Tuesday, June 07, 2016


Hello my able wives connecion tribe and Aunty Eya, I feel like the whole world is collapsing, coming right down on me. When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. I married him after two years and promised him I would stay with him as long as he never cheated or hit me, this I said to him because I was in an abusive relationship before I met him. I knew he was lazy when I married him but I never thought it would get this bad. We have two beautiful daughters  who I love with every bit of my being, and I am now seven months pregnant. This pregnancy was a surprise. I was not happy when I found out and it took me a long time to get used to the fact that I was going to have another baby again in this tough, no tomatoes, no fuel economy. My husband has never helped with either child. Since he got fired from his job, He is too busy searching for another job in all the wrong places or sleeping on the couch with Super sports or Africa Magic Yoruba.
 l work 5 days a week, cook, clean, laundry, do the grocery shopping, Saturday
market shopping, getting kids ready for school while he only drops and picks them off with loud music playing in the car. M sister and cousin come to help out from time to time but they are still in school and cannot always be available. My husband lost his job due to his laziness and not following simple instruction. until recently. He never tried to get a job, just felt too arrogant to apply or meet people who could help. I asked him numerous times to help me more, I have begged, pleaded, and then finally yelled at him about his laziness which he nearly hit ,e about. I am not the nagging type. I told him all I wanted from him was to do more chores around the house while he was unemployed so I didn't have to go home and clean after working long hours. He has cleaned only twice that I can remember. When I say cleaned, he vaccumed the sitting room and and washed only a few dishes leaving the pots in the sink for me.
My husband never cares when I get sick, he just blows me off like I am faking it or tries to compete with me. For example, today I told him I wasn't feeling well. His response was, "My head hurts. I am not feeling good either." When I finally get mad and yell at him for not caring or helping me, he just throws a guilt trip on me, He admits that he says things when we argue just to hurt me. Recently, at 32 weeks pregnant, I was taken to the hospital for cramping and and slight contractions. After hours of checkup, they sent me home, instructing me to take it easy, no lifting, and to try and have adequate bed rest. This weekend, I got sick of seeing my house a mess so I started to clean. I was lifting loads of heavy laundry in front of my husband, cleaning, washing, bending to sweep and mop, etc. and he never offered to help or try to stop me from lifting the heavy laundry. He just sat on his chair, texting and watching sports.
Every night my back is in pain because I am doing too much work. I can't help it though because I cannot allow my children to live in a dirty home, but my house is somehow huge and too much for a  pregnant woman to handle. I started feeling like We can't survive on my income alone even though I have a paying job. Every day I come home and the house looks the same as it did the night before, just more dirty dishes and laundry he adds to it. He sits at home all day and does nothing. When I ask why he didn't at least do some dishes or sweep with the long broom that doesn't require bending, he says "I wasn't here all day, I went out searching." But that is always what he says and I know he is lying.
Why is my husband doing this to me? I don't see how he can love me, yet not see that he is tearing me down into nothing by showing no care nor affection. He is getting worse by the day. The funny thing is, he still expects sex whenever he wants it and gets mad when we don't like I'm his robot or something. What do I need to do to help myself please. I don't want to have this baby prematurely because of stress and depression. How should I go about this?


  1. Hmm, your husband is an adult, you cannot parent or push him to do what he doesn't want to do but you can find ways to help yourself live longer and happier. Actually, he does something more than watch TV, he babysits those kids while you are away. He picks them up from school, helps them change and feeds them I guess. You are not talking about needing a baby sitter or nannybecause he is there. However,that doesn't mean that he should not get something to earn an income and take care of his family. You need help right now. If you do not have where to drop the kids, take them with you, quietly check into a hotel somewhere not close to your home, spend the weekend there and let him manage himself in the dirty house. When you get home from work on Friday, sneak the kids into the car and just drive off to get some rest for yourself. In the morning, you take them outside to play while the apartment or room is cleaned, you don't have to cook, if you can afford it, buy food and just get rest and watch your favourite TV programs too.

    Only call to inform him when you have already checked in. Leave him in shock, let him see that there is no one there to clean or cook for him. If you can, switch off your phone and just rest till Sunday. By the time you return on Sunday, he would have had time to think and think again without interruption. He needs to get into that consciousness, to be awakened.

    If you find that outing helpful, do it again and again till you feel well rested.
    Safe Delivery.

  2. AnonymousJune 07, 2016

    A million likes aunty Eya! Just what was on my mind.

  3. To add to what Madam Eya said, When you are leaving, make sure the TV is not subscribed or you take the smart card along.No food in the fridge.


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  6. The truth is that you cannot force an adult particularly a man. I would advise that in addition to what Aunty Eya has said, in the long run,you need someone to help you with cleaning of the house, and other chores to take pressure off you.
    As for the job hunting it will take a miracle for your husband to get a job because of his attitude as you described. Brace yourself up to the fact that you might be the one taking care of the house for a long while, which means you need to device means of coping with the situation.
    For now,look for ways to make yourself happy and stress free. No let the man take him reggae spoil your blues. Safe delivery in advance.

  7. I just remembered a song i heard some days back 'i aint your mama' why should a man be so irresponsible? I hope you have not taken over the entire financial responsibilities, rent, school fees etc?
    pls madam you must know the difference between helping a man during difficult times and enabling a man to be lazy. Helping is assisting someone to that something they are unable to do until they can do so on their own,which is temporal but enabling is doing something for a person that they can do on their own but dont want to do so.
    pls take jayne and aunty eya's advice and dont forget to rest and relax, pls when doing laundry get a washer man that will assist you and remove hubby's clothes, if you normally pay for dstv, don't pay get cartoon dvd for the kids, as i said earlier you aint his mama. Safe delivery and don't forget to do proper family planning.

  8. All the single ladies in the house, pls don't marry a lazy man - it will only get worse! That a man currently has a job does not make him hardworking. U can tell a lazy man by his attitude which is a reflection of his state of mind. If your boy friend (abi na fiancee) loses his current job, how do you think he will respond?
    Poster - u have very good ideas already shared by others; apply them wisely. The important thing for me is that u should make him very uncomfortable at home. I just hope he does not become abusive - emotionally or physically.

  9. I agree with Aty Eya. In addition, consider praying for him too while you gradually withdraw some level of comfort like Dstv subscription. Also appreciate him for the little he does while you encourage him to do more. God bless! Occassional time out for you and the kids is highly recommended, I do that too.

  10. AnonymousJune 17, 2016

    Have been away so I am just reading up past post. 8 know exactly how u feel poster. Anty Eua pls do well and get this message of mine across to her. My husband was a lot like urs! Lol. 2months into our marriage he lost his job totally due to nonchalance and a laid back attitude...but I didn't know he was lazy wen I married him. This incident made me realise. I was in shock! He would play video game from wen I leave till I get back late at night even with Lagos traffic! I wld come home and meet ALL d dishes he eat with. Messy bathroom. Messy kitchen and oh d bedroom! He wld nt even hv taken his bath or brushed sef. Two weeks I endured one weekend I wiped out my laptop and had his cv redone totally. ..I work as a PR/ brand manager so I hv d flair for stuffs like that ( if u cnt help redo his own ask someone to help) na so o...I registered him on Jobberman myself and on myjobmag (job sites) I started applying myself and forced him to attend interviews. Took 4 months b4 he gor a good job and I was free! Pls help him not to gie u BP. We women we dey really try