Aunty Eya, I read an old post on the blog that really described my husband. There are women in my situation who are just there thinking that a bad marriage has no solution but please aunty share my story on the blog site and after reading, they'll know that we have a solution for a bad, loveless, unemotional, and abusive marriage. I use to think that there's no other man as hard hearted and mean like my husband because growing up, my father was a good man to mum, they had their misunderstanding and disagreements sometimes but settled with my dear father taking the blame and apologizing most times but fast forward to today that I'm an adult and supposedly happily married. My husband has never made the mistake of apologizing to me whether he's wrong or not. This man has never accepted that he made a mistake or that he is sorry. I have been such a foot mat and didn't know what to do because I wasn't earning any income and needed a way to just earn money by myself without depending on his little stipends. How do you leave a mean husband when you have nowhere to raise money to take care of yourself and the children. Many times I wanted to leave but who pays the rent? What about feeding, not to talk of school fees. Now I know that some 'foot mat wives' aren't really staying because of their kids. They stay because they cannot survive without the man's chicken change.

Talking about my now former husband aunty. The man is hard hearted and malicious as hell. Even though I try to hide it from the public, People kept on telling me that perhaps I wasn't submissive enough, but I learnt that he gets this insane almost manic pleasure whenever he sees me down trodden, weak, 'submissive' and vulnerable making his abuse on me to be worse off than before. My emancipation came when I after many failed interviews, got a good job and started working and earning a good salary.

What this new job did to me actually prolonged my life on earth. I found my voice again, stopped being the stupid submissive wife who swallows everything and every hurt for the sake of peace. Now, I fought back to regain my dignity and pride and he wasn't too happy about it.

As usual, my husband asked me to leave the house like he usually does and this time he got the shock of his life when I didn't come crawling and begging and crying my eyes out. He waited and waited, didn't see me call or come knocking, he came to apologize which was a surprise cos I never taught that Mr 'sole breadwinner' VIP, high and Almighty could ever bring himself to ever do that. Well, needless to say, I forgave him and went back to the marriage with my three kids hoping for a better life until he did it again.

This time, he told me to leave while 4 months pregnant and seized the two older kids in the process while out there bragging to his friends that I will come back crawling to him. That I will sure come and beg, and looking back, now I feel like he seized the kids so even if I never wanted to beg him, I will do because of my kids.

Well, after crying my heart out, I stayed put, never went back to that marriage. Managed my life well and gave birth to my lovely daughter (How did I manage my life well without my abusive husband? How was I able to plan my delivery and shop for all my baby items without him? The answer is.. I got a job) .

I went ahead to see a good lawyer and right now we are deciding custody of the kids. He is shocked once again that I can stand on my feet and stand beside him talking about custody of the kids but I've told myself that if I want dignity, respect, and my pride as a woman then I will have to fight for it. I would be lying if I say I don't miss my kids, I do miss them so much sometimes I cry, hence the reason I met a divorce lawyer but the truth is that I am most happy now that I am free from his abusive reign and sadistic manipulations of me.

I feel free from my soul right to my body and spirit and unless something otherwise happens, I have decided to live my life away from that hardened man.  If I didn't start earning my own money, he will continue to threaten me with divorce at every provocation and will always win because I'd have kept begging, running and crawling to him. What a way to live by crying and begging just to be married? 

I felt the need to share so that others can draw some inspiration from my story. Only you alone have the power to make yourself happy, DO IT. Get a job and see how happiness will come running after you. 


  1. Anonymous12/01/2018

    Wow! Memories keep rolling in my head now. I have a somewhat similar situation. Infact, when i was about getting married all his friends kept saying what a good guy he was. our dating and courtship wasn't really long like that. But when I got in, I found out he could be unbothered sometimes. deep inside he has that care and love for me as his wife but growing up in a family were women meant nothing, makes him treat me most times like i was nothing.

    Just like you, i turned from happy woman to moody wife, joyful woman to sad wife, young girl to old-looking wife, even almost became hypertensive.

    The key is being empowered and cohabiting with him irrespective of all actions. your most prized possession is your job. My feelings changed when I got a job but I won't leave at all. That's my home and we'll continue to cohabit like housemates.

  2. Anonymous12/01/2018

    It's well . sometimes u think these men marry their worst enemies as their wives.They do everything to kill u even when u are alive and leave u with a pale shadow of ur former self! Making it feel like being a single lady is better than getting married but that's not true.
    I just don't get what kind of Yoruba demon that possesses them to treat another human being in such a callous way not to talk of the human being their wedded wives, their wives!the mother of ur child!what kinda blood runs in your veins please?
    I'm just sad right now,sorry for u dear.This could happen to any smart woman out there. You'll win that custody and get your kids back but even if you don't they'll grow up and come looking for their mummy no matter what.
    All I'm gonna say which is important is: never ever neglect your prayer to God almighty, have faith and trust him because he isn't like your husband.


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