD THEM ALL,YOUNG, OLD, UGLY, PRETTY,SEDUCTIVE ONES,BAD MOUTHED ONES,KIND HEARTED LOL..THE LIST IS ENDLESS AND HAVE SEEN CRECHES THAT TURN TO THE EVIL NANNY ASSOCIATION IMMEDIATELY YOU TURN YOUR BACK.

    THE SOLUTION IS TO TURN TO GOD TO DIRECT YOU AND TAKE CHARGE,I LOVE "THE DO IT YOURSELF" BCOS IT KEPT ME IN SHARP BUT WE ALL DO NEED SOMEONE TO HELP OUT ONCE IN A WHILE,SO THAT WE DON'T LOSE FOCUS ON WHY WE MARRIED OUR HONEY HUM.

    GOD WE HELP WE MOTHERS TO DO IT IJN.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen1 You are welcome Victoria.

      Delete

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