My Wife And I Are Very Opposite About Everything

Dear wives connection and Eya, By asking myself if my marriage is ok,  I am sure it is not. My wife and I have been married for about 4 years. We have a 2 year old that  I love more than anyone and can die for. Wifey is trying I know, but lately I have felt like I have been
doing all the work with our child. She is buried deep in her job and growing her career.

 I am about to get my degree, though it's part time, but I still work part time to also assist my family financially. It was long distance relationshipfor the first few years. We've lived together for 3 years or so. Approximately a year ago things were really bad and we almost split up. Her begging me to stay and the heartache of not being able to see my kid where day made me try to work on things. My wife and I are VERY opposite, About everything. We have very different views on life. Everything for her is career driven, career success, how to make more money, achieve more  and how to plan and save for retirement and all that. Don't get me wrong that's not bad. It's just not what I want for my wife. After a few years of this new job,  I would be able to afford my dream of living in Abuja metropolis instead of Karimo. I have this feeling inside that I want to live isolated and as off the grid as I can. Providing for myself. I don't want total disconnect but I want to have some  freedom because right from childhood, I have always worked better alone, not in a group. I fare better when I mind ME. I want to have a garden or small farm if I can afford the cost of a plot of land for a year's worth of food to take care of myself and me alone. I want to live a quiet life in the city's isolated GRA areas like Maitama and Asokoro or move to the quiet North and settle. Am not so connected to society and the business world. Every step I have taken has been to advance in the business world and nothing works the way I plan because am not cut out for that.  I am very content living a simple lifestyle.

Honestly, I don't really like people around me and I don't see myself liking that lifestyle. I of course would not just uproot everything for this but it is my dream. She had no urge for this for herself or our kid. Since our huge fight we've hardly had sex. Sex has always been an issue. I know it's normal for older relationships to slow down sexually but ours is not old. The reasons are ridiculous. She never feels good or is always tired and when she does agree I feel like I pressured and it's get in there and get done. I almost feel rejected. She has said she's never had the urge to really have sex or really enjoyed it. She just has it I guess? A lot of things have been said and done. Over the last month or so I have been distancing myself. Not asking for it. I always wonder if all relationships are just 'okay'? I love my wife but I don't know if we're in love.

 I don't know what's worth pursuing or what's worth doing. Obviously this is all on us but some wisdom is always great. I'm not leaving her but my mind has been on this topic. I always find myself being the one to give in and do what she wants just to avoid an argument. In other African marriages, it is the wives that fight for their marriages, the women go through a lot to see that things work out, some endure abuse and maltreatments for the sake of their families whereas here in my family,I am the one that has to stick out my neck while wifey does not really care. Not like I want to remain married forever, NO. I do all that for the sake of my child.  I will be happier without my wife but I can't go a day without my child. She is so buried in her career and so controlling I sometimes wonder if my wife is truly a Nigerian wife. I wonder if something is wrong in her genes, can she truly be a woman? 

Comments

  1. Johnson3/03/2016

    This is a tough one! Both of you did not know what you were getting into – it looks like a long distance relationship that ended up in marriage without any form of courtship. The only binding thing now is the child – this is not marriage!
    What can be done?
    1. Have this same conversation with your wife with the objective of letting her know your future plan. Also hear her out…
    2. Both of you will then make choices – live together or separate. Note, this is not divorce!
    The #2 point is because, it seems the love was sweet when both of you lived apart (distance relationship). I know couples that have better marriage because the husband works 2weeks offshore and home for 2weeks. They claim it would have been hell for them to live together all the time. For you, you can do 3weeks off and 1week on.
    Hopefully, things will get aligned as time go and the situation can be reviewed subsequently.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Like seriously??
    I don't get you man, you missed me where you said
    Honestly, I don't really like people around me and I don't see myself liking that lifestyle"

    #ByeFelicia


    . ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous3/03/2016

    It is not always the wife that fights for the marriage even in African marriages. Marriage is in stages there are stages where the wife is the one fighting and there are stages where the husband fights. You say she is too career driven, can you blame her? You are not doing much at the moment, if she loses her job how will your family survive? Since you have more free time what's wrong with you taking care of your child after all it's your child too. So oga don't let your ego get in your way

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous3/03/2016

    You want to live in isolation??? Oga I think there is something wrong with you o and you sound so selfish. The issue isn't your wife, it's you

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous3/04/2016

    Gbam. Poster go and examine yourself. You are the problem and not your wife. Maybe she is working so hats because she knows that you ate not the hustling type and if she relies on u, she will be nowhere with her child. So please grow up and appreciate a hard working resourceful woman.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3/04/2016

    Is it just me or is this guy very unserious?! So you want to live in isolation and expect your life to join you?! Kmt! Growing crops and being a loner??? You must be joking?! So if you're wife should sit down and do nothing, you'll call her lazy!? She's working hard for the family, saving for retirement and you're there saying you want to live in isolation?! Tbh if I were her I would ignore you and let u live in the isolation! To me you're just intimidated by her success! Isolation ko??! Kmt

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous3/04/2016

    I believe deep down in ur wife's mind , she seems tired of u and your boring marriage. it seems that your wife is fed up of your attitude and knows that if she relies on you, she will end up with nothing. Lets be realistic you don't strike to me as as the ambitious type and unfortunately you want to drag your wife along with ur lifestyle.
    I am a woman and I know that women believe in action. you said that she is not fighting for the marriage, that might be because she is no longer interested, you seem not to have much to offer to her. everything is not money and I am not talking about the materialistic type of it, but which sane human being will like to live in isolation , and you don't see anything wrong with u. she might have given up because of your ways and have decided to be doing her own things and saving up for her old age and the upbringing of ur daughter. I will do the same if I have a husband like u.
    Since u wanted to live in isolation, why did u get married?, Your wife is not the problem, but you are. Untill you change your attitude even if you marry hundred wives, you will still have problem. Work on urself and accept that you have a problem. all will be fine. No man is an island. I am a woman, no woman sane woman will wake up one morning and decide not to make effort in her her marriage without a genuine course. Husband is hard to find so why wont we appreciate a good and loving one.

    ReplyDelete

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