Why Does His Family Ignore Me?

Hello again Aunty Eya, this should be my second time posting on the blog. Last year the advice I got here helped me resolve some issues amicably with my parents. Ok so i know this probably doesn't seem like a big deal but it really upsets me because my fiance and I are we are long distance and we don't get to see much, so whenever he is around, I try to make the best of that time. so i will spend about 2 to 3 days at their house at a time so its pretty awkward for me being around people for that length of time who are obviously avoiding me. I used to not care at all, i thought maybe they don't like me or are just shy but who cares? i'm having fun with my fiance. Recently, when i've been over at his house I've just felt really excluded and uncomfortable around them. They will have conversations
around me but not involve me in them or they will all just sit in silence and it's just horrible.
 I don't think time spent around them should be something that we have to endure, i think it would be nice if we all talked and made fun and laughed together so it would actually be an enjoyable experience being together. I know i need to make more of an effort to make a conversation and maybe if i did the situation wouldn't be like this but i'm not good at making conversation with people, I enjoy it when people strike conversations with me, I love and try to keep it going but starting is very very difficult as I am really extroverted, i get anxious and my mind goes blank and i guess i'm scared that i'll make a conversation and they will ignore me. If I did and they ignore me, I won't be able to get off my seat and go home that day. I'm the kind that will want the earth to open up and swallow me.

Last time I was at his house, i was there for about 3 days and in those 3 days his mother didn't even say one word to me at all and when i said goodbye when i was leaving she kind of made a mumbling sound i wasn't even sure if she was saying bye to me or not. When I came in that Thursday evening, I greeted her and proceeded to help out in the kitchen as my fiance was busy with his dad upstairs, she won't let me touch anything as in, she practically started covering everything up and telling me cooking was done when I could see she just washed rice into the pot. His dad spoke to me a few times though. His only younger brother is far away studying abroad and I am so confused. I tried tto ask him why his parents ignore me but he doesn't see it as anything serious. He feels I should face him and forget them that it's old age worrying them but I'm really worried.


  1. Mydear family is everything no matter what. U guys need to talk about it well. U can even sweet tongue her like mumsy y u nt happy etc. Just involve her with talk. She might open up, don't join ur guy with the I don't care tin. U are a woman find ur way in. N if u truly sure they don't like u den replan. All d best

  2. Its obvious they don't want/like/accept u in that family. From ur write up,u re not an extrovert but an introvert.

  3. I think he's not telling you something and from the way you wrote about his mother...I think his family doesn't really like you.
    Do you know what I despise most? I hate it when a couple can't sit together and be completely honest with each other. If this man's family doesn't like you, I don't see why he's buttering it up. He should be honest with you and give you details and not sweep it under the rug as though you're five years old.

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  4. Johnson2/26/2016

    You should be worried, dear.
    Starting a conversation with the elderly shouldn't be much problem, and it does not have to be a long one. For example, "good morning ma; hope you slept well?"
    On your way there, buy things that can be shared by all - e.g. fruits and hand it over to her. The mum should be your focus.
    However, if you are not the homely, industrious type, then you would have some challenge. If u are sleeping when others are up and they have made breakfast & cleaned the house... I believe the old woman is assessing your capacity & capability as a good wife. You have nothing much to worry about - except if u no bi wife material!

  5. Anonymous2/27/2016

    Smell the coffee woman!long distance or not, you don't have to spend days in his house.are you 2 married?not all parents like those kind of moves.Before me every girl my man dated spent time in his house but even when his mother started suggesting I sleep over I made it clear that my up bringing and personality wouldn't let me and today I am his wife.

    1. Anonymous2/27/2016

      U r very wise! Poster u wanna marry dis dude abi? What about his personal apartment? Take d advice of d comment I'm replying to! And den again u don't av to please any body n try to b a good wife! B ursef! Dey will love u if dey want to or not! Its not compulsory dey love u, ok?

  6. Anonymous2/27/2016

    My dia,
    I feel it is wrong of you to go spend time in their house when u are not yet married. We are not westerners so I think for them it seems awkward can your man not put u up somewhere?

  7. Baby Doctor2/27/2016

    They are giving you the silent treatment. That means they do not like you and don't want you in their home but they lack the courage to come out and say so. Some people feel that it is inappropriate for a lady to stay overnight in the home of her fiancées parents when her bride price has not been paid. It makes her look cheap and desperate. You need to read between the lines and stop going there. You fiancé should have his own place by now. Abi are you guys going to live with his parents after marriage? If he can't get his own place now then stay somewhere else when you visit.

  8. Anonymous2/27/2016

    " He z ur fiance n u get visit him anytime u want... but he still lives with his parents. U said he works out of town so probably whn he comes home he needs to spend tym wit his family n u show up n spend days. U need to respect ur intergrity n lay low if he loves u he will create tym for u two n spend tym with u n not u gng to his fathers house whnever he z arnd... u no get shame ne.
    Dis will create more prob with ur inlaws woo bcz no well brought up 9ja grl will do dis, if he lives alone thats a diff issh. So my advice is stay away frm visiting n spendng days, suggest to hook up outside."

  9. Anonymous2/28/2016

    Why are you going to stay at his parent's house? Did they invite you? It is their house not their son's and you are gatecrashing. Respect yourself.


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