There Are Things I Can Do To Get Closer Hubby's Friend But I'm Scared Of The Consequences

Hello  Aunty Eya and the loving wives connection family.  I have been an ardent reader of the blog for only three months but have learnt so much more than I could imagine. I am female, 36 years old, and have been married 10 years. Lately, I have felt very ignored and restless in our marriage which has remained sexless for the past two years and counting. I don't think my husband is aware of these feelings because I try to talk about them but he doesn't seem quite interested in talking about sex life and that kind of stuff , but the urge and feelings? they are  alive in my heart. He buys me beautiful gifts and tries to give me his love and support in other ways,  still relates with me without problems and kept enjoying my blow down there for almost 2 years without reciprocating with at least a one time penetration or something. When  I got tired of satisfying him one sidedly, l stopped and that has been it. He acts
like everything is fine even without his touching me for 2 years.Our last baby is 3 plus and the lasttime he touched me was at 3 months of pregnancy. Well, he has always been a very kind man, but he would rather watch TV and look at  his Ipad than talk with me. That's just the way he is.

Recently, a man has come into my life that has rekindled feelings in me that have been dormant for a long time. I find myself thinking about him often and wish I could be with him. I feel so guilty and ashamed of these feelings, but nevertheless, they are there. I try not to think about him, but I do. I don't know if he feels the same way about me, but sometimes he looks at me in a way that gives me a signal that he might. Nothing has been said or done between us. I don't want to tell my husband about this because this man is my husband's close  friend. I am still attractive and likable, There are things I can do to get closer to him, if I will allow it to happen, but I'm afraid of the consequences. I feel I'm at a crossroads. I have his mobile number and get tempted often to call him and just say "hello" or something. I would value your opinion. I cannot talk to anyone about this. What should I  do for myself in this circumstance? 


  1. Madam at thirty something you are not a child anymore. are you a learner? You want Uncle Johnson, Anty Eya, Brandy and others to tell you what? Listen to a married sister going through what you are experiencing problems with. In your shoe, I will try to get close to this friend and see if he feels same way too. Life is short and no one deserves to die unhappy if they can do something. Madam you can be discreet and live your life satisfactorily. What about if your husband's punana is dead or too old to perform?

    1. But what about the consequences? The shame if the cat is let out of the bag!, the betrayals and the hurts... Think about these sister...

  2. You are still married olease font do it. Try and ask your husband what the issue is. If it is medical, seek help. Whatever has made him to stop touching you as his wife must be very serious. But he should be able to talk to you about it and not pretend as if all is well. Adultery is a sin and to think of the fact that the man you are thinking of conmiting it with is your husband's close friend is even worse.Try and stay away from that man he shouldnt wven look at you the way you think he does. Ask your husband to open up to you.If nothing changes, talk to someone maybe your pastor, or his relative. I believe he is gaving medical chalkenges and feels ashamed to tell you but you are his wife. He shouldnt keep you suffering silently. Please dont fall for adultery please.

  3. Johnson4/24/2016

    Would you rather die happily and spend eternity in HELL? I do not envy your situation / position but believe that there is a chance to revive sex in your marriage... I hope:
    1. You and hubby do talk as friends
    2. He is not dead down there
    3. You are not fully dependent on him
    If yes to above, I would ask you to tell him about your feelings towards his friend. If no, talk to someone that you can trust, and that knows both of you.
    I really prefer the 1St option

    1. I absolutely agree with uncle J,tell ur husband of ur feelings even if you don't say who it is!if he doesn't like to talk about sex then I guess he'll have to listen!if still doesn't respond then take it outside to a responsible, respected elder.

    2. Baby Doctor4/24/2016

      Uncle J, please expatiate on number 3. How does that cause a poor sex life in marriage?

    3. Johnson4/25/2016

      @ Baby Doctor, the points listed are not the reasons for poor sex life in marriage...
      International research reveals that the number1 reason why women stay in abusive marriage is finance (fully dependent on the man). So if u cannot stand on your own, u most likely endure rubbish and become too afraid to take the bull by the horn to challenge your husband's flaws. Why would a woman continually leave a misbehaving husband to himself?

  4. Don't do it. Your heavenly father knows what you are going through and he is right there with you. Do not follow the broad way that leads to destruction. Nothing is impossible, that's if we believe. Fix an appointment so you get his mind ready TV or No Ipad. While he is having breakfast, inform him that there's something you'll like to discuss with him later in the day. Even if he insists you say it now, turn it down and leave him till evening so that while at work, he'll have time to think and be in some kind of suspense. Ask him why he hasn't touched you for that long yet enjoys your Licking, tell him why you stopped Licking and chewing, but for me I don't think you should discuss your feelings with his friend, let him not start eyeing you one kind whenever his friend is around. Do not call his friend and don't go close. You know what? thieves and robbers never plan to get caught but it eventually happens to their shock. Have that discussion first.

  5. POSTER4/25/2016

    Thanks for responding to my post. My husband is not a patient listener, trying to express my feelings about his friends might be misunderstood and turned against me but I'll try my best. Yesterday I deleted his number from my phone but the feelings are still there. I don't want to do this but there are not many options. Thank you For the wise comments.

    1. Johnson4/25/2016

      Poster, God will help u if u call upon Him... From a personal experience, telling someone who can keep a watch on us helps us from falling...
      It requires wisdom in presenting this matter to your husband. However, u know him better and can assess if he's able to handle it. The whole reason behind this is to show that u're vulnerable, esp bcos of how he's treating you. If he loves u, which I hope he does, he will fight to keep what he has.

  6. Good to know you have deleted his number. Please suppress the feelings you have for him. Don't engage in extra marital affairs. Flee from every appearance of evil. Communicate with your husband.

  7. Anonymous7/16/2016

    Dear poster, hubby may be gay. He likes bj, no reciprocation, no penetration???!!! Do confront him. If he is not gay,confrontation may shame him back to your bed. If he is gay, then... Beware of his friend, he may know more about what is worrying hubby


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