Hello ma and fellow blog readers in the house, What would you do in my situation? I am the eldest of 4 siblings. My parents have been married for 20 years but I am 24 now because apparently they got wedded a few years after I was born even though the traditional marriage rites were performed earlier. All my life my dad has been abusive towards us and my mum. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I am grateful he did the bare minimum and fed us, plus provide a roof over our heads, we only had clothes during Christmas that we have to manage for the whole year until another Christmas. As for birthday parties no way, my mum would try her best and buy a few bottles of coca cola and sweets and sometimes a small  cake.

From two years old I was sent to live my Uncle and his wife, I suffered from his wife to the point where some of them abused and neglected me. If it wasn't for the neighbours telling my parents to get me out of there, who knows what would have happened to me.

  At the age of about 9 my dad decided my mum would stop working and and stay home to take care of the family.
Growing up we would regularly see and hear my dad beating her up and
shouting abuses. She would always defend him if we spoke bad about him saying he is still your dad no matter what he does and I don't understand why.

As we grew older we began to have more courage to speak up to him. Probably from about the age of 14 till now, but I have lost count how many times we have tried to reason with him, write letters to him and cards about how his behaviour has affected us all and literally crying and begging for him to change, to listen and stop. Family and friends have tried and even our church pastor and his wife but nothing. My mum still stays with him. Even though we said we will help and support her.

The funny thing is that when my Aunt was in an abusive relationship with my uncle guess who ran to her aid and made sure my uncle changed? my mum and dad. My Aunt got gt on her feet, she started her own business and has been doing well ever since. My Aunt said her abuse was nothing on the scale of my mums and ours and she could not take what my dad has done to us all. So clearly my mum understands and reasons but not for herself or so it seems.

My parents travelled abroad, Dad still abused her emotionally and physically even while there. My mother now has health issues diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, knee pains and loads of complains.

My dad has multiple marital affairs and mum accepts this as part of the culture and each time I try to confront her she tells me not to worry about that saying in our African way, that dad can choose to marry another wife and that having only affairs is not that bad as long as he is not getting married to another wife. He showers the women and their kids with money and gifts and pays for the school fees yet he complains of no money for my two last siblings and for my mum and to go see a doctor. On New year day, he gave them nothing for food while he went out to see one of his jezebels. The women he is seeing and sleeping with have started threatening my mums life also.

After he tried to strangle her, I forcefully brought her to stay with me a little, I advised her to file a complain at any police station that her life is under threats but my mum is reluctant to do anything if it involves mentioning my dad as she says she can't do that to him and has to protect him that she still loves him.

Now my dad is apparently doing the whole he is sorry act and my mum buys it. I messaged him to ask him to explain his behaviour and he told me it is none of my business and it is an insult to question him. He says he is a disciplinarian and not a dictator and he is the best dad in the world.

My mum says she isn't staying here and wants to go back to him one day after he has learned his lesson and suffered, and we should forgive and forget and we should make up with my dad everybody makes mistakes and deserves another chance...???

Growing up sometimes my mum was physically abusive to my siblings every time dad finishes dealing with her, she'll transfer the anger. I was the quiet child so got less of it, when they said jump, I did. When they said, sit, I did. She was also emotionally and mentally abusive and manipulative towards us all and Yes I'm sure she took out the abuse she received from my dad on us. 
The man has shown no remorse and doesn't accept that his behaviour is wrong and hurtful towards others. Saying every relationship has it's hiccups??? Yes he is right to a point but not violence and abuse that is just abnormal behaviour. She says he is not himself and it must be juju from the women that's making him act like this, that when they met he was so kind and would do everything for her.........
The same lines she has been quoting for years and refusing to leave dad.

I am so drained from listening to it all, just got married and want to relax and enjoy my new marriage. I can't keep going on like this. I don't know what next to do, please help me.


  1. I think the only person that can help your mother, is herself. In other words, don't stress yourself out. Just keep praying for her.

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  2. Your mother is an adult, you can't force her to do anything when she is not ready but don't relent in letting her know the dangers of domestic violence. Let her know that all these ailments may have come as a result of what she suffered endured all those years. If she were a child, you'd have forced her to stay in your home but right now, she is responsible for her actions, for the choices that she makes.

  3. Anonymous7/16/2016

    Focus on your marriage and avoid getting wrapped up in your parents affairs - it is toxic. Your mum has made her choice, can't decide for her but you can make your home better than what you experienced from your parents... Pray for her

  4. It is their cross. You only need to lift them up in prayers.


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