My Husband Called Me Names For Attempting To Email His Facebook Girlfriend, Am I Wrong?

Good morning my dear Aunty Eya and fellow blog readers. I once sent a mail concerning my husband's irritating habit, your advice helped me so much. After the comments, I was able to take a stand and fight positively. Thank God our relationship improved tremendously. 
There's another problem again, my friend and his Facebook girlfriend. I tried my best not to ask for help,  I thought I could
deal with this myself but it's not just working. My husband had been seeing a friend of mine behind my back for months and he was also e-mailing a woman off facebook sending each other explicit messages. I am still certain he has not told me everything.
I am still crying, I don't feel any better. A couple of good friends say with time it will get better but I really cannot see that. I feel more devastated now than I initially did. We are still going to relate and I feel it helps for that day most of the time, but that's it.
My husband is usually a bright cheery person in the mornings and you can see on his face that I am dragging him down these past days. He won't talk about what happened at all now without argueing. Anytime I try to make us talk about this issues, he looses control over his temper and begins to get very an dry and raise his voice to the extent I keep mute to prevent an embarrassing situation occurring. I Think he is doing this as it stops the conversation dead. My children keep asking why is mummy sad, which breaks my heart. I feel responsible for everyone being miserable now, and I don't know how to change it.
The affectionate words he said to these two women keep going round and round in my head. I wake up and it's all there every single day and get's worse over the day. As the Nigerian man that he is, I cannot remember the last time he said "I love you" to me and I never really bothered consoling myself that we Africans don't really show affection like the white people. I make my hair to look good for him, he won't even compliment, there were times that I changed my hairstyles frequently, even trying to copy Rita Dominic  rather big hairstyles to make him notice but no where, he never says anything about it. Finding out that he says good things about their hair, chats about how he would love to touch the full magnetic hair and so on. Makes me feel old and unwanted already. He apologized and said a few things though but that's not all. If he told me everything,  he won't try to hide and continue those relationships. 
I am desperate to know the details which is stupid I know, but I feel I cannot move on until I do, how can I? I feel that desperate that I even thought of emailing the Facebook one and telling her he had comitted suicide in the vain hope that she will tell me more. I feel like a raving lunatic writing this down.
I did tell my husband I was going to do that and he called me evil. This just destroyed me. He later apologised but the words will live with me forever. Be honest is it evil to do that?
I just feel like I am turning into a complete nutter and the thing that is hurting me the most is that I feel my husband is just settling for me. I clearly have not made him happy last year but these two people not only excited him but made him happy. He told me they were funny, he lusted after my friend, and the thing's he said in the email to the FB one are almost unprintable. I will copy and paste a couple of quotes that really get me the most. Please help I don't know what to do anymore :( Here is a couple of thing's he had written, how will I ever get these words out from my head!
1. I miss you so dearly,  it feels so alone without you here  spooning me.
2.  I have woken up on the sofa again. Why am I not waking up next to you?
3. I love reading your emails. They always do one of two things (1) make
me smile or (2) make me hard.
4. can I put my sausage between your baps?
5.  Over 900 emails most of them either for cheap watches or viagra. two important ones - both from you. I feel really bad. It's like i let you down. we haven't even met! how can i feel bad about something like that? (but i do)
6. So work ok? Maybe I should arrange for that long overdue meeting there in PH and come and give you some lunchtime "relief" next time you see any cock it'll be mine, and it'll be in the flesh. I dare you to send me a breast shot - uncovered! anyway, when are you on that  course down in Lag again? I can't wait any longer. 
I'm sorry for the useless language but I really need some advice and unless you have read the words I read you can't possibly understand. There is heaps more. I  printed everything out and saved in my system too.
When he apologizes, it seems so real but na big lie, he still secretly goes back to that vomit. Calling me evil for wanting to e-mail that girl is the height of it all. 
How can I move on from all this, how can I get it out of my head? How can I ever trust him again? 
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Comments

  1. JUST MARRIED11/22/2015

    Chai Naija marriages are suffering I swear. Contact the girl in private and give her the warning of her life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Torr, don't contact the girl. Please, for your sanity, stop thinking about the ladies. Focus on your husband.

    As a single lady, I can authoritatively say that married men cheat. A Lot! The ratio is 30 to 1.
    If I get 10 toasters in a day, 8 out of them are already married with 2-3 kids. Don't ask me what I do with their advances, im not telling. Lool

    I'm just trying to drive my point home, that this is not peculiar to your husband. I dunno why this is now very prevalent and daring in our society. But, like I said focus on your husband. I guess your advisers are right, it will fizzle out over time.

    It takes a man fully controlled by the HolySpirit not to succumb to the many sexual temptations around him. So keep praying for him. Meanwhile, why not get busy too?

    Instead of fixing Rita Dominic hair style to look good for him, do it to look good for you.
    When he apologizes, forgive, let go quickly... he will come back home, as long as you don't push him away. All you need to keep doing now is pray for him.

    Don't threaten him or go after any of his girls. Its not worth it, abeg. As for his mails, lool. Better. Not read again. Men know that women are moved by what they hear, I bet he's only telling them what they want to hear. Not what he means.






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    ReplyDelete
  3. Stop thinking about her mbok. She's too small to give you sleepless night na haba. If she or ur husband like let dem b seeing n calling each other any kind of name they feel like. Please free ur mind mbok na u de house na, she can nvr come to ur home. Don't give ursef HBP oooooo bcos of one harlot sumwher. As for ur husband, don't bother asking or creeping to his mails anymore. Laugh everything out, feel happy look good abeg. Don't u know dt as u thinking up n down it ll affect ur appearance? Don't get old b4 ur time oooooo. Do you know being unhappy causes so many health issues? Mbok be happy abeg life is short oooooo. Tor

    ReplyDelete
  4. Poster stop digging dirt on ur ozzband he just wants sex from them which is only natural men are polygamous in nature,keep trying to look good but don't do it as a competition with those girls,love him the best way u can cos I bliv he loves you. Be Guided!

    ReplyDelete
  5. dear poster, sorry for all you are going thru. pls don't try to contact the girl, don't bring yourself down to her level. What i will tell you is try to find your own happiness, make the hairstyle you want not because of him or what he wants. many times married women spend a lifetime pleases and making their husbands happy forgetting that they need to make themselves happy because finally these men aint loyal. Find happiness, explore and discover yourself, when you start generating your own happiness you will see him trying to reach out to you and know how you are able to be happy. if you dress up and he doesnt compliment you, compliment yourself tell your kids to tell you they love you. Find peace in God and hold onto it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3/22/2016

    Dear Poster, Im so sorry for the mental pain you are going through. Please know that this is natural. It hurts to be treated that way. You are feeling like this because you are disappointed and hurt. It would be great to attack those harlot she goats...but you know what it doesnt do anything. Unfortunately the husband feels its ok to do this now. Its not ok. And yes..he is yelling and making a fuss because he is embarrassed at being caught but he is just yielding the power over you. Maybe a full discussion when there are no children around will help. Dont beg him. Just calmly tell him that his behavior is not healthy. Dont be intimidated by his shouting. Stand your ground and let your point be known. He is just emotionally controlling you. Dont give in! Calm down and just ignore him. Pray and give it to God. In the mean time ignore him and take care of yourself and the kids. Pray and hopefully he can come to his senses. Pray for God's peace. What do you do? be more involved in your activities and the kids. If he sees that its not bothering you..shame will cause him to stop. Reverse psychology there. Look in the mirror..Girl you know you look good!!! Know and believe it! I wish you well.

    ReplyDelete

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