I'll Like To Share My Story With Wives Connection Readers...

Hello Eya, I will like to share my story with wives connection visitors. I just discovered the blog, went reading old posts and it feels awkward how you and other counselors advise women not to divorce but to pray for their "sick husbands" and hope for the best?
I suffered in my relationship and marriage in the past but I'm a survivor. When I was 24, I fell in lust with a man 15 years older than me. I was so naive, I believed everything he said to me, said he was going to divorce his wife and
marry me and I believed him, but in the meantime, that I should move into a small self contained apartment he rented for me around the outskirts. By this time I was already graduated and just got a job in Lag so my parents are not here and unaware of what's happening in my life. All they know is that their daughter is working in Lagos. When I started to send money regularly, I guess they just became thankful and suspected that my job was really really paying.

I happily moved into the lonely apartment and he never really divorced his wife but saved me from expensive house rent payments or so I thought. In fact 2 years later she divorced him when she got tired of his lies and late nights and fake trips. As soon as I moved into this rented apartment, the control started, I had to become what he wanted me to be, it was his way or nothing and I was so in lust. He looked for reasons to make me leave my job but that didn't work as he would tell me my job was too stressful and he didn't want any of that for me, that he could afford to pay me double my salary and that he wanted me to be home whenever he visited. In my journey of trying to please him I lost myself and became his no-brain-mistress all the way. In the 4 years that I spent in that relationship, I became more foolish, he controlled my finances and never allowed me to go back to school to read for my masters as planned. In fact he said it was ok not to do a Masters degree because he could comfortably take care of me and my kids when I agree to marry him.

2 years after we started the affair, his wife left him and he asked that I move him with him and you know what, in the period of this relationship I didn't even have friends anymore, I was completely lost in him and wated to spend every minute at home with him, I couldn't tell my parents and no friends to turn to for advise so I started staying longer, even spending weeks at his place because his wife had left with their 2 kids. 
In the middle of all this I became pregnant and now really wanted him to go meet my parents and plan our wedding before anyone gets to know about the pregnancy but he kept on delaying until it was obvious and I had that baby out of wedlock and became his slave like play, like play. 

He began to show the other side of him after I had my baby girl, he got angry once, left us at a hotel room with no money, we stayed till evening before he came back to check if I have learnt my lesson. I was pushed out of a car once  for the mere reason that I attempted to argue his decisions. Not up to one year after I had my baby, I was forced to go for 2 abortions because I couldn't get pregnant again out of wedlock and he was in no hurry to go meet my parents who have at this time become frantic as to why I cannot travel home for Christmas or any other family events. My brothers were also worried but couldn't do much because I am the older one. I haven't told anyone about my baby, neither do they know I was living with a man. I tried my best to convince them that my job was very stressful and gave me no time for other things.

Eventually we went to Ikoyi registry and took his friends as witnesses. We are married be dat... but things never got any better in our relationship.

On the one time, he slapped me, it was so hard, it took my jaw out of place and until this day I still suffer from that injury at that exact same time every year. It went from worse to worser; We were somewhere, he introduced his friend to me and I shook hands with a smile, you won't believe he beat me up when we got back home, broke my eye glasses and accused me of making him do it. These were designer glasses and I had to make him spend his money to buy me new glasses with an apology. I suffered and suffered but continued to make excuses for myself, continued to find reasons and excuses why I cannot leave him. 

On a Saturday morning in the cold Harmattan, We were exercising  together and I couldn't do certain movements the way he was teaching me. my man got angry and impatient with me, I got pushed into the machine. My knee was injured and I had to go to the hospital, there I lied to the Doctors that I fell down the staircase. I could see from their looks that they didn't buy my story but what can they do?
He used to tell me very bad  words like "I know I am making you the best wife but for someone else, because you are not for me" 

I was dragged across the floor by my hair.  I just remained silent and never fought him back just to avoid making my kid aware. When he asked for forgiveness, he would cry and if am not forgiving him, he'll get angry again and force me to accept that I'd  forgiven him.
I am no longer a victim. I left him. My parents forgave me. If I came to the blog for advice, would you guys have asked me to stay?

READ MORE: www.wivestownhallconnection.com

Comments

  1. Johnson3/26/2016

    Poster, I see u are trying to test the quality people’s advice after you have made your decision.
    As I was reading your post, I felt pity for you… You were the architect of your own misfortune - no wonder you had to take care of it yourself. Note the following:
    1. You dishonored your parents – living with a married man & having a child for him without their consent and all the lies.
    2. You lied to yourself in the name of lust. You could not leave him due to the financial support you were getting.
    3. You destroyed another woman’s marriage sleeping with her husband and being a mistress ready to move in…
    4. Most importantly – you disobeyed GOD and it does not seem you have reconciled. There’s still opportunity for you to do that…
    I do not know about others, but I tell you that before GOD you were never married to this man. Signing the marriage register without parental consent is not marriage in the eyes of God. Abi the man latter pay your dowry? U only deceive yourself thinking you are Mrs when God does not see you as such!
    So you left your ‘sick husband’? Good luck to you… It’s better you left before u get killed – better late than never. Now is time to get yourself together and make it right with God – that is where salvation lies. Enough said!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't think anyone in their right mind would ask you to stay. But you know karma is a bitch, you indirectly drove his wife out of her home surely you did not think you guys would live happily ever after? Ask God for forgiveness and move on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dats karma for u, it served u exactly how u wanted it. Made a woman leave her home with her 2 kids, and u think u will have peace in ur home.He was telling u all those words cos truly u are not his wife.As long as u've not asked God for Forgiveness,U will keep reaping wot u sowed which is maltreatment from any man u come across.Mtcheww

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous3/26/2016

    To start wth, ur foundation was so very wrong. They say wat goes around comes around. Ur story is quite diff from odas so u Shldnt expect d same advice. U shld thank God u r alive to share d story.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh dear poster dnt even compare ur marriage to others who are truly married and are luking for solution to their prob.in deir marriage bcs as far as am concern u re still a mistress who took somone else husband,u diged ur grave wit own hands. Am sorry but I dnt feel sorry for U,u got wat u deserved,and the earlier u strt seeking God's face the better for U.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sweetheart! Two words! WRONG FOUNDATION!!! If you really read tru old post u'll c that we don't advice,the other woman,or baby mama's but true legitimate wife! We give honest advice based on our religious and cultural believes(we can't go outside of what we know) you knew u wia in d wrong,hence why you couldn't tell anyone! That's a red flag on it own! And coz u didn't want to hear what they will tell u(the truth)am happy u eventually found ursef! Just as previously commented, no1 could possibly have adviced u 2 stay!u weren't even married then!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Clear example of what goes around comes around...u reap what u sow....broke anoda woman's marriage bcos u wan answer mrs....u re lucky u didn't grow too old b4 u found ursef again.u better seek forgiveness from d Alimghy!!!goodluck

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3/26/2016

    Dear poster, if things had worked out as you dreamt and planned (taking over another woman's husband in her home and living happily after) I trust you wouldn't have been here talking trash. It's cos things went wrong you are even talking. I feel no iota of remorse for girls like you who love to reap where they haven't sown. Such a pity. That is how greed led you to become a second hand woman! Chio

    ReplyDelete
  9. Everybody makes mistakes,you have had ur fair share and paid greatly for it i'm happy u left him before he killed u and I hope u have acknowledged ur mistakes,he probably got so violent cos he blamed u for tearing his home apart and making him lose his wife and kids,God will forgive if u ask and u will find another man dt will treat u better,who knows he was probably violent wit his wife as well and God used u to save d poor woman from her crazy husband goodluck

    ReplyDelete
  10. Chigozie3/26/2016

    Yes, marriage is for better for worse. I would have asked u to stay.
    Marriage is sacred, no man should put asunder, u did put an asunder. Even though the man is bad, u were the stroke that broke the camels back.


    Have u asked his estranged divorced wife for forgiveness?

    I will not blame the man for any reason, u knew he was married and u still went for him.

    All those fake trips, late nights, lies and so many business meetings were all because of u.

    I will not blame u though, I am just glad u learnt your lessons. Look for the wife and ask for forgiveness. Because the kind course this woman laid upon u, only her forgiveness fit lift am.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous3/26/2016

    you committed fonication, took another mans wife, abandon your family, committed abortion and your blaming everyone but yourself for your mistake and pretending to be the victim accept you fault and look for a new course for life in Christ asap

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes if you'd come here we would have adviced you to stay. Divorce is a sin.

    ReplyDelete

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