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I Am Happily Married Not Living Happily Ever After

Hi Aunty Eya, please permit me share my story on the blog today Good Friday to encourage one or two wives who read it. Ever since I discovered wives connection blog in December last year, I have visited daily and read stories of unhappy marriages, read wonderful pieces of advise and even the not so good
ones by Newly wedded wives, #RollingMyEyes# I have learnt and still learning but one thing is for sure, I see myself as a happily married woman, Why? I do not focus on the fights. It will be unrealistic for me to think that happily ever after is true. There is no such thing as "And they Lived happily ever after" No one should let themselves be deceived by fairy tales of Cinderella and Prince Charming. That's not real. Life has it's ups and downs and so does marriage. In families, Parents clash with children, sisters fight with sisters, twins fall out with each other ( have you so easily forgotten the PSquare Duo?) Even identical twins fight and Make up over and over again. Why should we expect life to be fairy tale? That's Unrealistic expectation 101.

I am happily married because I do not spend everyday of my life crying and regretting, I always hope for the best. In my marriage, there have been moments of crises. I have been married for only 11 years and hubby has cheated on my emotionally and even physically once. I forgave him and we moved on. Does that mean I am not happily married? No. We sometimes disagree, have heated arguments and come to an agerement like the choice of  a good Boys Secondary School for our son. It was tough, we argued, he refused to eat my food but we later came to a conclusion and moved on. I wanted a day Secondary Scchool cuz of the stories these days and corruption that has found it's way into Boarding Schools but he wanted a boarding school because he believes that is where his son will get the right discipline to become a proper Nigerian man. I tried everything possible to convince, I shed tears to convince him, yet nothing worked, I gave him hard words, that made matters worse as refused to touch both 'my dining and bedroom food' but all in all we are good now. This scenario doesn't make me unhappy because I didn't go into marriage expecting an unrealistic heaven on earth. 
I came into marriage knowing that every human being is different. For instance,  I like to shut the door while using the toilet, hubby leaves the door open and doesn't care how you feel about the stench. I use Air Freshener before leaving the toilet, and even though there is always an air freshener  or deodouriser in the bathroom, he never bothers. Whenever I go in there after him in the morning, I hiss and spray myself. Does that make me unhappy? NO. I strongly believe that I am happily married. I don't see life's challenges as a dead sentence. I know that everyone faces these challenges. I know that every marriage has it's ups and downs and I also believe that there is no perfect marriage anywhere. Even Cinderella and Prince Charming had challenges from time to time.

I am a Christian, I don't believe in breaking up my family and I don't expect to be always happy, there must be moments of sadness in life, there must be moments of disappointments and I dare anyone on Aunty Eya's blog to step forward and tell me that she has had everyday of 'ONLY HAPPINESS' in her years of marriage, and yes darling, your marriage must be 7 years and above to be qualified to challenge me. 

I am happily married doesn't mean I am happy all the time BUT, I am married all the time. Was I always happy before marriage? NO. Why then should I crave to be always happy after marriage? That's unrealistic. Was I always happy in my parents house? No Way. Was I always happy as student at secondary and University? No way. Was I always happy at my job when I started working? Not possible. Why should marriage be different? I can never always be happy cuz that is UNREALISTIC. However, I can boldly say that I am happily married. Life in itself is Hard, full of surprises. The struggle is real.

Today is Good Friday and we meditate about the Sufferings and Crucifixion of Jesus Christ, was he aways happy on earth? On this day Thousands of years back, was Jesus happy wearing a crown of thorns?  Was he happy when he met business people buying and selling in the holy temple?  Did Jesus ever weep? YES HE DID. When we weep in our marital homes, does that make us unhappily married? It is very important that people realize that another person in their life is a gift. All life experiences are meant to teach us something. It is nice to be able to share life with someone else.
Just like Life, Marriage in itself  is a journey and as any journey the road is unpredictable, the most important decision is that both of us are willing to take the journey together regardless of what happens and support each other through thick and thin because it is not meant to be easy. 
I am happily married BUT There is No Happily Ever After. That's only in movies and stories.
Let's Have a Good Friday worth Remembering.

Comments

  1. Nawa for dis kind story o,#issorait we don hear and nobody is challenging you ma thank you

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  2. Anonymous3/25/2016

    very true! when we tied the wedding knots with our spouse, our hopes were high especially being married to your soulmate but we realise that the whether soulmate or force marriage, the challenges are indiscriable!its only Jesus that can give True love and happiness in marriage! lean on him you won't regret it!

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  3. Anonymous3/25/2016

    This your story get as e be. E no make since at all

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/29/2016

      E make sense well well. Read well and you will understand

      Delete
  4. Anonymous3/25/2016

    U just said the bitter sweet truth. But every one prays 2be on a better side when married than their single days. Although people's still testify abt that too. U just spoke 2me indirectly. U don't know how calm I'm right now but I still want God 2pick up my calls b4 I loose my sanity! Yesterday was my worst moment. Jobs I applied for and got evrytin right wants a price #sleeping with the mds. It's so said that we can't get things right in this country! Must all the ladies work with their bodies to get so stuff done? I was thinking if something is wrong with me because that has been my cross since I graduated. How many men du I have 2lay with b4 I achieve my goals?! Which I'm not good @ doing. Pls is dear any1 in this kind of dilemma?

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  5. Johnson3/25/2016

    Happy Good Friday to all…
    This is not to take up the challenge but to share my (our) story: sweetheart (wifey), please cry out if I miss yarn!
    It is our 16th year of marriage and I will say it has been “FOR BETTER FOR US”. Did we have challenges & difficult times – YES; and we still do! The truth is that we are better off than we started and it gets better everyday. The path of the righteous is like the dawning light, that shines more and more until the perfect day – the perfect day is ahead of us. I’m not being boastful but I stand before God & say “I have NEVER cheated on my wife”. Tempted? Yes!
    The secret? GOD. I love God so much & I know He loves me. I have a little understanding of what it means to lose His presence and constantly remind myself of this. I am so grateful that I married His daughter and am careful not to make my FATHER IN-LAW angry with me.
    You marriage can be “happily ever after” if it is laid on a SOLID foundation. Even if the foundation is faulty, you can pull the building down & rebuild! God bless our home, in Jesus Name.

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    Replies
    1. I just showed my husband your comment and he burst out with, " That's the spirit!".
      God bless you and yours.

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  6. Tnk God am not d only one that will say it,mr Johnson who is a man confirms this too,dt dere is happily ever afta in marriage, dear poster I dnt knw wat u are goin thru buh dnt generalise dt all marriages are dsame and dere is no such tin as happily eva afta. Yes there is attimes ups and dwns but the way dt it's been handled is the most impnt tin. Dts why marriages really need the presence of the holy spirit and for both party to be born agn for witout dt Satan will alws bring prob.dt will cause to regret eva getting married. Evn thou dt my marriage is not up to 7yrs buh I did my 4th wedding anniversary yesterday I can tell U that those four yrs have been wonderful wit my hubby. And I knw wit God wat lies ahead is greater dan wat I have experienced so far in my marriage.pls dnt tell people not to believe in happily eva afta bcs I knw dt there is such tin and it exist. As child of God my bible tells me to always expect the best in our lives and dt I will alws have. We save a perfect God who perfect all our imperfections,so yes I alws expect the best in marriage and dt I will kep having by the grace of God. Dnt knw about U.

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    Replies
    1. Johnson3/25/2016

      @ Stephanie, happy 4th anniversary. Your testimony shall draw many to Christ, ni oruko Jesu.

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    2. Tnk U sooo much for the wish @Mr Johnson.

      Delete
    3. Happy Anniversary Sis Stephenie, many many happy years ahead. @Johnson, your marriage and mine are age mates oh. 16 years too. Happy 16 years to us, #Clicking my glass with your wifey's.

      Delete
    4. Tnk U very much @Aunty Eya.

      Delete
  7. Smiles.
    fam Have missed dis NDA ntwk has been crazy. Can't wait to get bk base.

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  8. Poster if you think there is no happily ever after let me invite you to witness my parents after 32 years of marriage. All the Cinderella stories of happily ever after had challenges to overcome before getting to that point go and read them again

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  9. Johnson3/26/2016

    People, so that we do not miss out the beauty of this post, I want to bring out some very valid points shared by the poster:
    1. To be happily married, we need to focus on the good stuffs – not the fights, arguments, etc.
    2. Life has its ups and downs and so do marriage - there are moments of sadness and disappointments.
    3. It is very important that people realize that another person in their life is a gift. People around us are blessed when we serve them with the gifts we have.
    4. The most important decision is that couples are willing to take marital journey together regardless of what happens and support each other through thick and thin because it is not meant to be easy.
    From my perspective and as shared by some commenters:
    (a) God designed marriage to be enjoyed and not endured: Cinderella and Prince Charming ‘happily ever after’ relationship can/do exist – make your marriage one. It starts with having a good foundation and making JESUS the cornerstone of your marriage.
    (b) You cannot be happy all the time but you can have perpetual JOY in your marriage.
    (c) Let us not be comfortable and accept things that want to steal our marital joy. We should reject/cancel it by the power in the precious blood of Jesus – no apologies to unbelievers cos there’s no other name by which we can be saved.
    (d) Jesus was happy to go to the cross for you & I – He laid down his life willingly: no man would be able to take His life. He knew the end result, though the enemy did not know. He, however, rejected things that are not heaven’s mandate like the buying & selling in the temple.
    (e) Just like Life, Marriage is a journey and as any journey though the road is unpredictable your DESTINATION is sure if you remain focused & on course. We can make the devil jealous!

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  10. Anonymous3/29/2016

    My marriage will be 5 years in June and its been from one level of glory to another. God has been faithful to us. Marriage is to be enjoyed, that I can boldly say. There are ups and downs but together we go and grow through them.

    ReplyDelete

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