My Heart Is Not In The Marriage

Good morning Mrs Eya, I need some help from the wives connection blog ASAP. I have been feeling like this for a long time now. Been married almost 8 years with 3 daughters. We lived apart initially because I got transferred to the North, later my family joined me and we have been living together for about 6 years.

I just have not been feeling the love anymore . My feelings have changed over the years. My wife is a good wife, attractive, and good mother to the kids. I just don't have the love for her that she needs and wants. I feel I have nothing left to give. For years I have fantasized a divorce. Years I mean! I have had fake
travels just to go lodge somewhere and feel that sense of freedom and just be without her around, I lodged in the very same town while they believed I'm out of town. I sometimes wish to just leave from there and disappear but I seem to always come back regretting. We always fight, I think she nags a lot and I hate the way we communicate without feelings just talking about things that concern our children or general talk that is not about the 2 of us. I don't even want to see a marriage counselor or pastor because I don't have it in my heart to want to fix it. I cheated only once, regretted and ended things without her finding out but I still wish didn't have to end it that way because I was beginning to feel something different.

Last week, I was out of town on an official assignment, we got to the point when we were talking about a separation or divorce. I thought we were going to actually do it once and for all. I was prepared mentally to finally move on from this toxic non loving marriage. As we got off the phone, I was happy and a little scared. But willing to move. Then all of a sudden she calls me and lays a guilt trip about me not even trying to make it work. We have been there before and I think it's a waist of time. Doesn't really fix anything. If we get to separate, I'll leave everything, the house for her and the children, ready to pay her a monthly allowance for the kids upkeep but not ready to continue to leave my life this way.

How do I get to move on without guilt?


  1. I understand how you feel very much. Even as a woman I've been in your shoe severally and my kids and the fear of God not even what people would say are the only thought that made me reconsider things. May be mine is borne out of the fact that I shoulder almost all the expenses in the house and I got fed up at a time. Just try to figure out what it is. And try to fix things. Not easy anyway.

  2. Oga, marriage is so important and so sacred. It is an institution that should be cherished and protected because it matters. Have you tried courting your wife again? Have you tried loving her unconditionally? You are the head of the home and if for some reason, it is not working, you should FIGHT to make it work. See that pastor or counselor, date your wife and make conscious efforts to save your marriage. Don't give up without a fight.

    If you want to keep finding reasons why you shouldn't stay married, you will find tons of them. However, if you choose to find reasons to stay married, you will find many. Stay married because:

    1. Love is not just a feeling. It is a decision. You have relied on feelings for too long. Now is time to decide to love.
    2. God hates divorce.
    3. A good marriage is a result of HARD work
    4. Something attracted you to your wife n the first place. Reflect on it and go back to it
    5. The companionship in marriage is sweet and love is really a beautiful thing.

    I'll also like to point out that you saying you cheated on your wife "only once" makes it sound like you don't consider it really bad. You broke your covenant, Sir. It is a breech of contract.

    Have you watched, the movie, Fireproof? Please please please find it and watch together with your wife. Also google, "The Love Dares" and try to implement them in your marriage.

    Sometimes in marriage one partner has to fight for both. Your marriage is valuable so please don't give up without a fight. I pray you grow onto marital bliss and togetherness beyond your imagination.

    Precious Core Blog

  3. Oh yes, Poster I agree with precious, pls see the movie Fireproof, War room and Courageous.

  4. Oh yes, Poster I agree with precious, pls see the movie Fireproof, War room and Courageous.

  5. It's not possible to move on from a marriage of 8 years with three children without guilt especially when it's not as if your wife offended you so terribly or the children are not yours. So I say to you, the guilt will be there. However Precious nailed it precisely so I will just advice you follow what she counselled. Keep your home before a tigress out there sinks teeth into your flesh and regrets will be all that is left.

  6. POSTER5/10/2016

    Thank you ladies, posting this issue and reading what you say just made me feel better. I pray those feelings will return because my wife has nt wronged me in any earth shattering way. She's a good woman, but

  7. I know how you feel sometimes marriage can be monotonous and boring what you need is time away. Both of you can take leave and go on a trip thats fun so you can catch that carefree feeling once again and begin to see your wife in a new and relaxed light also pray now that she is aware of how you feel you both can commit it in prayer. Sometimes you dont need an outsider to help you see things differently or convince you your marriage is worth saving sometimes its a turn of event so make that event positive so u can achieve a positive out come. Goodluck


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