My Marriage Has Become Lukewarm And Boring Over The Years. I Never Wanted To But Because We Had A Child Together

My Husband Calls Numbers That I Call Or Text That He Doesn't Know.


Hello Mad'm Eya, I'm married and have been with my husband for 13 years. We have 2 kids 14 and 8. We met when I was still 18 and he was 29. I feel like I was pressured into the marriage because we had a child. I NEVER wanted to get married! My family always tells me that I'll never do any better than him and if doesn't beat me then there should never be a reason to leave.In the years we have been together we have both changed so much. He has always had trust issues. He would always accuse me of being out with other guys. He would call up to my work or school and make sure I was really there because he didn't believe me. Reads the phone messages and calls numbers that I text or call that he doesn't know. I started texting a guy I work with. It was
COMPLETELY innocent. My husband got in my phone and read the texts and flipped out! He went up to my work and causes a huge scene to confront this guy about talking to me. He said I was having an "emotional affair". At that time he said he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me anymore unless I quit my job. So I did! I was still so in love with him that I would do whatever he wanted. I dealt with the insecurities and trust issues he had. About a year later I was out for a run and ran into a guy I went to high school with. We started talking and we ended up sexting. His Girlfriend found out and emailed our conversation and the pictures to my husband. My husband texted me while I was at work and said he wanted a divorce! I almost had a breakdown. We worked on things and stayed together. Things were great between us for awhile. 

I started a new job and things were going great other than him obsessing over me "having affairs". I assured him over and over but he kept reminding me what I did before and how he couldn't trust me. He has been caught having "emotional affairs" several times so he isn't completely innocent I became a recluse, stopped talking to friends, never left the house other than to go to work, I just took care of the kids and house. During this time I became VERY depressed! Contemplated suicide it was so bad. After a while, I wanted friends again! I also started a side job at a very good hotel and he hates it. My husband is the bread winner and controls all of the finances even though I've asked to be included in them he refuses. So I keep my hotel waitress job money and don't give it to him. Early last year I tried to talk to him and asked for a separation. He cried and begged me not to leave. I told him I can't deal with the trust issues he has. He said he forgave me because of my past mistakes yet he brings it up and shoves it my face all the time.

I started seeing our pastor's wife for counselling and asked that he do the same. I think we have both changed so much and have had so much happen between us it would be good for us. I started going immediately but he didn't. I even went ahe and booked an appointment with the pastor but he never went immediately. I didn't nag him or say anything about it. We went to Ghana last year and it was miserable to be around him. Same with any holidays.  


We sold our small self contained house and moved into his parents for 7 months while our house was being built. The whole time we were there it was so tense between my husband and me. I tried to talk to him about his attitude and told him I couldn't stand it.He said he was sorry and would work on it. A month later he was right back to his domineering self. At this point I felt like I had had enough. I could feel that I wasn't in love with him. We were having more bad times than good so I told him I wanted a separation and that I thought building our house was a bad idea and I didn't want to do it anymore. He cried and begged me not to leave, I stayed, later he was back to his old self again. I'm tired of this circle and seriously crave peace and happiness. What can I do?

Comments

  1. Hmmmmmm....the both of you needs to sit down and talk to each other and tell each other the truth. I don't believe in mincing words so....please make your decisions and get ready to start from scratch.

    For interesting stories, visit www.adaezewrites.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmm,that is the reality of marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5/01/2016

    Can anyone please help me out with the name of certain UK online shopping mall who's name ends with something "fridge". I checked out the site once and saw so many nice shoes and bags, now I want to revisit but can get d name. Please help a sister in need,Gid bless u as u do

    ReplyDelete

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