Surprised to discover that I no longer find my wife attractive after paying her in her own coin
Years back When I married my wife, we were in love or so I thought. However, I was always the one initiating intimacy in the bedroom. A little more than a year ago I started to give up. I started to withdraw from my wife a bit more and focus on myself. About nine months ago I stopped any attempts at initiating sex, intimacy or touching. More recently, I was surprised to discover that I no longer found my wife attractive. For the first time since I met her, I couldn't think of her in a sexual way. Yes, technically she was still attractive. All her attributes were the same, physically nothing had changed, but I just couldn't see her as "attractive" anymore.
Now it's easy to go without sex with her because I no longer find her attractive. I broke the habit. Then in a moment of clarity, I realized I was now as detached and uninterested in her sexually as she'd behaved for our whole marriage. Wow. I finally found out why she hasn't been interested in me all these years, I finally know how she feels. This has been a HUGE turning point for me. She really never loved me the way I loved her, the way I needed to be
loved. I'm angry that she just didn't tell me that she felt this way. Why did she lie and make excuses all these years? That one I may never figure out. Experiencing this feeling of relative indifference to her has been enlightening, and will be a key element in moving forward.
Kindly permit me use your platform to tell other married couples the obvious truth about refusal; Your refuser really doesn't love you. If you can't get your head around it, try thinking of a relative (brother or sister) and the feeling that you have for them is pretty close to what your refuser feels for you. It seems simple and obvious now, but I just wasn't getting it before. So wonder they avoid sex with you at all costs! There's nothing to fix here. You either accept and live with it for life or quit. Yes, there may be medications but what if if your refuser is the type of spouse that never wants to talk about it?
Your sexless marriage isn't a case of them inadequately expressing how they feel about you, it's a case of them expressing exactly how they feel about you. If a husband or wife consistently refuses intimacy with you, won't talk about it? He doesn't love you anymore.