I May Walk Out, My Husband Claims Single hood Behind My Back, Could Have Another Family Somewhere, I Don't Know

Hello blog family. Please I need advice from each one of you because I may walk out on my marriage.
I started noticing changes in my hubby 2012 when I was preg with our 2nd issue. He'll have sex once in a month. I tried to ignore but it continued till I birthed our 3rd child in 2014. He was too attached to his phone. Then I checked and I saw chats with different girls. I confronted him, he apologised. But he still continued. Later that year I snooped and I discovered he was involved with a friend of mine(they met on badoo but didn't know each other). It caused a big fight. My friend revealed that
his profile indicated he was single. I confronted him, he denied it. Saying why would he do such a thing. We settled that one. Before then I had a misunderstanding with my sis and she insulted me by saying my husband poses single on badoo. I was shocked but decided to investigate. I opened a fake profile last year and truly he had single status on it. I just decided not to let it bother me until on sun we where checking out news on his phone and a message comes in from badoo. I pretended not to see it. Then I traced the num on his phone yesterday. Saw 3 others saved with do (badoo). I contacted the first and one of the others. They both were shocked and apologised. One even threatned to confront him but I pleaded with her. She said he keeps harassing her with calls.

I've been in tears since. This is someone we can barely feed. We have outstanding bills. School is about to resume and one of the children has 19k debt. If not for my parents, God only knows what will become of us. I come from a wealthy home so my parents stock us up with food stuff and provisions and cash. They know things are bad but they don't know how bad. Sometimes hubby will tell me to go to their place to collect stuff
Our car (wedding gift from my parents) was vandalized and my dad just repaired it and changed all the tires last month. He's been of great help to us. So why claiming singlehood. I'm not perfect but I've been good to him. He always boasts of marrying a good wife. So what is it?

We rectified the sex issue last year. We pray very well. We are very close. I've talked. His brother has talked. A friend has talked but he keeps claiming single. I want to to report him to my dad. Why because one time we had issues hubby reported me to him and my dad said if there is anything I should walk up to him. I have never involved my family in my marital issues but I think its time. But my dad's reaction may be very bad because they didn't want me to marry him. My friends issues spread like wild fire cos she told people who told people. I cut her off though. God knows the number of people who also know this and are waiting to use it against my family cos my family is known. Its embarassing. I am scared for my life and children. If he can claim being single then he could have a family in another city or worse, cause me harm. Please aunty eya, johnson and my blog family what do you think.

PS - he is an amazing man and really helps me around the house. Cooks, washes our clothes sometimes, cleans etc. Takes good care

Comments

  1. Your husband just made me sad this morning. Why is he so disrespectful and unappreciative? What he is doing is so humiliating I don't know why he cannot stop. You know some men have a weakness with women and I pray he is not the type. He is a good man and only needs to stop that one sin which is like a multitude when you look deeply. A married man whose profile reads unmarried? What is he looking for?
    To me, since he reported you once to your father and you didn't die,I think you should report him now. Your father may even know about the ish with your friend after all your sister knows about his online status. Report him abeg, this is beyond you.

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  2. Johnson1/07/2016

    Please don't tell your dad... I am not on badoo and know little or nothing about the site...
    An idle mind, they say is the devil's workshop. Your husband needs to get a living and you should make that a priority.
    It seems like he's just started flirting on badoo and not gone far. Tell him what you know about his status - be sure the discussion happens on a day you're calm. If no improvement, identify someone who can intervene, but not your dad.
    And for you, keep taking care of yourself - all shall be well!

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/08/2016

      Johnson I went 2 meet my dad on his behalf in oct and he promised 2 help establish him. He said he'll give him 2m. But God knows why he has been holding back. We had a prayer session last week and one of our prayer points was to bring to light what was in the dark. I take this incident as a sign

      Delete
  3. Anonymous1/07/2016

    Please tell your Dad. Tell him about everything before it got out of hand. He needs to know. this kind of thing might get you depressed and old if you didn't speak out now. there is no point covering for him because he keeps going back to the same thing but before you tell your dad, let him know you want a third party to intervene and gets his reaction.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous1/07/2016

    Please tell your Dad. Tell him about everything before it got out of hand. He needs to know. this kind of thing might get you depressed and old if you didn't speak out now. there is no point covering for him because he keeps going back to the same thing but before you tell your dad, let him know you want a third party to intervene and gets his reaction.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow! This story broke my heart. It's obvious that you have thrown in both time and energy into your marriage and honestly, I don't know whether to tell you to tell your dad or not. The thing is, one part of me says 'tell him' while another side of me says 'don't tell him'.
    I'll break this down.
    If you tell him, there is no way your father would ever love him as a son in law again even when he changes his ways because he hurt his little girl. If you know that you want to destroy your marriage and move on with your life, tell your dad.
    If you don't tell your dad, your husband might never change because he really needs talking to. I think you should threaten him that you will tell your father of his behaviour if he continues going after girls on social media. I also think you should broach the subject one last time with him, making sure that he knows that it's the last time you'd ever broach the subject with him again.
    I hope my advice helps.

    For interesting stories, visit www.adaezewrites.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/09/2016

      @ adaeze when we had the issue that made him tell my dad (he threatned to beat me and I flared up and was really shouting back @ him). So he called my dad and said I was shouting down the house. He didn't tell him the reason. I told my hubby that all the stuff he did to me over the years I never involved my family so why paint me black before my dad. I still didn't tell my dad the reason for the fight. But I warned my hubby that the next time he messes up I'll not hesitate to report him to my dad. That's it

      Delete
  6. Johnson1/07/2016

    He reported you to your dad cos he believes you would listen to your dad. This may not be the case the other way round. He might feel disrespected and the resultant effect unexpected, esp bcos of pride/ego.
    Is there someone he respects and can listen to? That is d person to contact.

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  7. Anonymous1/07/2016

    I've confronted him several times about it but he claims they are just friends. That he has nothing to do with the girls. One of the ladies I contacted sent me a voice note of their conversation yesterday. She kept pressuring him until he said he was married to a white/black woman and has 3 children living in dublin. Lol. Imagine. We have 3 children. He said we where far away so needed to have sexual fun. Just imagine
    @ johnson I told his bro who he respects and he warned him but didn't listen

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  8. The way this sounds ur dad is d only person he listens to. Before telling ur dad, seat him down early in the morning and talk to him threatening him dt u ll go straight to ur dad if he doesn't change his profile to married. Problem is some men don't love dem self at all . If not tell me y digging ur grave so early? Ur wife is 100% devoted financially, spiritually, physically etc n yet all I can do is keep hurting her. Badoo is filled with mostly prostitutes guy's /gurls . Secondly seems he is so less busy ( an idle mind is the devil's workshop).

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  9. Take it to the Lord in prayers....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Johnson1/07/2016

    Changing his status, on badoo, to married is not the solution. I can tell you that some babes & even madams prefer married men.
    I like @Adaeze's view on telling your dad or not. I can tell you that it's better to savage your marriage... Whoever you chose to tell must be someone that understands godly marriage institution. But wait, which monitor this guy wan take entice his would-be victim? Hope you're not funding his bad habit?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Johnson1/08/2016

    Giving your husband money to establish might not be the best for him if he's not prepared. Money in the hand of someone with thought through plans will be a waste. getting him to do a 8 to 5 job might be better. This has a way to instilling discipline and better appreciation of money earned. Whatever decision you're taking; pls don't make him too comfortable!
    In all this, continually seek God for your home and all shall be well! Let's not give the devil the opportunity to spoil the beautiful year ahead of us.

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  12. Anonymous1/08/2016

    Please dont give him any 2 million to establish o. please dont, instead establish yourself abeg.

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  13. Please don't give him any money at all. As per telling your Dad it may cause another bad vibe. Talk to a counsellor like Lanre Olusola, the Catalyst. Google him or Aunt Landa on 93.7 first and here what he is she says. Google them both and speak to them one on one that is to to their office. Continue praying anf ignore him take care of yourself and your children.

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  14. Please do NOT tell your dad. If you do, your entire family will completely disrespect your husband and no help will be rendered to your husband. I suggest you tell your dad to speak to someone than can employ your husband in a 8-5 job and let him do this for a few years to show he is responsible and can cater for his family. Again this job mighthelp him so preoccupied that he wont have time for badoo or chat lines.
    After 3-4years of proof that he can cater for his family then the whole idea of setting up a business of his can be looked into by your dad.
    You cannot force him to change his single staus to married because he will still carry on behind your back. This has to b his decision. Why is a married man on badoo or any dating website to start with? This just shows his irresponsibility and disrespect for you. Seat him down and let him know every single thing you know about his internet and phone activities. Threaten him that you will report him to your father and see if this will help.
    Please get something doing to support your children financially. It is better your dad financially helps you set up a business(not your husband) so you don't have to run to him all the time for money. Again this will help your siblings and family respect you more.

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  15. @poster, there is a way I look at marriage. I look at it in this way; that no matter whatever happens between my husband and myself, I will never tell my parents. Even as a single lady, I only have to breathe a bad word about a guy and my parents take it like that and refuse to change their opinion, no matter what I say.
    He is your dad and no matter what your husband tells him, he will never love you less, besides he knew you long before you married your husband.
    The issue is, should you tell your dad or not and as I said earlier, if you still want your marriage to work and you are still ready to give it a 120% of yourself and time, then No, do not tell your dad. But if you are fed up and you are ready to move on with life and maybe start a new life, then yes, you can tell your dad. Then, your dad will either decide to work on your husband for your own good or encourage you to leave him.
    However, as I said earlier, threaten him that you'll tell your dad.
    As for the money issh, please don't let your dad give him money that he will use on other girls. Instead, as Lizzy said, let your dad help him with a 8-5 job.

    For thrilling stories on blogshere, visit www.adaezewrites.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous1/09/2016

    Hi I'm new here,my 2cents if u rnt happy leave!!!I got married I'm 2010,good wife n all,yes I didn't v a reg 9-5 but was running biz hubby was hardly home clubs friends n all I found out he had been cheating all along I always got infections,I met him when he was 20 hence I knew d good bad n ugly,my parents helped my husband financially n all,nigga made a fortune ignored me n his child traveled out wit a side chick who flaunts the rship on social media I nearly lost it,but my dear I left,it's been a year now n m doing great in career n all,my child is fine my fam has been supportive, moral of my story is this,if he isn't making u happy leave,improve urself make life worth living n face God,marriage never defines any woman,if ur hands r clean God will come tru for u,yes it will b shaky initially but
    ..it gets better with time.

    ReplyDelete

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