Am I Not Too Old To Struggle For His Attention?

Hello wives connection family. I am a young at heart 47 year old who loves reading blogs even more than 20 year olds. I need your thoughts concerning my situation please. I am a divorcee who got  
married again last year to a widower, we both have grown children and are at a time when we should just retire from stress and enjoy our lives. We decided and just quietly went for the traditional wedding alone, our pastors were on ground to bless the union and tada, we are married. I have lived with my partner for over 1 year now and whenever his daughters need him he just drops everything, which is good because he cares. However, I can't help having  ill feelings about this. I know it's selfish but I feel like this is just not it for me.  His youngest are the 16 and 18 year old daughters, who are obviously older than my children 12 and 14.

Recently my partner booked a trip to Ghana, for us to go have some quiet time alone and rest. He waited until his sons holidays were approved before booking the trip. He made sure we didn't go away on the anniversary of his ex wife's death, made sure we would be back for his 16 year old's birthday. In fact, he loves going on holidays often, however, every holiday we go on is always planned around them. Me on the other hand have missed my daughter's birthday, Missed celebrating Mother's Day with my children many times, my nephews and sisters birthday I missed, even losing friends because I can't make out time for them. My schedule is never considered even though I work while on holidays and have deadlines to meet with my customers. 



This past  weekend we had a big argument surrounding how we have to drop everything when his grown daughters send text messages. When we are on holidays, they always cause trouble- last December, we decided to spend a few days lodging somewhere to celebrate Christmas because they chose to stay with their mother's siblings,  they spoiled the holiday for us kabada. They won't stop chatting and texting, knowing fully well that their father will drop everything to give them attention. There were times they texted until I got tired and fell asleep. Even on Christmas day, these little witches were texting non stop and making sure their father is kept busy the whole time...

Granted that I am pretty sensitive and can be a bit jealous- tell me who isn't? Which woman?
Now we aren't communicating because I'm ready to move out to give him space with the two little witches. He had called me miserable and pathetic before because I complained about the attention he gives those girls while ignoring my feelings. 
I  stormed out in anger, haven't texted or called him in almost 2 days and neither him to me. I am still checking my phone for missed calls or messages but nothing. Haven't I crossed the age for this type of nonsense? Shouldn't I be somewhere cooling off and enjoying life rather than bother my head about a man in my late forties?
 Am I not too old to struggle over a man's attention with his children? I need some honest opinions please.

Comments

  1. Brandy3/01/2016

    I agree 100% that you are too old to be doing this. What do you want from him? These children have lost their mother and you still want to snatch their dad away from them? Don't you have feelings for those poor kids? What makes a 16 year old grown. They are still little kids who need attention from their parents. Maybe you just stop checking your phone and let them be. Leave him for his kids please and please.

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  2. Reason I can't marry a widower who has children cuz I can't deal. Just manage madam. They are girls and very soon some men will come pay their bride prices and whisk them away. Just tolerate and be more understanding. Every woman is selfish and some women here on this blog will do worse. Be nice to them so that they stop frustrating you because you cant win a war against those teenagers.

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  3. No Ma you are not too old needing his attention and your complains are not out of place.
    you're human with emotions that ought to be satisfied, you are human with blood flowing in you. If he felt his daughters company are enough for him, he wouldn't have sought your hand in marriage. He needs to understand how you feel and create time for the both of you too. He shouldn't be stubborn and then push you to be nagging always.
    Again, plz don't see the kids as obstacles, they too have emotions, they want to be cared for and loved. Maybe joining your husband in his interaction with them, and then telling them its time for daddy and mummy business will be a better way around it.

    . ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

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  4. Wow! Y do u keep referring to his kids as witches? You need to redress your attitude coz with dis 1,you are the evil step mom!plus 16 n 18 is not all that grown!they are at a phase where de miss a mother figure most!dat was ur chance to step in n be just that but it seems u blew it. Granted dey may have attitudinal issues but dats expected of teenagers! Rather,@ your age,you should know better n apply wisdom in dis situation!you missing out in your kids life n important events won't win u wife of d year so why don't you try getting d mother of d year? From ur narrative,i can easily conclude that ur husband is a great parent while u aren't! But then,i won't judge u such coz am sure I don't c d whole picture. You can ve both worlds;a great wife n mom! Change ur attitude not ur husband #my1kobo

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  5. Dear poster, I think his kids either feel you have taken their mother's space and hence want to make life miserable for you by trying to take their dad's attention or they actually crave the love and attention of their dad.
    You see, however the fact that they meddle so much in your affair with their dad, you shouldn't have reacted the way you did by leaving the house. Do you know how that makes you look? It makes you look needy and affected by their schemes.
    My advice is that you go back home, apologize to your husband and continue life as though nothing happened. Make out time for your own kids, from their birthdays' to mother's day, infact make them feel so special. Whenever your husband plans a trip tell him that your niece's birthday is coming up around that time and that you can't make the trip if it's going to affect her birthday. Make time for yourself and your kids because they are your kids and if you neglect them now, they will find love elsewhere. Be nice to his kids as you've always been and even when they come home, give them ample time with their dad, if they need your advice, try to give them the best advice you can (you can look for where to read about Ireti Doyle, she married Patrick Doyle after his wife died and gained four kids and they are one big happy family today).

    For thrilling stories, visit www.adaezewrites.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Johnson3/02/2016

    My sister, everyone needs attention and there is never a time one is too old for attention. Even our parents in their old age desire attention that occasionally cause problem, esp. with spouses if not properly managed.
    You need some time to make the family (NEW FAMILY) blend and this has to be worked on. Your current disposition to the girls is not healthy and will only cause you more pains. U also need to understand your husband’s position (I didn’t like when u called him ‘partner’). He lost a woman he probably loved and u left a husband that did not want you - these are 2 different situations.
    U need to work on your relationship with ur new daughters - they will be ur greatest ally if all works out. Be patient with your husband and make your demands in very gently way. There’s no problem being vulnerable before him and being seen as jealous. Give the whole relationship some time and both of u should agree how to unite the entire home.

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  7. Those children needs attention at theses stage in life and whereby deir mother is not dere to do dt,i believe u should play a mother rule not be waging war agnst dem and am sure ur hubby hve noticed u dnt care about his children dts y he's not bothered in pleasing u too,pls try to give attention to those kids and u will see ur husband will change for good and I dnt see anytin bad wit him planning holidays wit his children,if è vex u too much,while playing mother to his children also cheap in dt ur children too needs to be included in the event planning and everybody will be happy,but the most impnt tin here is for u to give those children ur attention and u will see dt ur hubby will love u d more.

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  8. Hmmmm OK u are not too old but.....you should also know that dos kids have no1 except their Dad, and maybe they were brought up that way which will be hard to change now. On the other side u can device means and be sharing your attention to your kids and love once too. Dis will help you pretty much. No point getting too harsh besides you know he had kids before accepting him. And he wudnt pay less attention to them either. Just call him keep pride aside. Go back and change some things. Show your kids so much love too.

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  9. Anonymous3/02/2016

    I think you guys are missing her point, it seems the guy cant balance his time btw his kids and his wife and he needs to learn that. She is calling them witches because she feels frustrated I dont think poster hates those kids, but she may be having challenges bonding with them, we all know teenage girls can be a bit difficult. Poster my advice to you is to try and bond with those girls, as their friend not as a mother so that they will be texting you and not him. It wont happen over night but it would get there. As for your husband, sometimes men don't realise what they are doing until they experience it, so maybe you need to rekindle those friendships and have life outside him and purposely ignore him so he knows how it feels. But I can understand your frustration.

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  10. Poster pls don't see those kids as witches I still resent my father's wife for reasons like this,after losing our mum at a young age she came in and wanted to be d center of attention forgetting dt we needed time to accept d fact dt another woman is taking our mothers place,she always fought with me and saw me as a witch it's so bad dt she wasn't invited to my wedding and she only called me to congratulate me on d birth of my baby after about 2yrs of not speaking but enuf of my experience,for them to go and spend xmas somewhere else means u are not trying to be a mum to them u just want d husband not his kids pls madam draw those girls near and watch ur husband love u more. May God guide you.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/02/2016

      Listen to her..."draw those girls near and watch ur husband love u more" best advice!

      Delete
  11. earl-P3/02/2016

    First of all, the girls are old enough. They are just being silly, stressing their father, jealous, don't want his peace of mind and his happiness. They are the selfish ones. Its not like the father neglected them because of her and they're trying to get his attention. I don't think I recall seeing where the poster said they just lost their mother. They should chill and give the man and his wife a break.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/08/2016

      If the man wasnt ready to move on he shouldnt have remarried. Children shouldnt put assunder in marriages. Parents even leave their children at home and go somewhere alone just to have some time of fun together. Hoe can he be texting and hurrying to them all the time. He has to watch it before it becomes emotional incest. If he gives you that respect as his wife his children will learn to respect the fact tgat you are their father"s wife.

      Delete

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