My Wife Says Horrible Things To Me Causing Our Marital Problems Yet I Still Cannot Live Without Her.

Good evening Eya, I am a subscriber to wives connection who reads yoyr blog regularly. I love the intelligent responses by ladies on the blog and today I need their help. All my years as a man and husband, I have seen marriages crumble under the littlest issues. I see husbands walk out because their wives turned abusive. In my case, wife treats me so poorly yet I can't live without her. What could be wrong with me after all these years? My Wife Says She Hates Me And Wants Me Out Of Her Life, But I Can't Stop Loving Her Or Leave 

my wife says the most horrible things to me, can also be physically abusive. She once slapped my face at her friends
birthday party for telling her to stop drinking. It is very easy for her to poke me in the face and then turn around to be the angry one who needs affection and apologies. She has to control everything. she says she wants me out but she has played so my pschological torture games in the past i can't believe any of it. we have survived so many crazy things in the past and i have become a much better man since, why now?

 i'm the type of person who doesn't even know what it feels like to be angry or want to hurt another on purpose. she could punch me and i'll just take it and say i forgive you and i love you. her abuse has changed me practially into a saint, why does it keep getting worse instead of better?shouldn't she love and appreciate me more for my ability to always forgive ? 

In all our long years of marriage, Ialways tell her i love her but it seems to lately make her angrier. we have been married 15years i'm 45 she's 41. she says she wishes i would die, calls me a stupid impotent, screms at me to  shut up, almost never lets me finish a sentence. When she pulls into her bad mood, for every one word I utter, she spews 20. I know she is not treating me right. I feel utterly embarrassed sometimes the way she raises her voice at me in public and then turns round to twist words and get an apology from me. Whatever she does to me, i feel as though i could never live without her, literally.

 she can hurt me so terrible but i'm only to touch her with a hand or a foot and i feel such bliss, i've told her that many times. we haven't had it for eight days. we used to have regularly say  5-6 times a week and it was always great for both of us. when she's really mad she doesn't want me lying in the same room with her. She won't let me touch her for any reason but i think that is the answer to put things right again.

 The longest we went without it was two weeks when she wouldn't sleep with me,let me touch her or want to hear anything i said. She insisted every day to my ears that we are divorcing as she does now. she wants me to agree with her that we need a divorce but I can't can't. I love her too much to even think about it.just hearing those words can make me want to give up living on this earth rather than be without her.

 I wonder if she wants me to get mad and fight back to ease her conscience, but I can't. With all the torture from her, I still don't believe it will happen.I can't find the strength to believe that one day my wife might divorce me.

 Please ladies on WC blog, what does she want,why won't she tell me what the real issue is? I always promise to and try to be better again and again but my best is never good enough. she always says that she is certain I'll never change, but if you look back far enough, from when we met and started a relationship till this moment, I havechanged a whole lot.


  1. Your wife is such a lucky woman Oga . I seriously do envy her.

  2. Anonymous11/10/2015

    Oga. please expantiate. Do you have a job? Is she the bread winner? you said you have changed, what is it that you changed from? Have you sat her down when she is happy to ask her what the problem is? Because her behaviour is very bad o, abusing a man mmmh. When you answer all these questions i ask you, then i can proceed with my Advice, because both of you need therapy before it is too late. being abusive is very bad, God forbit that one day she does not hit you with something and the unthinkable happens. Please respond to my questions and do you have kids?

    1. Post Sender11/10/2015

      Yes, I did have a job but lost it not long ago. Right now, yes, she's the breadwinner. I used to drink a lot and take some naughty things but not any more.

    2. Anonymous11/10/2015

      Poster, I am the kind of woman that will do that. For the following reasons. No income coming from you and then you take all my shit without fighting back. The more you do that, The more irritating you will be. You need to turn back and stop her. If she trys to hit you, stop her mid air and tell her not to try it again. And then you have to ignore her a bit. You will suffer on the inside but its something you need to do. You need to stand up and be a man. Don't hit her or anything but be a man. When her head cools down small you can now talk to her. I am sure she doesn't want to leave you, if not she would have. I hope you didn't maltreat her in the past. That one is another thing o.

    3. I get a few things from your response here Poster.
      You said you used to drink a lot and take a few "naughty things", no?
      Am I right to assume that these were recreational drugs?
      Did you lose your job as a result of your use or misuse of substances?
      You also did say that she likes to be "in charge"- could this be due to years of having to take responsibility and step up to the plate where/when your dependence on substance left you incapable of doing so?
      Some people, not all, who find themselves in situations like this hold a lot of resentment which is what I am getting from your wife.
      She's got her issues alright but, right now, you both are stuck in a toxic rut and need an influx of the grace of God to mend your marriage nd everything.

      Find a bible believing church and insulate yourself therein and get godly counselling.

      God be with you.

  3. Go for counselling Oga, since you don't want to leave her. Also even if you have a job or not, it doesn't mean you should be treated like crap. I think you should put your foot down and get a job tooo.Tell her you cannot take the insults and beatings anymore.

  4. Anonymous11/10/2015

    Ok There is no point digging the past ok. You need to exercise patient, prayerful and talk to her when she's in a happy mood ok. I pray God grant you job soon ok because that might be one of the reasons she is acting up and it may as well be that when you had that job, you were not so nice to her. you know we women can process information so far in a way that the end result we bring out towards our spouse may be bitterness. women don't seems to forget past deeds on time and each time they remember, they tend to react negatively. I am talking from experience. what you need at this stage is to excercise patient, pray alot (God is the only one that can change her),talk to her, seek help from an authority you both can agreed on; church or counsellors. She will definately change especially when you get a new job please try your best to find something doing ok.

    1. I live in the states with my family but can relate completely to your situation. Getting married to the wrong woman can be compared to living under a bad spell. There will always be a way out. After 11 years of your story, I am finally in the process of getting a divorce. My wife used to threathen me with a divorce, so one day several years ago I said ok, and she said she did not want to do it.

      Then I began using it. I used to get to the breaking point, snap, tell her I would divorce her, and get her to go to counseling. We went to five psychologists. Things would get better, then she would say she was fine, that she did not like the therapist, or any other excuse, and things would get a turn for the worse.

      Last december she said she wanted to try a separation. I cried a lot. I said if she wanted to split, I would rather divorce. She said it was fine. I was devastated.

      On Christmas she did not give me a present. I gave her one, and she did not say thanks until the next day. I asked why she had not given me a present, and she said I did not like to spend on frivolous things.

      In January, desperate to know what was going on with her, I hacked her facebook account and found out she had been meeting in secret with a boy several years younger, and had given him $350 to help him get a plane ticket to Europe two months back. So she could not spend a dime on a present for me but she gave this guy $350.

      When confronted, she said there was nothing wrong with the secrecy, and that since it was not sexual, I should be ok with it.I initiated the divorce process. She did not do anything for the process. I investigated, talked to lawyers and paid. She still wants to divorce.

      When I found out she was still seeing him, I asked her not to lie to me. Then decided if I could not have the truth I would rather not hear anything. I told her I did not want to know who she was going out with. If she ever mentioned a name, I would not babysit at all.

      She barely speaks to me now, and I have a lot more peace of mind. The best advice I received back then was to get stronger by rekindling friendships and talking to friends about my situation, which was a secret. I got lots of support. I suggest you do the same.

      My wife's behaviour can be explained by saying that she is a narcissist, an intimacy anorexic, a verbally abusive person, has an avoidant attachment style because of her father's abandonment and her mother's abuse as a child. Does not matter. My problem is that I am codependent and have to break the cycle.

      It will get better after getting worse, but only if you stop walking on eggshells and break up with her.

  5. Anonymous11/10/2015

    Bros, what a weak lily livered man are you? Too Damn weak and rickety.n up. The reason the abuse continues is because you allow it to. With respect she sounds like either a nasty bully or a psychopath, or else she has some serious personality issues. First off I would tell her that it needs to stop now. Second, and I am not suggesting you hit anyone, but I tell you something no woman is going to be getting away with hitting me unless I deserve it. I don't know...restrain her...but 100% you've got to stand up to her finally. You sound like a decent guy, but she has zero respect for you, and she has all the power too, which she wields like a demon. If you can regain her respect and stop her bullying you may even have a future; but if you are unable to stand up or she is unable to accept the new you, then buddy its time to hit the road Jack. And if you really can't leave?'ve got problems. Just man up. No woman is ever going to lust after a pathetic drip who she can slap around, no matter how often you tell her shes the most sensuous wondrous irresistible creature on Earth. Peace

  6. Angry Reader11/10/2015

    Look here man, you need to quickly emancipate your soul from that evil wife of yours. Give her what she's asking and you'll be sure to make it without her, there are millions and millions of Good women out there ├Żou know? When she says get out, you need to listen and get out. Give her time to regain her perspective. However, abuse is never ok. You need to stay gone and not take her back. It will be hard for both of you, but right now it is only hard for you. Have some self worth and leave that terrible woman, and find someone better. Abusers don't change, and it is about control and power. If you take the abuse she is in control, if you leave then take her back she is in control. Woman want a man who is in control, she wants to be submissive. In this case the best thing you can do is to walk away and not look back. Do something drastic so that there can be no reconciliation. Sleep with her sister or mother so that you destroy that bridge. It will make it easier to separate, and trust me, that is what you need. You may not want it, but trust me, you need it.

  7. Some men are just too weak for some strange reason.The day any lady will slap me,that day I will deal with her in a terrifying way.Rubbish.

  8. Pls Poster u said she called u an impotent. Do u pple have kids? I need to know b4 I can respond

    1. Anonymous11/13/2015

      No kids yet. The Doctor says we are fine.

  9. Oga don't divorce your wife cos bliv it or not I don't think that woman wants to leave you but u need to respect urself and be a man,women don't like weak men,she is probably xpecting u to be a man and take control of ur home so don't be a weakling cos it's annoying.


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