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Will This Male Child Feeling Ever Leave Me So I Live A Normal Life? I Feel Suicidal Some Days; Has Affected My Faith

AnonymousApril 04, 2016
I'm sorry to re-juvenate this old post oh but I am a mum of two girls too and my hubby says no more kids. I've been feeling very sad since I had my second daughter and any one I tell that I have two girls keeps punching it into my face how much I need a boy, etc. I am ready to try again but I'm really scared that if it is a girl again, my husband may then go
haywire. I have even heard of women like me who decided to try again and got twin girls. My husband's family wants more kids but I indeed know it is because they want a boy. And indeed, I can't take care of more than three kids should anything happen to my marriage tomorrow.

I'm really so sad and confused and have been this way for almost a year now. I do not know if these feelings will indeed leave me some day and let me live a normal life again. So it's not just Igbo people that have this problem; I think it is general. Most men and families in Nigeria prefer to have all boys (or atleast one boy) than all girls. My sister has three boys and her kids are often better celebrated than mine. She also carries herself with pride and so does her husband.

I even feel suicidal some days but if I die, who will take care of my kids? It has affected my faith as well because I stopped going to church shortly before I gave birth and even now my baby is almost six months old and I have refused to resume church. What can I do to lift my spirits?

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Comments

  1. Madam, you don't have a problem. Go and read stories of women trying to conceive and you'll fall on your knees and thank God for the gift of two beautiful children.
    I wonder why people can't be appreciative of the wonders and gifts of God! I can give you a site address and by the time you visit it and read the stories, you'll weep in appreciation. Loads of women are praying for one child....just one. A male child will come your way at God's time. Don't let things like this depress you. Get your swag on and go to church....and please celebrate your kids more often.

    For thrilling stories, visit www.adaezewrites.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hector4/04/2016

    Madam get pregnant again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/04/2016

      That's not the best advice here. If BOTH parties are NOT in agreement, it is irresponsible to introduce another child into the family, regardless of it's gender.

      Delete
  3. My uncle has 6 daughters and he's the only male child yet he didn't kill himself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/04/2016

      please my dear talk to your husband and plead with him. it's all about communication. I had 3 girls, my husband was OK with it but I really wanted to give him a son bcos his brothers had sons and they had this issue with land and it was obvious my husband had being cheated cos he had only girls, anyway I talked to him and we went to see a doctor, he told us the right time and best position to make love and when we did tried again I had twins boys. The most important thing is to pray together with your husband and have faith while trying bcoz it's only God that gives children. I and my husband's family have never had twins but God made me the first in both our families to have twins and after the twins came, blessings and open doors came too even his brothers that were making fun of him and cheated him cos be didn't have boys now came to beg. hmmm infact my husband does not joke with his boys o. the most important thing in marriage apart from prayer and love is communication. till tomorrow my husband still says he's glad he listened to me and that he was happy with just the girls but now he's happier. Your husband might be OK with just two girls but deep down especially when he's with his family or friends who have sons, he might just be wishing he had a son. Good luck my dear and be prayerful. Just ask God to touch your husband's mind before you talk to him. Don't mind my long comment and typos

      Delete
  4. Anonymous4/04/2016

    It's not easy oh! I have 3 girls. Wen I was pregnant 4 d third girl my symptoms were totally different, thinkin is going 2 be a boy , @ d end na girl, but I thank God. Hubby say he's done with kids but me I still want a male child. I can imagine how u feel may God answer our prayers

    ReplyDelete
  5. We planned our kids to be a boy and a girl and we got exactly what we wanted. For people who desire boys or girls, this is how we did it
    When tbe month you guys want to get pregnant comes, start having sex exactly 2 weeks after her period for those whose menstrual cycle are like clockwork. Ie if her period stopped on the 9th of April you start having sex from 23rd April. For those whose cycle are not regular, monitor your ovulation do it as soon as you see the sign of ovulation(egg white) your hubby too should hold body for at least 1 week before the planned day cool
    But best is to follow your ovulation. The chances of making a boy is greater when the egg is just released. Cos, boy sperms travel faster but die earlier than girl,sperms. So if the egg is not yet released during the time of intercourse, the boy sperms may die off while the girl sperm survives to fertilize the egg as soon as it is released. Na so science explain am o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/05/2016

      madam, call Green Olives Gender Selection Center No,08096103276, they are specialist in child gender issues, cheer
      s.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous4/04/2016

    You need to read the Billings Method book. I hope you understand your body well. Getting female kids is not solely your fault so you need to cheer up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/04/2016

      I agree that Billing method will help them increase the chances of having a male child. But getting a male or female child is solely a man's fault. He carries the X chromosomes.

      When we tried to conceived, I never left anything to chances, I made sure my wife followed the Billing's method to the letter. But why did I care? Because of our silly culture of placing male children above female. I believe both should be given equality especially during inheritance procedures.

      I think both male and female should have right of inheritance to the parents properties. If this is done, less pressure to get male children.

      Delete
    2. True...but unfortunately, until society rights this wrong, women are left to bear the curse of having female children only. This may be the reason why the woman concerned feels suicidal.

      Her hubby does not want more than 2 kids. Is he content with the girls? @OP.. If he is, then the woman is just getting herself worried over nothing really.

      Delete
  7. My aunt is yet to have a child after 17 years of marriage and she's not gathering money to buy a rope to hang herself. It's just simple, cherish what you have and it's not as if your husband is complaining or something or better still, talk to your God. I don't want to hear that because of this your ish, you are not showering love to your girls ooo.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I had my second daughter on the 25th of June, 2016. I was disappointed because she was a girl. Few days after birth,the doctor said she had oesophageal fistula. The only remedy was an operation in Lasuth. We went ahead, but she died. I still haven't recovered from that traumatic experience.
    Mind you I already had a daughter in my first pregnancy. I didn't care her gender, all I battled was for her to be alive.

    Madam set your priorities right, he who has all male children and another all female is still better than those who doesn't have at all.

    It's the importance you attach to your daughters that will make people to value them. The woman who has all male children has only given birth, but she doesn't not have a companion. Female children will never leave you.

    Kill yourself and your children will become housemaid, dropout and victim of a wrong decision. If your husband wants to marry some one else to give him a male child, pls fast and pray that he will even have triplet sons. From the other woman.

    Concentrate on your finances, how to train theses girls to become valuable in life.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Suicide for what reason? Let me tell you one thing you don't know, people get an earful for not having female children too. There is no trash that I have not heard, a woman with two daughters out rightly told me that you have no kid if you don't have a female. When she had her 3rd daughter, she nearly ruined her health over it, BP skyrocketing and all. I was amazed on the complexity of human nature, few months earlier you yab*bed another woman for having all boys, why aren't you giving a testimony when God blessed you with a third daughter?


    My point is this, every one gets a jab in this crazy world . You have all girls, it's a problem, all boys? They will still mock you! A boy and a girl? They complain that it's just one boy and an only daughter, 2 boys and a girl? They will complain that your daughter has no sister. You have no life if you keep worrying about this crazy society and their idiosyncrasies. I personally don't give a damn if both the dead and the living rolls over on top my matter. Raise the wonderful kids God has given you, if you feel up to it, try what Delishpot mentioned and be prepared for either outcome.


    Some pray for just one, just one my dear, yet nothing. Be more than grateful, thank God everyday of your life that you can conceive and birth successfully. You want to die because of what people say? Lol, they will still laugh at you for dying, may be you will kill yourself again when that happens . My MIL told me stories of how she was mocked by other women for not having daughters, the fact that she cried for these women's jabs was funny to me. People will always see something to mock at, you don't live to please them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Try what D mentioned and be prepared for either outcome.

      Delete
  10. Sparkle4/04/2016

    Some have food but cannot eat,
    some can eat but have no food,
    i have food and i can eat,
    glory be to thee o lord.
    CELEBRATE WHAT YOU HAVE ,SOME HAVE NOT EVEN A CHILD

    ReplyDelete
  11. In truth, I love all female to all male.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Na ltr u go know d value of what you have. Keep complaining oooooo. Africans tho with dis mentality

    ReplyDelete
  13. This poster made me angry really. Die and those 2 prety girl won't forgive you even in grave. I think you are so ungrateful. I have 2 lovely daughters and I dont care if third one is going to be a girl because am not God.No man or family can put me on high jump for what. If don't understand simple biology so be it. I prayed for a boy too but God knows what's good for me and I wont complain,because atleast am not barren nor give birth to imbecile. Please change your mindset and follow the adviceof when to have sex for a male child. Godluck in your search

    ReplyDelete
  14. I seriously don't understand the fuss about having a male child. My neighbor has 6 beautiful girls,every morning I can't stop admiring these girls, but the mum is never contented, her quest for a male child resulted in the 'half dozen' girls. Her last pregnancy almost claimed her life and the doctor gave her a strict warning to stop child birthing. JUST NEGODU

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous4/04/2016

    Chai nawao while some are just praying for a child or two. She should kill herself na, she's a dummy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/04/2016

      It's not wise to tempt, or call the bluff of one who is suicidal. Very wrong.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/04/2016

      I hope she's reading this again, she's not better than women who do not have kids yet they endure, if she wants she can commit suicide asap

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/04/2016

      Again, I will say this is not wise.

      Suicide is not easy to understand. We shouldn't even attempt to justify or work out why anyone would wish to take their own lives. Such people need counselling, and possibly sessions with a psychiatrist. What may affect the mental health of one may be okay with another.

      Don't goad a troubled person into taking his, or her own life.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous4/04/2016

      You know some people do not have patience when others are concerned. I just hope the poster reads through this and see that people here feel her pain and are encouraging her to look on the bright side of life. She should pray for Goes guidance and protection on her family and make the best out of her children. I know she is worried,that her husband may impregnate another woman who will give him a boy that will inherit him and that would mean a baby mama or second wife. On the other hand she may just be depressed because of societal attitude towards male children carrying on the family name.
      All in all, she should calm down and care for herself for the sake of her children

      Delete
  16. Francis4/04/2016

    Male children are determined by the Y-bearing chromosome of the father. Mothers have no influence whatsoever in determining the sex of a baby as the ovum is by default, an X-chromosome. Sex determination of a foetus is determined by the father's sperm. It is not your fault at all if you can't bear male children.

    Now, there are doctors that can assist in sex selection of fetuses. I strongly recommend that you seek the services of a doctor who specializes in sex selection of fetuses to ensure that your next baby is a male child.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous4/04/2016

    So suicide is the first thing you could think of? Cmon! Not like you are barren or childless. There is hope.

    Have sex during Ovulation

    ReplyDelete
  18. Byvan has said it all,

    I have three boys,some people I encounter still make some foolish remarks like : try one more for a girl, girls will take care of you,only boys na wah bla bla...most of these people that don't mind their business; I think they are not happy with their lives.

    Don't live your life for other peoples approval, you can't please them,they will always say what they like,its their mouth.

    You are the only one that can make yourself happy.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Poster4/05/2016

    Thanks every one and Yes, I am reading through all These. I wanted three kids and its unfortunate that having had two girls it seems like the next MUST be a boy. Added to the nervousness is The fact that dear husband does not want to try Again. He says there are no assurances the next will be a boy.

    And Yes i knew about ovulation timing and co Even before i gøt married. But most people dont really plan the sex of their First Children. Then after our First daughter, When wanted a second we were trying for a few months with out success. Then we Just wanted a sibling for our daughter, We let it off the hook and i took in. Immediately she was in, I knew she was female. Those are part of the reasons i felt depressed; Maybe if i were a Little more patient... I guess she was meant to be.

    Dear Francis, I am really interested in these doctors that specialize in sex selection of fetus (es). How is it done, Is it through IVF/PGD? Where Can i find these doctors, I reside in Lagos. Can I drop my e-mail address here for you?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear poster,your baby is just 6 months old and you are driving yourself crazy?Please,pray for a God fearing child who will make you,Your husband & the society proud.Not just a male child.Some women are trying to convince not minding the sex.best of luck

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous4/05/2016

    Long hiss. You want to kill yourself because you don't have a boy???? Those that don't have children at all nko? They should poison themselves then hang themselves and then jump into fire abi? Ungrateful soul.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous4/05/2016

    A most ungrateful story i read.you probsbly didnt wait 17yrs like my auntie for just miscarriage before she finally bore a dota.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Folake4/07/2016

    Am blessed with two beautiful daughters, they are my pride, my Joy, my life. I don't care how many boys other people have, Am training my girls to be the best, so why bother myself over what over what I can't have, please take care of yourself and your girls, God has bless you with what befits you, why are you complaining? If you don't have any, what would you do?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Amanda4/07/2016

    What about those that do not have, are they going to commit suicide? U try get two,what of people like us with only one and yet still praising and hoping that God someday might had more.My dear just be thankful bcos there are women in this world born without wombs.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Chinwe C M4/07/2016

    You are;so ungrateful to God and i dont feel sorry for you. How can yu talk like that? Having girls to you is a disgrace? Ok. What about for those who are barren, what will they say if they see your post. Commit suicide my dear. Someone will come and look after your girls.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Laide Tunde4/07/2016

    Go back ur faith, God never forsake His own so don't give up. Then about maybe trying again, i'll say every child is a gift from God whether u have a boy or a girl. And have u taught of d fact dat in our old age, its d girl child dat takes care of us, except our male child has a good wife. There are situations where people go to every length to have a male child and in future they often tend to regret bcos does male kids give dem a hell of trouble. Some of us are not even destined to have male child and if we force it, it might be disastrous. Some male children even kill their parents in old age, either emotionally or physically , so think about and be happy. Before u break ur marriage with emotional imbalance. Stay blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Juliet Ezeh4/07/2016

    Thanks for being sincere sis. But don't forget that some women do not even have any at all. They are fasting nd praying night and day to even give birth to only an arm instead or being labeled barren. When they read your post, they will be like, WHAT!!!. But I really understand you. But you know what? You are so blessed you have girls. They are God's gifts to you. Thank God for them and be contented with them. Train them well and people will wish they have children like yours. Till the day I will I get to heaven, I won't stop thanking God that it's 3 exceptional daughters that he gave me. They are shinning stars and world - changers. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Chidi Nkechi4/07/2016

    Pls dnt go to church. Buy cane and flog God almighty. U ll feel better afterwards. Ain't u grieving God for His blessings in ur life? Mcheew!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ekenma Chichi4/07/2016

    My dear you have no reason whatsoever to commit suicide. You can't take your life because of what people will say about your situation. Those that are mocking you are they God? It is what was deposited inside you that you brought out, Simple. That you stopped going to church and rely on your own does not make any difference, it does not change God either. But I know prayer changes all situation. You are even lucky to have got two daughters, I have an Aunt who has been married over 30yrs now yet no child and she has not taken her life or stopped worshiping God. So you have to ask for forgiveness and believe in what God can do. Do not put your trust in man. There are ladies of over 40 that are not yet married talk of having babies yet they still believe God.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Chidinma Nwanegbo4/07/2016

    Madam most people are looking for girls just for them to be called a woman. And you have two wonderful daughters and you want to tell God that he make a mistake. My sister come to me let me tell you what it takes to wait on the lord. I think it's easy for you that's why you have a choice.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Sandra Igben4/07/2016

    What do you say to those who don't have kids at all for years after marriage, be thankful to God my dear. Share your pains with your husband. And better still try this planned method out when trying to conceive again. Select a month you hope get pregnant, and add your age to it, (eg, month of April is 4, then age 23. 23+4=27). If it gives you an odd number it a boy, and if its an even number it will be a girl. Best of lucks.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sheba Gamdi4/07/2016

    Infact i feel like using Caine on u, what of those that ve not had a miscarriage for over ten yrs? would they kill themselves? u need to be told the bitter truth the lord is not happy with u n u need to redress your life n grow spiritually cos God never make mistakes in whatever he does. Moreover how do u think your girls will feel if they discover your present situation because of their gender. Pls my sister cheer up n give tnx to God cos u ll never no the value of what u ve untill u loose or u dont ve it.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Ngozi Nzokurum4/07/2016

    Hi Sis, while some of the comments stem from the right place, they are a tad bit too harsh. It's not easy to wait on God for anything and the devil emphasizes the things we don't have, so we can lose faith in God. Sister, rather than running away from God, run to him. He is the only one that can give you a son (with blessings), gifts from the devil have loads of strings attached, not to talk of the sorrow involved. Don't come back to God just so He can give you a son, love him whether or not He gives you one. Inbox me if you still need encouragement or prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Frank Anthony4/07/2016

    Ur family should be grateful to God for His provision, if u twist God's hands to have a boy against his wish, u may end up having nefarious son born into ur house dt will torment u and regret shall set in. Two girl is enof to build future large family. Hoping on God, is d only sure way to be blessed with a boy. Don't allow d fear of ur husband push u to danger.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Power Odudu4/07/2016

    A sad one there. It's always not easy keeping up the faith when you're faced with such n that's what the devil rejoices over. He's happy he has succeeded in keeping you off His (God's) presence. This could happen to anyone but the question is...if we get angry at God n decide to turn away from Him, who will we run to? Who will we seek help from? I guess when we're in despair, that should be the time we should seek God's face the more. It's sometimes more easier with the women than the men. Seek His face more n I tell you He'll not forsake you. It's difficult n heartbreaking but He can do everything. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Efajemuw Rita4/07/2016

    Go back to God. Pray about the issue. I will advice u try the Chinese calendar to help you with the best timing to conceive the sex you desire. Remember again its only God that blesses a woman with children.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Gift Okonkwo4/07/2016

    Start going to church and renew ur faith. love ur girls and treat them like eggs and boost of them any where u go. be happy about them and never feel in different. then key in to God for ur own rejioce with those that deliver new baby boys with ur whole heart don't jealous them, wait God will do it for u.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Ogunwale4/07/2016

    I have 4 beautiful angels, and myself and hubby are grateful to God because many are trusting God, here you are, ungrateful soul, pls reconcile with God and ask for forgiveness

    ReplyDelete
  39. Vivian4/07/2016

    So ungreatful to God! Cnt believe people still live in such ideology! May God give all who dnt have any! Bless women praying for just a child to call them mum! Pray for forgiveness u re so ungreatful!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Ifeanyi Obasi4/07/2016

    top think or feeling that way, be greatful that you have 2 girls, I have women around me that is asking God for pregnant bumps and u are here complaining of having 2 girls, how many babies can u give? One of my friend adopted a girl last 4 months u need to know how much they spent and how happy the couple are for having a baby under they roof, just be grateful and ask God for one more baby, pray and have faith that the baby will be a boy, less I forget put urself together and go for thanks given for ur second child and resume church, have faith in God and learn how to be greatful.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Ukamaka4/07/2016

    Madam are u mocking people that don't have children or what? Or ur trying to tell us that God didn't bless you.pls let's learn how to appreatiate God so that we don't bring curse upon our life.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Maryam Garba4/07/2016

    If u stop going to church because u have female children only, what do u think those who have been married for many years without a single child should do???

    ReplyDelete
  43. Eno Okologo4/07/2016

    My sis you are ungrateful to God can you make a human being and you don't know why God give girls. thank God for it because he will not give sorrow he will give a child that will give joy, blessing without an end just go to God. he say ask it will be give, mattew. 7vs7 please go back to God he is the ans

    ReplyDelete
  44. Atinuke Olajide4/07/2016

    My sister be happy wit what God has given u .some people can't have one .praise God always for he has given a divine blessing be happy

    ReplyDelete
  45. Uzoamaka Uzoekwe4/07/2016

    If you really think u need a boy them Go for sex selection. Many gynaecologists are good at it. Nevertheless, rejoice that you are a mother. Many long to be called one but are yet to be.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Winnie John4/07/2016

    Please go back to church. That's where u will start from. One word from God can change ur situation. Forget about these ur problems n lead a normal life. Be happy, joyful, thankful. God will turn things around for u when u least expected.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Olasumbo Ajike4/07/2016

    U are not happy because u have two girls, I lost my husband because I could not give him any child nd u are here complaining about having only girls

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hannah U4/07/2016

    The society we live in.....anyway ask God for forgiveness and look up to HIM 100%, trust me sis you will laugh like SARAH sooner than you know it....those girls are BLESSINGS from GOD and it adds no sorrow....

    ReplyDelete
  49. Victoria4/07/2016

    Sow a seed of faith and attach ur request of a baby boy or twin baby boys to that seed and take it to any Living faith church(winners'chape) around u. D God of Oyedepo no dey fail.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Anonymous4/07/2016

    Spiritual Warfare is the game if the mind.
    Start feeding your spirit man with positivity n you see how. Your believe in God will bring your desires into your hands.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Anonymous4/07/2016

    OMG.. be faithful to God My Sister.. ur sister will envy u later.. most times girls takes very good care of their parents more than male children cos the male tend to Ave alot of responsibility. .so far ur hubby is cool with d girls...close your ears to the family and be happy.. DONT ALLOW ANYTHING KILL YOUR JOY.. COS GOD KNWS BEST...

    ReplyDelete
  52. Divine4/07/2016

    my dear sisiter please i may sound a bit harsh to you. why are you so ungreatful to the almighty God?You are complainng about having a male child but some people dont even have any.What are you saying. You just seat down and ask yourself howmany children can you give and God has given even two girls and yet you are ungreatful.Please dont provoke God with your greed.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Anonymous4/07/2016

    Many women have also lost their lives trying to please negative traditional belief system.know too DAT one day all these children will die too .be it girl or Boy. choice is yours.take care of your life first

    ReplyDelete
  54. Hello Poster, most of the comments posted here today are from wives connection Facebook page. Your post got so many reactions there and I didn't know hoe o make you see them in case you don't visit there. I just copied and pasted here to enable you read them.
    Take care, you'll be fine. God will grant your heart desire for he shall supply all our needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. After asking, let his will be done because he alone knows our beginning and ending. He knows what's best for us.

    ReplyDelete

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