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My Husband, My E-mails And My Many Lies. How Do I Save My Marriage?

Hello,  Good morning lovely Wives Connection family-friendly helpers. First of all let me say thank you. I discovered wives Connection blog this year 2015 and with all that Learnt from the wise counseling, I regret that I didn't know about this family earlier.

I have been a terrible liar to my husband, it's
hooking on my throat like a fishbone right now.

My marriage has been sexless for the past two years and counting. My husband wont talk about it and even though he used to be very brief and always left me panting for more but I saw it as my cross to bear and didnt bother myself much. We have two kids and would have wanted more but how do I get pregnant in these circumstances. Recently, I moved out of the master bedroom, although my stuff still there but for about 3 months now I started spending the night in my own room that used to be under lock and key. My husband asked once why I stopped sleeping in the master bedroom?  And It sounded funny to me because this is a man that hasn't touched me in two years, so why ask when it's obvious. Iam human, I have biological needs, I'm a woman with blood flowing in my veins, I mean with sexual urges like every other woman. 
I   have been feeling lost and insecure recently and last week I contacted a man who was advertising for no-strings attached sex on the internet. He lives in a completely different part of the world while I'm far away here in Nigeria but I just needed to fo something, anything. we exchanged a few emails, I genuinely didn't intend to take it any further but was craving excitement and wanted to feel desired. My husband found out, and when he confronted me  for  some reason I lied, and lied and lied again and again - I couldn't bear to tell him the truth even though I knew that he knew. I just couldn't face the idea that what I had done would be part of our reality, I wanted it to go away.
Understandably my husband was devastated, not so much about emailing the stranger, more about the fact that I lied to his face. I realise how stupid and wrong I was but he feels that I have broken his trust and our relationship completely and is seriously talking about divorce, forgetting that he has not touched me in 2 good years. 
I love him so much and literally can't bear the thought of a life without him. We were a great couple before, but I had felt trapped.
I need to find a way to convince him to give me a 2nd chance, obviously this is tough if not impossible as his trust in me is non-existent at the moment and I have completely discredited myself by refusing to tell the truth even when he confronted me. He also finds it hard to believe that I didn't intend to be physically unfaithful when I sent those emails. I feel like I'm trapped in a web of no escape. 

Comments

  1. It's been two years and he won't talk about it? Ok, see, there's no point lying when you know he has read your mails. Tell him the truth, be honest, tell him it's hunger that made you peep.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awww....dear poster, so sorry you are feeling this way! May God be your strength. You know what? I think that you should show him this narrative that you sent to Wives connection because you actually told the whole truth here.
    Best of luck!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is your husband going to tell me he hasn't had sex in two years? Madam tell him you are not divorcing kan kan! Tell him you are not ready to give him a divorce, what you want is for you guys to settle the issue on ground. He messed up and you messed up. None of you guys are saints a beg. Sometimes madam, you need to be bold, say it as it is, you can't take all the blame for this now.

    Tell him you want to talk and settle this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous11/29/2015

      I totally agree. U both should sit and talk it over. U didn't say wat caused d cold war dat led to 2yrs of no Sex. It could help. U both obviously decide not to be friends wit each other over nite.

      Delete
  4. Johnson11/29/2015

    Lending my voice to Adapter - let your husband read this. At least he read mail. Your post was silent on your husband's physical condition - is he still man enough to sleep with a woman? The answer would determine the next step...
    It's important couples are able to communicate freely about their sexual needs and desire...
    No let the man push you out o... I am sure he was/is wondering what would have happened if he had not come across the email... Even you cannot determine how it would have ended...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous11/30/2015

      I don't think he has a medical condition, initially he complained of too much stress from work but recently we had a heated argument and he said very hurtful things to me and added that I complain he doesn't touch me, that how can he touch a woman who has such bad character. I don't how my character put him off for two years but he never frowned and continues to enjoy the delicacies I make from wives connection recipes.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous11/30/2015

      I once suggested in the far past that he sees a Doctor but he won't talk about it.

      Delete
  5. Tell him the whole truth and that he pushed u into it besides u haven't slept with d person in question. Y are you even freaking out? Don't be. Is he trying to threaten u with divorce? Stand bold and say it to who cares to hear mbok. Two whole years😳😳😳😳. U have patience oooooo haba. Some men can b mean sha. Call me n seat him down open up tell him everything, even if u are taken to court tell dem everything no1 ll kill u. Keep emotions aside abeg, love or no love and face reality n solve this problem once and for all. All d best

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous11/30/2015

    Thanks for all your responses. I'm planning on telling him the whole truth but my guts are failing. He is a very short tempered person who might not hear the end of my sentence before drawing conclusions. I will try. Thanks bloggers, thank you Aunty Eya.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Some women will come here and paint their fuck up in a lovely way so that people will have pity on time.
    I won't be surprised if the man you are chatting with is in Nigeria,and you have already slept with him that is why your husband is very angry.Goodluck to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous11/30/2015

      You are so clueless, grow up baby boy. If I slept with him, what would you do? ?????????

      Delete
  8. I wonder what your husband is waiting for.If I'm your husband,I will just kick you out the moment I found out about your dirty life.Very Arrogant and confused lady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12/01/2015

      Anuofia, imagine this coconut head talking.Oya, osiso, come and kick me out with those two confused legs of yours,.% $÷×# ¥

      Delete
    2. Anonymous12/01/2015

      Yeye, double hissssssssssssssssssss back to sender.

      Delete
    3. Yeye woman is calling another person yeye.Shameless thing.I don't want to continue wasting my precious time on you.foolish woman.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous12/01/2015

      Hian, see who is talking Useless Henry that eats tea and bread with fork and knife. Yeye sand sand boy. Sha a a a a a a a a a me.

      Delete
  9. Johnson12/01/2015

    Poster, if your husband cannot handle the truth; i.e. if telling him will make things worse, then go talk to someone who he can listen to. If there's no one he can listen to, then u don enter 'one-chance'.
    But sha, you should be ashamed of the step you took in going to that website - by that action, you don already commit (ask Jesus). However, there's hope for forgiveness, provided u are truly sorry and husband is still man enough to do the freaky thing. Both of you need to make adjustments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12/01/2015

      Thanks oga Johnnie, I suspect he has read this post because I emailed it to him. Maybe later but now am not yet feeling sorry cause God is not a partial God ,my husband did not touch me for two years and Am not Jesus, just trying na be like him. His colleague is very close to him now but I don't know if it's ok to go talk to him about family issues. Only God will forgive this man for those two years. why am I saying 2 when the year is already ending?

      Delete
    2. Johnson12/01/2015

      Talking about family issue to someone that understands family values is one of the best thing you can do... His colleague might not be a good option, except you KNOW the colleague and he/she is someone that your husband respects. Without having the opportunity to ask so much question, I can tell you that you took the wrong step visiting the website...
      2years? Abeg, you try but that cannot justify the step you took. There are better options...
      Just in case your husband reads this email... I have been married for 15years and would say that there is no challenge between husband and wife that cannot be taken care of. Bros, forgive and you in actual fact, you need to be scolded you what you've put this woman through. You actually made her very vulnerable for all the wrong reasons. I tell you, there's nothing out there...

      Delete
    3. Anonymous12/01/2015

      Thanks again Johnson. You are a blessing to many.

      Delete
  10. Hello Poster, I have read through the various advice given. I wish you all the best. I just want to chip in that when issues are posted here for advice, people should expect various views and opinion. Yes we are not here to castigate but at the same time all views might not be nice, like Henry @ 6:35, even though I would prefer the wordings not that harsh. If all views are supportive then Eya's blog would been seen as fraud, and I can tell you its for this reason she even allows such to be seen so things are balanced. Sometimes when the opinion does not go down well its better for the poster not to respond to such. This is just my personal angle to it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous12/01/2015

    Thanks. Don't mind that Henry boy acting like he is what? Abegi, yeye Henry. I'm ready for him today and Aunty Eya please please post all my comments. I don't like it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women like you make me sick.One thing for sure is,I will never tolerate a cheating wife.Continue thanking God for the cool husband he gave to you,because I will never take shit from any woman.

      Delete
  12. @ henry I won't be surprised if your wife, gf has left u. You sound too hard hearted, arrogant, difficult and unforgiven for my liking. Nobody is an angel . the lady in question has not even committed the act and u r sounding this way. What if she actually does it, you will pronounce a death sentence for her then. Please let us encourage her or them to find a solution to their problem instead if being judgemental. The husband in question is not being fair, if he has a problem, he should discuss it with his wife and both of them should find a way forward to solving it. a problem shared is a prolem solved.And wife please Peeping or thinking of adultery will not solve this problem but will rather make it worst.remember that u are a mother and should be a role model to ur children. Hand ur marriage to God, be a good wife and mother and trust if God wills it, everything will fall back into place

    ReplyDelete

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