We Can't Have A Conversation Without Argueing, What Can I Do?

Hello Eya, kindly help me adk for help on WC. My husband  and I have been together for 8 years and have 4 children together, two boys and a set of twins who are still below one year. Over the past 4 years we have gradually been drifting apart with issues from work , neighbours from hell and me not sleeping
I have tried to talk to him, he just withdraws into himself, becomes very defensive and blames me.
We never do anything together not even talk and in May, I decided for us to separate - the kids are inthe middle watching us argue and it's killing me.
He says separation is not the solution, we are still here with no change. Just yesterds, we nearly grabbed each other over his blaming me for the older children's fights. He refused my suggestion of a separation but now I'm the one crying, distraught and sad. He on the other hand is cold, angry and uncommunicative as usual
What has happened, I have been so open, honest and trying to keep a handle on this. What more could I have done and have I done the right thing?
I need help.


  1. Often the feeling that i have tried every thing is actially an illussion.
    we try one thing repeatedly n believe that we have tried all, because of the number of repeats
    often the thing being repeated is exactly what shud be avoided.
    we need to step out of it and treat it like somebody elses problem to do any justice to the situaton try advising a friend with a problem n see what you come up with. Imagine yourself advising someone in that same situation.

  2. Go into prayer. U guys inshort all of u with the kids shld strt praying together and reading bibles. Preach love, peace togetherness. Marriages always have challenges no marriage is perfect but the ability to look beyond d imperfections is what matters. Break up is never an option trust me. Read books on how to add flavors to your marriage. Cheers

  3. Lisa Ephraim11/24/2015

    Have you tried being nice to him, actually being nice. Try and be sweet to him, he didn't jump at the option of walking out, he might still be in love with you try and bring out the woman softness in you and it might work. It won't be automatic but try. Marriage is sweet but most hard work is done by the woman. Good luck my dear.

  4. Anonymous11/24/2015

    We were thought in marriage counselling never to go to bed with unsettled disputes. The problem is that you left issues unresolved for too long. You need a marriage counselor, a middleman, someone that can talk to you both objectively without sentiments. Ask God to heal your marriage. Then you need to forgive your husband and forgive yourself too because only then can true healing in your marriage begin.

  5. I see both of you going through a lot of pressure, particularly with raising the children. You need all the help you can get around the house, particularly with the twins. You both need to spend more time together alone, and you also need to rest and take care of yourself more. There is no need for separation, you are obviously stressed out. Just look for ways to ease yourself, in addition to what the other contributors have said, and I am very sure everything will be alright. It is part of the pressure that comes with raising young children. Cheers.

  6. Anonymous11/24/2015

    I suggest u take d children 2 grandma or any trusted relative,then u n hub go out of town somwhere private alone.spend some quality time together.take along ur wedding pics,go over them together and remind urselves exactly why u settled for each other.Above all pray together n ask God for what u want from d bottom of ur heart! It is well.

  7. I think the husband is having an affair, my friend experienced same thing just after 4 years of marriage. She did everything in her power to make things right but the hubby just wasn't seeing reason with her. One faithful day she snooped on his phone and discovered that he was in a relationship with not one but several girls, she confronted him and he was very upset with her for snooping on his phone, to cut the story short she got supper angry and started packing her things telling the hubby it was over that he was free to be with his girls while she also move on with her life. Come and see begging that day, the guy started calling the girls one by one in her presence and told them he was no longer interested, it's been 5 weeks since the incident and they have been living peacefully with the hubby showering her with love and attention.
    Poster, my advice to you is to pray for God to scatter any amorous relationship he might be in and restore peace in your home.


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