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Can I Talk To Some Good Heart On The Blog?

Good morning Aunty Eya and the beautiful people of my ever warm wives connection. I feel like talking to someone. This marriage thing is a tricky road to travel. There are so many expectations that we place on ourselves and that we allow society to place on us. What we thought before we were married about each other does not always seem to be true after a few years down the road.


I married way too young - at age 21. I'm now 32. I fell deeply in love with my husband to the point of obsession. But I must confess that I can't stand him now. We've since grown apart tremendously. Throughout the years, we grew into different people (more so on his end). He's had sex with so many women while in our relationship, he’s lost count! Thank GOD, no STD's! In my heart, he's always had a side chick from past relationships or from social media connections, Whatsapp, Facebook, Twittter and some that I can't even pronounce names. I once tried my best to revenge with just one affair (that didn't involve sex o, just
emotional affair and connection), this,  for him was way more than he can bear. In his eyes, it was as though I had slept with a million guys as he brings it up constantly and never lets it down. I’m constantly belittled and tormented by him. He's also been physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive. But if you ask him, he would excuse all of his actions as justifiable with absolutely no remorse!
 We have 2 children, a boy and girl,  (5 and 8). We're both financially set and I've completed my education, have my Degree from one of the best Universities in the country,  so I feel fulfilled in that respect. However, I'm miserable and desperately want out. I want some kind of separation from him. The only things keeping us together are our children and financial lifestyle. I do love him and they do see the love between us (at least I hope so). And maybe I'm lying to myself but I feel as though I'd be doing less damage to them staying with him then to break up our family. Forgiving a cheating husband who never changes is not easy because I live with the thoughts daily, sleep with them and wake up with the bitterness. For my children, I am ready to sacrifice all.
Aside staying because of my kids, We also have a close knit group of family and friends. I'm ashamed to admit this but I wouldn't want to distort their perception of what appears on the surface as a happy marriage. They see our family as some role model of how a successful marriage should be, they perceive us as a very happy family. I feel as though if I were to go through a separation, I would be failing my kids and everyone around me. I'm not afraid of being alone but I wouldn't want to have my kids' lifestyle that they're now accustomed to, to suffer financially. I can cater for them single handedly, but things won't remain the same, my financial muscle alone cannot give them the life they have now.
Another critical part is that I grew up in a dysfunctional home where my parents argued and fought almost on a daily basis. But they still stuck together and are still married as I type. So it makes me feel as though I should stick it out and maybe he'll change. He hasn't been the man I fell in love with a year into our relationship...why should I really expect him to change? I'm in denial...and I feel so defeated. We have gone to see my pastor twice yet, I'm hopeless that anything will change for the better. 
This is my last resort. I’m contemplating to either 
(a) stay with him for another 10 years until our kids are more mature to cope without me.
 (b) move on with my life now or 
(c) become optimistic that someday/somehow we’ll have a healthy, long-lasting marriage. 
Sorry about my long story, Any suggestions please?

Comments

  1. Baby Doctor1/29/2016

    You need to accept that only God can change a human being. You cannot. Commit your situation to God. If you don't have a relationship with Him, start one now. If you have let your relationship with Him lapse, renew it. Then fix a time (appointment) to spend with Him on a daily basis. During this time, read your bible and meditate on it. Also pray and thank Him (but more thanksgiving, pls) for everything in your life, both good and "bad".The time of day does not matter, as long as it is one you can be consistent with. When you begin to do this, you have given God a license to work in all aspects of your life, including your marriage. He has a special interest in marriage and He will act swiftly to put things in order for you. God bless you.

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  2. Baby Doctor1/29/2016

    Aunty Eya, why does your font size vary? It makes reading the blog less enjoyable. Pls make it all one size, preferably large font. Thanks and keep up the good work.

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  3. Johnson1/29/2016

    No man; I repeat, no man can help you - not any pastor or bishop.I will recommend two good films - FIREPROOF & WAR ROOM. Watch and pray.
    Hopefully, God will bring some good people around you who you can share your problem with and they, in turn, give godly advice.
    Note - the devil will do all he can to destroy marriages. He will not succeed in your case, in Jesus Name.

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  4. I will advise you not to leave your husband the only thing I will tell you is to be happy with yourself and your kid.just know it will never be like that forever as far as you believe in God. I know it hasn't been easy and I know it won't be easy but you have to endure and try and always be happy, just put him aside, laugh with him any day he chose to laugh with you. stay on ur own if he don't need ur company. just always remember to put him in prayer.God will never allow his children to suffer for too long.

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  5. you need to fight a spiritual warfare, you to fast and pray. "let this mind be in you which is also in Christ Jesus". pray your husband mind is renew according to Christ Jesus. carry all your husband underwear pray that his manhood will not rise when he's with strange women. I heard a testimony on that, it works

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  6. below prayers are very good for wives.

    Praying For Your Husband From Head to Toe
    Let ’s Pray :
    Dear Lord , I pray for my husband from head to toe.

    His Mind - That he will have the mind of Christ and think as the Holy Spirit would lead him and not the flesh. (1 Corinthians 2 : 16)

    His Eyes -That You will keep his eyes from temptation and that he will turn his eyes from sin.(Matthew 6 : 13 ; Mark 9: 47)

    His Ears – That he will hear Your still small voice instructing him. (1 Kings 19 : 12 , Psalm 32 : 8)

    His Mouth -That his words will be pleasing to You. (Proverbs 19 : 14)

    His Neck – That the decisions that turn his head will honor You in all regards. (1 Kings 3 : 9)

    His Shoulders – That he will not carry burdens and worries on his own shoulders, but trust that nothing is too hard for You .(Genesis 18 : 14 ;Jeremiah 32 :17)

    His Heart - That he will love and trust You with his whole heart . ( Deuteronomy 6 : 5 , Proverbs 3 : 5 ) His Back – That You will protect him from harm in the spiritual and physical realms. ( Deuteronomy 23 : 14 NLT)

    His Arms – That You will be his strength . ( Psalm 73 : 26) His Hands – That he will enjoy the work of his hands and see it as a gift from You. (Ecclesiastes 3 : 13 , 5: 19 )

    His Ring Finger – That he will love me as Christ loved the Church. (Ephesians 5: 25 - 27)

    His Side – That he will have godly friends who hold him up and spur him on. (Proverbs 27 :17; Proverbs 12 : 26).

    His Sexuality – That he will not be tempted by sexual sin , but satisfied and fulfilled in our marriage bed. (Matthew 6:13; Proverbs 5 : 18 -19)

    His Legs – That he will stand firm on the truth, knowing that if he does not stand firm in his faith, he will not stand at all. (Psalm 62 :6; Isaiah 7:9)

    His Knees – That he will humble himself before You and be strong, courageous, and careful to do everything written in Your Word so that he will be prosperous and successful. (James 4 :10 ; Joshua 1 :8 -9)

    His feet – That You will order his steps, and that he will walk in Your truth. (Proverbs 4: 25 ; Psalm 26 : 3)

    Now It ’s Your Turn
    Consider asking your husband for some specific ways that you can pray for him.

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  7. You know what? I wasnt going to comment before but wha d heck!

    Hmmmmm... So several times you have caught him and what does he say? Denial? Or tell you its not easy for him as a man? Does he hide his several relationships from you or rub it right in your face? How is he with reponsibility at home?(i mean financial and all). Does he feel sober or he doesnt care when you confront him about his extra marital affairs? Or you really dont confront him you just keep it to yourself?

    I really wish you gave us answers to some of these questions.. The truth about Men is they believe once they are married and their wife has children, she doesnt have a chioce, she is stuck with him. Pray but you also you need to speak up. Let him know how you feel. Let him know you are planning to seperate from him if he does not to change. Most of all, pray for God's wisdom

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  8. @vicky. true talk. soo simple but true. i've come across such advice. Bless u dear.

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  9. @vicky. true talk. soo simple but true. i've come across such advice. Bless u dear.

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  10. @vicky you nailed it. Pray about it n always I mean ALWAYS ALWAYS be happy it ll work wonders for u. It will Mk u look younger, finer n Mk him jealous.

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  11. post sender1/30/2016

    Thank you @all for your comments.
    No, he doesn't rub relationship in my face but I am an ogbonge FBI and CID join.
    A week Before sending this post to Aunty Eya, it's been very rocky to say the least. So we had "the talk." We managed to get through it without killing each other and somehow came to an understanding for once. We agreed to work on our relationship. Throughout the week, I started to see some improvement but it didn't take long for him to revert to his old ways. He's very manipulative, He's very nasty to me even in the presence of our children. He's constantly putting me down in front of others. My kids are torn over this. Lately, my oldest son has been coming home with notes from his teacher about misbehavior which is completely unlike him. My youngest son tells me that he's sad and how much he hates it when we fight. Even with the doors closed, the kids are still aware of our arguments. So the only improvement now is that we've chosen to go outside and fight in the car. That's our newly designated area of heated debates. This is no way to live. I'm at my wits end. I've tried my best to remain positive and optimistic but enough is enough. He's stubborn, refuses to let go of our past, and wants to put me through hell as a result of it. He has no real intention of making it work. I've pleaded with him to at least be cordial for the sake of the kids. He refuses. He's A bitter soul and wants the whole world to know how bitter he is even at the expense of our children's happiness.

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  12. post sender1/30/2016

    He does not leave financial responsibilities to me.

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  13. Anonymous1/30/2016

    Children will only n only thrive in a stable environment.receive sense n seperate.stop using kids as excuse .bcos those kids will become just like the role models presented before them.which is you n ur husband.

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  14. Hi poster, unfortunately it has affected the children already and if their welfare is ur interest they don't need to grow in such a toxic environment. I wish I could say pray pray and pray like others, but for me its pray and pray, then take action. Like someone said, tell him tho u love him u Will leave if he's not interested in making things work between you. You cannot raise kids in such a damaging environment. It mars them for life and u are at the risk of manufacturing replicas of their dad in them. Sometimes its neccesary to seperate for a while especially if he's hitting u, to let him have an honest assessment of whether he wants his marriage to you at all or not. You are so young and its sad for your life to be miserable so early. YouYou have a great future ahead of you. Thank God u are even financially independent, if u choose to leave, the kids will adjust I can assure u. As long as u can provide the basics. U need to be happy for yourself and ur kids. Pray,pray and seek matured godly counsel, but know that u may have to be bold and take action to save ur peace and sanity, after u are convinced that you have tried ur best. Wishing u comfort and peace.

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  15. Anonymous2/01/2016

    Johnson just said my mind.... War room and Fire proof, those two movies are a must watch for every married couple

    ReplyDelete

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