3 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Marriage

1. You Complain That Your Husband Doesn't Show Affection When He Actually Does: 

Aside celebrities and Snapping for Instagram, only very few African marriages are doing the PDA (Public display of affection) thing. Most African men are very conservative, especially after marriage. Your husband will do everything inside the house, but, when you two go out, even holding hands is work. It's as if he just prefers to talk and occasionally smile, look tough, that's all. When you see oyibo marriages, there's so much affection you just wish but, come to think of it, many don't last past the honeymoon stage. Once that initial "sweet belly oil" dries up and the marriage begins o need hard work, it's bye bye.
By taking care of you and the kids, working hard to give you a comfortable life, your husband may just see that as his own way of showing affection. The way boys are raised in many African families is
different from girls. The girl child gets to learn so much while her brother just eats, sleeps, washes the car, goes out with friends and comes back to the dining table to eat the next meal without even a simple "thank you" to the sister that prepared the meal. No real Responsibilities, Duties and Obligations. When he becomes a man, how do you expect him to know what he wasn't taught? Maybe, he needs to learn  just a few from his wife now. I think it's possible in a way to make your husband what and how you want him to be in the marriage (Talking By faith oh). Asking is one sure way of getting him to do those things that make you happy. After publishing that blog post on the simple 40 things Nigerian wives want and expect from their husbands. I decided to start asking for some of those things that I want. 

On Sundays, the housekeeper doesn't come to work and in the morning it's hard for me to wake up early because Sundays and Saturdays are the only days I get to sleep and wake up naturally. This Sunday, by the time I woke up, it was already just one hour to church service and  see me that has told myself and my family ( Since they all agreed it's me that makes them go late), I told them that in 2016, lateness to church will become a thing of the past and I'm trying my best to keep to that even though I have to care for everyone and then myself last and the baby too. 
So, this past Sunday, I looked at the unswept house and turned my eyes the other way, I must not carry last by finishing last. While we were getting ready, I noticedd hubby was still lying down looking very tired and I knew he won't be coming with us. I remembered that we Nigerian wives want to be helped with chores sometimes and I quickly ASKED, with a very low tune like I am very tired too; I just asked if he could help clean the house after resting, to enable me cook quick lunch after church.

When we got back home and I saw a sparkling sitting room, I just knew that "Yes" this Sunday is different and honestly, if I didn't ask, maybe, he won't think that I needed some help. So, if we think that he is not showing it, it might not be true, he could be doing so many other things thinking that that is what you want. Ask for what and where you need him to show it. By not asking, keeping quiet, assuming that he can read your mind, you create sadness for yourself. He is not a mind reader.

2. YOU Ignore Your Lack Of Libido:

Stop saying you are too tired and not in a good mood, do something to help yourself. You need help. Have you tried to search even Online for foods that increase libido? Have you sought for help anywhere? Maybe no. You just think that it's normal and fine to continually turn down your husband? You are sabotaging your marriage. If you think his libido is higher, seek help and you shall find or, do you want him to get help with masturbation and later get addicted? If you need to see a Doctor about your lack of libido or frigidity, do so and save your marriage. It's not normal to always not be in the mood. You suppose to be spontaneous sef.

3. You Think All Men Are The Same, So You Waiting To Confirm:

Maybe you suffered in the past, in the hands of your exes, that shouldn't make you stiff and suspicious. Relax and give it all. Don't be suspicious and always expecting the worst to happen. Hiding this and that secret, expecting that a divorce will happen one day, that he'll leave you one day just like the rest in the past? Free your mind. Live in the present, enjoy your marriage and stop being uptight. All men are not the same dear sis,  people have different temperaments. That he chose to wife you, should tell you, he is not like your exes. He is your husband.
Sha, I'm talking to our husbands too. You too may be sabotaging your marriage, not madam alone o. Do something, refer the post to yourself and act.


  1. E-hugs Aunty Eya. Very apt

  2. Thumbs up

  3. Thank you dear sistersssss. @ sis Blink, I just viewed your profile and you know what? we have sooooo much in common. My kind of movies, music, books etc. Looks like I wrote that profile for you. Please try and update the blog small this year na.

  4. Anonymous2/07/2016

    Tnx so much for this,the first point felt like u were referring to my husband and I...he provides well Enough for us and does everything else except public display of affections.
    He keeps telling me display does not mean love and not doing it does not make him a bad husband.
    I have come to overlook it and apprieciate the rest of his manly duties that he does which of course is much more important than 'public display of affection '

  5. favorablyblessed2/10/2016

    Good one


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