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I Think My Husband Has A Disorder Called Sexsomnia, He Never Believes It Is

I need help Madam Eya, I discovered wives connection on Facebook, checked the website and got hooked first to the recipes then to the marriage tips. I have been married for 6 years with 2 boys. I have a major problem that got me searching online for days and weeks and months until now I think I know what it is but my husband gets me even more confused.
I believe my husband has a disorder called sexsomnia; it is a parasomnia that results in the person affected to instead of sleep walk to engage in sexual activity. I read a lot about this on webMd.
It started happening just one year into our marriage. He started acting strange during sleep at night. All he ever did then was basically fondle me out of no where in the middle of the
night; rub my boobs, make out with me one time, rub my butt, rub my veeejay, and sometimes touch...er...anus. I would always tell him about it the next day and he wouldn't believe me. It soon almost seemed to turn into an ongoing joke; I would tell him what ridiculous stuff he would do, he would laugh and say he doesn't believe me, etc. I prayed, casted out demons and suggested he goes for deliverance the way Jim Iyke once did at Emmanuel but he won't take me seriously.
 However, two weeks ago it turned into something else entirely. This one night my husband in the middle of the night probably around 1:30am, turned over and began fondling me like he always did at night, but soon it turned into him taking my underwear off and wanting to. Even though I was extreamly tired and not really in the mood I just went along with it. So, we started, but about 3 minutes later he pulled out and started fondling my bom bom 
:( (anus)... And let me be clear, I am willing to try anything when he asks which he has asked to have anal several times before to which I tried but it hurt to much for me that I couldn't even take hardly any of him in... Anyways, he knows my discomfort and moral objection to it. 
Well, back to the initial story, he then continues to fondle my anus, and I just say no and keep pushing his hand away, well then next thing I know he just shoves himself in my backdoor without any warning nor lubrication. I scream out "no" and am overcome with pain to the point I felt like I could  hardly breath. And all he said was, "It's too late it's already in." I kept saying "No" but was barely audible over my painful screams. He took no notice and went hard until he finishes inside. Then he gets up without saying anything and goes to get me a towel then proceeds to go to the bathroom to go and clean up. 
I couldn't sleep the rest of the night, and for the next three days I didn't speak a word to him. i only managed to text him with a phone if it can't wait. He also replied with a phone and didn;t bother to know why I am not talking to him. Finally, I broke the silence and told him we had to talk about what he did. He then gets a kind of surprised look on and asks what he did. I told him about that night and he just stood there dumbfounded and denied doing it and said he thought he was having a good dream. 
A few more days passed and I had a meltdown and told him how I have felt betrayed and violated and alone, and told him if he truly doesn't remember and thinks it was nice dream then he needs to go and have a sleep study on the internet. I told him I suspect he has the condition sexsomnia.  I feel depressed, I feel uncomfortable, and confused. I want to believe him but there is so much; past occurrences of sexsomnia cases, I have never read of anyone getting up and cleaning up afterword, usually they roll over asleep again. 
Should I believe him or stick to what I read online?

Comments

  1. Animal Doctor2/21/2016

    It's not a very common condition. Sleep sex, or sexsomnia, is a condition in which a person will engage in sexual activities while asleep. This condition falls within the broad class of sleep disorders known as parasomnias. In extreme cases, sexsomnia has been alleged, and accepted, as at least a part of the cause of sexual assault, including rape.

    Believe him for peace' sake, but I doubt he doesn't know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Y do I think ur hubby is either bisexual or loves anal sex? He plays wt ur bum/an*s while sleeping cos its what he wants to do in real life. To also think he ignored ur pain n still went all in only to finish n go clean up? To me,ur hubby is a closet gay!

      Delete
  2. wow, this is surprising. haven't heard of it before. www.abujahousewivesblog.com

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  3. Aunty Eya where is Henry? I miss his comments. I miss Omalicha's cooking too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our very own Henry. Welcome, I missed your frank comments jor. Make sure you don't go anywhere again.
      Nno.

      Delete
    2. Our very own Henry. Welcome, I missed your frank comments jor. Make sure you don't go anywhere again.
      Nno.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous2/21/2016

    Why didn't he bother to knw why you weren't talking to him for days??

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  5. Anonymous2/21/2016

    This one pass me. Where are the hot brains? I need to see the end of this matter before I sleep tonight.

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  6. Okay fine am hearing dis for the first time. But it seems there are more to this apart from d medical terms. Why is he always laughing about it? Why didn't he asked why u went silent? What sort of sleep working is that? Dis is no more play madam. Urgent and serious action needs to be taken asap. He needs a psychotherapist urgently. He himself needs to get up and fight it. I don't want to say it's a spiritual tin bt....there are possibility that it is apart from oyibo ppl talk. Madam when such is about to start stand firm n begin to pray, don't just give in. If it means screaming at him. Talk the spirit out haba. Lemme allow others to gv their advice mehn it's a delicate one.

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  7. Johnson2/22/2016

    Strange... On the surface it looks like he knew what he did with regards to the anal sex. Seems like that is what gives him pleasure and he knows you don't like it. He might only be trying to break you..., esp since he asked for it b4 and you politely refused. However, there might be more to this than meet the eye. As you seek for possible solution, NEVER excuse his sleep sexing actions by allowing even touching - he must know what he's doing b4 you give in to his touches.

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  8. In my opinion,I might be wrong but seems like he has both issues!he might be dealing with the sexsomania and de last time,he probably capitalized on it and fulfilled his fantasy of anal sex! You have done your best to satisfy his fantasies but he still has some that you can't fulfil! Believe it or not,he might be uncomfortable discussing his sexual preferences to his wife lest she judges him or considers him a wierdo! I also think that you should have nipped it in the bud from the very start if u were uncomfortable with it.just like sleep walkers,just wake him up or something! Don't judge him or feel betrayed coz sometimes their ding dong takes the lead esp just outta sleep,unless there are other issues.sit down wit him,put aside the anger n betrayal,giving him the benefit of the doubt(just coz u know he faked it doesn't mean that you have to say it)and talk about how to get past d sex sleep then how to work out the sexual desires!it will all work out,we all fake stuff to get what we want once in a while!best of luck

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    Replies
    1. Johnson2/22/2016

      @Pamela - I like your view on this...

      Delete
  9. He might have sleep disorders but I think he knew what he was doing during the anal sex.He got up to clean and didn't ask why u weren't talking to him.Perhaps,sleep in different rooms till he gets help or wake him up when he starts,don't start what you can't finish.my two cents

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  10. Am I d only 1 that thinks dis man raped his wife n he is pretending. How can he finish and wash up. Water will wake any1 up please. U have every right to feel violated cos u were, and it is not right. He should respect your decisions regarding your body. If he feels anal is so great then u shld stick a dildo up his ass to see how it feels too. When ur anal sphincter breaks you will suffer it alone. Talk to him, he was wrong n he knows it. That's y he went silent too.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous2/23/2016

      I concord!! He raped his wife and he is now acting like nothing happened!!!

      Delete
  11. have never heard of this before, let me read comments

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  12. Wow.. I dumbfounded about reading des. There are so many tins in des world dt one is yet to hear oo, as far as am concern he knws wat he did d last time if not why did he not ask u why u weren't talking to him,d guy jst pretended and had his way wit wat he has been longing to do since. Sleep walking ni sexsomnia ko

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  13. I'm dumbfounded....
    No offense at all Poster, I'm just really blank- so sorry you have to go through this....

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  14. I have heard of this however this last one seems well planned out. Him telling you not to bother struggling because he is already in is SCARY and I think he knew exactly what he was doing.
    He needs help and he needs it fast.
    Were you aware of his anal fantasy? If you were not then its going to be difficult to give him his desires then he will seek it elsewhere.

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  15. Anonymous2/23/2016

    Madam, just set your video camera on at night, to video everything that'll happen that night, so that if he denies it, you don't have to speak plenty grammar just play it for him at least he can't deny that he's not the one in the video and maybe from his reaction, you can tell if he doesn't know or if he's lying.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous2/23/2016

    Madam to add 2 all d advice,once he begins,try n pull out of his grasp n get a bucket of water that u would hav kept waiting n pour some on him.that should jolt him back to consciousness and from there,proceed to hav a heart to heart talk with him

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous2/23/2016

    Madam to add 2 all d advice,once he begins,try n pull out of his grasp n get a bucket of water that u would hav kept waiting n pour some on him.that should jolt him back to consciousness and from there,proceed to hav a heart to heart talk with him

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous2/26/2016

    Madam ur husband is a qualified and confirmed 419 because he knew what he was doing at that particular time. Because you had been joking about the so called disorder, he seized the opportunity and used the disorder as an excuse.
    He raped you simple. And he has no conscience, make sure you don't bring a female relative to your house. He can even try it with the children.

    ReplyDelete
  19. He just acted out his sexual fantasy on u nothing more. Even if he has a sleep disorder I believe that he acted this one out. U tried o. Even though violent is not the right but u ought to have slapped him awake cos he is gonna do it over and over again.
    Like someone said sleep in separate rooms for now. The truth is a lot of people are bisexual but hide it from their partner cos of ur society.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous3/02/2016


    I have only one question .

    Was he sexually abused when he was younger?.

    This affects a lot of people both male and female who are sexually abused as children .

    Unfortunately, the experience either scares the person or makes them an abuser.

    In Nigeria, we don't believe in therapy where all those unresolved issues their abuser left.

    Another issue is that, the husband may have a spiritual wife "Succubus " and may need serious deliverance by a strong Pastor.

    ReplyDelete

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